2 years ago I was broken up with. She was BPD, but I didn't know that then. I actually thought she was pretty normal. She was only my second gf so I didnt have much experience with the whole relationship thing...I did well with women..but not 'ships.
Anyway, after she broke up with me I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think, eat, sleep, lift, nothing. My weight dropped significantly. My job was in serious jeopardy and all I could think about was how I had lost the girl of my dreams. Some of the things I did for the 4 days following the break up were pretty bad...worst being some email I sent her telling her I would fight for her and it wasn't over, some serious beta words. Luckily I never called, showed up at her doorstep, etc. But still,
these are the moments I think about now that give me significant pain.
I remember what it was like though at that moment, and I would not wish that on anyone. It's a terribly consuming, almost claustrophobic feeling. We got back together and became fvck buddies for a while but it fizzled out. About a year after I went NC for good though, she sent me a picture and
text message out of the blue of me and her. She had always gave me sh!t for not having facebook so we couldn't have pictures together and stuff, so I bought her one of those cheap cameras that you take to like CVS to get developed. She loved the idea and we only used it for moments we deemed "special" I guess. It was our little thing.
By the time I got the text I had long deleted her number and thrown the pictures away (she made me a copy of the pictures when she got them developed). Honestly I had pretty much moved on. But damn, that one hit me pretty hard. The message accompanying it was something like "Look what I found when cleaning up! Miss you." Something like that.
I didn't respond because well she is BPD and I'm not an idiot. But looking at that picture on that day, it was painful man. My favorite memory of us. I was spinning plates, gotten a handle on my job and movin up, everything you're supposed to do. Did. Not. Matter.
2 years later and I've received a couple other text messages from her reaching out and an email. No phone calls yet. But it does get easier my man, trust me. All it takes is some time. Plates, work, and hobbies are nice little distractions, dont get me wrong. But when you invest a lot of time into someone it's only natural to get some attachment. The memories probably won't go away, but as you make new ones with new people the old one's will surely lose their importance.
