The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MaddXMan]

I've internalized that NC is about healing yourself first, and not getting someone back. Besides I've never gotten anyone back before, never tried that I remember, so if contacted I wouldn't know what to do anyway. Tonight after a week of nc I get a text from her "you doing ok?"

Didn't feel happy about it and didn't respond. Don't know what to say anyway. I liked her a lot and think if I respond and get my hopes up I would just be hurt again fresh.

Is like to respond eventually but don't know what to say. Maybe just "yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?" Or is even that a bad idea?

 

[Tissot]

So, breaking news! the b*/+h has got herself a new beau, according to my sister who is still friends with her on Facebook...and my best friend also checked her page and checked this so called 'new bf' and apparently he's young, worked at toy shop, and went to University of Pokemon...whatever that means; and they have been together since 2 weeks after she and I broke up!

I already suspected this and I'm not stupid if she thought I was and hide her relationship with the new guy so she 'wouldn't hurt my feelings' well guess what! It did!...been together with this girl for 4 years and she treated me like this and insulted me and went out with another guy behind my back and not being honest about why she broke up! No more bar of mercy for you kid!

Most of my friends and my family told me; wow! she's very childish and not considering your feelings at all and she has been very conniving! My mother said; just move on now, you're dealing with this in the right way and you're very mature, she's using the new guy as a rebound and burying all her feelings inside because she doesn't want to deal with it right now but somewhere down the road the pain will emerges and she will get hurt while you will be completely healed and won't care about her at all...

Sucky news; Yes...Am I angry: Yes, but not to a point that I have to do something horrible! Is she worth coming back to: HEL F*&*ing NO, will she be my friend: HELL F*&^ing NO!! The last message I sent her was apology about the break up on the 29th which marks our 60 days of break up and no more contact after this! I'm actually getting to know a friend that I haven't seen for a long time and she seems to give me a good signal that she may be into me so we'll see how we go...

It's been tough but I'm healing after this news, strangely it kinda gave me the closure I needed and I don't know this girl anymore and I don't wish to know someone who could/would do something like that to someone she claims to be her bestfriend; but hey, it's life and there's no point moping about it...moving on along!

 

[dreww]

It's been 5 days since the breakup and 3 days since no contact. I found that I was constantly checking her Facebook and twitter for any indication of anything I guess. She still keeps all her profile pictures up with me in them and has not deleted any photos. So yesterday I delete my twitter so I stop looking at her page. But then last night, one of my friends sends me a screenshot of something she retweeted...it said "when the wrong people leave your life, the right things start happening" this absolutely infuriated me. After almost 2 years and her breaking up with me because she wanted freedom now that she's in college, I didn't think that she would be so immature about it. We ended things on good terms and everyone knew her as a very mature and level headed girl. I think this is just how she's handling the whole break up because if I was such a "wrong person" she would want no memories with me and therefore taking the Facebook photos off. I mean she has all her photos on her computer so what does it matter if she deletes them off Facebook. She's trying to get a response from me by playing games and it almost works. Whenever I think about her I just say to myself "when the wrong people leave your life, the right things start happening". Now instead of wanting to get back with her, I want revenge!!

 

[MaddXMan]

I've internalized that NC is about healing yourself first, and not getting someone back. Besides I've never gotten anyone back before, never tried that I remember, so if contacted I wouldn't know what to do anyway. Tonight after a week of nc I get a text from her "you doing ok?"

Didn't feel happy about it and didn't respond. Don't know what to say anyway. I liked her a lot and think if I respond and get my hopes up I would just be hurt again fresh.

Is like to respond eventually but don't know what to say. Maybe just "yeah I'm fine, why do you ask?" Or is even that a bad idea?

So after 24 hours I responded back: Aw you care, that's sweet

And left it at that. Back to nc. My focus is on new plates.

