oodlesofnoodles said:
Well its bed time and ive done really well.. i think im phasing into the anger part of grief... im getting to the conclusion that prrhaps i didnt mean as much as i thought i did or hes just to fecking stuborn to fight... either way.. im now starting to thi k that perhsps i wont answer even if he did call .. woo hoo .. i like progress
You will go through the anger, then back to the heartwrenching loss, then back to the anger...it's a very bumpy ride.
I keep getting to the point where I feel ok, sometimes I even feel great, then I have a dream about her or something triggers some memories and it knocks me back.
I've also had those same thoughts...did I not mean much to her or is she just being stubborn or is she still angry at me? Either way, it's during a break up that you get to see your bf/gfs true personality come through and you have to keep reminding yourself that is the person you are leaving behind. Good riddance to them!
The biggest battle in my head is that I'm mourning the relationship we used to have during the first 8 months and I desperately want that back. That said, I was mourning those times even when I was in the relationship, clinging to the hope we could get back to where we once were. The truth is, the honeymoon period and our better days were over, and the latter months gave a much more realistic view of how our relationship would continue.
In the last 3 months of our relationship, I can count just 5 really good experiences amid the sh1t and routine.
I honestly consider the break up a blessing. However, it's just going to take time for your emotions to catch up with your rational mind.
You will have good days where you feel free and optimistic, then other days where you're ridden with grief, but as long as you remain no contact and focus on moving forward, you are distancing yourself from the source of the pain and allowing yourself time to heal.
Allow yourself to grieve and cry and let out those painful emotions, just like you're purging your body of poison. It's better to get it all out of your system than to bottle it up.
I went through all this with all of my exes, even some short term relationships. One short term girlfriend took me 8 months to get over because she was still in my life and we remained friends. Yet my girlfriend of 5 years took just 2 months to get over because we cut contact and never spoke again. I look back at them both and I feel no pain, no resentment...nothing. I know that day will come with my most recent ex too, just as long as I cut her from my life.
As much as it hurts, I like to think that it has not been in vain. I've learned some valuable lessons and I will emerge stronger, wiser and motivated, and my next relationship will benefit from this experience.
