The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[instantnoodles]

My Beloved,

Please take the time to read this carefully. It’s right from the corners of my mind and from the depths of my heart. I’m writing to you because I feel as if I have a lot to. Writing is therapeutic for me and perhaps reading this could be therapeutic for you too. You will find what I have written helpful to you. Maybe you can use this to help me, to help us. Keep an open mind.

First of all, I did some quiet thinking. I wrote out my thoughts on another piece of paper. I would like to say I’m sorry for this morning. Here is the thing; the things you write in your journal confuse me because I’m scared to lose the person I fell in love with. Where is the guy that saved me ? Where is the guy I fell in love with? Here and today , I see someone confusing. It’s killing me. I need that guy back. I want to know I still have him. I’m scared I might lose you to the guy you were yesterday (meaning, the past). To be honest, this fear started this summer. Maybe you can help me with this. I’m scared to be hurt because the last time I gave you my heart, mistakes happened. I guess it was bad timing too, right? In all honesty, I have my fears and it’s always laced with panic and worry because I want to give you all of myself and never in pieces. This is something very big to do. I have learned this from you.

Second of all, I guess the past really hurts me and I’m sorry it’s been difficult for me. You helped me through most of it and I sincerely thank you for that. One day I’ll get rid of that just for you. I want to be the best for you. I really feel guilty for his morning. I guess I really don’t have the heart to mean what I said for real. But what happened was a flashback in my head and I guess the anger ( the flash bulb memory, as it is usually called) skimmed through my mind. We never and hardly fight plus I never want to with you. It would tear me apart and kill me slowly inside. I feel like the only cure for me in this world is you – as twisted as it sounds. I feel like once I get you, my life will be happier. You will be my sunshine. So don’t leave me.

It’s been exactly one year, 2 days ago that I met you. I don’t regret it. My cousin who is also my best friend has helped me a lot and I’d like to thank him. Blood in the family means nothing unless there’s loyalty and he’s the perfect example of that. He told me to "fight for what you love and never let go unless you need to and I’m sure you’re smart enough to know when to, S". I believe him and I will do just that. He also told me to be careful of being too tolerant of a guy…but then again it can be mistakened for my easy-goingness and unconditional love.

You’re a gorgeous guy, you’re highly intelligent and you’re just like me; people usually say opposites attract but now I think like attracts like because it’s as though you’re my long lost soulmate – my other missing half. It’s fascinating to see someone just like me. It’s like no one can fill this void unless it’s you. You complete me in every way. I know that when I forgive you, I will feel great; I will know for sure you are the one love of my life. My first kiss and my last. I guess my first kiss really left a print on my heart and life. I never want to kiss anyone else because I love that feeling of your lips lingering on mine, in a spiritual sense since you are not with me now. When you hold me, all that is bad (my life isn’t so bad just a little stress from my new school) vanishes and I am left with my lovely strong Guardian Angel.

I care about you very much, I wish you knew. Your pain is my pain and your happiness is my relief, my smile. I hated the unmentionable that happened earlier this year. I hated to see you depressed, it broke my heart. Hope you did well in school because I prayed for you.

I hope the following doesn’t scare you but it’s true . I can’t even bear the thought of stupid NC. I don’t’ want to ever be without you. Without you I am nothing. Nothing at all. With you, I am strong.. I hate NC because it keeps me apart from the one person I need.

This is my gift to you - my heart and my soul too. After all, I couldn’t keep them because they’ll always belong to you. I’m trusting you not to break it again….

I’m going to start now. I’m going to get rid of the past and never remember it again for the rest of my life just for you. The only thing I will remember is that I gave my V to you. And hopefully I can feel good again, so that I will be glad I gave it to you. I feel like you deserve this for how you’ve been there for me. I don’t want to be mad at you anymore. My heart is telling me – no, demanding me , to forgive you completely in every crevice and corner of my soul. I'll give you all of my love. I’ll do this for you, my beloved…as long as you come into my life for real. Be with me. (Do I have to grab you in my arms, hold your face and tell you repeatedly, "be with me" between my passionate kisses...)

I’m also going to fold this letter, include it with a kiss and seal it using the tears from my eyes. I hope you can read this and keep me in your thoughts

Now if this is how you truly feel with your negative thoughts or negative view on life, I’m willing to push aside the past and help you. I’ll do anything for you. I love you … til death do us apart - even beyond death, I will love you,

-S.


P.S Hope to visit you in my dreams tonight but hopefully in reality too. . I would’ve read this to you on a hot summer night, under a full moon, us sitting in our favourite tree near by the beach… maybe one day I can.


P.S.S - can I make a vow to you? I'll never leave you. I haven't left even yet, my loyalty is strong for you. I'll seal my vow when I see you, with a kiss on your lips.

 

[MaddXMan]

Yeah NC is about getting over a girl and getting past this time of hurt, to heal yourself. Knowing that I could contact my ex, if I wanted to, and am choosing not to contact....it's very powerful.

 

[soulforge]

hello guys... i juts wanted to know, how does no contact workout when it was me who did the dumping???

she became more & more disrespectful & rude towards me, so i felt like, it would only be a matter of time till she might possibly dump me or cheat on me!

so i decided to dump her ass... i have not heard from her since the dumping...

i have not contacted her or said a thing... i do still love her tho, even tho she turned out to be a demon!

 

[henrea4]

Forget women for now. FORGET THEM. It was a woman and relationship that gave you the heartache you have now!


There is no harm/shame in being single.
Join a club: bowling, gym,fitness class, new hobby, teach a volunteer class at the library, whatever!!! GO VOLUNTEER SOMEPLACE! Keep your self busy, experience some new things, and forget about a relationship , for now. When it comes, it comes.

GO MEET NEW PEOPLE!

TAKE THE EMPHASIS OFF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP. Read some self-help books. Improve yourself.

start healing and taking care of YOU.

Meh....I'm just not the type of person who is ever going to be very popular. People just don't "get" me. I try to be more outgoing, but I mostly just get ignored. Heh....and no, there is no "shame" in being single, but dammit, I've been single for most of my life. I don't enjoy it. We (humans) are meant to find a mate, raise a family and grow old together. That's the way it's supposed to be and that's what I want. Is that so wrong?

 

[henrea4]

hello guys... i juts wanted to know, how does no contact workout when it was me who did the dumping???

she became more & more disrespectful & rude towards me, so i felt like, it would only be a matter of time till she might possibly dump me or cheat on me!

so i decided to dump her ass... i have not heard from her since the dumping...

i have not contacted her or said a thing... i do still love her tho, even tho she turned out to be a demon!

It works the same way it does when you get dumped. Just don't contact her. At all. (no phone calls, no texts, no e-mail, no hand-written letters, Skype, Facebook, etc)

 

[Jariel]

hello guys... i juts wanted to know, how does no contact workout when it was me who did the dumping???

she became more & more disrespectful & rude towards me, so i felt like, it would only be a matter of time till she might possibly dump me or cheat on me!

so i decided to dump her ass... i have not heard from her since the dumping...

i have not contacted her or said a thing... i do still love her tho, even tho she turned out to be a demon!

I'm kind of in a similar situation. I pre-emptively dumped her when she asked for space because I felt she was being disrespectful towards me and it was just a matter of time before she dumped me.

And I feel the same too. Although she really hurt and used me, it's really tough to just stop loving her. But what we have to realise is that A) we are only craving the person she used to be, not the person she became, and B) we feel this way because she's fvcked with our heads and run the old badgirl routine on us.

But I believe NC works the same for us. There were issues that caused her respect and feelings to drop and the only way for her to feel what she has lost is to remove yourself from her life completely.

She may realise the error of her ways and come back, she may not. But if you think about it, you really don't want to go back to that situation.

Last time my gf and I broke up, she'd been cold and distant, taken me for granted and was very cold when she dumped me. She even told me she just didn't care that it was ending. I went no contact and she came back after 3 weeks, telling me how depressed she'd been, had been crying hysterically all this time, had recognised all my great qualities and what I meant to her and she'd written me several love letters.

No contact really can make people realise the error of their ways, but don't make the same mistake I did and just get back together like everything was all fine again. You really need to take time and learn from this experience and learn why she started treating you so disrespectfully in the first place.

 

[Jariel]

It's really helpful to find this thread and see other guys are experiencing the same situation, same feelings and doubts. There's a lot to learn from this.

The big lesson I've learned is that you have to be on top of your game at all times. My mistake in this relationship was getting too accommodating, putting her on a pedestal and losing my own sense of self worth, when I've known for such a long time how unattractive these traits are to a woman.