 

[itdude]

It's been 5 days since the breakup and 3 days since no contact. I found that I was constantly checking her Facebook and twitter for any indication of anything I guess. She still keeps all her profile pictures up with me in them and has not deleted any photos. So yesterday I delete my twitter so I stop looking at her page. But then last night, one of my friends sends me a screenshot of something she retweeted...it said "when the wrong people leave your life, the right things start happening" this absolutely infuriated me. After almost 2 years and her breaking up with me because she wanted freedom now that she's in college, I didn't think that she would be so immature about it. We ended things on good terms and everyone knew her as a very mature and level headed girl. I think this is just how she's handling the whole break up because if I was such a "wrong person" she would want no memories with me and therefore taking the Facebook photos off. I mean she has all her photos on her computer so what does it matter if she deletes them off Facebook. She's trying to get a response from me by playing games and it almost works. Whenever I think about her I just say to myself "when the wrong people leave your life, the right things start happening". Now instead of wanting to get back with her, I want revenge!!

we are here for you buddy. I thought you wouldn't last half a day with NC. And here you are on day 3. whenever you get angry/sad come here and let it out.

Also, tell your buddies to not send you updates of her social media as that means contact.

 

[Wilko13]

Three weeks NC from an 8 month relationship. She said she needed space so I gave it to her, a day later I asked why she needed space and we talked. Eventualy we decided to break up, personally I wasn't prepared to put up with any more of her crap and didn't want to go through the phase of constantly worrying'oh god is this going to end?'. I wasn't quite sure why she ended it so abuptly and LJBF'd me, I told her I couldn't give her an answer on that as it's not been long since we broke up, I also wasn't needy about the breakup because I know how that comes across. So, I hacked her facebook to find some answers. Things I found out:

1. She accepted one of her ex's friend requests on facebook half way through our relationship and hid it from her timeline. (Must be more vigilant in the future).

2. She has been trying to get multiple guys out on nights out, even on the day before our breakup.

3. A week after breakup she slept over a guys house who's been a long friend of hers, puts a picture of her up on facebook in his bed the morning after and she doesn't bother removing herself from it, a week later he gets a gf.

4. At week three she managed to shag one of the most sleazy ****ers in the area after a night out, Which didn't take much effort on his part at all.

5. She has recently been searching for one of her ex's on facebook, including myself.

I know I really shouldn't have hacked her FB as it didn't do me any good on the inside. So, after finding all this out I have deleted her from FB and my phone along with her family members and won't be spying her FB account anymore. I've seen enough evidence of what kind of girl she is despite what she has said to me, because at the end of the day actions do speak louder than words. Was tempted at one point to slut shame her by posting the degrading convo she was having with the #4 guy up there as her cover photo, but thought it probably won't do either of us any good, if she wants to suck every guys **** in a 5 mile radius, let her, I'm working on myself from here on in. Which by the way I might add I got a number 2 weeks ago and am starting to spin plates. Just suprising how quickly they turn from barely any sex gf's to slut ridden *****s within the space of days!

 

[itdude]

weeks of no contact and she sent me a text today saying: Are you still not wanting to talk to me?

a) I haven't replied

b) Doubts are creeping in that this not replying is maybe childish?

c) If I don't reply don't I look like I'm still hurting or angry?

I know what you all will reply: why do you care? I just want to do the right thing here.

any advice?

 

[KingM]

Hi guys,
very long time since last time I was on here.

I no longer mis my ex. Sometimes I think about her. But I don't want her back. She is/was a total psycho. I almost gave up my whole future for her.

At this moment I am very happy with myself. Doing the education she didn't wanted me to do, and I love it! I am a 2.0 version of myself, stronger, better, smarter then ever!

For all the guys who are still in the missingtheex zone. Get your sh*t together, go do nice stuff, go to a party, buy new clothes, just built a new and improved version of yourself. And let everybody know how good you are without such a total waste of time like that stupid ex of yours. She is gone and she will be gone forever. Go do the things she didn't want you to do. Then you will see what a total b*tch she was for not letting you do those things.

Move on guys, there is always a better girl somewhere.

 

[dreww]

Itdude: I believe it is only appropriate to talk to your ex once you are completely, COMPLETELY over her in a relationship type of way. I always was thinking that in the event my ex contacts me that it may be childish or just show that I'm still bitter about the breakup. You just have to do what you feel because all situations are different and no one on these forums are going to be able to tell you exactly what to do. You said in one of your earlier posts that you and your ex girl got together a couple times, but always ended up splitting again. There are just some cracks you can't fill. Decide whether to respond or not and post what you eventually did. My opinion, as with probably everyone else's on here would be to ignore her and don't take her feeling into consideration if you don't even care about her. Again, that's easier said than done

 

[dreww]

day 5:
it's been slowly getting better. I unfollwed on twitter and had a friend change my Facebook password after seeing that this new guy "gives her goosebumps <3". I was so upset when I saw that and almost acted on it. I am sure glad I didn't. I saw her this morning at the on campus gym and it was kind of awkward. We acknowledged each other presence with a kind of half smile. She looked absolutely terrible and that made me feel so good haha. Again we crossed paths as she was leaving the gym but I wa in the middle of a workout so I paid no attention. Also, walking from the gym to class I saw this new guy she's been with and all I could do is laugh and my friend said he looked like he had Down syndrome. So whenever I think of my ex I think of her (swimsuit model) and this guy who is below me in every way. I showed a picture of the guy to one of my friends and he said I don't know if I should feel bad for you or her or that guy because he's just a rebound. So that's what has been getting me through these past couple days. Just knowing that I am 10x better than this new guy will ever be and she is going to realize that soon.


As far as my own life, I've been keeping busy and hanging out with friends. I feel free to do as I want, and that can sometime lead to my boredom. I have become obsessed with working out and fitness, but that can only take up so much of your day. When you are dead tired at night from running sprints at 7 am and lifting weights at 7pm, you can't think of your ex and that's been helping me so much.


I want to meet new girls but I am a very shy person unless you get to know me. I was at the pool today and it seemed like these two beautiful girls were looking at me from time to time. When it would get too hot, I would jump in the pool and soon after they would get in the pool, but we never talked . I regret not talking to them and atleast getting their names and introducing myself. I am not looking for a hookup or any relationships right now because I must learn to love myself and heal within before I can love someone else. I am not the type of guy to screw girls over so right now I am just looking to meet new girls but be nothing more than friends.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 10:

I am not checking my phone in the mornings in hope of a message from her, u am still looking down her street though, and for some reason still hoping to hit into her.

I will just be honest with you guys, I fell like I would take her back in an instance, but I know it would be wrong, why I am keeping this Nc and hopefully I will get over her within 60-90 days, so that she is completely out of my system.

I guess the desperation is just a De-Tox, imagine, we would have sex and see each other almost everyday, and then, all of the sudden, she ignores me and we are not seeing each other anymore. From one day to another, your everyday life just turns upside down!

 

[itdude]

I managed to not reply and it was a good decision. or rather the right decision. I moved on and hit the gym hard this week. feeling better and looking in shape now as well. she texted me again today with a long text. Playing the victim as always. I haven't replied. She texted again just now saying how she misses me and thinks of me and what I am doing. I cant even think of getting back together as I have moved on. albeit very slowly and painfully I don't see myself with this girl any longer. still reading this board vigorously to improve myself. For me... no one else!

 

[instantnoodles]

Don't worry guys. One day you will find someone who loves you and cares about you so much, you'll never remember the bad things of your past.

 

[Machtwo]

Don't worry guys. One day you will find someone who loves you and cares about you so much, you'll never remember the bad things of your past.

Hope you're right & I hope it's soon!! :yes:

 

[henrea4]

Well, I wasn't going to say anything about this, but I figured you guys have been so open and honest about your behaviors/feelings, and I feel as if I can share anything with you.

After I broke NC, I went...excuse the expression....full r#tard. I reverted back to everything that wasn't working. She told me she needed to sleep because she was working the overnight shift at her job and I kept messaging her all day. I don't know what the hell got into me. I guess I had all that stuff I wanted to say to her over these past two months and figured I might as well get it out. She texts me back, "Please stop. You keep waking me up." Immediately following that, she changes her phone number. No lie.

Well, not content with that, I start sending messages to her Facebook page. She then asks me to please leave her alone. Like...forever. I try to guilt her into reconsidering...she's having none of it. She says she's "let it all go". That made me feel absolutely terrible. I told her that I probably wouldn't be strong enough to never text her again and that if she really wished for me to leave her alone forever then she needed to block me. A few hours later, she does just that. Now I am completely cut off from my ex, and I feel even worse than I did the day she first told me she didn't love me anymore. In a way, it's good that the door is completely closed, as I now have no means to continue contacting her. I'm forced to get over this now. No choice. Yes, I'm pathetic and weak....complete beta, etc. I know this. At least now there isn't anything else to wonder about. I know for certain that she is never coming back. 6 months is a long time for nothing to have changed in her mind. These past few days have been excruciating for me, but I brought it on myself. I keep asking God why this had to happen to me? How can she just turn her back on someone she spent almost a decade with? Forget love, she doesn't even like me anymore.

Just venting. I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I feel completely lost and alone. I'm not a particularly good-looking guy and going to the gym doesn't seem to be doing anything (I've been going almost two months now but I am not seeing any kind of noticeable results) It took me 25 years to meet my ex wife and I'm deathly afraid I'll never meet anyone else. I go onto Plenty of Fish and it's laughable. I've messaged about 100 women at least and heard back from maybe 10 of them. And then when I do hear back, the conversations don't last long. Nobody wants me. I'll likely die alone with a broken heart.

 

[European-DJ]

^

Look out man, it sounds more and more like you will turn into some kind of a stalker, look out for that.

- how old are you by the way?

 

[henrea4]

^

Look out man, it sounds more and more like you will turn into some kind of a stalker, look out for that.

- how old are you by the way?

I already have turned into a stalker. I'm completely obsessed with her. I just can't wrap my head around this. Not how your feelings can fade for someone, but how you could just want nothing further to do with someone that you spent every day of the last 9 years with? Maybe I answered my own question. She might have just needed some space....she was smothered by me. I guess me trying to force my way back into her life wasn't helping anything. I truly am my own worst enemy. I have been scouring the internet for info on coping with a break-up and what not to do....I didn't listen to any of it. I only entered this 60 day challenge because I thought she would begin to miss me if I left her alone. The truth of the matter is she was relieved that I stopped contacting her.

I'm 34. I met my ex wife when I was 25. She was my first serious relationship (I had a girlfriend in the 10th grade, but it was pretty much just a friendship. We never had sex and only saw each other at night) and my first sexual partner. What most guys experience in their teens I'm going through right now....nearly at the "half-way" point of my life. Lesson to be learned here....don't break NC, ESPECIALLY if your ex isn't initiating any form of contact. I still missed my ex when I was doing NC, but it was getting easier. Now, I'm back at square one. No, I'm even worse off than I was before. It wasn't worth it. Sometimes it's better not having all the answers....

 

[henrea4]

Everything I advised you in my PM to you, was for naught. Let's try again.



POF must be taken with a VERY large grain of salt - it is a place where WOMEN are praised and chased and admired and pedestalized.... and it is VERY tough on a Man's self-confidence and self-esteem. I recommend you stay away from it for now.

Stay strong, the light at the end of the tunnel just got brighter!

Thanks for the encouraging words again, Mauser. Talking to me is like yelling at a brick wall. I don't know why anyone even bothers. But you're right. I created the majority of this grief myself. I should have just left the issue alone....I was finally starting to feel better. I wouldn't exactly say every day was "good", but I was beginning to feel more and more like the old me. Oh well....no more counting days. It's no reason for it. I just hope, like Mach, that I can find someone else soon. The loneliness is what kills me the most. And I fear that I'll be alone for a long time.

