It seems a lot of us are suffering for the same reasons...the betrayal of trust, being strung along and being dumped in such a cold and heartless manner, and usually for someone else or the prospect of someone else.
But now the confusion and emotional turmoil is fading I'm starting to realise that there's something very ironic about my situation. I've been so caught up in self pity and self righteousness lately that I've transferred all the blame on her and refused to admit that I've been just as bad.
During my last weekend with my girlfriend, I started to have serious doubts about the relationship. We were on holiday, but she was in one of her (frequent) grumpy moods and not much fun to be around. I felt like she was really dragging me down, she didn't want to go out and do anything and was really putting a downer on the holiday. I started to become more aware of her faults, started having more doubts about our relationship and I remember thinking to myself "Do I really want this for the rest of my life?" To be honest, I just wanted to ditch her and go and do my own thing.
Meanwhile, I started texting a hot friend of mine. We've been into each other for some time and even though she initiated the texting, I was enjoying her attention a lot more than I was enjoying my gf's company and I did start to wonder if the grass was greener. I felt a little guilty about texting my friend, but justified it by transferring blame to my gf for not appreciating me enough, for being moody and distant.
The following week, my gf got more evasive and distant and I sensed things weren't right, so I continued texting my friend and at one point it got very sexual and when she suggested we get together for a drink in a couple of weeks, I accepted.
I felt even more guilty this time, but I managed to excuse my sexual texts and even going for a drink with my friend by blaming my gf for being so distant with me that week.
The sad thing is, I knew my relationship was failing and I wasn't happy, but I kept clinging to the hope we could get back to where we once were. It all got very confusing. On one hand, I have this gorgeous babe throwing herself at me and tempting me away from a failing and stressful relationship, but on the other hand I'm finding it so difficult letting go of my girlfriend and the hope of repairing our relationship. It's like I wanted to explore the potential of this friend, but I also wanted to keep open the chance of getting back what I once had with my gf.
The strange part in all this is how I've denied any responsibility for our break up, how I've pinned all the blame on her for branch swinging, stringing me along and being dishonest, when I was actually doing the same.
So what's my point? My point is that it's not really as black and white as we might think. Although she has been cold and hurtful to you, maybe somewhere in her mind she feels justified and has convinced herself that she is the victim.