I can't blame her for losing her feelings for me, because that's out of her control. That's my fault and that's something I can control in my future relationships.

It is still very difficult though. I should be using my anger and hurt to fuel my workouts and inspire me to improve myself, get out and make the most of my life, but the truth is I don't feel that rage...I feel weak and downtrodden, disheartened with life.

I can get dates and bang chicks any time I want, and some have been waiting for me to become single, but I don't have the enthusiasm or the sexual urge.

Like many of you guys have said, the hardest part is thinking of her being happy with someone else. I want her to feel more miserable than me and to regret what she did, because I want to feel like there's a sense of justice in the world.

I really wish I could just move on with my life as it would make it so much easier to forget about her.

 

[soulforge]

It's really helpful to find this thread and see other guys are experiencing the same situation, same feelings and doubts. There's a lot to learn from this.

The big lesson I've learned is that you have to be on top of your game at all times. My mistake in this relationship was getting too accommodating, putting her on a pedestal and losing my own sense of self worth, when I've known for such a long time how unattractive these traits are to a woman.

I can't blame her for losing her feelings for me, because that's out of her control. That's my fault and that's something I can control in my future relationships.

It is still very difficult though. I should be using my anger and hurt to fuel my workouts and inspire me to improve myself, get out and make the most of my life, but the truth is I don't feel that rage...I feel weak and downtrodden, disheartened with life.

I can get dates and bang chicks any time I want, and some have been waiting for me to become single, but I don't have the enthusiasm or the sexual urge.

Like many of you guys have said, the hardest part is thinking of her being happy with someone else. I want her to feel more miserable than me and to regret what she did, because I want to feel like there's a sense of justice in the world.

I really wish I could just move on with my life as it would make it so much easier to forget about her.

hi jariel

i hope you find the strength to move on mate... i know how you feel, but day by day, you will get stronger & all this will be just a fading memory


i am kind of in the same boat. but i think our stories differ in some ways

for example your ex was nice to you for the majority of the time, then all of a sudden she turned cold... when a woman says she needs time apart, then you know yourself it is pretty much over... so i don't blame you for ending it...

in my case, my ex did not turn into a evil cold b#tch over a short period of time... through out the whole relationship, she was quite a rude disrespectful person.. me and her split up on about 4-5 different occasions

i know... should never ever have gone back to her! but because i was in love with her... i did & now i feel much worse

looking back now, i realize i should have dumped her ages ago

it's strange, some people believe it is easier to be the dumper... rather than being the dumpee

but in my case & yours, it's actually harder to be the dumper...

as we are forced into making that decision, then we have moments of doubting our decision

only this morning i woke up in a panic, thinking to myself... hey maybe you just over reacted... maybe u did not need to end it

maybe it could have worked out..


i hope you feel better soon bro, jariel are you a u.k citizen

 

[Jariel]

hi jariel

i hope you find the strength to move on mate... i know how you feel, but day by day, you will get stronger & all this will be just a fading memory


i am kind of in the same boat. but i think our stories differ in some ways

for example your ex was nice to you for the majority of the time, then all of a sudden she turned cold... when a woman says she needs time apart, then you know yourself it is pretty much over... so i don't blame you for ending it...

in my case, my ex did not turn into a evil cold b#tch over a short period of time... through out the whole relationship, she was quite a rude disrespectful person.. me and her split up on about 4-5 different occasions

i know... should never ever have gone back to her! but because i was in love with her... i did & now i feel much worse

looking back now, i realize i should have dumped her ages ago

it's strange, some people believe it is easier to be the dumper... rather than being the dumpee

but in my case & yours, it's actually harder to be the dumper...

as we are forced into making that decision, then we have moments of doubting our decision

only this morning i woke up in a panic, thinking to myself... hey maybe you just over reacted... maybe u did not need to end it

maybe it could have worked out..


i hope you feel better soon bro, jariel are you a u.k citizen

Thanks mate! I really hope things pick up for you too and you find yourself back on your feet soon.

You've probably heard it said so many times, but you definitely did the right thing. Doesn't help much with that pain and emptiness though does it? People have been saying the same to me, yet I wake up every morning wishing it was all a bad dream.

I too go through that same thought process. What if I dumped her and she wasn't going to dump me? What if she really did need some space and would've come back to me? What if I've made things worse and she's really hurting. And then I start thinking how I can fix things.

