The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[natmush]

What makes you so certain he's already over it? And when I asked him a week after the break up whether he was still IN love with me he said "I don't no whether to tell you the truth or to lie to you to make things easier" I said "tell me the honest truth and he said "of course I'm still in love with you, your like family to me" and then I said "tell me honestly how long have you been feeling like this" and he said "I've thought about it a few times over the last 3 or 4 weeks" - he moved out of his parents into a lads house about 2 months ago and that's when he started realising he needed to sort his life out. He 100% doesn't agree with sleeping around, and he's told all his friends he's not looking for a relationship at all. He wouldn't come back for sex he's a genuinely nice guy which makes it so much harder. I just no he's the one, dont you just think he's confused? We've never broken up before in the 7 years so it's not like we're an on off couple he always used to tell me we were gna get married... It's so strange to get my head around

 

[ayava]

I'm in week 7 of NC and holding strong. Last week has been rough. Wanted to call/txt/email everyday. This has been the worst week by far.

 

[Repeat Offender]

Day 8 of no contact

To all,

My girlfriend of 3 years severed ties with our relationship about a month ago. We are both 32. We moved in together almost 2 years ago. She got us into a beautiful home and put everything in her name. She was deeply in love with me and showered me with everything. Our personalities are very similar and we had some great times. However, I became very stagnent in the relationship and kind of just faded away. I stopped caring and focused on all the negative things. On the outside everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Fun, successful and in love. On the inside I was unhappy and had pretty much thrown in the towel.

We had an argument one night and I was drunk and out of control. I said some pretty hurtful things to her and she made a stand and said that she could no longer live like this. The stress of finances and an emotionaly unavailible partner was more than she could take. In the begining I panicked at losing my number one fan and my best friend. I focused on my feelings and acted very selfish at the begining of the break up. After a couple of weeks I started to see things from her perspective and listen. She was very frustrated that I sat back and let it all fall apart. She of course said that she loved me but does not think we are right for each other. I told her that I respect her decision and I agreed that I was not happy either and that this was the best decision. I started NC but we both broke it within a couple of days. After a week of this she stated that it was too much and we had to stop. I agreed and went into NC for two days and then she broke it. Another three days went by and she called again to see how I was doing. At the end of that week roughly 3 weeks after the break she called me drunk and we slept together. The next night I asked her if she would meet me for dinner. She accepted and told me she was nervous about it because she didnt know what i was going to say. During the dinner I expressed to her how much she meant to me but that I no longer wanted to see her hurt. We had both been a mess and had no time to fix ourselves. She had mentioned the night before that guys had been calling and sending her messages to hangout. She also mentioned that they had been waiting in the wings and she didnt know that men did that for her. I know the validity of the mens intentions are that contact her, because i'm a freaking man and i have tried to pounce on innocent prey myself. I told her that I understand and respect that she talks to other guys. I had been on a couple of dates already and slept with one girl. I am an attractive guy and have no problem getting woman. It still wasnt the same though. I really missed her and the fact that I could bang woman at will did not have the effect I thought it would. I did not tell her that I was talking to anyone though. I dont want to hurt her in any way. I would like another shot with this woman but I understand that I need to change the way I am as far as being responsible. I told her that we need to go into NC for real. She agreed and we said goodbye. That was exactly 8 days ago. She text and sent a FB message to my mom yesterday (Day 7). I really love this girl and I know she is the one. I just want to do this right and show her through me living well and being understanding that i love her. I was guilty of being selfish and not sharing responsibility. So far I have taken care myself as well as help her finnancialy. I plan on paying half the rent until the lease is up so she wouldnt be stuck in a finnancial burden. I am trying to remove as much stress out of her life as well as the source of her pain in hopes that she will truly see that I am making these choices for myself and to reach out and help others even though they are no longer a part of my life.

SOOOOOOO. What do you think?

 

[Mr. Bond]

I'm not going to give advice on most of your post, because I'm not knowledgeable enough about breakups to steer you in one direction or another. However, there is one part of it that I can help with.

and I know she is the one. I just want to do this right and show her through me living well and being understanding that i love her.

