Now I remember why I looked so much up to you when I initially came to this site, you have this way of writing, that gives me this "Aha, now I get it" felling haha..
Jariel said:
Even if my ex came back into my life now and I agreed to take her back, I'm not in the frame of mind to make it work and I think this applies to most guys here. You have to be free from attachment and ready to move on before you can handle being back with her.
- this is the main issue, we are currently craving her affection, attention and her presence, which is why we cannot take her back. Not before we are truly over her, before you have truly improved and before you have become your better self (at least as good as when you two initiated the relationship), can you even consider taking her back.
And remember, be realistic, be honest with yourself, it doesn't take 10 days to get completely over someone you've loved for a very long time.
Jariel said:
Psychological attraction is THE most important thing to a woman and if she perceives you as weak or needy in any way, she will lose respect and feelings for you in the same way we'd lose feelings for a girlfriend who let herself go and became fat and ugly.
- this is where I had my "Aha" experience once again.
Just a fast rewind two and a half years ago: I had just discovered this site, I was so full of confidence, it was as I had discovered some kind of secret society which was just pumping me with all the right information, stuff I never realized. I read a whole lot on this page, and applied everything I read every week. Within 3 months I had dated, kissed, fvcked more girls than ever in my life, and my confidence was like never before, because my attitude had changed, I actually felt like I had some kind of super powers, because I had evolved more in those two months than the last two years.
Anyway, I meet my ex, within 1 month of dating we go exclusive, we really
Clicked and here is the funny thing, she was: Always available, always writing me, always picking me up, always doing everything for me, and you know what? I had the 'perfect' girl, who gave me lots of sex, lots of love and did everything for me, and then I realized what Pook once said, perfect is boring...
I though to myself, if I could get her this attached, and be the center of this girls universe, imagine what kind of girls I could attract!
Long story short, a year in the relationship we decides to go apart, I honestly didn't care because I knew I was still able to attract. I wrote her a couple of times, but she had gone completely no contact on my @ss, so after three months I randomly meet her at this club, and my feelings just go all over the place, and after some convincing I bring her home
And lay her - a couple of days later I start realizing that I missed her sweetness, so we date again.
I am still confident, but she is definatly a bigger part of my life, and I start placing higher value on her and pleasing her a lot more.
7 months later, she starting being less available, and end the thing by ignoring me, sleeping over at this guy from her classes place, and I get all broken up, but only because she ignores me and because she had sleeped with this guy.
2 months later, i send her a text for fun, with a link to some television program about exes, she reacts very emotionally to this, and we start dating AGAIN, for the 3rd time..
This time, I make her the center of my world, all of my attention, all of my thoughts, all of my emotions and all of my time is dedicated to her, I do everything she always complained I didn't do, I was the perfect text book boyfriend! She then returned to the guy from her class, cheating on me with him, and left me all alone, on our two year anniversary, after I had made the most amazing, adventurous and best two year anniversary anyone could imagine. This time I was left completely broken, sad and devastated, and now I am here, posting in the NC topic, because I made her the center or my world, because I was psychologically dependent on her.
Sorry for the long rant;
Tl;Dr
1st part of relationship; I was confident, independent, willin to walk away at any sign of disrespect, she was a nice addition to my life.
When it ended: I was over it without thinking about it, I was dominant in the relationship.
2nd part of relationship I was somewhat confident, to some degree dependent, would tolerate more and she was a significant part of my life.
When it ended: I got hurt, I was down for some time, my confidence and ego took a large hit.
3rd part of the relationship: I was dependant, she was the center of my universe, I had nothing else going on for me than her, I wanted to do everything I knew to please her.
When it ended: I felt depressed at first, very sad, just want to stay at home, lay in bed and think about her. When I wake up, and realize she isn't waking up by my side, but by his, I want to smash something.
Moral of the story; don't get dependant, don't get completely attached, be willing to walk, have your own life, and don't make her the center of neither your life nor your attention!
I am only 21, so i take this as Experience guys!