But women don't respond to reason. I know that anything I say at this point will be wasted and will be another message/letter/email to feed her ego and will kill off the last remaining respect I walked away with.

If she's ever going to come back, it's going to have to be a decision she comes to on her own. And in my experience, she will only come to that decision when she's left alone to feel the emptiness you have left in her life.

I am confident my ex will regret losing me. Maybe not any time soon, but eventually. It happened with a lot of my exes, even the ones I begged and guilt tripped for months following our break up. One girl took 8 months, another a year and 2 failed relationships to come back. Another took 4 years. But they all saw a new me who was confident and independent. I could have them now if I wanted, but my feelings for them faded over time and I moved on.

If it helps, try to think way into the future, getting in touch and maybe building a whole new relationship with her based on what you've learned from past mistakes.

I guess this all helps to put things in perspective and I do find some comfort in these thoughts, but it still kills me when I think of her moving on and being with someone else. It's a really tough time, but hopefully we can all support each other through it.

ps. I'm from Birmingham way in the UK.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 12

It is still very difficult though. I should be using my anger and hurt to fuel my workouts and inspire me to improve myself, get out and make the most of my life, but the truth is I don't feel that rage...I feel weak and downtrodden, disheartened with life.

I can get dates and bang chicks any time I want, and some have been waiting for me to become single, but I don't have the enthusiasm or the sexual urge.

Like many of you guys have said, the hardest part is thinking of her being happy with someone else. I want her to feel more miserable than me and to regret what she did, because I want to feel like there's a sense of justice in the world.

I really wish I could just move on with my life as it would make it so much easier to forget about her.

This is exactly how I fell, just add in that I am constantly forgetting the bad things she did, only remembering the good.

I am constantly rethinking the situation, and blaming myself, because I did do mistake, I wasn't always fair. I 'apologize' for her mistakes inside my head, and go all hard on myself over my own mistakes towards her.


I know this is all wrong, but as you stated, I am looking for some kind of justice, the reason my thoughts are all screwed up, is because of the lack of justice, the lacy of fairness in her final actions - the lack of regret, desperation and 'contact' from her part, the way she just moved on with this other guy, is seriously killing me.


If she left me, for the sake of just leaving because I had been bad/she didn't feel we clicked, then I would understand. But there is simply no reasonable explanation to why she left, which is probably why she did it, because I was acting all to nice, 'perfect', and adjusted to her demands and needs.

At least I'm only 21, but I think it hurts just as much.

 

[Jariel]

I know this is all wrong, but as you stated, I am looking for some kind of justice, the reason my thoughts are all screwed up, is because of the lack of justice, the lacy of fairness in her final actions - the lack of regret, desperation and 'contact' from her part, the way she just moved on with this other guy, is seriously killing me.

If she left me, for the sake of just leaving because I had been bad/she didn't feel we clicked, then I would understand. But there is simply no reasonable explanation to why she left, which is probably why she did it, because I was acting all to nice, 'perfect', and adjusted to her demands and needs.

Same here mate. Although there's no other particular guy yet, it seems clear she's planning to move on and she was so cold and remorseless about getting rid of me. It's a big kick to the self esteem.

But that doesn't mean that your relationship meant nothing. Her feelings and love for you were still very genuine and your experiences together meant as much to her as they did to you at the time. It just means that the connection got broken at some point. Unfortunately, when a woman loses feelings for you, her personality changes for the worst and you get to see a cold side of her. That's always been there, but she's always shown you the best side before that point because she wanted you in her life.

It's the harsh reality of women, but it's the reason we guys get a bit too comfortable and let our guard down. We think because she's fallen in love with us, it'll never change and we fvck up by getting too clingy, sensitive or acting like a doormat.

Let's face it, if she got fat and let herself go, our feelings for her would change too and we might even get a little resentful towards her.

I think we are in a similar position here mate. We have both been hurt and betrayed and it's left us feeling sorry for ourselves. The only way we can really recover from this is to force ourselves to man up, stop giving a fvck and become the confident guys they fell in love with.

I've felt very depressed today, but forced myself to the gym then took an ice bath. It was awesome to feel a hint of my masculinity again and I'm just going to keep pushing myself now and savour the pain knowing it's going to make me stronger.

 

[Jariel]

Great post, repped ya.

Thanks buddy! I feel like I'm on the right track with my thinking. I just need to keep my mind in charge of my emotions and I'll be fine.