This is completely the wrong attitude. I'm not going to comment on if this situation is salvageable or not, but this mindset WILL drive her away. It leads to playing the game with the goal of NOT LOSING instead of WINNING. You'll become a wuss. And women aren't interested in dating wusses.

DO NOT walk on eggshells because you're afraid to hurt her. DO NOT let all your actions revolve around her.

REMEMBER that you have wants, needs, etc of your own. Start acting on them. LEAD, and the female follows.

REMEMBER that there are billions of women on this planet. Stop thinking that this one is the only possible one for you. It's simply not true. If things don't work out with this one, you CAN find another one, and you WILL if you take the time to get out there and find her.

 

[ricodragos]

So after 13days i broke NC and told my ex that i know what i did wrong and im prepared to change, asked her for another chance... she said NO, told her thats not a problem, and asked her to come get her stuff asap.

She did come 1 day later and the funny part is that she caught me with a girl in bed(did not plan this, she came to soon... called me 1minute before knocking) and the look on her fvcking face was AWSOME!

She collected her things in 1minute. and gtfo as soon as possible!!!! This made me realise that the bltch was hurt by the break-up as much as i was, even if she is with another dude, that look in her eyes starring at me, almost telling me "HOW COULD YOU, I LOVE U AND I AM WRONG" was priceless...

Dont break the NC for closure, u will not get any and probably get hurt again. Always remember SHE IS ALSO IN PAIN, dont let her think for one second that u cant have another one ....

It has been 5 days, i think of her only once per day, MAXIMUM, and that is only when i go to sleep.... i know for a reason she does it too, so this, my friends ... is my closure!!

In this 5 days i met 2 new girls, fvcked 1 already, amazing in bed, madly in love with me already and is going great.

For those who didnt read my first post: i had no friends after the brakeup, no job, no money for rent....

Now i have some friends, reconnected with some family here in town, found a nice job, fooling around with some girls and my confidence and social value goes up everyday.

I feel great, and i`ll keep improving. I wont lie.... i wait for the day when my ex contacts me and ill be calm, confident and aloof and answer to her "ARE U OKAY?" question with the classic "MEH... gotta split, talk to u later."

One problem though, on 15dec is her birthday, should i wish her HB?

 

[Purefilth]

So after 13days i broke NC and told my ex that i know what i did wrong and im prepared to change, asked her for another chance... she said NO, told her thats not a problem, and asked her to come get her stuff asap.

She did come 1 day later and the funny part is that she caught me with a girl in bed(did not plan this, she came to soon... called me 1minute before knocking) and the look on her fvcking face was AWSOME!

She collected her things in 1minute. and gtfo as soon as possible!!!! This made me realise that the bltch was hurt by the break-up as much as i was, even if she is with another dude, that look in her eyes starring at me, almost telling me "HOW COULD YOU, I LOVE U AND I AM WRONG" was priceless...

Dont break the NC for closure, u will not get any and probably get hurt again. Always remember SHE IS ALSO IN PAIN, dont let her think for one second that u cant have another one ....

It has been 5 days, i think of her only once per day, MAXIMUM, and that is only when i go to sleep.... i know for a reason she does it too, so this, my friends ... is my closure!!

In this 5 days i met 2 new girls, fvcked 1 already, amazing in bed, madly in love with me already and is going great.

For those who didnt read my first post: i had no friends after the brakeup, no job, no money for rent....

Now i have some friends, reconnected with some family here in town, found a nice job, fooling around with some girls and my confidence and social value goes up everyday.

I feel great, and i`ll keep improving. I wont lie.... i wait for the day when my ex contacts me and ill be calm, confident and aloof and answer to her "ARE U OKAY?" question with the classic "MEH... gotta split, talk to u later."

One problem though, on 15dec is her birthday, should i wish her HB?

Nice

I didn't wish my ex happy birthday - because i forgot!! I dont think you should If i'm honest.
That sounds cruel but it gives off the impression you're still thinking about her. However if you choose to, leave it at that. don't reply if she responds to it, just resume the NC. Glad to see you're doing better, I remember your first post here and you've already done so well.

