The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Day 4, morning.
Yesterday I had dinner with a cute girl from work. She has a serious boyfriend, but I liked her as a person. To be honest, she reminded me of the ex - both very good communicators, kind, tall and skinny, from the same town and with similar values. Had a nice two hour dinner with lots of talking.
Then after I got home, I LJBF's the girl I went on a date with two days ago, who was just not really right for me. As I was chatting with her I accidentally browsed to old pictures of me and the ex. Mistake.
Woke up today missing her. And loving her. Not in a bad needy way, at least I don't think so, but just, eh. Work's going to be busy. That'll be good.
Having a little bit of self esteem crisis. The ex is probably a 9 in looks, 9 in personality, and 9 in values - not perfect but pretty darn close. When we first started dating, I was probably a 7.5 in looks, 9 in status, and a 9 in personality (I had 4 plates spinning at the time). Now, I'm a 5.5 in looks (I lost 20 lbs from stress), 7 in status (I started my own business but it's young), and 6 in personality (less confident, less funny, less positive).
Sometimes I descend into a wall of worry. There are plenty of women out there - but not that many like her, especially with her values, at least I don't think. The only thing to do is to work on myself, get myself back to where I was or better yet even higher, and move on to the next one.
On the bright side, there is nowhere to go but up.
Yesterday I had dinner with a cute girl from work. She has a serious boyfriend, but I liked her as a person. To be honest, she reminded me of the ex - both very good communicators, kind, tall and skinny, from the same town and with similar values. Had a nice two hour dinner with lots of talking.
Then after I got home, I LJBF's the girl I went on a date with two days ago, who was just not really right for me. As I was chatting with her I accidentally browsed to old pictures of me and the ex. Mistake.
Woke up today missing her. And loving her. Not in a bad needy way, at least I don't think so, but just, eh. Work's going to be busy. That'll be good.
Having a little bit of self esteem crisis. The ex is probably a 9 in looks, 9 in personality, and 9 in values - not perfect but pretty darn close. When we first started dating, I was probably a 7.5 in looks, 9 in status, and a 9 in personality (I had 4 plates spinning at the time). Now, I'm a 5.5 in looks (I lost 20 lbs from stress), 7 in status (I started my own business but it's young), and 6 in personality (less confident, less funny, less positive).
Sometimes I descend into a wall of worry. There are plenty of women out there - but not that many like her, especially with her values, at least I don't think. The only thing to do is to work on myself, get myself back to where I was or better yet even higher, and move on to the next one.
On the bright side, there is nowhere to go but up.
instantnoodles
Don Juan
Affi11 said:
That's great, Affi11. Keep looking at other girls. It's been proven that if you continually look and appreciate other girls, you can drop the "love haze" you have about your ex.
A workplace is a great place to interact with people. If you work at a huge store like me, where there are many customers incoming continuously, you'll be lucky. I'm glad I do because I'm starting to notice other guys
It feels good because some of them are smoking hot Like the others have said, please tell what happened. Did she contact you and you responded or did you initiate? Details, man!Faldero456 said:
Day 21 here. Three whole weeks. I wish I could say I was happy, but with my mindset, all I'm thinking is that she didn't contact ME in 3 weeks, not the other way around. Ugh....oh well. I guess it makes it easier to maintain this when she never reaches out. I guess this is really what she always wanted. Me gone.
Faldero456
Don Juan
Henrea Et Al.
Sorry, it has taken me 2 days to calm the f uck down. Here’s the long story to get off my chest and start to find my peace again.
Take a look at my other posts here to see the full story. I’ll recap all my posts. We broke up in May/ June. I spent the next six weeks breaking all the rules from here. LJBF, we’ll get back together. I flooded her text and emails, etcetera, etcetera. Then I found this place. Almost 18 days of complete NC. No calls, no texts, no FB or anything. If she’d text I’d look at it, take it for what it was and then delete it. I was starting to get myself and my emotions under control.
On Tuesday BIG, BIG **** the fan at work and at school and some heavy issues about my son. I spent the whole day from sunrise to sunset stressing from the pressure and feeling like I was going to keel over from a stroke.
I wrote a text to send to a good friend of mine and mistakenly sent it to her. She answered and I, in my weak state, read and answered.