 

[soulforge]

Thanks buddy! I feel like I'm on the right track with my thinking. I just need to keep my mind in charge of my emotions and I'll be fine.

jariel can i send you a private message,,, it tells me you inbox is full

 

[Jariel]

Just cleared it out mate. I got messages in there from about 5 years ago.

 

[zips3031]

Starting NC

Hey everyone,
I found this thread and forum through a Google search. I am miserable after my ex-girlfriend dumped me about a week ago.

I almost immediately went NC afterwards, though I did let her know that I still had feelings for her. She said she had them too, she just isn't ready for the relationship that I still badly wanted. Begged me to stay in her life...as a friend.

We have a class together (horrible, I know) at the small university we attend. At the first meeting, about two days after I went NC, I felt her staring at me the entire class. On the way out the door, I noticed she was right behind me. I thought it would be immature to not saying anything, so I managed a smile and a "hi."

She texts me almost immediately asking flirtingly if I want her to miss me. I don't respond. A few hours later, she sends another text. I respond and it turns into a conversation where I reiterate my desire to be with her (such an AFC move). She restates her desire to be friends, which tore me apart on the phone.

I've since gone NC again. I can't believe I let her mess up NC the first time by responding to her texts. I'll be stronger from now on.

Interested to hear you all's thoughts on this situation.

 

[instantnoodles]

delete

delete yourself as well, uglyboyAJ

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

^^Kill yourself.

 

[henrea4]

^^Kill yourself.

:crackup:

Wait, why am I laughing? I'm just as bad as the Noodles guy....I might even be worse. I think Noodles is just joking around, though...or at least I hope he is.

 

[Jariel]

Day 6:

After a bad day yesterday, I was feeling amazing last night. I'd been writing my list of reasons I don't want to be with her and all the positives of breaking up and they were really sinking in. I had a decent workout and an ice bath and I spend some time focusing on my inner player and my old self again.

By the time I was ready for bed I felt optimistic. I would even say I felt like I was over her and ready to start looking again.

Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling not so good. Not as bad as I have done during the past week, but a pretty low start to the day. But it has nothing to do with wanting her back this time...it's more the feeling of how badly she treated me during the break up and the weeks leading upto it and how quick she's been to move on. It still hurts a lot.

I still believe she will regret it eventually and I still have this hope she will get in touch and I can throw it all back in her face, but I know this is not helping me to move forward and that letting go of my resentment will help me to heal quicker.

I'm trying to view our relationship as a journey, appreciate the amazing experiences I've had along the way, but to accept that it's now come to an end.

I recognise that a big part of my suffering stems from the fact that I've become needy and I feel like she owes me more than this after I've invested so much into our relationship, pinned my hopes on our future. But this way of thinking is exactly why our girlfriends leave us. Perhaps it would all feel different if I'd perceived her as an addition to my life rather than the centre of it...in fact, I doubt this would've even happened.

Even if my ex came back into my life now and I agreed to take her back, I'm not in the frame of mind to make it work and I think this applies to most guys here. You have to be free from attachment and ready to move on before you can handle being back with her.

Anyway, these are just some musings, just to get some of the thoughts off my mind. I definitely feel like I'm making progress getting over her and hoping it'll continue to get easier as the days pass.

 

[Jariel]

She texts me almost immediately asking flirtingly if I want her to miss me. I don't respond. A few hours later, she sends another text. I respond and it turns into a conversation where I reiterate my desire to be with her (such an AFC move). She restates her desire to be friends, which tore me apart on the phone.

I've since gone NC again. I can't believe I let her mess up NC the first time by responding to her texts. I'll be stronger from now on.

I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through. I've been there before and I can tell you, there's nothing worse than becoming her friend right now and you're doing good to turn it down.

What she really wants is a safety net, someone she can string along to feed her ego, turn to for comfort when her dating life isn't working out and gradually ease her back into the single life...or into the arms of another man. Once that happens, she will swat you to the side and you'll feel like such a sucker.

Worse still, being her friend means you get to hear about the new guys she's into or dating, which is painful and doesn't let you heal.

My advice would be to delete her number and ignore any contact she makes. Not even short responses, just ignore them completely. This is very empowering and will help you to move on quicker and regain some dignity in both yours and her eyes. And once she sees you moving on, enjoying your life, she will start to realise what she gave up.

Be strong mate!