The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Renegade357]

Who really understands chick logic? It's also pretty common for them to try and turn the blame to you to try and ease their own guilt.

Wanna know the truth? It's because women are actresses. Over the last few weeks or months they've slowly lost interest in you but hid it. By the time they are ready to end it their level of interest is so low that they treat you like a scoundrel. They don't like you at all. Period.

Sucks doesn't it? That's why I was saying earlier you gotta drop them quicker or at least do something when their interest level drops. There are lots of signs but most guys choose to ignore them.

 

[dreww]

What would you say some of the warning signs are for her interest level dropping? This was my first serious relationship so when she started acting indifferent about things I just put up with it and didn't even think that we would break up. When she was head over heels in love with me and we would get into an argument we always solved it, we always made things work. It seemed like a couple of moths ago when she told me that we just need to let things happen in our relationship and not force anything was the turning point. She was basically saying that if its meant to be its meant to be which to her meant her putting little to no effort in our relationship. I should have ended it then, I should have been the one on control and not been blindsided. Good thing I'm young and ill learn from this!

 

[Jariel]

I was just reading MaddXMan's post and I realised I had a very different experience when dumping one of my exes so I thought I'd share it here as a bit of inspiration and to give a dumper's perspective.

We had been together 4 years. The first 2 were amazing, but it was starting to get dull and routine, I was noticing her faults and our differences more and more and she was really starting to annoy me. I didn't feel much in common with her, I didn't enjoy her company much, I postponed seeing her as much as I could and I was falling out of love with her.

I'd started talking to another girl and was preparing to swing to another branch, so I decided it was time to finish with my girlfriend. I wrote her a letter and we spoke on the phone. I let her down as gently as I could, but I had no regrets, no doubts and just wanted her out of my life.

She was devestated and it broke her heart. For a week after, she kept texting me, trying to keep me in her life and each text made me cringe. I replied a few times, just trying to keep it civil, but I felt so guilty. She talked about missing my kisses and I dismissed the comments or didn't reply.

So, I went on a date with the new girl and it went very well. I liked her. We were texting on a daily basis and I barely gave a second thought to my ex. All I felt towards her was guilt for hurting her. A couple of weeks later, she stopped contacting me. It felt strange not to hear from her and I definitely noticed her absence, but I felt relieved and hoped she was moving on.

Another week went by with no contact and I started to wonder about her and if she was ok and what she was upto.

I went on a second date with the new girl and it was going well at first...but as the date progressed I started to have thoughts about my ex, started comparing them, started thinking about our history together and started thinking how I'd rather be with her. I have no idea why, because this new girl was hot, good company and really into me, whereas I hadn't been interested in my ex for a long time.

I ended up cutting the date short. I went home and kept thinking about my ex and whether I'd done the right thing. It was like a delayed reaction. I'd gone weeks barely thinking about her and now my mind was filled with thoughts of our holidays together, falling in love with her and all the good times we shared. I felt this urge to reach out to her, but I stopped myself. I figured it was unfair to mess her around and build up her hopes, so I didn't.

I broke it off with the new girl and spent the next week thinking about my ex until I reached the conclusion that I wanted her back.

It was about 1 and half months after the break up and about 3 weeks since I last heard from her and I decided to contact her just to say hi and see how she was. She replied in a friendly way and said she was doing ok. She'd bee busy, hanging out with friends and had started taking dance classes. We had a few catch up texts and she suggested meeting for a drink just as friends. She was playing it very cool and confident and it was winning me over.

So we met for the drink and she was still very cool and calm. She never mentioned what had happened, never suggested getting together and didn't flirt. It was all very casual and pressure free.

All I could think about was holding her and kissing her. At the end of the night I walked her to the car and we decided to sit inside and talk some more. I leaned in and kissed her. We kissed passionately and I told her "I still love you and I'm so sorry I let you go". She burst out crying, but didn't say anything. She just clung to me and kissed me.

We left that night and I assumed we were back together. I was on a high! I was almost in tears myself. I realised how much I'd missed her, how much I loved her. All those faults and differences I once found with her, all those reasons I had for dumping her seemed so insignificant now...just little quirks of her personality.