We were together for 7+ years. She was my best friend. When she answered I thought to myself "why not talk to your very best friend. The person who knows me better than I know myself."
She came over that night. She brought some beverages with her. She was over for about six hours. It was good to talk with her. She knows all about my work, school and my son. She did help me to work out the issues and give pointers on how to deal with it. It was really, really good to talk out my problems and see a solution with someone who knows all the details.
If she hadn’t brought the beverages, maybe we could have talked and that would be that. But she did bring some beverages. My bar is stocked all the time anyways.
After an emotionally charged night talking about problems, not about “US”, and a few drinks, well one thing led to another and we made love. Not a quick bang to blow my load. We made long passionate love. God, I’d missed that!!
Then we had a long, long talk about “US”. Ever think that you need closure at the end of a relationship? Trust me it isn’t all it is cracked up to be. We talked. We didn’t fight. We didn’t try to place blame. Openly and honestly we talked about why. I got more closure than you can shake a stick at.
At the end of the night, it was a real hug and a long kiss goodbye and wishing each other the best. Maybe our paths will cross sometime in the future.
After too little sleep and waking up to a big hang over, all the emotions came flooding back.
I am back to day 1 of No Contact. I now have to suffer all of it over again.
Stick with the NC. Breaking it fu cks you up more than you’ll want to know.
Faldero456
Sorry, it has taken me 2 days to calm the f uck down. Here’s the long story to get off my chest and start to find my peace again.
Take a look at my other posts here to see the full story. I’ll recap all my posts. We broke up in May/ June. I spent the next six weeks breaking all the rules from here. LJBF, we’ll get back together. I flooded her text and emails, etcetera, etcetera. Then I found this place. Almost 18 days of complete NC. No calls, no texts, no FB or anything. If she’d text I’d look at it, take it for what it was and then delete it. I was starting to get myself and my emotions under control.
On Tuesday BIG, BIG **** the fan at work and at school and some heavy issues about my son. I spent the whole day from sunrise to sunset stressing from the pressure and feeling like I was going to keel over from a stroke.
I wrote a text to send to a good friend of mine and mistakenly sent it to her. She answered and I, in my weak state, read and answered.
We were together for 7+ years. She was my best friend. When she answered I thought to myself "why not talk to your very best friend. The person who knows me better than I know myself."
She came over that night. She brought some beverages with her. She was over for about six hours. It was good to talk with her. She knows all about my work, school and my son. She did help me to work out the issues and give pointers on how to deal with it. It was really, really good to talk out my problems and see a solution with someone who knows all the details.
If she hadn’t brought the beverages, maybe we could have talked and that would be that. But she did bring some beverages. My bar is stocked all the time anyways.
After an emotionally charged night talking about problems, not about “US”, and a few drinks, well one thing led to another and we made love. Not a quick bang to blow my load. We made long passionate love. God, I’d missed that!!
Then we had a long, long talk about “US”. Ever think that you need closure at the end of a relationship? Trust me it isn’t all it is cracked up to be. We talked. We didn’t fight. We didn’t try to place blame. Openly and honestly we talked about why. I got more closure than you can shake a stick at.
At the end of the night, it was a real hug and a long kiss goodbye and wishing each other the best. Maybe our paths will cross sometime in the future.
After too little sleep and waking up to a big hang over, all the emotions came flooding back.
I am back to day 1 of No Contact. I now have to suffer all of it over again.
Stick with the NC. Breaking it fu cks you up more than you’ll want to know.
Faldero456
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Faldero456
Don Juan
henreahenrea4 said:
I have got to move on!
So I had a night of feeeling like a couple. Talking. Getting close. Sex.
End of the day we are still broken up. No reconciliation.
F uck budy, one last time for old times sake.
This doesn't help at all.
All it did was put me back to day 0 of healing.
Faldero456
7 weeks / 49 days for me ! I haven't really got much I can say to be honest. I have a BIG night out tomorrow which I have been REALLY looking forward to so it's kind of took my mind totally off her. It definitely get easier with time guys! Keep strong !!!!
