The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

toshokuro

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Hello, guys!
Here's the story.
I was in a relationship for two years, living with the girl, talking about marriage and so on. But i was feeling somewhat unhappy. Thinking about a breakup...
THen this new coworker appeared. Damn, a great chick. Everyone was crazy about her. But i was in love.
We started going out. Had a great time. I told her about my relationship, and soon i dumped my girl.
So we started dating the coworker. Amazing!!! She as well had gotten out from a terrible relationship. She was in love with him but he kept cheating. We agreed not to rush things, just having a great time together, enjoying life. But things got quite serious fast. We were somewhat living together. She told me she loved me. Soon after that ( something like 4 months passed sice we started dating) she came to me crying telling me that she needed time. She couldnt get over the past relationship. It was a blow, i thought she was going back to that guy. But she wasnt. I gave her the time felt quite bad though. Something like a month passed and she came back to me. Said she loved meme and i was the only guy who ever understood her and cared about her. And lots of other great things. We were happy again.
She is quite independent, always doing everything without help. I wanted to help her, to understand her feeling l. She was the girl to marry, really i was thinking about our children... From time to time she got quite cold to me, avoiding contact, which was driving me mad. She had 3 such moments within a two month period. After a couple days passedd, we would get together, she would tell me she loved me and didnt know why she is acting like this. That she understands how stupid she is acting, and she cannot explain it
I was always scared that i was pushing her a bit having in mind her independent character. But she enjoyde being with me.
Some days ago she another moment. We talked althat such ocurrances should not happen again. That this **** is destroying our relationship. And since she is unsure, we should end it. But on the next day we once said we love each other and kissed smiled... We continued.
Yesterday she dripped the bomb. She wanted to end the relationship and be close friends because she has all the best feeling towards me. I told her i cannot be a friend of hers. I was devastated. Tried talking her out of this. But she told me, that those moments of her are painful for her, because she doesnt want to act cold towards me and cannot explain what is wrong with her.
Thats it. U think she needs time...
But i dont want to leave her, i am scared thay if i go NC she will think she lost me forever and will not come back, since she is so independent and i cannot imaging her crawling back to me.
Ill try it thiugh.
The thing is we work together and see each other quite often at work.
Thanks for listening to me. Any comment woyld be appreciated.

Day one it is :)
 

joker79

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@Toshokuro: happened to me THREE times last year. the situation was really hot then turned to cold, lots of mixed messages. You are the rebound guy and you didn't provide enough challenge to her. This relationship is doomed and it's not worth to spend time on it now unless she starts to show clear interest and consistent behaviour. I highy doubt that this will happen quickly, if she were genuinely "in love" with you, she wouldn't risk to lose you with a psycho behaviour. Go to Rollo's blog and read the "the MEDIUM is the message" article.
 

toshokuro

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Thank you joker.

IDk, having in mind i met her parents, had a lot of plans together. And it lasted quite a while to just be the rebound. I have set a time frame until the end end of the month to wait. Then, life goes on. Last night i went to a club, had a great time, but she was my first thought in the morning :)
 

mbgeezle

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Day 15

Got a text last night again with the same 5 letters I received last time! 'how r u'. NO REPLY from me. I made my feelings perfectly clear the last time. 10 minutes later 'fair enough, hope u ok anyway'. No reply from me and I never will. That was a turning point for me, seeing the text and not even feeling slightly like I should reply to it. Stick with it everyone! It's for the best!
 

fuko2007

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PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
Ive been bad. She broke her own little NC after a few days. I got her into a harem mindset for a couple of days w/ sexting etc and honestly I was ridiculously happy. I felt like I had accomplished a lot.