 

[Purefilth]

To all,

My girlfriend of 3 years severed ties with our relationship about a month ago. We are both 32. We moved in together almost 2 years ago. She got us into a beautiful home and put everything in her name. She was deeply in love with me and showered me with everything. Our personalities are very similar and we had some great times. However, I became very stagnent in the relationship and kind of just faded away. I stopped caring and focused on all the negative things. On the outside everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Fun, successful and in love. On the inside I was unhappy and had pretty much thrown in the towel.

We had an argument one night and I was drunk and out of control. I said some pretty hurtful things to her and she made a stand and said that she could no longer live like this. The stress of finances and an emotionaly unavailible partner was more than she could take. In the begining I panicked at losing my number one fan and my best friend. I focused on my feelings and acted very selfish at the begining of the break up. After a couple of weeks I started to see things from her perspective and listen. She was very frustrated that I sat back and let it all fall apart. She of course said that she loved me but does not think we are right for each other. I told her that I respect her decision and I agreed that I was not happy either and that this was the best decision. I started NC but we both broke it within a couple of days. After a week of this she stated that it was too much and we had to stop. I agreed and went into NC for two days and then she broke it. Another three days went by and she called again to see how I was doing. At the end of that week roughly 3 weeks after the break she called me drunk and we slept together. The next night I asked her if she would meet me for dinner. She accepted and told me she was nervous about it because she didnt know what i was going to say. During the dinner I expressed to her how much she meant to me but that I no longer wanted to see her hurt. We had both been a mess and had no time to fix ourselves. She had mentioned the night before that guys had been calling and sending her messages to hangout. She also mentioned that they had been waiting in the wings and she didnt know that men did that for her. I know the validity of the mens intentions are that contact her, because i'm a freaking man and i have tried to pounce on innocent prey myself. I told her that I understand and respect that she talks to other guys. I had been on a couple of dates already and slept with one girl. I am an attractive guy and have no problem getting woman. It still wasnt the same though. I really missed her and the fact that I could bang woman at will did not have the effect I thought it would. I did not tell her that I was talking to anyone though. I dont want to hurt her in any way. I would like another shot with this woman but I understand that I need to change the way I am as far as being responsible. I told her that we need to go into NC for real. She agreed and we said goodbye. That was exactly 8 days ago. She text and sent a FB message to my mom yesterday (Day 7). I really love this girl and I know she is the one. I just want to do this right and show her through me living well and being understanding that i love her. I was guilty of being selfish and not sharing responsibility. So far I have taken care myself as well as help her finnancialy. I plan on paying half the rent until the lease is up so she wouldnt be stuck in a finnancial burden. I am trying to remove as much stress out of her life as well as the source of her pain in hopes that she will truly see that I am making these choices for myself and to reach out and help others even though they are no longer a part of my life.

SOOOOOOO. What do you think?

Don't go paying her bills.:cuss:

 

[Purefilth]

What makes you so certain he's already over it? And when I asked him a week after the break up whether he was still IN love with me he said "I don't no whether to tell you the truth or to lie to you to make things easier" I said "tell me the honest truth and he said "of course I'm still in love with you, your like family to me" and then I said "tell me honestly how long have you been feeling like this" and he said "I've thought about it a few times over the last 3 or 4 weeks" - he moved out of his parents into a lads house about 2 months ago and that's when he started realising he needed to sort his life out. He 100% doesn't agree with sleeping around, and he's told all his friends he's not looking for a relationship at all. He wouldn't come back for sex he's a genuinely nice guy which makes it so much harder. I just no he's the one, dont you just think he's confused? We've never broken up before in the 7 years so it's not like we're an on off couple he always used to tell me we were gna get married... It's so strange to get my head around

bolded out a few points there
Actions, not words dear. Says he is in love with you - leaves you.
Lie to make things easier. - nuff said
you're like family to me - yeeeaaahhhh
Moved to a lads house, and seen all the fun he's missed out on for the past 7 years. He has a new found freedom that is tainted by being held in a relationship.
ALL MEN AGREE WITH SLEEPING AROUND WHEN THEYRE SINGLE.
*Newsflash* - Recently single!

Sadly, I dont think he would be leaving you out of the blue - there would be another girl in the picture somewhere (maybe someone he's seen, hasn't even spoken to maybe but he's looking)

Sorry love if it sounds harsh - just working with what experience I have here

 

[Repeat Offender]

Don't go paying her bills.:cuss:

@ Pure Filth.

The part of this revolves around the fact that we got into this huge house was because of all my kids. She bought me a car, paid for literally everything. So, she was stuck with the lease that she could hardly afford. I did help some. The thing with me and woman is I use them up without regards to anyone but me. Part of my personal healing process is to try and help others. Especially her. Because of me I put her in massive debt.

 

[Purefilth]

@ Pure Filth.

The part of this revolves around the fact that we got into this huge house was because of all my kids. She bought me a car, paid for literally everything. So, she was stuck with the lease that she could hardly afford. I did help some. The thing with me and woman is I use them up without regards to anyone but me. Part of my personal healing process is to try and help others. Especially her. Because of me I put her in massive debt.

fair enough man, I think it may be too late to get this one back though - and if you do its far too easy to slip back into old bad habits, trust me I know where youre coming from on the "use them up" bit.

 

[Repeat Offender]

fair enough man, I think it may be too late to get this one back though - and if you do its far too easy to slip back into old bad habits, trust me I know where youre coming from on the "use them up" bit.

Just curious. Why would you think its too late.

 

[Purefilth]

Just curious. Why would you think its too late.

If she blew out one night chances are it was the final straw. Younger girls are easy to get back with a few sweet words the right way, but this is a 32 year old woman - thats roughly the age when they start settling for 'nice guys' (according to some of the olders here).

You've admitted to not being nice at all - 3 years worth of it. If she does consider it, the deck is probably stacked against you.

You only started being nice after the breakup - so where does she really benifit out of a relationship here?

Single? - bills paid
With you? - hassle, stress, all the reasons you mentioned
Ill be surprised bro.

 

[Repeat Offender]

If she blew out one night chances are it was the final straw. Younger girls are easy to get back with a few sweet words the right way, but this is a 32 year old woman - thats roughly the age when they start settling for 'nice guys' (according to some of the olders here).

You've admitted to not being nice at all - 3 years worth of it. If she does consider it, the deck is probably stacked against you.

You only started being nice after the breakup - so where does she really benifit out of a relationship here?

Single? - bills paid
With you? - hassle, stress, all the reasons you mentioned
Ill be surprised bro.

Yeah me too lol. I will keep you posted. Thanks for the insight

 

[Purefilth]

No worries. best of luck

 

[Mr. Bond]

So after 13days i broke NC and told my ex that i know what i did wrong and im prepared to change, asked her for another chance... she said NO, told her thats not a problem, and asked her to come get her stuff asap.

She did come 1 day later and the funny part is that she caught me with a girl in bed(did not plan this, she came to soon... called me 1minute before knocking) and the look on her fvcking face was AWSOME!

She collected her things in 1minute. and gtfo as soon as possible!!!! This made me realise that the bltch was hurt by the break-up as much as i was, even if she is with another dude, that look in her eyes starring at me, almost telling me "HOW COULD YOU, I LOVE U AND I AM WRONG" was priceless...

Dont break the NC for closure, u will not get any and probably get hurt again. Always remember SHE IS ALSO IN PAIN, dont let her think for one second that u cant have another one ....

It has been 5 days, i think of her only once per day, MAXIMUM, and that is only when i go to sleep.... i know for a reason she does it too, so this, my friends ... is my closure!!

In this 5 days i met 2 new girls, fvcked 1 already, amazing in bed, madly in love with me already and is going great.

For those who didnt read my first post: i had no friends after the brakeup, no job, no money for rent....

Now i have some friends, reconnected with some family here in town, found a nice job, fooling around with some girls and my confidence and social value goes up everyday.

I feel great, and i`ll keep improving. I wont lie.... i wait for the day when my ex contacts me and ill be calm, confident and aloof and answer to her "ARE U OKAY?" question with the classic "MEH... gotta split, talk to u later."

One problem though, on 15dec is her birthday, should i wish her HB?

HAH! Excellent. Notice a huge change in how you sound in this post compared to your other ones? Great. Just be careful about latching on to this new girl. Continue fvcking her, obviously, but try not to get too involved.


As for me...I know what I need to do. Actually going through with it is a different thing altogether. I just moved to a new place, and going through all the stuff she gave me wasn't easy. If it reminded me of her too much, I threw it away or took it to my parents' house and left it in my childhood bedroom so I can have it back when I'm over her.

I know she's hurting...putting up statuses like "and now I'm actually worried I won't find it better than with him". Obviously I still care too much because I'm posting about it here. I got so fvcking close to looking at her facebook page too, but luckily I resisted.

I don't have a job right now, and I'm taking full time online classes. It keeps me at home, which is not good. I think I'm going to start some martial arts classes. It'll be good to get moving, get out of the house, meet some new people, and I'll feel better about myself.

I think it's about time to start going through the girls that I could easily bang, too. Getting my d!ck in someone else should speed up the recovery.

 

[ricodragos]

Yea, banging other chick helps a bit, but u have to get that girl to be interested in you. BE A D#CK, make her fall in love with u, even if u dont want anything with her.... it`s cruel but helped me a bit.

What i can tell u for sure is that i dont like this new girl and i want her to fvck off, but i keep her for validation and great sex(always responds to booty call)...

Im still thinking of my ex, still thinking she will call ... still thinking i can show her the new me and get her back, after 5minutes i change my mind... its like im going trough an emotional carousel.

Hope this will get better, i wonder what was the turning point for u guys, what made u forget all about ur FIRST LOVE and move on with ur life. I have a strange feeling that i will never forget my first and i`ll have to live with her memory everyday.

 

[Repeat Offender]

DAY 9 NC

Today was rough. To recap:
We were a great fit. Sucessful parents, divorced, like to party together, held social gatherings all the time, enjoyed the same music. She bought me a Jagermeister machine for my birthday in September. The issue I had is this is a very sucessful strong willed girl who litterally worshiped the ground I walked on. She always told me that she loved me more than I loved her. She said that I made act like a girl and she is usually in the drivers seat with men. I think she liked the challange and the fact that I did not kiss her A$%. I do have that badboy persona but I also maintain a sucessful job and have custody of my oldest daughter. I am a good person at heart but I do believe I have narcissistic ways. Either way, due to some finnancial stress among us she was always worried and it seemed like it didnt bother me in her eyes. I was handeling the stress on the inside. For a while I felt like I lost interest and started focusing on the things that I didnt like about her and fell into a rut. No doubt, I love her deeply. I just kind of wasnt excited about the sex anymore and I feel like I lost attraction. It doesnt take a woman very long to sense this. We eventually had a drunken fight which is rare as we for the most part hardly argued. This was a 3 year relationship. She said that she wasnt sure if she wanted to continue on this path because she saw where it was going. She was right and I knew it. We met as I was going through a divorce and I knew the timing was bad, but we fell in love (her way faster than me). My ex wife who had cheated on me was now chasing after me but I had no intentions of reconciling with her. We moved in together roughly six months after becoming exclusive. This was our first mistake but I wasn in a finnancial bind at the time and I loved her. She helped me get back on my feet and before long we were in a brand new beautiful home. All was well. I still believe that I was affraid of marriage and she definitely wanted to marry me. I told her that I didnt want to get married but also that I wanted to spend my life with her. It was around this time that I started to question if she was the right one or not. She is sometimes a 6 or 7 but other times an 8. Her personallity is what really attracted me(She is a massive NFL fan). For some reason I was focused on all the nice things we had and how we were portrayed socially. I felt like sometimes that she was not pretty enough for me. Looking back, I dont think that was the real issue. I think that I had relinquished much of the household and finnancial responsibilities and became a horrible partner. Even if I had not helped with the finnances and been there emotionaly she would have been happy. But all the sudden both were missing and not too many people (including myself) are going to hang around for too long in that situation.
Break up:

We were going back and forth on the break up. She would call me, I would call her. We slept together nearly 3 weeks after the breakup and after that I initiated the NC. The reason being is that I really do love her and I think it could work. Just not in that environment we were in. I think that I went straight from marriage into a relationship with a giver and never really had to fend for myself. My story is one of a spoiled brat who always gets his way and lands in a bed of roses as soon as things look bleak. I now have the oppurtunity to get my own place for my daughter and I and take some personal responsibility. This was a major trigger for me in the relationship going bad as the joy of being a jiggilo had faded. I know I was taking advantage of her and I think I stopped in the relationship because I was not ready to get out on my own.

What I want is to have the personal freedom and satisfaction of providing for myself. Indeed, a much more attractive quality. I think that if we have that space and the stress of my finnances are no longer her burden that we could happier than ever. I really dont want to jump into a relationship with her, just want to start fresh and without nothing to gain other than partner to enjoy life with.

The thing is I'm not sure if it is the case of too little too late or, you should have known what you had when you had it. Maybe thats what I deserve from an outside perspective. I just might have stripped this woman of every last thing she had to give. She sent my mom a text after last monday after she and a girlfriend took a holiday vacation to get away from everything. She told my mom that she missed and loved them and that her and I were trying not to talk and that it was hard. She sent her a FB message as well and you could tell that she was reaching out. She really didnt want to leave me, I pretty much forced her hand. I had to send her an email on day 7 of NC in regards to plates and tags from my new car I purchased after the break up that were being mailed to our old house. It was very brief and to the point. She responded the same way within a matter of ten minutes.

Its really hard for me not to reach out. This is not some stupid little girl, she is a very intelligent woman with a lot of independance. I know she has been a wreck and drinking too much and not really doing well with the break up. She did mention that other guys were interested in her and that she had been talking to them. But honestly I have used this tactic too. I know it is still too fresh and she is an emotional wreck to have any significant meaning. Even if it is just sex with someone to make her feel wanted, I totaly understand that. Hell, I have already done it and it had limited healing power at best.

I know what kind of forum this is and I know the answer to my coming question. I also know that my story and the people involved are not unique. I just really want to know what to do to make it right with her. I know space and time is the best cure for these things. She is a great person and so am I. We formed a bond on a level that I have never recieved from another person. I truly beleive that the root of our relationship problems were due in large part of my immaturity and her being my door mat.

I know there are too many out there to be pining over one like a girl. I just came back from a date with a girl I met out last week. She is just as sucessful and even a little better looking than my ex, but........... That connection that we had immediately is not present.

I need some true advice as to handle this issue. Give me something good. This girl doesnt hate me and still thinks the world of me. I think she is scared and for good reason that she will get hurt again. Given the situation of us no longer living together and having our own responsibilities, I personnaly think that the next time around would be very satisfying for both parties. I dont know..........................................................................

 

[Purefilth]

might be a good idea to post that^^ in the mature mens section as a new thread bro you'll get a lot more responses / insight.

 

[Repeat Offender]

DAY 9 NC

Today was rough. To recap:
We were a great fit. Sucessful parents, divorced, like to party together, held social gatherings all the time, enjoyed the same music. She bought me a Jagermeister machine for my birthday in September. The issue I have is this is a very sucessful strong willed womam who litterally worshiped the ground I walked on. She always told me that she loved me more than I loved her. She said that I made her act like a girl and she is usually in the drivers seat with men. I think she liked the challenge and the fact that I did not kiss her A$%. I do have that bad boy persona but I also maintain a successful job and have custody of my oldest daughter. I am a good person at heart but I do believe I have narcissistic ways. Either way, due to some finnancial stress among us she was always worried and it seemed like it didnt bother me in her eyes. I was handeling the stress on the inside. For a while I felt like I lost interest and started focusing on the things that I didnt like about her and fell into a rut. No doubt, I love her deeply. I just kind of wasnt excited about the sex anymore and I feel like I lost attraction. It doesnt take a woman very long to sense this. We eventually had a drunken fight which is rare as we for the most part hardly argued. This was a 3 year relationship. She said that she wasnt sure if she wanted to continue on this path because she saw where it was going. She was right and I knew it. We met as I was going through a divorce and I knew the timing was bad, but we fell in love (her way faster than me). My ex wife who had cheated on me was now chasing after me but I had no intentions of reconciling with her. We moved in together roughly six months after becoming exclusive. This was our first mistake but I was in a financial bind at the time and I loved her. She helped me get back on my feet and before long we were in a brand new beautiful home. All was well. I still believe that I was affraid of marriage and she definitely wanted to marry me. I told her that I didnt want to get married but also that I wanted to spend my life with her. It was around this time that I started to question if she was the right one or not. She is sometimes a 6 or 7 but other times an 8. Her personality is what really attracted me(She is a massive NFL fan). For some reason I was focused on all the nice things we had and how we were portrayed socially. I felt like sometimes that she was not pretty enough for me. Looking back, I dont think that was the real issue. I think that I had relinquished much of the household and financial responsibilities and became a horrible partner. Even if I had not helped with the finances and been there emotionally she would have been happy. But all the sudden both were missing and not too many people (including myself) are going to hang around for too long in that situation.
Break up:

We were going back and forth on the break up. She would call me, I would call her. We slept together nearly 3 weeks after the breakup and after that I initiated the NC. The reason being is that I really do love her and I think it could work. Just not in that environment we were in. I think that I went straight from marriage into a relationship with a giver and never really had to fend for myself. My story is one of a spoiled brat who always gets his way and lands in a bed of roses as soon as things look bleak. I now have the opportunity to get my own place for my daughter and I and take some personal responsibility. This was a major trigger for me in the relationship going bad as the joy of being a jiggilo had faded. I know I was taking advantage of her and I think I stopped in the relationship because I was not ready to get out on my own.

What I want is to have the personal freedom and satisfaction of providing for myself. Indeed, a much more attractive quality. I think that if we have that space and the stress of my finances are no longer her burden that we could happier than ever. I really dont want to jump into a relationship with her, just want to start fresh and without nothing to gain other than partner to enjoy life with.

The thing is I'm not sure if it is the case of too little too late or, you should have known what you had when you had it. Maybe thats what I deserve from an outside perspective. I just might have stripped this woman of every last thing she had to give. She sent my mom a text after last monday after she and a girlfriend took a holiday vacation to get away from everything. She told my mom that she missed and loved them and that she and I were trying not to talk and that it was hard. She sent her a FB message as well and you could tell that she was reaching out. She really didnt want to leave me, I pretty much forced her hand. I had to send her an email on day 7 of NC in regards to plates and tags for my new car I purchased after the break up that were being mailed to our old house. It was very brief and to the point. She responded the same way within a matter of ten minutes.

Its really hard for me not to reach out. This is not some stupid little girl, she is a very intelligent woman with a lot of independence. I know she has been a wreck and drinking too much and not really doing well with the break up. She did mention that other guys were interested in her and that she had been talking to them. But honestly I have used this tactic too. I know it is still too fresh and she is an emotional wreck for it to have any significant meaning. Even if it is just sex with someone to make her feel wanted, I totally understand that. Hell, I have already done it and it had limited healing power at best.

I know what kind of forum this is and I know the answer to my coming question. I also know that my story and the people involved are not unique. I just really want to know what to do to make it right with her. I know space and time is the best cure for these things. She is a great person and so am I. We formed a bond on a level that I have never received from another person. I truly believe that the root of our relationship problems were due in large part of my immaturity and her being my door mat.

I know there are too many out there to be pining over one like a girl. I just came back from a date with a girl I met out last week. She is just as successful and even a little better looking than my ex, but........... That connection that we had immediately is not present.

I need some true advice as to handle this issue. Give me something good. This girl doesn’t hate me and still thinks the world of me. I think she is scared and for good reason that she will get hurt again. Given the situation of us no longer living together and having our own responsibilities, I personally think that the next time around would be very satisfying for both parties. I don’t know..........................................................................

 

[Mr. Bond]

Obviously you still have a long way to go in accepting this situation and moving on. Good luck, and invest time in yourself...gym, hobbies, playing sports, etc.


As for me, I considered contacting my ex, although I was only slightly tempted to do it. During our last conversation, I told her I only wanted to hang out, not talk....and if she wanted to hang out, I told her to contact me and I will decide what I want to do. She had up a status today saying how lonely she was and if anyone wanted to hang out sometime. I wanted to give her a no-fluff call where I invite her over to my place.

But I know better. If I don't stick to my word, I am a chump. Either she comes back, gets down on her knees, and fvcking begs for my d*ck, or I stay gone.

Almost looked at her facebook page, too.

Good news is that I had fun with week 3 of boot camp last night. Talked with every hot woman I could find, got myself some nice new clothes, and saw the new bond movie. I'm starting to feel better about myself...and remember that I am too good for my ex.