The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Machtwo

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Jariel said:
I am completely out of sight of her now. I deleted her and her family and friends from Facebook when we broke up and she followed up by blocking me, so we can't even check each other's FB pages.
I started by removing my wife & her best mates from FB. I then got really curious and started looking for posts or photos of her & regretted it almost instantly. So then I removed all our mutual friends from her side. One of my last emails to her I explained that it was not with bitterness, anger or malice that I removed them, but because I didn't want to see her life evolve without me! Something I so regret now, giving her that information, but you do stupid things when emotions are making decisions for you. :mad:

Since then, I've closed my FB and will not re-join until I'm completely over her.
In my mind I am now a mystery to her, but in reality I don't think she or her family (who adored me), give a sh1t, as not one of them has been in touch & that hurts so much.
 

Jariel

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Machtwo: It really does help to speak to guys going through the same thing. I've felt so ashamed of being so emotional and broken down about it all and felt less of a man, so to see lots of other guys reacting the same way just helps restore a bit of pride.

It's strange, but since writing my last post I went from feeling really down and desperate to feeling pretty good. The last few hours I've focused on who I was before the relationship and what a good seducer I was. I had developed a bit of a bad streak, was in touch with my sexuality and it was working so well for me and was actually a really fun and exciting part of my life. I met some awesome women.

I realise that single life has a lot of advantages, especially when compared to how stale and taxing my relationship was getting.

It seems my mood is all about shifting my focus. It seems to be when I'm tired and have less control of my thoughts that I mourn the loss the most.
 

Machtwo

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Jariel: We are all going through it in one way or another, to different degrees, emotionally & mentally I suppose or we wouldn't be on here!

I can apply for my decree absolute on 17/10/13, so between now and then I'm kind of hopeful she might reach out & say come on, enough now, lets talk & see if we can salvage something before it's too late, but that's my heart doing the talking, my head knows I'll never see her or my in-laws again, so sad really.

I'm at my worse with thoughts & feelings when I'm tired, only natural I suppose.

Keep looking forward brother!
 
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Hermeister

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Hey everybody!

Day 1

Not necessarily a very conventional breakup, but I'm willing to stick to this 60 day NC challenge. We dated for about a year and a couple months, but we've been very on and off ever since about 4 - 5 months in. Of course, she was the one being unsure. She is an innocent girl, very respectable and doesn't really know many guys / enjoy random hookups. We're both quite young (1st year at uni). The reasons for breaking up have been along the lines of "there's something missing in our relationship. It's not necessarily something we did wrong, I'm just not sure whether this is the right time or whether you're the right person". She has told me before that she can honestly see me and her in the future but that has all been said in the past, and I'm not sure whether that is still valid. Long story short, I knew she was going to crack again, and I sent a preemptive text saying that not only do I not see her as a girlfriend anymore, but also not as a friend. She agreed with me about the girlfriend bit (still sounded confused and unsure) but disagreed with me regarding the friend bit. She said that "she doesn't know if she'll ever get over me as a friend". We engaged in physical activity a few days ago, and when talking about that tonight I mentioned that it was emotionless. She seemed really upset regarding that and said that it wasn't emotionless for her. What could this mean????? I know her well and I know she wouldn't physically engage with another person unless she had something for that person. What could this possibly mean?

Either way, I think what I did was right and this NC challenge can only end in two different good ways:
Either:
1) We both get over each other and be happy again; or
2) We realise how much we miss each other and get back together again

Either way, NC can only do good.

I'm going to see her today because we play sport in the same team, but I'm not going to talk to her at all unless it is sport related.

Please get back to me guys any advice would be much appreciated! I'm quite distressed.

I wish the rest of you the best of luck with your troubles!
 

Renegade357

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Jariel said:
I realise that single life has a lot of advantages, especially when compared to how stale and taxing my relationship was getting.

Hooking up and finding women is easy. Keeping them really hard. I probably should have dropped my gf back in January I'm guessing you got out late too. We have to figure out what we keep doing wrong in our relationships and drop the bad ones sooner. Then we'll never get hurt or have to go "no contact" again. The good news is we both get to start over with someone else with a clean record.
 

Machtwo

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Renegade357 said:
Hooking up and finding women is easy. Keeping them really hard.
I find this the complete opposite for me, finding them hard, keeping them is easy!