Then she had a little talk with her girlfriends I guess and they (rightly, haha) warned her about my intentions so she started getting really b!tchy, manipulative text patterns, and ignoring me. Called her out on it. Could just be with a new guy of course. Anyway its back to NC but not really, because she's sitting on a few of my pending texts. I don't feel so good about it anymore as I feel like I gave away a lot of power but I still have enough to do OK. I still made it VERY clear that I would never be exclusive with her.
Hey man, sorry your going through this i hate it for you. You have given me tons of usefull advice on here. But im going to tell you the best thing is to stay NC. I got into a fight with the B*tch yesterday and its basically over. Not one word. Women like this pride themselves over control. And part of that is our reaction to what they do and say. As soon as we ingnore them they freak out and will probabially say something to guilt you into responding then its game over again. I Posted a thread about her and the advice i got was piss them off. Go NC and if you do contact just be short and throw their games back into their faces. Fight fire with fire and when its all said and done you can walk away and she will be sitting their asking herself what the heck just happend. But stay NC. If she texts you etc i would not reply back. I dont untill i get two or more back to back just to piss her off haha
 

pinkfl

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mbgeezle said:
Got a text last night again with the same 5 letters I received last time! 'how r u'. NO REPLY from me. I made my feelings perfectly clear the last time. 10 minutes later 'fair enough, hope u ok anyway'. No reply from me and I never will. That was a turning point for me, seeing the text and not even feeling slightly like I should reply to it. Stick with it everyone! It's for the best!
Well done.
Relationship is over, how you are doing is none of her business anymore.
 

pinkfl

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sandy12321 said:
How does NC work if we work in a same Team? :(
If it is at work and work related, that is the only contact you should have and it should only be during work hours. No calling or texting or emailing to discuss work after hours. You must be composed and never display emotion while speaking. Pretend they are someone you have no history with, just say what you need to say to get work done and then leave. Treat them like every other coworker.
 

jason swan

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help!

hiya room
ive been reading the stories on here as a non member
reading what other people have been threw has really been helping me,
im now a registered member and id like to tell my strory with a hope that some of you guys that heav been through a break can maybe help me.
im jason and im from london uk
a week ago i ended a 6mth relationship with a girl because she was cheating in the worst possible way,,,im struggling ALOT not to contact her,,
where can i share my story please?
many tanks in advance
jason swan
 

mbgeezle

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jason swan said:
hiya room
ive been reading the stories on here as a non member
reading what other people have been threw has really been helping me,
im now a registered member and id like to tell my strory with a hope that some of you guys that heav been through a break can maybe help me.
im jason and im from london uk
a week ago i ended a 6mth relationship with a girl because she was cheating in the worst possible way,,,im struggling ALOT not to contact her,,
where can i share my story please?
many tanks in advance
jason swan

You say she was 'cheating in the worst possible way'? Stay away and go NC. She isn't even worth one more breath if she's been cheating on you. No mm
 

Geez_lovely

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So I am back to day 1 again because I saw him last night when I was over a mutal friends house and he was outside. We were cordial, but then when I went to the store he followed me there and it was so hard to see him- all my old feelinigs came back, and I had to rush out of the store because he kept standing close to me and finding a reason to be where I was. He called me but I didnt answer so I am going to have to start all over today
 

Purefilth

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jason swan said:
hiya room
ive been reading the stories on here as a non member
reading what other people have been threw has really been helping me,
im now a registered member and id like to tell my strory with a hope that some of you guys that heav been through a break can maybe help me.
im jason and im from london uk
a week ago i ended a 6mth relationship with a girl because she was cheating in the worst possible way,,,im struggling ALOT not to contact her,,
where can i share my story please?
many tanks in advance
jason swan
post the story here buddy.
 

toshokuro

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Day four
Now she is posting on her fb wall my two favourite songs.
Rudimental - waitin all night
Duke do mont - need u

SOng she knows i love, songs i posted several times on her wall...

I keep ot cool, no likes, no comments...
 

joker79

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toshokuro said:
Day four
Now she is posting on her fb wall my two favourite songs.
Rudimental - waitin all night
Duke do mont - need u

SOng she knows i love, songs i posted several times on her wall...

I keep ot cool, no likes, no comments...
Why are you looking at her fb wall?
 

pinkfl

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toshokuro said:
Day four
Now she is posting on her fb wall my two favourite songs.
Rudimental - waitin all night
Duke do mont - need u

SOng she knows i love, songs i posted several times on her wall...

I keep ot cool, no likes, no comments...

Block on facebook. Why do you need to look at her stuff?
 

Neon Owl

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So my ex txted me after nearly 8 weeks NC telling me she's got a new number and saying she hopes I'm ok. I stupidly replied tonight and haven't heard from her all night.

But on the plus side I feel nothing about the whole situation. I think the 8 weeks has got me over the hump. I no longer care if she replies or if I ever see her again. I've got other girls on the table and I'm much more interested in what can happen with them.
 

expos

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Neon Owl said:
So my ex txted me after nearly 8 weeks NC telling me she's got a new number and saying she hopes I'm ok. I stupidly replied tonight and haven't heard from her all night.

But on the plus side I feel nothing about the whole situation. I think the 8 weeks has got me over the hump. I no longer care if she replies or if I ever see her again. I've got other girls on the table and I'm much more interested in what can happen with them.
Thatta boy. Keep up with the new women...when one flakes...scramble to get a new one. Keeping subbing them out like a basketball coach.

The ex is thinking about you and you've got the upper hand now. That's the power of no contact.
 

Neon Owl

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Cheers fellas. Feels good to not give a fvck finally...she always was childish so it doesn't surprise me she hasn't replied. Though I did wait until the next day to reply so it's possible she thought 'I'm not gonna respond straight away if he made me wait for a reply'.

I'm betting she's trying to make me want her again and she will respond either tonight or within a few days probably saying she didn't have credit or some bullsh1t. She's done that before.

It's definitely just to satisfy her ego you're right. She probably expects me to push to meet up again like I did the last couple times after the breakup but that won't be happening. If she wants to get together to bang then she'll have to say so. I've got better things to do with my time now anyway, like see other women who don't fvck me around and play head games.
 

TwoDucs

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Today is Day 60. I made it.

It wasn't easy, especially at first. Some days just sucked.

Even now, I can't say I feel much better sometimes, just...different.

It helps a lot that she hasn't tried to contact me in any way either. I didn't expect her to, so at least her behavior is now consistent with my expectations, which is a nice change.

A couple times mutual acquaintances have mentioned her, and I asked them politely but firmly never to do so again.

I still see and hear things which make me think of her but now it's more like 'huh' and little more.

I've been forever changed by my experience with her, and now view it something like a scar or a slight limp - something that I will carry with me forever as a gentle reminder not to do stupid shi!t like that again, but which doesn't affect me going forward.

Hang in there, gentlemen (and ladies).
 

RedScorpion

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Day 84. I think.

It does get better guys. The best combo for getting over someone is a combination of time, and having an interest in a new woman (or other). Both are equally significant. You need the time to realize why the relationship failed, and to have the ability to accept that it is over. To be able to put away whatever regrets and doubts you may have about your ex. This is key.

The next is forming a real interest in someone that is also interested in you. Someone that you want to hangout with, someone you are physically attracted to, and simply someone you say 'I want to see where this can go'. Now, going out and getting laid (ons) may give you a temporary reprieve for a short time, but I don't think it's an effective way for getting over someone. For me, it just kind of leaves me feeling a bit empty after it's done. May be different per person, I don't know.

NC is for you, and only you. Incidentally, it is also the best chance of changing your ex's feelings to missing you, because being in their face won't do it. They have to miss what they had with you, and enough so that they will even try and contact you about it. And not just for an ego stroke. Everything on that first page is true.

My ex hasn't tried to contact me. That's fine. She's leaving in a month's time. Life will go on, and more girls to experience. (And I'm hanging out with ex's roommate quite a bit, looking good on that front :p )
 
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