The next day I text her and said what a great night I had and poured on the sentiment. She replied saying much the same, but she told me "I just want us to be friends". My heart sank! I couldn't believe what was happening?! Only a month and half ago, I wanted her out of my life forever and she was desperate for me back, clinging to me, and now the roles had reversed.

I asked for clarification and she told me she'd been so hurt by me dumping her and the previous night when I told her I loved her it was what she'd been begging to hear for weeks, but she felt she was getting her life together and couldn't commit to me at that time.

The following weeks I felt much the same way I do now...dumped and heartbroken. I couldn't stop thinking about her, our great times together and how much she meant to me. I went out with friends and wallowed in self pity.

Then out of the blue she contacted me and suggested we meet up and, indirectly, suggested we become friends with benefits. And that's what happened. We dated just like old times, had sex, she stayed over and it was all the same, except we weren't labelling ourselves "a couple". But gradually, we eased back into a relationship. It was great being back together and all was well, but there had been a big power shift. I had always been the one in control, I had her in the palm of my hand, whereas now she held the cards and I knew she was capable of standing up for herself and walking out.

In the end, she branch swung to someone else and dumped me. I guess I deserved it.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you my story. It's a perfect example of someone using no contact and moving on as a way of winning back an ex, and the thoughts that went through my mind at the time. Obviously, that's not to say every situation is the same and it sounds like MaddXMan never looked back. But only good things can come of no contact.

 

[Renegade357]

What would you say some of the warning signs are for her interest level dropping?

General lack of enthusiasm for the relationship. She laughs less at your jokes. She responds slowly to your calls/texts. She contacts you less. She seems depressed all the time and blames it on something else.

Means one of two things.

1. You're doing something wrong. Too available, too needy, smothering, weak, ect. If this is the case you better back off and correct your behavior.

2. You are with a bad girl. My last ex had a history of dating verbally abusive men. Guess what? That's what she was attracted to. I was a gentleman, she mistook me for a nice guy. Sometimes they are just broken and you can't fix or change them. Don't waste your time trying. You gotta drop them early dudes.

 

[Jariel]

Sucks doesn't it? That's why I was saying earlier you gotta drop them quicker or at least do something when their interest level drops. There are lots of signs but most guys choose to ignore them.

That's pretty much what I did. I'd sensed her interest dropping during the past couple of weeks, so when she asked for space I decided to end things permanently and remove myself as her safety net.

Of course, this gave her a good excuse to pin the blame on me.

What would you say some of the warning signs are for her interest level dropping?

For me, it happened quite quickly, but you get a gut instinct. I was used to her coming and wrapping her arms around me, laughing and joking, complimenting me, telling me she loves me and showing lots of affection, but then over the space of 2 nights, all that stopped. Then in the following weeks, she avoided seeing me and cancelled a couple of dates. Her texts were still friendly and flirty, but she stopped saying "I love you" and this was very unusual for her.

The last night I saw her, I just didn't feel welcome. Her physical interest was still very high, she emphasized how hot I was looking and told me about a sexual fantasy she'd had about me and the following day she said she couldn't get the thought of me fvcking her out of her mind. That was reassuring, BUT, still no expression of love or emotional affection, which was so out of character for her so I sensed something wasn't right.

She talked about a lot of stress going on those weeks (which was actually very genuine and had been making her physically ill) she also talked about her anti depressants making her feel numb and like she doesn't care about much, so I put it down to that.

But then she starts texting me like I'm some distant acquaintance or a neighbour. Really dismissive. She asked me for space while she deals with her stress, but by this time I lost my patience and told her it's best we just call it a day and move on. While her stress was genuine, I suspected she may have been using it as an excuse to finish with me.

In my personal experience, if I've ever got that gut instinct that something isn't right, it's usually 100% accurate.

 

[Renegade357]

Of course, this gave her a good excuse to pin the blame on me.

LOL, it's always our fault. Mine did the same thing. They'll say you said something that really hurt them deeply and they can never forgive you. Some BS like that. Don't believe it. It's nothing but a lie and an attempt on their part to take the easy way out.

