The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[outofleftfield1987]

Official Day 60. Feels good brahs.

Haven't heard a peep, but have had a few of her friends try and check in which I've ignored.

Upwards on onwards boys.

To the next chapter!

 

[mbgeezle]

Day 19. Complete indifference. On a course to improve my job prospects, tattoo on Monday, booking driving lessons. Life is on the up! I don't need her or even want her in my life anymore. She was a negative influence not a positive. This forum has helped me a lot. Everyone who's doing NC, stick with it! Do not buckle when you feel weak. Just write it here. As they say, time is a great healer!

 

[Losther]

Hi All,

I just got dumped due to a long distance relationship... I knew it was coming... But I am so pissed off at myself as I've come across as a completely pathetic prick and have given her the upper hand too by sending the dopey text below.. I'm not sure ill be able to turn it round with the NC for 60 days...

Here are the texts...

That if its the last thing I ever do... Ill win you over... That's how highly I think of you... ) xx

Her reply...

Aw That's sweet. I'm no good at the moment. Keep in touch. Rachel

So as you can see .. I played right into her hands by showing that I cared deeply about her and being too dammed nice...

Anyways.. I can't cry over split milk.. What's done is done.. So here's to DAY 1 of NC... Wish me luck!

And good luck to everyone else

 

[westkust]

Aw That's sweet. I'm no good at the moment. Keep in touch. Rachel

I had those kind of messages actually just before I had the plug pulled on me...was a signal the whole relation was about to collapse

weekly NC update; one week further here.
I haven't contacted her at all, neither did she contact me.
Lots of confusion still in my head though, those same questions keep floating up to the surface.
Did start with running again, which is a great way to open your mind. Recommended!

 

[corrector]

Day 84. I think.
The next is forming a real interest in someone that is also interested in you. Someone that you want to hangout with, someone you are physically attracted to, and simply someone you say 'I want to see where this can go'. Now, going out and getting laid (ons) may give you a temporary reprieve for a short time, but I don't think it's an effective way for getting over someone. For me, it just kind of leaves me feeling a bit empty after it's done. May be different per person, I don't know.

This part really sucks if you had a difficulty finding a girl that was interested in you in the first place that you are physically attracted to. With me, this "ex" was the first girl in my life where that happened but she was so riddled with baggage I had to break it off.

Now, it's like a curse trying to find someone else and I feel like I'm going to be involuntary celibate for a very long time unless I settle for a UG. Which means it will probably take years to get over this ex as it is impossible for me to find a girl I'm physically attracted to that is also interested in me when this "ex" was interested in marrying me.

What is worst is when you have other "friends" rubbing it in that you have to change this or that because you can't find another girl when the "ex" loved me for who I am unconditionally. I'm NC for 6-7 months, still have not gotten over this girl while she's probably moved on months ago, and think it's probably going to be like this for years now.

 

[Callah]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdTQqxcOkNM

 

[Neon Owl]

So...as expected she finally txts me back last night lol but no explanation for the 2 day gap funnily enough that surprised me tbh.

She starts by asking me what I've been up to and that was the first and only question she asked me in about 10 txts in total. It was just me asking her various questions about how she's doing with certain things we used to talk about...I got tired of pushing the convo forward and didn't reply to her last txt.

She's either playing things extremely low key or she genuinely just wants to know I'm still there as an option for her ego's sake. Thing is all the previous times I've been the one pushing to get together so I'm sure that's what she's expecting to happen this time. Not this time baby lol

 

[fuko2007]

So Day 7 for me. I never posted how it eneded but here goes. Last monday we argued abt how we cant do 24/7 etc and how she is much older etc...but in the end it ended up being abt her. She also made the comment abt how i should go bang some young chicks since she dsnt want to have sex on a reg basis. Well i walked out and she has only texted twice in the7 day span the last one to say her phone was getting fixed and giving me her work mobile number. Never said anything. This week has been easy except for today for some reason, its starting to eat at me.

I want to text or call but dont want to. I try hanging out with some friends but her name always pops up bc she is one of their bosses and is always at this bar they are at. Ive got some plates...or semi-plates but thats not helping much at the moment. Cant get past the what is she doing ?...where is she?...is fvcking someone? **** in my head. It sucks balls and whatever ....dont worry im not going to call or text her , or drive by her house.

 

[adam225]

We've been split almost a week now and this officially is my first NC day.

At the moment I feel gutted, but I'm sure I'll get over her eventually.

I'm in!

 

[ronjo]

I see this thread now and start kind of late.

I started 3 weeks ago nc with the girl. Right now I have a bit of dilemma though. Tomorrow i have to go to the place she works and she knows i will be there. There are 2 entrances though, if i chose the first one i will see her and the second one i wont see her. Which should i choose - the first one and pass by her and smile(i dunno what message would this send to her and how she would react - possitive/negative) or the second entrance and not see her? Probably a bit of overthinking but you know... sometimes you just cant take the right decision yourself. thanks

 

[adam225]

Right, I have hit a problem. I think the f*cking sl*t cheated on me when we were together. Any advice on how to calm myself down ? I feel like knocking her out.

 

[fuko2007]

Right, I have hit a problem. I think the f*cking sl*t cheated on me when we were together. Any advice on how to calm myself down ? I feel like knocking her out.

Man ive been there. Im there now. You think you have evidence but its not solid. Most of it is your mind though. The more you think of it the more it will eat at you. Then it starts at night. " i bet shes fvucking him now". Its no good to think like that. I just think about how its over and what she does now is her business and none of mine. Its her loss on loseing you not the other way around. Go out and have a beer with a buddy and talk about planning something this weekend fun that you havnt done in a while. It always helps. Just dont take that frame of mind of that slut etc or it will end up badly.

 

[adam225]

Thanks man, you lot are excellent... really..

 

[fuko2007]

So day 8.

Did some posting on an old thread of mine and got some good feed back. It saved me from contacting her. Just keep getting this feeling of where is she..what is she doing...is she thinking of me. It sucks ..i hope it will pass soon

 

[expos]

Then it starts at night. " i bet shes fvucking him now". Its no good to think like that.

It isn't. And it is never as glamorous as you imagine it to be. Movies, TV, and music accentuate really what is going on out there. A lot of these women and sitting in their PJ's and eating ice cream bars after break ups. They are exhausted and confused after a relationship ends, just like most guys, unless they are mental cases.

Case in point, I used to live with one of my girlfriends and we allowed one her friends who just out of a LTR live with us for a few months and split the rent. This girl was pretty good looking too, and it took her SEVERAL months before she even felt comfortable going on a date....and even then, she wasn't getting plowed by some dude.

Your imagination is running wild.

 

[nfot33]

Like the other guys are saying it DOESN'T MATTER what she's doing. I've been there too guys. Unlike what expos says the girl I was with is one of those mental cases. She left me for another dude and they are already talking about marrying each other and how much they love each other. Within a month of leaving me for him. How did I find this out? Cause I wondered what she was doing and blah blah etc. I BROKE CONTACT. Case in point is that you can assume the worst or the best and it doesn't change anything, it will only make you feel worse. Do you're best to not think about it. If she is f*cking another dude...good. Good riddance. SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR MENTAL SPACE ANYMORE

The real problem here guys is we are letting these girls validate our self worth. The fact that we are so torn up over these girls shows something. Sure it hurts to lose someone you love, it f*cking sucks to get stabbed in the back and cheated on. But if they leave US it's their loss. When we can get in the mentality that we don't NEED a girl in our lives, they can come or go and we will still be happy and ourselves...that's when it will work. Figure out what we want in life, in ourselves and in our relationships. Make ourselves better and don't ever look back.

You guys are all better off and so am I. If someone doesn't return your love then let them go. There is someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are and it won't be so much WORK. It's all easier said than done. It hurts, I know. I still hurt bad. But all we can control is ourselves. Good luck guys

 

[mbgeezle]

Like the other guys are saying it DOESN'T MATTER what she's doing. I've been there too guys. Unlike what expos says the girl I was with is one of those mental cases. She left me for another dude and they are already talking about marrying each other and how much they love each other. Within a month of leaving me for him. How did I find this out? Cause I wondered what she was doing and blah blah etc. I BROKE CONTACT. Case in point is that you can assume the worst or the best and it doesn't change anything, it will only make you feel worse. Do you're best to not think about it. If she is f*cking another dude...good. Good riddance. SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR MENTAL SPACE ANYMORE

The real problem here guys is we are letting these girls validate our self worth. The fact that we are so torn up over these girls shows something. Sure it hurts to lose someone you love, it f*cking sucks to get stabbed in the back and cheated on. But if they leave US it's their loss. When we can get in the mentality that we don't NEED a girl in our lives, they can come or go and we will still be happy and ourselves...that's when it will work. Figure out what we want in life, in ourselves and in our relationships. Make ourselves better and don't ever look back.

You guys are all better off and so am I. If someone doesn't return your love then let them go. There is someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are and it won't be so much WORK. It's all easier said than done. It hurts, I know. I still hurt bad. But all we can control is ourselves. Good luck guys

inspiring words! It's so true. I was left for someone else, whilst being in a relationship which I thought was normal. Clouded by my unconditional love for someone who didn't appreciate me and what I did for her one bit. Granted I was guilty of getting to comfortable in the relationship and did take certain things for granted, this is what happens in a LTR! I soon bucked my ideas up but she tried to say 'it was too late' therefore trying to validate her behaviour by pushing the blame on go me. Just stick with NC. She's reached out twice, once I replied and laid my cards on the table about not talking from now on, then 2 weeks later attempts contact again which I've ignored and I will never initiate again. Stick with it everyone! It's for you and you alone!

 

[adam225]

Day two for me and I'm starting to feel upset. I keep thinking maybe there's something I can say to her to make things better again. I'm also having thoughts of emailing her mom to see if she still has feelings for me.

Man this is hard. Anyone want to put me straight again ? Like I say, we were together for a long time (4-5 years). I'd just like to know that she still likes me and that NC will hit her where it hurts. When we broke up she said that she'd like to be friends with me and that she still wants to know how I'm getting on time-to-time. Is she just saying this so she can ease her self off me gradually ?

 

[fuko2007]

Day two for me and I'm starting to feel upset. I keep thinking maybe there's something I can say to her to make things better again. I'm also having thoughts of emailing her mom to see if she still has feelings for me.

Man this is hard. Anyone want to put me straight again ? Like I say, we were together for a long time (4-5 years). I'd just like to know that she still likes me and that NC will hit her where it hurts. When we broke up she said that she'd like to be friends with me and that she still wants to know how I'm getting on time-to-time. Is she just saying this so she can ease her self off me gradually ?

ok...first calm down bro. I messed up lastnight and bumped into my ex at a bar. went back to her place and low and behold back to square one . all we did was fight. Im worse now than before. Learn from me ...IT DOES NOT WORK. i learned lastnight. So hang in there....day 0 for me again.

 

[expos]

Day two for me and I'm starting to feel upset. I keep thinking maybe there's something I can say to her to make things better again.

You can't say anything to change their minds. It's your actions that will change their mind if they decide to take you back or vice versa. Go NO CONTACT now and try to heal yourself.

I'm also having thoughts of emailing her mom to see if she still has feelings for me.

Don't you dare do this. Guys do dumb sh!t like this all the time. You'll come off looking a like pathetic little boy. This won't bring her back...it will make you look like a psycho and she'll run from you even faster. DON'T DO IT.

NC will hit her where it hurts.

It should. She is trying to leave you...you shouldn't give a sh!t about her feelings. Don't let the door hit her on the way out. Don't chase her...she should chase you. You come to this board to be an ALPHA...so start learning to be alpha...always remember that you are the prize.

When we broke up she said that she'd like to be friends with me and that she still wants to know how I'm getting on time-to-time. Is she just saying this so she can ease her self off me gradually?

Yes...she's treating you like a chump...and she no longer sees you as desirable. Turn the tables on her when she asks to be friends again and laugh and say "Yeah, rrrrright!!!" and just walk away.

Look man, it's tough. I know. I've been there. I've cried, lost my appetite, listened to depressing music for months on end because - like you - I just got out of 5 years relationship but mine ended in a divorce that I initiated. Love dies hard. It sucks ass.

But here's the thing....you will look back at complete and utter embarrassment at all the dumb things you'll do to try to bring her back. Do not embarrass yourself! She'll look at you more fondly if you simply vanish and never contact her again....scarcity brings value. NO CONTACT man.