The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Anonymous3.14]

Help:/

This is my first time ever posting on a site like this. But I think it will help with getting some things of my chest and getting some advice. So here goes.
My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. It was out of left field. I didn't know anything was even wrong. I'm not gonna get into too much detail but basically she said its just what she needed to do. That it was what her "gut" was telling her to do. I took it a little harsh and was pretty upset. But I don't think I did anything too extreme. We lived together for 1.5 years and I told her she'd have to find herself a place. I did give her the option after not talking for a day or two while she was staying at a friends house that if she wanted to try to work it out I'd give it a shot. (Nothing too needy) But she made up her mind. She already signed a lease somewhere. So that was it. I didn't help her move and from that point on I've been very distant. Haven't spoken to her since except she did text me last week asking if she could get her stuff off of a hard drive that I had. I told her to go buy herself one and that we could try to workout a time when she could come by. That was it. She said great! that she would let me know when she got one. And thanks. So I do expect to hear from her sometime soon but I've been playing the busy card and if she does text me ill probably tell her I'm busy or have plans cuz I don't really want to see her. I do miss her and want her back sometimes but I don't want to be too available. What do you guys think?
Technically only 6 days nc but 16 since break up

 

[Backwardsman]

This is my first time ever posting on a site like this. But I think it will help with getting some things of my chest and getting some advice. So here goes.
My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. It was out of left field. I didn't know anything was even wrong. I'm not gonna get into too much detail but basically she said its just what she needed to do. That it was what her "gut" was telling her to do. I took it a little harsh and was pretty upset. But I don't think I did anything too extreme. We lived together for 1.5 years and I told her she'd have to find herself a place. I did give her the option after not talking for a day or two while she was staying at a friends house that if she wanted to try to work it out I'd give it a shot. (Nothing too needy) But she made up her mind. She already signed a lease somewhere. So that was it. I didn't help her move and from that point on I've been very distant. Haven't spoken to her since except she did text me last week asking if she could get her stuff off of a hard drive that I had. I told her to go buy herself one and that we could try to workout a time when she could come by. That was it. She said great! that she would let me know when she got one. And thanks. So I do expect to hear from her sometime soon but I've been playing the busy card and if she does text me ill probably tell her I'm busy or have plans cuz I don't really want to see her. I do miss her and want her back sometimes but I don't want to be too available. What do you guys think?
Technically only 6 days nc but 16 since break up

Move on buddy, go NC and keep busy - do not call, text, check her fb etc - read my above post - Going NC works for you and should only be about you, not trying to get her back - If the girl i was seeing texts me asking if we could try again i would say no - Once broken up there is no going back, no matter how much you want to - Once a door is closed, keep it closed, a million more will open - trust me

 

[Anonymous3.14]

That is really good advice and its a tough pill to swallow. She literately just text me 5 minutes ago asking if I was available tomorrow or next day to come over and copy her stuff from my hard drive. Not sure if I should answer or not. Should I let her come by one more time to be done with it so she has no other excuses to come over?

 

[Backwardsman]

That is really good advice and its a tough pill to swallow. She literately just text me 5 minutes ago asking if I was available tomorrow or next day to come over and copy her stuff from my hard drive. Not sure if I should answer or not. Should I let her come by one more time to be done with it so she has no other excuses to come over?

It is tough, i have been in your position many times before, its only now i realize that i have to be the man and take control and not chase a girl, it makes it easier on you in the long run...

The way i think of it is that its not actually the girl making you feel like this but your own thoughts...

Imagine right now that this girl is with another guy, kissing her etc and feel what happens to your body, especially your stomach area - Your thoughts did that, not the girl.

You have to learn to change your mindset, your thoughts in particular.... Your thoughts can destroy you if you let them - in one of my earlier relationships, after it ended, i used to make up all kinds of scenarios in my head, her being with someone, not loving me anymore etc - Where did this only exist?? In my head..

Learn to think positive thoughts, keep telling your self you will be happy, think of stuff you like to do, meditation music helps aswell, it quietens the mind - If you are into reading, i strongly suggest reading a book called the power of now by eckhart tolle - Did wonders for me. It teaches you how to not think of the past because that cant be changed, not think of the future because that hasnt happened yet and you have no control over it, It teaches you to be in the now

anyways, back to the harddrive, no i wouldnt let her come over - i would, if possible buy a data stick or dvd disc and put all the stuff on there and mail it her - Seeing her again will just make things worse

 

[Anonymous3.14]

I know seeing her is only going to make things worse. But she has literally like hundreds of gigs of data on the hard drive. So I kinda understand that she wants her stuff. I wish I could just put it on a flash drive and mail it but there's just too much stuff and I don't know where she moved to and I don't want to know.. Not sure what to do

 

[fuko2007]

It is tough, i have been in your position many times before, its only now i realize that i have to be the man and take control and not chase a girl, it makes it easier on you in the long run...

The way i think of it is that its not actually the girl making you feel like this but your own thoughts...

Imagine right now that this girl is with another guy, kissing her etc and feel what happens to your body, especially your stomach area - Your thoughts did that, not the girl.

You have to learn to change your mindset, your thoughts in particular.... Your thoughts can destroy you if you let them - in one of my earlier relationships, after it ended, i used to make up all kinds of scenarios in my head, her being with someone, not loving me anymore etc - Where did this only exist?? In my head..

Learn to think positive thoughts, keep telling your self you will be happy, think of stuff you like to do, meditation music helps aswell, it quietens the mind - If you are into reading, i strongly suggest reading a book called the power of now by eckhart tolle - Did wonders for me. It teaches you how to not think of the past because that cant be changed, not think of the future because that hasnt happened yet and you have no control over it, It teaches you to be in the now

anyways, back to the harddrive, no i wouldnt let her come over - i would, if possible buy a data stick or dvd disc and put all the stuff on there and mail it her - Seeing her again will just make things worse

Good advice...i second that..or say im not home leave your hard drive outside and ill get to it when i get back. Then just stick it in her mail box when your done.

 

[Anonymous3.14]

She just text me her work schedule next week and said let me know when is a good time for you..

 

[fuko2007]

Day 8.

Feelings are fadeing fast for her. I dont get as nervous anymore if i think i see her car coming towards me. I also can eat...ive eaten hot wings three nights in a row and my ass is pooing out napalm haha. But I still have a second when every now and then when she pops into my head and i have a moment of weakness so my gut starts churning. Normal though, i think im recovering much faster than many people ive come across on here. I found myself pondering the other night why she acted the way she did and why she treated me so badly. I came up with a million diffrent reasons. But i also put somethings togther and im sure she was sleeping with somebody. I cant wait to get a text and just delete it and not read it. IM ready for my power back so to speak. For everyone on here going thru the same stay strong and dont go back. It will only put you back into a nightmare. Once you have started this its for you and only you so you can get better. Goodluck guys and a have a great day.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Day 1. Solo Pretty boy!

Gotta get my car back but from apart from that no contact.

 

[Backwardsman]

Day 8.

Feelings are fadeing fast for her. I dont get as nervous anymore if i think i see her car coming towards me. I also can eat...ive eaten hot wings three nights in a row and my ass is pooing out napalm haha. But I still have a second when every now and then when she pops into my head and i have a moment of weakness so my gut starts churning. Normal though, i think im recovering much faster than many people ive come across on here. I found myself pondering the other night why she acted the way she did and why she treated me so badly. I came up with a million diffrent reasons. But i also put somethings togther and im sure she was sleeping with somebody. I cant wait to get a text and just delete it and not read it. IM ready for my power back so to speak. For everyone on here going thru the same stay strong and dont go back. It will only put you back into a nightmare. Once you have started this its for you and only you so you can get better. Goodluck guys and a have a great day.

Nice words, try not to ponder on stuff though, like i said in my posts up the page, its your thoughts, not her that make you feel down - keep smiling

 

[fuko2007]

Nice words, try not to ponder on stuff though, like i said in my posts up the page, its your thoughts, not her that make you feel down - keep smiling

Thanks man. I try not to. It just happens i guess. haha. even with other women on my mind. The case of one-itis is always a real CF. I saw so many hot girls at the beach that look better than her but for some reason i still think she is the best looking girl in the world, sounds strange i know. Ive been putting logic ahead of my pondering lately tho. It seems to work better haha.

 

[annabanna]

I am sooo Angry with you.

(Yes I'm a Chick, but the NCR applies for women too)

David...
I'm not sure what happened. We had a fight as usual and instead of compromise, you quickly got off the phone. The very next day I started the no contact rule. You called twice, I did not answer. You haven't called since then.
You really put me through a lot of fear in our ten month relationship. You know I have PTSD, but you still screamed at me at times, or just plain nagged which put me on edge. I need benzodiazepines to get by, but you insisted I stop until I wound up in the hospital. Yes, I quit successfully, but then I just had more hospitalizations and I am upset that you drug me to California after I had just been discharged. **** YOU. You think you are on top of the world because you are a structural engineer and you never fail to remind me that if I don't change you can easily find someone else. My self esteem has been lowered since you came into my life. I never had these problems with boyfriends in the past... it is only you who thinks that I am terribly screwed up and you assume that I am low class. That's all you talk about is how low class everyone is and how below you everyone else is because your family is educated. You sicken me. You got on me about how much toilet paper I use and even insisted on watching me pee so you could show me how to wipe with less paper. How degrading! You say that I am a liar and I have no honor, but you have no respect for others. I lie to keep you from going berserk. And finally, after ten months, I looked up your info on people search and found out some lies of your own. You said I have no honor, go **** yourself. You own the Condo next to me and never mentioned this... WTF? What's with the secrets? I just looked up your info to prove that you too are a liar. Thank you for telling me that I am low class and not as good as you because I am white and you are Chinese. You are obsessed with college and you look down on those who own businesses. Your parents are dead, so who do you have anything to prove too. Would it kill you to not go berserk if I order anything more than water with our meals? You make up to 15,000 dollars a project, but you still shop at the dollar store. I can't believe the tantrum you through when I ordered a soft drink at INnOut burger. You are so freaken cheap that you won't even take me to a doctor for a check up. But now that I am supporting myself and not needing your money, just your love, you don't like that either. I know you feel like the victim, like this crazy girl with all this drama came into your life and dragged you down. You can't take me on fancy trips because I'm afraid to fly. Well go on a vacation by yourself. I'm not stopping you. Don't blame me for not having your monthly vacations. If you ever stepped down off your high horse for a second and really loved me you would try to understand me better. I don't know why I am even doing this NCR because I'm not sure why I want you back. I guess I just don't know what to do now that your not here. Maybe I really just don't want to hear from you anymore. You have taken me away from my self. I no longer laugh and make friends easily. I look in the mirror and hate myself. But now, as you have seen, I have lost thirty pounds and have been working out. I have been offered a fitness modeling job. Maybe I really will move on. TaDa!

 

[( . )( . )]

You got on me about how much toilet paper I use and even insisted on watching me pee so you could show me how to wipe with less paper. How degrading

Heh I'm glad I'm not the only one who's done this. Good job Dave man

 

[fuko2007]

Day 9

Did a major backslide for abt 5 minuets yesterday. Dont get mad at me backwardsman haha. For some reason my thoughts started raceing and i get very anxious then very mad. Had to apply some logic to norm things out. But today is better just tierd. went hog hunting all night and sweated my balls off untill 1 am but i had fun. And im going back to the beach again this weekend so thats something to look foward to. I also have a dentist appt today and i fvcking HATE the dentist. Anyway,,i cant wait until i dont think abt her anymore and can go back out and see her and not give 2 ****s. But thats a good while away. Hope everyone is having a good day thus far and stay strong my friends.

 

[Backwardsman]

Day 9

Did a major backslide for abt 5 minuets yesterday. Dont get mad at me backwardsman haha. For some reason my thoughts started raceing and i get very anxious then very mad. Had to apply some logic to norm things out. But today is better just tierd. went hog hunting all night and sweated my balls off untill 1 am but i had fun. And im going back to the beach again this weekend so thats something to look foward to. I also have a dentist appt today and i fvcking HATE the dentist. Anyway,,i cant wait until i dont think abt her anymore and can go back out and see her and not give 2 ****s. But thats a good while away. Hope everyone is having a good day thus far and stay strong my friends.

Haha, i aint mad lol, you didnt contact her so its all good... Like i said earlier, its just your thoughts, when it next happens, think of something positive...

Funny thing happened to me today, i saw the girl i finished with on monday, said hi and walked passed her, didnt feel much at all, although i never loved her and was only seeing her so probs an easier scenario than yours..

Next, i see my ex girlfriend who i also work with. We split up last april and not spoke to her properly since today - She spent 30 mins talking to me about stuff we used to do etc, it was easy to speak to her without any emotions and this will happen to you in time Now, if she would have said this stuff a month after we broke up, then it would have been different lol..

So, let time heal you, it will happen - and please if you can spare some time, read the book i mentioned above, its a life changer

 

[fuko2007]

Haha, i aint mad lol, you didnt contact her so its all good... Like i said earlier, its just your thoughts, when it next happens, think of something positive...

Funny thing happened to me today, i saw the girl i finished with on monday, said hi and walked passed her, didnt feel much at all, although i never loved her and was only seeing her so probs an easier scenario than yours..

Next, i see my ex girlfriend who i also work with. We split up last april and not spoke to her properly since today - She spent 30 mins talking to me about stuff we used to do etc, it was easy to speak to her without any emotions and this will happen to you in time Now, if she would have said this stuff a month after we broke up, then it would have been different lol..

So, let time heal you, it will happen - and please if you can spare some time, read the book i mentioned above, its a life changer

thanks man ill see if i cant download it from amazon. havnt seen any posts from adam225...hope he didnt do the back slide man

 

[adam225]

Haha, nah I'm all good brother. It's day 7 for me tomorrow (I was planning to post up then). Trust me, I ain't calling her or chasing her. One of my mates yesterday was talking about how upset she was when he spoke to her about the break-up. Her biggest fear is that I'll come out of this a completely different person and my next gf will have the 'new and improved me'. Being totally honest though, I do keep telling myself there is hope for us (I guess this is natural). It is hard as well keeping NC. I keep thinking back to how b!tchy she was when we broke up and it's helping me stay in NC.

I've been studying the bible over the past week as well. It's BRILLIANT!

 

[OhDamn]

Day 3 of no contact. She texted me hi today. I proceeded to look at the text, think about her for 2 seconds, and deleted the text. Wouldn't be surprised to get another one from her sometime soon.

 

[fuko2007]

good deal adam...was starting to worry you got back with her haha. yeh the dj bible is a good tool. im starting to re-read it. and also am going to buy the book backwardsman was talking about.

 

[Backwardsman]

good deal adam...was starting to worry you got back with her haha. yeh the dj bible is a good tool. im starting to re-read it. and also am going to buy the book backwardsman was talking about.

Good man i found an online version of it, saves you buying it although i prefer to read a book and not off a screen lol - try not skip anything, read it front to back - some things might not make sense but it will if you keep with it - there is also a good section on relationships too

http://peace-school.netfirms.com/uploads/2/9/2/4/2924682/the_power_of_now.pdf