 

[MaddXMan]

Anyway, I just wanted to give you my story. It's a perfect example of someone using no contact and moving on as a way of winning back an ex, and the thoughts that went through my mind at the time. Obviously, that's not to say every situation is the same and it sounds like MaddXMan never looked back. But only good things can come of no contact.

Thanks for sharing. NC certainly worked on you! haha. But yes, for me early on I've always had difficult jobs where I had to handle tough situations. I learned to put bad experiences into a mental box and close it off, and not look back. Makes me feel pretty cold at times but it's been good for survival. I can have a terrible situation at work, then go home, eat a good meal, laugh and spend time with the kiddos like normal. I've done the same thing when leaving relationships.

BTW Jariel I don't like it when you say you probably deserved it. You beat up on yourself too much! A lot of posters here say we need to learn something from getting dumped. True, but it's not always out fault. It's not on us to take all the burden of a failed relationship. Women are so fickle. Maybe it's them who need to learn something!

 

[soulforge]

looks like no contact worked for you jariel... but only for a short time. once she has the power over the relationship, your pretty much doomed.

once she had branch swung to another guy, did you hear from her again?

 

[Jariel]

BTW Jariel I don't like it when you say you probably deserved it. You beat up on yourself too much! A lot of posters here say we need to learn something from getting dumped. True, but it's not always out fault. It's not on us to take all the burden of a failed relationship. Women are so fickle. Maybe it's them who need to learn something!

Thanks for pointing that out mate. I never really thought about it, but I do tend to blame myself too much at times. It's because that's the one factor I can control. However, as soon as I read your comment, I realised how true it is. I put up with a lot of sh1t and a lot of demands from my ex and I often blamed myself and was the one to make amends.

Lesson learned.

 

[Jariel]

looks like no contact worked for you jariel... but only for a short time. once she has the power over the relationship, your pretty much doomed.

once she had branch swung to another guy, did you hear from her again?

No, that was the last I ever heard from her and I was never tempted to make contact.

The thing is, that relationship had got to the point of total failure and way beyond reverse psychology and emotional attachment. She wanted marriage and kids and I emphasized I didn't want the same. She'd clung to the hope that I'd change my mind, but when she realised nothing would change, she decided she had to move on.

I could've got her back by agreeing to marriage and kids, but I didn't.

 

[soulforge]

the funny thing is, on this occasion i rather i was the dumpee, than the dumper!

i mean it feels no easier, especially when you dump the girl & within days she is talking to someone else

 

[Jariel]

the funny thing is, on this occasion i rather i was the dumpee, than the dumper!

i mean it feels no easier, especially when you dump the girl & within days she is talking to someone else

There is also that thought of "what if I was wrong?" or "what if I overreacted?"

There have been a lot of times I've wondered if my dumping her came as a shock to her and she had no intentions of dumping me or branch swinging after all....what if I drove her to look for other men.

But that's just wishful thinking and in my more rational moments I know it's not true and I'm just clutching. As I said in response to Dreww, your gut instinct is usually right.

 

[Jariel]

Day 15:

Another tough one today. She has been on my mind constantly and today I've gone through a bit of a denial stage...

This can't be happening! Surely she will come to her senses! This is all a big mistake! Surely enough time has passed now that she's realised her feelings for me. What if I dumped her and she was still madly in love with me? What if she thinks I was the one falling out of love with her?

You know how it goes.

You can tell my mind has been in chaos today because of how much I've posted on this thread. It helps to get my thoughts straight and I find by reading other posts and offering my take, I get to see the situation more objectively and that helps a lot.

But I'm still very much focused on moving forward. I'm still spinning some plates and I'm going on a date on Sunday. I'm a bit worried I won't be able to really put my heart into it and she's such a sweet girl, but if I can get my ex out of my head I see a lot of potential.

I did consider going for a one night stand or fvck buddy, but I have to be honest, my sex drive isn't so high right now...a side effect of grief I assume.

 

[soulforge]

Day 15:

Another tough one today. She has been on my mind constantly and today I've gone through a bit of a denial stage...