 

[European-DJ]

I already have turned into a stalker. I'm completely obsessed with her. I just can't wrap my head around this. Not how your feelings can fade for someone, but how you could just want nothing further to do with someone that you spent every day of the last 9 years with? Maybe I answered my own question. She might have just needed some space....she was smothered by me. I guess me trying to force my way back into her life wasn't helping anything. I truly am my own worst enemy. I have been scouring the internet for info on coping with a break-up and what not to do....I didn't listen to any of it. I only entered this 60 day challenge because I thought she would begin to miss me if I left her alone. The truth of the matter is she was relieved that I stopped contacting her.

I'm 34. I met my ex wife when I was 25. She was my first serious relationship (I had a girlfriend in the 10th grade, but it was pretty much just a friendship. We never had sex and only saw each other at night) and my first sexual partner. What most guys experience in their teens I'm going through right now....nearly at the "half-way" point of my life. Lesson to be learned here....don't break NC, ESPECIALLY if your ex isn't initiating any form of contact. I still missed my ex when I was doing NC, but it was getting easier. Now, I'm back at square one. No, I'm even worse off than I was before. It wasn't worth it. Sometimes it's better not having all the answers....

In 6 months, when you return to this site, find your old posts, you are going to face palm the shvt out of yourself!

- Don't be a stalker, don't be desperate, man the fvck up!

I'm sorry to be this harsh, but sometimes that's the only way!
- get over her, put yourself out there, go to some 30+ club, restore an old car, do something.

Watch the movie swingers, that's life, it's not an unique situation, it is all about how you handle it, and turning into a stalker is not the right approach!

Good luck my friend!

 

[Jariel]

Day 4:

I have decided to join this thread. My ex and I had a very messy and hurtful break up last week. She'd been distant and evasive with me for a few weeks and I sensed something wasn't right. Then came the point where she said she needed space. I understood she had some genuine issues going on in her life, but her text was very dismissive and cold. I reacted by telling her we should forget the space and just move on.

2 days later I saw her on a dating site. I lost all my composure, put aside everything I knew about dealing with these situations and I confronted her in the most pathetic way..."how could you do this to me?" and "I'm so hurt" etc. She replied very coldly, pinning the blame on me for breaking up with her. After a few more venemous texts, she told me to never contact her again.

I thought she may have gone on the dating site (where we originally met) in retaliation, to check I'd be there or maybe for attention, but she remained there for the following 3 days and I can only assume she's looking for another guy and was just turning the blame to me to remove responsibility from her. Her distance and coldness the past weeks may indicate she was looking to move on and her request for space was possibly a way to string me along.

Not knowing the full story, her reasons or her intentions has been driving me mad. My motivation to contact her has not so much been about getting her back, but more trying to find answers and get closure.

However, I remained strong. I reflected on my mistakes for whining to her and sent her one last text telling her I think the break up is for the best (which I actually do) and I'd been thinking of calling it for a while (which I had) and then I just wished her the best and hope she meets a really nice guy who makes her happy. She replied in a polite, but disengaged way, then I deleted her number and contact details.

I have been in such turmoil and agony over this breakup, the feeling of betrayal, of being used, deceived and so on. I considered her the love of my life and so this has hit me hard.

My intention now is to go permanent no contact, to heal from the pain and start moving forward. Without contact details, I won't be making any wreckless mistakes and to be honest, I really have no temptation to get in contact.

But if I have to be honest, there is a part of me that wants to hear from her, that wants her to come crawling back, offer an explanation, tell me my worst fears were all wrong and to show she still cares about me. But even if I get all that, I know that I don't want to be in that relationship any more.

So here I go, approaching my 5th day of no contact. I'll update you on how I'm feeling in a few days...