I have a date to go out with tomorrow night so it should be exciting!! Not looking for anything serious but it'll be good to go out day 26 and still marching on!! Oh and small tip and this is not for the faint of heart *if your ex is not in rebound/had someone waiting in their wings try to imagine her/him in rebound anyway, I did and try to imagine her rebound to be the person she deserves to be (not you) someone else, because the person you imagine her with is the person you want to be; better, stronger and not jealous or insecure...
It's working for me so far to think this way and I know it may be a little strange and hurtful to start with but then it kinda make me smile that your ex happily smiling to be with someone she deserves...it's my method to letting go
day 26 and still marching on!! Oh and small tip and this is not for the faint of heart *if your ex is not in rebound/had someone waiting in their wings try to imagine her/him in rebound anyway, I did and try to imagine her rebound to be the person she deserves to be (not you) someone else, because the person you imagine her with is the person you want to be; better, stronger and not jealous or insecure...It's working for me so far to think this way and I know it may be a little strange and hurtful to start with but then it kinda make me smile that your ex happily smiling to be with someone she deserves...it's my method to letting go
Faldero456 said:
Aww man sorry to hear...don't think it as a failure, this happened to me long time ago with my first serious Girl and it wasn't pretty at all. My closure was my father's words 'one door closes but another one will open for you' I was single for 2 years then I found my now ex and we were together for 4 years, I'm not trying to win her heart but rather let go of her...because I love her too much to cause her more pain and despair; if I see myself better in the future she may or may not come back but it's not my place to decide. Focus on myself is the most important thing for me right now and to be honest I'm feeling ok
no more sleepless night and slightly less thought about her during the day.Try and have strong will and push through another phase of NC and this time commit to it and get on with your life!!
bird_is_the_word
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9 days of NC and i am really starting to feel great its been just over two weeks since we split and at the begining i would of given anything for her to text saying she made a mistake but now i dont really care. Yes i still love her but i think i always will she was my first love but if she can treat me like she did then she wasnt right for me.
I have thrown myself into exercise ive lost 21lbs in two weeks, i have got a new job, starting new classes and meeting new people. I am still not ready to date because i dont think it would be fair on the other person.
Something that has really helped me is remembering all the good things you did for that person (not the good things you did together) and know that the next women you meet will appreciate them and love you for them.
I have thrown myself into exercise ive lost 21lbs in two weeks, i have got a new job, starting new classes and meeting new people. I am still not ready to date because i dont think it would be fair on the other person.
Something that has really helped me is remembering all the good things you did for that person (not the good things you did together) and know that the next women you meet will appreciate them and love you for them.
Hey guys I'm back!
And back to day 1 it seems, had a text conversation with her today, was very pleasant...weird. She seemed genuinely excited to speak to me, also apparently her friends have said how she was talking about missing me the other night.
Although I've ****ed up, this makes me happy knowing that she's at least going through some ****. Don't feel half as bad today as other days I've ****ed up. Oh well, day 1 again anyway, and hitting the town Monday night!
And back to day 1 it seems, had a text conversation with her today, was very pleasant...weird. She seemed genuinely excited to speak to me, also apparently her friends have said how she was talking about missing me the other night.
Although I've ****ed up, this makes me happy knowing that she's at least going through some ****. Don't feel half as bad today as other days I've ****ed up. Oh well, day 1 again anyway, and hitting the town Monday night!
She invited me to her birthday party. I told her I would not come, in a polite way. (because I don't think it is smart. Could be fun, but probably would end in fighting and/or make-up sex. Not intersted in either, though I still have feelings for her) She then said "Ok. **** (a friend of mine) wanted you to come, so that's why I'm asking.", obv trying to make it sound like she didn't care. What do you guys think? Think she would have asked med if that was the case?