This can't be happening! Surely she will come to her senses! This is all a big mistake! Surely enough time has passed now that she's realised her feelings for me. What if I dumped her and she was still madly in love with me? What if she thinks I was the one falling out of love with her?

You know how it goes.

You can tell my mind has been in chaos today because of how much I've posted on this thread. It helps to get my thoughts straight and I find by reading other posts and offering my take, I get to see the situation more objectively and that helps a lot.

But I'm still very much focused on moving forward. I'm still spinning some plates and I'm going on a date on Sunday. I'm a bit worried I won't be able to really put my heart into it and she's such a sweet girl, but if I can get my ex out of my head I see a lot of potential.

I did consider going for a one night stand or fvck buddy, but I have to be honest, my sex drive isn't so high right now...a side effect of grief I assume.

i know how you feel jariel...

it's the same for me... i keep telling myself, maybe i over reacted... maybe i should have tried a different tac with her, instead of dumping her.

but just like you, my gut was telling me, that i was being treated like crap. so i went with gut.

even after i dumped her, i spoke to her again, to try work things out... she said she is not sure & needs to think... then i find out, she is talking to some other guy... so i tell her i don't want to see her again... i may have pushed her into this guys arm... and yeh it's pi@@ing me off

but hey, then i remember how badly this woman has been treating me & it bring me back to thinking straight again


jarial usually when i woman says, she needs time apart & she is detaching herself from you... i does end with her dumping you

so you felt like you had to drop her, before she drops you... as it would be easier to be the dumper!

i thought the same thing, but it does not feel easy at all.... keep going with the no contact jariel, if it's meant to be, she will come back to you... thats is you want her

jariel, if you found out today, that she is already talking to or seeing some dude, would you take her back?

 

[Roppi]

Hey Guys, I just register today going to try and make a short story of the worst 6 Months of my life. (My English isn't that great so please bare with me.)

Late 2012, a sweet girl approached me at a Gala event, she was a solid 8.5, to be honest at first glanced I wasn't really interested in her, but after speaking with her for 5 minutes, we really hit it off, I gave her my business card and she promised she would call me.

I didn't really care to be honest, after 3 weeks she finally came around and called me, she sounded really cute and happy she finally had a chance to call me. We kept talking for at least an hour on the phone and then we exchanged our BBM Pin and the rest is history. Our relationship really went fast we spend allot of time together dinners, dates, movies etc etc. Some people would say maybe it was going too fast.

Around middle of February 2013, after spending a really nice day at the beach together, we went over to her place, we watched some TV and talked, the next day she was going on a short vacation trip to Miami (she studied there for 5 years), so you can assume she has allot of friends there.

She went to take a shower and for some reason, I don't know why, but I decided to look in to her cell phone, just a quick.... you know brush over, not sure what to find, and so behold I found the biggest fear of any men. She was talking to another guy and calling him "babe" and this guy lives in.... you guessed it, in Miami.

So I was shocked, stunned and pissed off all at the same time, I confronted her right away, she came with a BS excuse, didn't believe her and I went home, she followed me home started crying and begging me not to leave her, after talking over it for at least 2 hours or so, I gave in we hugged kisses and made up. She kept messaging me the whole night till she left for Miami, during her 9 days stay, she kept on messing me daily and kept me updated on her current events. Sending me pictures, locations etc etc, but in the back of my mind of was like broken, I couldn't trust her anymore. After this day, our relationship was pretty much over.

After her return, she promised me nothing happened in that trip to Miami, she was with her friends and went shopping, dinner etc, but I just couldn't trust her anymore, so every time she did something, I would freakout, I became really insecure and in some way very clingy.

About a 1.5 week later I decided I'm going to end this, so I called her and we met, I told her that this isn't working for me anymore, she was shocked and promised me nothing happen and explain again her BS excuse of this guy in Miami. I was so confused and broken and insecure, after I arrived home I called her, I told her I'm sorry and that I didn't mean to break up with her, she accepted my apology and we agreed on taking it slow and start over, but I couldn't do this after 3 weeks of trying and me being all insecure and clingy and wimpy she decided to break our relationship, because I didn't trust her.

I was a broken man, now 6 months have passed, in these 6 months have send her flowers, letters, email's, text messages, facebook message, face to face. Everything and anything in between.

She pretty much deleted me from her life, the last time I tried to contact her was this Sunday, I called her around 9:45pm with my mom's phone, she picked up (She and my mom are in a social club together my mom is the president, she is the chairwomen). I told her it was me, she said she was sleeping and she didn't want to talk to me, I asked her please only 5 minutes, she repeated again, in a calm sleepy kind of voice"no I don't want to talk to you" and 3 second later hanged up. After this she blocked me from whatsapp, instagram, facebook etc etc etc. and I spend that night sending her at least 10 text messages. She never replied.

Today I send her one last message telling her that, it's really painful she decided to take this road, I also said "sorry to disturb you and take care".

Now I'm here looking for 100% closure and to move on. Please help me!!!


NC. Day. 00

 

[TRex$]

Day 14 of NC for me 21 out of 22 days. Had a long distance affair with a woman for 6 years. Known 10. She is getting divorced and back in the dating pool again. Live 1000 miles away, it won't work. Me, a cheat, back with my wife. Had ended it 3 years ago, made contact again got back together in August, i broke it off early.

While we were apart for the 3 years, we didn't speak but there was contact. Checking twiiter, linkedin, facebook on both sides. So I never really got over her even though marriage was good. Now that she was getting divorced and wanted to date men close to home, i was on borrowed time.

Three weeks after we break up, she calls me and tells me she met this great guy, blah, blah, blah. I decided now is the time to cut her off for good and focus on my marriage. I'm good for 7 days, she calls again. Her relationship is doing great, but I cite 4 red flags for her. I tell her. "Leave me be, I want to get over you, our situation is hopeless.

She doesn't get it. Today is day 14 of complete NC. I'm not giving in. I also haven't drank in 23 days. I feel guilt free, no anxiety and at complete peace. However, she's not heeding my wishes. She checks out my blog, and my Linked In and Twitter profile 3 x a week! Although, ego wise, it's gratifying, she has no respect for what I want. Her new Prince Charming must not be everything he's cracked up to be. So it's been 21 out of 22 days and I'm not going back. I've been in a fog for 6 years and am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So all of us stay strong.

 

[soulforge]

Hey Guys, I just register today going to try and make a short story of the worst 6 Months of my life. (My English isn't that great so please bare with me.)

Late 2012, a sweet girl approached me at a Gala event, she was a solid 8.5, to be honest at first glanced I wasn't really interested in her, but after speaking with her for 5 minutes, we really hit it off, I gave her my business card and she promised she would call me.

I didn't really care to be honest, after 3 weeks she finally came around and called me, she sounded really cute and happy she finally had a chance to call me. We kept talking for at least an hour on the phone and then we exchanged our BBM Pin and the rest is history. Our relationship really went fast we spend allot of time together dinners, dates, movies etc etc. Some people would say maybe it was going too fast.

Around middle of February 2013, after spending a really nice day at the beach together, we went over to her place, we watched some TV and talked, the next day she was going on a short vacation trip to Miami (she studied there for 5 years), so you can assume she has allot of friends there.

She went to take a shower and for some reason, I don't know why, but I decided to look in to her cell phone, just a quick.... you know brush over, not sure what to find, and so behold I found the biggest fear of any men. She was talking to another guy and calling him "babe" and this guy lives in.... you guessed it, in Miami.

So I was shocked, stunned and pissed off all at the same time, I confronted her right away, she came with a BS excuse, didn't believe her and I went home, she followed me home started crying and begging me not to leave her, after talking over it for at least 2 hours or so, I gave in we hugged kisses and made up. She kept messaging me the whole night till she left for Miami, during her 9 days stay, she kept on messing me daily and kept me updated on her current events. Sending me pictures, locations etc etc, but in the back of my mind of was like broken, I couldn't trust her anymore. After this day, our relationship was pretty much over.

After her return, she promised me nothing happened in that trip to Miami, she was with her friends and went shopping, dinner etc, but I just couldn't trust her anymore, so every time she did something, I would freakout, I became really insecure and in some way very clingy.

About a 1.5 week later I decided I'm going to end this, so I called her and we met, I told her that this isn't working for me anymore, she was shocked and promised me nothing happen and explain again her BS excuse of this guy in Miami. I was so confused and broken and insecure, after I arrived home I called her, I told her I'm sorry and that I didn't mean to break up with her, she accepted my apology and we agreed on taking it slow and start over, but I couldn't do this after 3 weeks of trying and me being all insecure and clingy and wimpy she decided to break our relationship, because I didn't trust her.

I was a broken man, now 6 months have passed, in these 6 months have send her flowers, letters, email's, text messages, facebook message, face to face. Everything and anything in between.

She pretty much deleted me from her life, the last time I tried to contact her was this Sunday, I called her around 9:45pm with my mom's phone, she picked up (She and my mom are in a social club together my mom is the president, she is the chairwomen). I told her it was me, she said she was sleeping and she didn't want to talk to me, I asked her please only 5 minutes, she repeated again, in a calm sleepy kind of voice"no I don't want to talk to you" and 3 second later hanged up. After this she blocked me from whatsapp, instagram, facebook etc etc etc. and I spend that night sending her at least 10 text messages. She never replied.

Today I send her one last message telling her that, it's really painful she decided to take this road, I also said "sorry to disturb you and take care".

Now I'm here looking for 100% closure and to move on. Please help me!!!


NC. Day. 00

my friend the only thing you can do now, is pure no contact... the more you chase her, the more you will push her away!

it's out of your hands now... nothing you can say verbally can change her mind, as it's all about what she feels

you have go no contact & maybe one day she will come back to you... if not. you will be on your way to getting over her.

it's not easy, i am going through something similar... i did try to talk to her, but she said she wanted to think about it

then i found out she was talking to another guy, so i dumped her - again lol

 

[Faldero456]

From my last post untill now, all the advice here is gold. Live and learn is a tough b itch.

faldero456

 

[henrea4]

Well, that chick who wanted to meet and have sex from PoF is a complete nutcase. I had been talking with her through texts for about 3 weeks now. Talked to her on the phone once. I send her a text at around 9 this morning saying "Good morning. Hope you enjoy your day off." Several hours passed and she didn't reply. Then, around 6:30pm she sends this:

"For someone that supposedly likes me u sure don't text me any. like I said before im not gonna be ur last choice. id rather be alone."

Seriously, what the f***?!

 

[Poppy]

Hi there, is it okay if I join even though I'm a female? I am really struggling with this no contact business.

A brief summary. Two year on again/off again relationship with lots of hot and cold. Me bending over backwards and getting less and less. Me throwing tantrums over his pulling back. Him chasing me after said tantrums. End result, we broke up a couple of months ago. I asked for NC, he broke it within a week, I assumed we were back on. But no, appears not.

He went overseas, emailed me while he was away, came back & ignored me. I asked him why, he said "you asked me not to email you, I'm sorry you're confused" (I'd asked him a month before, and he'd emailed me plenty since).

Basically, three weeks ago I asked what the hell was going on. He said he didn't want to do it anymore. I said fine, please just leave me alone. Stop contacting me. He has generally respected that, although he turned up at tennis the same time he knows I play, I was extremely rude to him. He texted ME on his birthday last week, to tell me he had a teaspoon of mine (really), I replied & told him to throw it, said "happy birthday", and then ignored his reply. Saw him today, he said "hello", I said "hi", kept walking, and he asked how I was, I ignored him.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of him not giving me what I want, but staying in my life. Right now, as I type this, I am babysitting his son.

So after three weeks NC, I blew it today and emailed. I apologised for my behaviour earlier and just said I'm not up for contact right now. I can't do the small talk. I'll get over it, but I need him to just ignore me, and I will do the same.

Why reject me and then stay in my life? Send me a stupid text about a teaspoon? You couldn't make that one up it's so stupid.