Well, keeping them for many years until the dumping !! Ha-ha
 

henrea4

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Don't know why I'm thinking about this right now, but as you may or may not know (can't remember if I discussed this within this thread or not) I am 34, divorced and currently staying with my parents. Well, over the weekend, I overheard my mother and father talking. She was telling my father that she was going out to run some errands and he asks, "Can I go with you?" I immediately thought back to all the times my ex wife would text me from work, telling me she was going by the store on the way home from work and asking me if I wanted her to swing by the house and pick me up. I would always tell her no. Every time. I broke down into tears. I should have wanted to spend time with her. Now I'd like nothing more than to go to the store with her and argue when she picks up something she and I both know she'll eat half of and waste the rest. I would tell her that I didn't like going to the store and she would always say she didn't like it either but at least we would be spending time together. I didn't care. I took everything for granted. I saw something on Facebook one day that rings true with me.....it was something along the lines of, "They say you don't know what you got till it's gone, but the truth is that you knew what you had all along you just never thought you'd lose it." A-f***ing-men!
 

itdude

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@ henrea4 - you speak very true words there. but don't be too hard on yourself. I am sure there were also times when you wanted to do stuff where she didn't join you.
 

rossitheking

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Hi All,

Ive been reading this thread for a good couple of months now. It certainly helped me.

Around 6 months ago my girlfriend suddenly became cold on me, ignored me and eventually we parted ways. She didnt even have the guts to tell me. She went off with someone else. Naturally, i was devastated. This was a girl who i got to know well, become close and intimate with for over a good year......Low point - i was in the park with my head in my hands bawling. It took me over three ways for the crying to stop. Sad and pathetic - who knows, human nature i guess.

I listened and read all of the posts and comments on here, particularly Mauser96 and sosuave666. They have helped me enourmously. Thank you both. Anyways, I applied no contact, said a massive fVCK off to her in my head and walked away. No FB, no msgs, no snapchats. Nothing. Im Gone. Forever. I never looked back. At first i tricked myself into thinking this will bring her back. How funny the tricks your head plays on yourself eh! Bascially i was pinning for her and hoping that she realized her mistake. Im not going to lie. It was tough. Real tough. Hence the challenge i guess.

Anyways after weeks and weeks went passed of doing gymwork, hanging with friends and equally importantly......meeting new people....the clouds stared to dissapear. I was acting normal again. I was smiling and confidence was slowly creeping back. I was iniating conversations with girls and getting numbers, and dates......and then bam. Guess what. She contacted me. She was missing me..........What did i do?........Nothing. No msg from me, no call, nothing. Im gone dear lady. You are a memory. A good one but still a memory. Im onto other things now. She tried again. She got no message, no call, no snapchat. Nothing.

I am now spinning plates as some of you call it and i feel great. Its all in the head. No contact started out as a way to get her back. No contact now means i'm a man who takes no ****. For instance, i just had a girl who ive been dating and been banging who just flaked on me. I didnt respond to her, ive just ignored her. I went out with another chick that night instead. She apologised afterwards and arranged another time. Im gradually growing stronger and accepting myself for who i am. If someone doesnt like it. Good luck to you and goodbye.

To sum up.....no contact increases your confidence and belief in yourself if you stick to it. It will hurt at first and your head will convince you that it will bring them back. It wont. Its a learning experience and you will find someone better. But most importantly....you are step closer to reaching your potential. Good luck all, and thank you.
 

Jariel

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rossitheking said:
Hi All,

Ive been reading this thread for a good couple of months now. It certainly helped me.

Around 6 months ago my girlfriend suddenly became cold on me, ignored me and eventually we parted ways. She didnt even have the guts to tell me. She went off with someone else. Naturally, i was devastated. This was a girl who i got to know well, become close and intimate with for over a good year......Low point - i was in the park with my head in my hands bawling. It took me over three ways for the crying to stop. Sad and pathetic - who knows, human nature i guess.

I listened and read all of the posts and comments on here, particularly Mauser96 and sosuave666. They have helped me enourmously. Thank you both. Anyways, I applied no contact, said a massive fVCK off to her in my head and walked away. No FB, no msgs, no snapchats. Nothing. Im Gone. Forever. I never looked back. At first i tricked myself into thinking this will bring her back. How funny the tricks your head plays on yourself eh! Bascially i was pinning for her and hoping that she realized her mistake. Im not going to lie. It was tough. Real tough. Hence the challenge i guess.

Anyways after weeks and weeks went passed of doing gymwork, hanging with friends and equally importantly......meeting new people....the clouds stared to dissapear. I was acting normal again. I was smiling and confidence was slowly creeping back. I was iniating conversations with girls and getting numbers, and dates......and then bam. Guess what. She contacted me. She was missing me..........What did i do?........Nothing. No msg from me, no call, nothing. Im gone dear lady. You are a memory. A good one but still a memory. Im onto other things now. She tried again. She got no message, no call, no snapchat. Nothing.

I am now spinning plates as some of you call it and i feel great. Its all in the head. No contact started out as a way to get her back. No contact now means i'm a man who takes no ****. For instance, i just had a girl who ive been dating and been banging who just flaked on me. I didnt respond to her, ive just ignored her. I went out with another chick that night instead. She apologised afterwards and arranged another time. Im gradually growing stronger and accepting myself for who i am. If someone doesnt like it. Good luck to you and goodbye.

To sum up.....no contact increases your confidence and belief in yourself if you stick to it. It will hurt at first and your head will convince you that it will bring them back. It wont. Its a learning experience and you will find someone better. But most importantly....you are step closer to reaching your potential. Good luck all, and thank you.
Thank you for this inspirational post! It really is true what people say, that it's like your ex can sense when you're over her and have moved on, and only then will she come back.

I think it's awesome that you didn't cave in and go running back to her. After the way she treated you, she didn't deserve another chance and it shows great confidence for you to ignore her. It is my aim to reach that point as soon as possible and to finally accept it's over and I'm happy to continue my life without her.

I'm really pleased for you and this is great motivation for us all.
 

Jariel

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Day 10:

Another dramatic turn around today. I feel awesome! Last night I made a firm decision to let her go! Even if she comes back, begging, I've decided to dismiss her and move on. Since deciding that, I feel like a weight has been lifted!

I reflected a lot on how my personality has changed during our relationship and how I've lost my fire and my boldness, my complacency in terms of socialising and I have felt quite emasculated at times. Then I started reminiscing over the years before meeting her and started flicking through photos of all the hot women I dated and banged. What an inspiration that was. I did damn well for myself!

I started to feel my fire returning and an enthusiasm for life. This morning I've been flirting with girls at work and joking with everyone and in that moment, it felt like I was my old self again, groups of people hanging on my every word. Almost every woman I spoke to this morning ran her hand over my arm or playfully smacked me as they were laughing.

What I find very empowering about break ups is that you emerge from them caring less what people think about you. Afterall, you have been rejected by the one person who mattered most to you and you survived. No rejection will ever come close to that pain and so you develop a tolerance for rejection, or a higher pain threshold so to speak.

Of course, my mood is very subject to change right now. It's almost like being bipolar, with sudden manic and depressive episodes, but I'm really hoping this is a big turning point for me.
 

itdude

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update: so my ex contacted me again asking advice and to proclaim her undying love. how she still loves me deeply and that it will never change. and how she cant move on and forget.

that made my heart crumble so I replied: "I also miss you some days but I am not the right person to ask advice from".

immediatly I regretted texting and my mind was now back stuck on her. what did she mean "cant move on"

Back to the point of my story:
I was busy putting my dogs in the car when she texted so when I finished my reply I just reversed out of my garage. Heard a big bang. So I was so focussed on the text exchange I forgot to close the door of my trunk. whole thing wrecked!!

moral of the story: DONT REPLY!

No Contact Day 1: for fvck sakes!
 

Jariel

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itdude said:
I was busy putting my dogs in the car when she texted so when I finished my reply I just reversed out of my garage. Heard a big bang. So I was so focussed on the text exchange I forgot to close the door of my trunk. whole thing wrecked!!

moral of the story: DONT REPLY!

No Contact Day 1: for fvck sakes!
:crackup:

That's put a smile on my face! But congrats on turning the situation around. No contact is a very powerful thing.
 

dreww

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Itdude: you were in such a tough situation and you reacted without thinking about it. It may have been better to not respond or maybe not say I miss you too sometimes? Personally, I am on day13 of NC and if my ex texted me and said she "can't move on" I would be so curious as to what that meant and feel like I would crumble and try to reconcile. You are being stronger than that! I know you want to know what "can't move on" means but it could be just a mind game she's playing to see if she still has you. Love is tough to get over but just keep us updated and keep on going!
 

henrea4

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itdude said:
@ henrea4 - you speak very true words there. but don't be too hard on yourself. I am sure there were also times when you wanted to do stuff where she didn't join you.
That's just the thing. She was always down for anything I wanted to do, even if it was something she didn't like. I was talking to a guy in my divorce support group who said that was a red flag, because while she was doing all of those things she secretly (or not so secretly) hated she was harboring resentment toward me, slowly eating away at her feelings for me. Combine that with the fact that I never really acted like she was the one person I wanted to spend my time with more than anyone else (she felt like she was my second choice) and it's really no surprise she wanted out. Heh...hindsight is 20/20. There's no real guarantee that even if I had been the perfect husband she still wouldn't have bailed. I guess it's pointless to keep stewing over this. What's done is done, unfortunately.
 

Renegade357

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henrea4 said:
because while she was doing all of those things she secretly (or not so secretly) hated she was harboring resentment toward me, slowly eating away at her feelings for me.
Isn't that the definition of passive aggressive?
 

soulforge

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i am having a really hard time today... keep telling myself, maybe i was too harsh on her by dumping her.

maybe i should have talked to her on this occasion... but this woman has caused many problems before & nothing seems to change

i know she has started talking to some guy just a week after i ended it...

so now i am worried about then getting together?


i know i should not worry like this, because this woman mostly treated me bad & would not had made a good long term partner for me


if i stay in no contact i know i will lose her forever... but she has started talking to another guy already, so what is the point



i
 

Betterz

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Broke up around 2.5 weeks ago. Using NC now to avoid her and heal !

Going on online dates actively in London since we split. Jumped back on the old horse right away. Had a one night stand 5 days after the split - that helped for a while. She emailed me asking about collecting her stuff in a 'couple' of weeks. I didn't reply. Blocked her completely off all networks. Got a second date this weekend with a busty 30 yr blonde i went on a first date with last night. Were all over each other in 15 minutes! Luckily she doesnt work in London so that'll give me time to spin other plates.

This is my first attempt now to spin plates as i discovered the idea while reading 'TheRationalMale' a few months back.

This blonde will be plate 1 if I can bang her this weekend.

I'm 32, single and ready to mingle :)

Question: What's a managable amount of plates to have actively spinning at one time. I'd like to have 3-4 girls I'm banging on rotation.. fingers crossed in making this a reality!
 

Jariel

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soulforge said:
i am having a really hard time today... keep telling myself, maybe i was too harsh on her by dumping her.

maybe i should have talked to her on this occasion... but this woman has caused many problems before & nothing seems to change

i know she has started talking to some guy just a week after i ended it...

so now i am worried about then getting together?
This has been the hardest part for me too and the source of my panic. It hurts so much to think of her being with another guy...even just texting him at night instead of me. And for a while I had this instinct that I must act fast to stop that from happening. This is where the desperation comes in.

Unfortunately, if she chooses to be with another guy, there's nothing we can say to change her mind and anything we do will push her toward him.

I suggest you do what I did last night and make a firm decision that it's over. No more doubts, no more hoping for her to come back or planning what you will say or what you should've done. Trust me, it feels very liberating and you start to see picture yourself with someone else, being happy.

I've just started setting up some dates and engaging in a bit of text sex. It reminds me how dull my relationship had got!
 

Jariel

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Betterz said:
Question: What's a managable amount of plates to have actively spinning at one time. I'd like to have 3-4 girls I'm banging on rotation.. fingers crossed in making this a reality!
3-4 is a good number in my experience! I've let it get to around 10 at one time, but it's just too difficult to keep them going and eats into your free time too much.

Are you finding these dates and hook ups are helping you move forward? This is my next step now and I believe if I can have sex with another woman, I'm going to be a lot less concerned about my ex meeting another guy. I guess time will tell.

Welcome to the thread.
 
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