Well, I'm going out partying with my friends anyway. Hopefully she won't drunk dial me or anything. (though it would not surprise me)
Well, I'm going out partying with my friends anyway. Hopefully she won't drunk dial me or anything. (though it would not surprise me)
You guys aren't back together YET. Why is everyone so negative around here? She agreed to see you, you guys spent time together, you had sex, you talked. There's still something there. It may just be too soon to jump back into a relationship, but I see potential for some kind of reconciliation here. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, though. It's a lot better than my situation. My ex wife will talk to me if I text her and she'll answer if I call, but she wants nothing to do with me otherwise. Won't even sit down and have a cup of coffee with me for 30 minutes. I don't know...maybe that's better for me. If I just let go, I could probably be over her pretty quickly. I just don't know how to do it. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and also out of sight out of mind. I think my ex wife is experiencing the latter while I'm stuck on the former. I want to text or call her so badly right now it's killing me. I even googled her name like an idiot yesterday and tried to look her up on Facebook (I've blocked her luckily) All I want right now is for her to reach out....to give me some kind of indication that the 9 years we spent together meant SOMETHING, ANYTHING to her. It seems like she completely forgot about me the minute I got the "I fell out of love with you" speech.Faldero456 said:
foolyoufool
Don Juan
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Day 11 NC...I want to text or call her so bad sometimes. I miss her so much. Haven't checked her facebook or anything, but when we broke up it was so she could get into a relationship with some other guy. That really kills me. People have advised me to wait a month and contact her and take it from there...I really want to do that. I know she had feelings for me too when we broke up. We were never officially "together," just casually dating, but man I really liked her.
Im honestly shocked that she hasn't tried to contact me yet. We used to talk almost everyday. I guess that just means she misses me too. Or that she's really into her new boyfriend. Whatever, just gonna keep on keeping on. But man is it tough. Going out to a party tonight to hopefully meet some new girls. That should help me take my mind off things.
Im honestly shocked that she hasn't tried to contact me yet. We used to talk almost everyday. I guess that just means she misses me too. Or that she's really into her new boyfriend. Whatever, just gonna keep on keeping on. But man is it tough. Going out to a party tonight to hopefully meet some new girls. That should help me take my mind off things.
Faldero456
Don Juan
I broke the NC rules. All that did was get me back to a sad place.
Day 6.
Learning to laugh at myself and the situation. Life isn't that serious, even though sometimes we make it so. At the end of the day, nobody is dead, nobody is physically maimed, yes I lost a pretty girl who was great, yes I've got a lot of work to do to get back to where I was, but I'm alive, and I will do it.
Learning to laugh at myself and the situation. Life isn't that serious, even though sometimes we make it so. At the end of the day, nobody is dead, nobody is physically maimed, yes I lost a pretty girl who was great, yes I've got a lot of work to do to get back to where I was, but I'm alive, and I will do it
.Guys my mind's all over the place today. I'm so annoyed at her for doing it over text. I'm so angry that I've had to go through all this pain.
I just want her to be upset so that I can have a bit of fun with this, i wish she would chase me for a while so I can laugh at her and have the power.
Not knowing whether she's as upset as I am (or near it) is the hardest thing to cope with. Knowing how much I cared about her and how (seemingly) easily she has brushed me off is annoying and makes me feel like ****.
Not a good day today at all...
I just want her to be upset so that I can have a bit of fun with this, i wish she would chase me for a while so I can laugh at her and have the power.
Not knowing whether she's as upset as I am (or near it) is the hardest thing to cope with. Knowing how much I cared about her and how (seemingly) easily she has brushed me off is annoying and makes me feel like ****.
Not a good day today at all...
I know just how you feel, man. I was with my ex wife for 9 years, and we were two weeks away from our 8th anniversary and she tells me that she isn't in love with me anymore. This came seemingly out of the blue. Now, my ex was the type to always text me and was really lovey-dovey. That night, I didn't get a single text message from her after she went to work. Like a light switch, she just changed completely before my eyes. I guess since the secret was out she figured she could drop the act. Then, after we separated (which was only a few days later...oh and btw in that time I was also served divorce papers) the nc continued and when I tried to contact her she acted really nasty to me. A week prior I was thinking of doing something nice for her for her 40th birthday (she is 6 years older than me) and our anniversary and now I'm sitting at my parents house 4 months later, divorced, still trying to figure out where the hell my wife went. I made the mistake of cyber stalking...looking at her FB page and whatnot...she looks great. Lost a bunch of weight (she had type 2 diabetes and her doctors recently told her that if she keeps this up she can stop taking some of her medications) and is going out with friends more. Everything seems to be just going peachy for her while I'm sitting here feeling like killing myself at least 3 times a week. Yeah, it sucks ass.mike465 said:
Don't be too hard on yourself, man. We've all done it. Just brush yourself off and get back on that horse.Affi11 said:
