The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[ricodragos]

Day5 #1127

Update:
- Im doing kinda well, been true to my feelings, didnt ignore them, waiting for acceptance to kcik in..
- She didint collect her rest of the items, probly this weekend she will... dunno what should i say then ... i was thinking something like: "im prepered for a true relationship with you, i miss u and i want another chance, think about it and let me now". Not begging or something, just to finish it in the right terms.. or that-ll hurt me?


What u guys say to this?

 

[Whisk91]

Update:
- Im doing kinda well, been true to my feelings, didnt ignore them, waiting for acceptance to kcik in..
- She didint collect her rest of the items, probly this weekend she will... dunno what should i say then ... i was thinking something like: "im prepered for a true relationship with you, i miss u and i want another chance, think about it and let me now". Not begging or something, just to finish it in the right terms.. or that-ll hurt me?


What u guys say to this?

i'm probably not the greatest man in the world to give advice on this kind of stuff because i'm going through the same thing but it's really all about what you want, weigh up the positives and negatives and think to yourself whether you think anything'll change if you get back togeather...you have to move forward even if you can't move on so whether she is willing to go along with you and your life is up to her but you have to think whether your ready to along with hers as well and whether you feel that you can have a true relationship with her post break-up

 

[Mr. Bond]

challenge accepted

1st post is a bit of a long one but when i saw this i was inspired and thought i'd have to give it a go because i left that my ex was leading me on quite a bit

we were together for 5 months but manage to pack in a lot of emotional drama and good times and bad times etc into the relationship.when i met her first she came down from holland to visit me in england then after a series of events moved to england for her internship but she lives in the south and i live about 100+ miles away so it would be a pricey train journey everytime i came to visit...anyways to cut an already long story one time i got drunk and ended up cheating on her with some girl she always suspected liking me (but i whilst sober find repulsive).Surprisingly she was still happy to be togeather as exclusive friends with benefits which was cool because it was easier and we still got to have sex and stuff but then 2 weeks later my ex rang me to tell me she was sleeping with someone else regularly and i was literally heartbroken...not because of that but because she had me fooled into thinking that she was fine but she was plotting her way of making me feel how she felt as soon as i told her about the drunken night with the other girl

anyways its been about 3 weeks since all of that happened and we were talking a lot via facebook, i did the whole emotional calling her and trying to win her back stuff and even received a voicemail from her telling me she was still in love with me which she told me i "needed to listen to" but when questioned on the motive behind that a few days later she just said it was a random drunk message, after this i resorted to playing it cool just trying to arrange a meet up but she kept making excuses and then telling me she would ring me but she never did so today after the 4th time this happening i just got the jist of what was happening so i messaged her on facebook telling her that i didn't want to feel like a lost puppy chasing its owner and that if she wanted to be friends that it wouldn't be possible whilst i still have feelings for her so i was doing no contact 60 days so we both have time to move on properly.

my only concern is that after the time is up that she will be in a relationship with whoever this guy was that was sleeping with her after the break up...i guess i shouldn't care and even if they did it, it only has the shelf life of now until when she moves back to holland in may...if i'm being honest with myself i sorta deserve it in a way...oh well ..i hope that through reading this forum etc and posting in this thread that i wont fail the challenge

Wow, man. Forget this girl. She's trying to hurt you on purpose. You really want that to continue? I doubt it.

At least my ex was generally respectful, even if she didn't have the guts to tell me something was wrong.

Still having trouble letting mine go...but at least boot camp is going well so far.

 

[Purefilth]

Update:
- Im doing kinda well, been true to my feelings, didnt ignore them, waiting for acceptance to kcik in..
- She didint collect her rest of the items, probly this weekend she will... dunno what should i say then ... i was thinking something like: "im prepered for a true relationship with you, i miss u and i want another chance, think about it and let me now". Not begging or something, just to finish it in the right terms.. or that-ll hurt me?


What u guys say to this?

Dont.
Allow her to collect her things and thats the end of it.

I started NC in april, Broke it in july, Fvcked her - went NC again - Healthiest thing to do is move on, and forget her. Its hard, but thats why its called the NO CONTACT CHALLENGE. Last the 60 days, get talking to some new girls, and you'll forget about this chick eventually.

If you feel the need to talk to her, come here and post. Thats what I do. It helps to get it off your chest.

i'm probably not the greatest man in the world to give advice on this kind of stuff because i'm going through the same thing but it's really all about what you want, weigh up the positives and negatives and think to yourself whether you think anything'll change if you get back togeather...you have to move forward even if you can't move on so whether she is willing to go along with you and your life is up to her but you have to think whether your ready to along with hers as well and whether you feel that you can have a true relationship with her post break-up

Use th NC time to do this^^^ and if you really want her still after 2 months of sorting your life out, and focusing soley on yourself, then maybe break the NC.

2 months bro, thats all.

Good luck

 

[ricodragos]

ok, well then **** her, no more chances i let her collect her thing, wish good luck and gtfo

Edit:
Funny story: some girl who saw me a long time ago told my roommate that she likes me and she wants me and i was like "meh", whatever....
She is 18, kind of an 8, but i still compare girls with my ex so she might be an 9, even 9.5. Been in a 5year relation with some dude, who ****ed her brains out, mind****ed her, abused her and stuff like that... so she wants something casual, to have fun, and back then when she saw me i was like the funniest and the most charming guy out there.
I dont wanna speak to her online/phone(it is not my style) and i told her to come over if she wants, plans to do it this weekend.
This is a good thing, having fun with a smart, fun girl who ****s like a pro or it is a bad thing? What do you think? I kinda wanna do it, but i also think about my girlfriend and consider this cheating myself......

 

[ricodragos]

up^

 

[Mr. Bond]

My ex keeps attempting to contact me. It's been friendly/enthusiastic/etc, and I've ignored it. She keeps sending me gchat messages, which I ignore because I'm not interested in being her emotional tampon. She has always been trying to talk to me since she broke up with me, but refuses to see me.

I'm done with the idea of wanting any sort of relationship with this girl anymore, but if I get some pvssy out of it while improve myself and find other girls, that's fine with me.

After the millionth message from her trying to ask about how i'm doing and what's going on in my life, I tell her this:

EX: (paraphrased) Oh wow your facebook updates make it sound like you're so happy! How are you doing? How's life? blah blah blah!"
ME: I don't wanna be pen pals. If you want to hang out, contact me and I will decide what I want to do. Otherwise, good luck!
EX: wow, okay
ME: Okay, see ya!

Normally I would not leave the ball in a girl's court, but what do I care about the outcome here? I really can't lose in this situation. Either I put in zero work and end up with some free pvssy, or she doesn't contact me about hanging out and I move on that much faster. I'm certainly not interested in anything from her that is not a clear action that moves toward sex.

She's already contacted me again in less than a day, and she's even warmer than before. Too bad it mentions nothing about hanging out! Ignore.

This is getting fun.

 

[Mr. Bond]

This is a good thing, having fun with a smart, fun girl who ****s like a pro or it is a bad thing? What do you think? I kinda wanna do it, but i also think about my girlfriend and consider this cheating myself......

You aren't in a relationship. She broke up with you. You do not owe your ex jack $hit. Of course it's not cheating, and you should definitely do it.

 

[ricodragos]

Yeah, but it will help with healing or make it worse? ... like have feelings of regret and ****.

 

[Mr. Bond]

Yeah, but it will help with healing or make it worse? ... like have feelings of regret and ****.

As long as you don't try and do anything more than fvck this new girl, there's no problem. It should help, and if it doesn't, it won't make **** worse. Just don't try and make this new girl your girlfriend or something. It won't help, and it sounds like she's probably crazy anyway.

 

[ricodragos]

One more thing, i`ve never given my ex any reasons to be jealous or to miss me, im in NC 8days now, she is in pain also?
She is with a guy now ... but he is like an emotional tampon ... the dude actually asked her if she wants to be his girlfriend exactly after we broke up.
I want to know from the more experienced guys out here.. what goes trough her mind right now, i got over all the negative stuff, how much does it take for her..... im kinda worry about her and i dont want to ask her, she used to tell everything to me.... instead of her own parents...

 

[ricodragos]

Day11 #1127

Its been 11 days since i last spoke with my ex. She didnt come to collect rest of her stuff... and this is bugging me. Doesnt she wants them anymore or she just waiting for me to remind her .... what do you think?

Anyway, im still in a emotional rollercoster, still in denial, cus somewhere deep inside im still waiting for her to call me to be friends... But then i remember why im doing this and those feelings fade.

Im seeing some girl this week-end, stays 2days, booty call for sure(she came with the idea), looking forward to this ... curios how i feel afterwards...

The ****ed part is that i like some girl who is friends with my ex .... i actully like her a lot... she`s a 9,5... dosnt know me, but i plan to facebook text her.... and i dunno if i should do it or not. Im thinking that she is friend with my ex and this is ****ed up in a million ways... Should i do it, regardles of how this sounds....

What do you think guys?

 

[Purefilth]

Not so sure, girls talk.
You could tell her to let your ex know that if she doesn't pick up her sh!t, you'll put it in a box in the yard.

Btw, if she doesn't know you, then how do you know you like her?

 

[ricodragos]

i like her looks, and from my ex stories she seems like a decent girl ... I WANT to get to know her.

Telling her to come pick it up isnt like breaking NC?

 

[ricodragos]

Yeah, so ... i broke nc at day 12.. Asked her to come get her stuff, she said she will ..

Then i told her that i forgot everything that happened between us and we can still be friends, she tells me that she hates me and never wants to speak to me again, and never contact her again, i just put a little "" and thats all....
I`ve done well? why is she hating me like this? Shes the one with a boyfriend, shes the one who does well.... what to think of this?.. whats in her mind

 

[dap]

Yeah, so ... i broke nc at day 12.. Asked her to come get her stuff, she said she will ..

Then i told her that i forgot everything that happened between us and we can still be friends, she tells me that she hates me and never wants to speak to me again, and never contact her again, i just put a little "" and thats all....
I`ve done well? why is she hating me like this? Shes the one with a boyfriend, shes the one who does well.... what to think of this?.. whats in her mind

Quit asking yourself "what's in her mind." Who gives a f-ck. She's not sitting around wondering about you everyday. Hit the gym, meet some girls, hang out with friends, better yourself. She is gone and not coming back.

EDIT: and no, don't text her friend even you are attracted to her. They talk to each other and it will look desperate/an attempt to get back at your ex. Meet new people. And quit trying to be friends with your ex. Maybe in two months things will normalize and something like that could work. Right now, you are still obsessing over this girl. Hanging out even as friends will just make you miserable.

 

[ricodragos]

Yea, but i dont see why a girl who IS HAPPY, WITH A "GREAT" GUY, is still pissed at me? .... is she trying to regain power over me? is this a trait for BPD, i was 3year with a bpd... now if i remember the chick was totally in love with me, made me loose all my female friends, lost my collage for her, and after that she just trow me away like garbage...

Then comes around, stays 1month, ****s me, almost tells me she loves me, only to break my heart again with some guy who take photos of him speaking at the phone, wearing sunglasses AT NIGHT!...

I just dont understand why she hates me so much .... or she only tries to take revange after kicking her out?

 

[dap]

Yea, but i dont see why a girl who IS HAPPY, WITH A "GREAT" GUY, is still pissed at me? .... is she trying to regain power over me? is this a trait for BPD

It could be a trait called "splitting" which is common in borderline PD, but again like everyone has said, it doesn't matter why, you just need to let it go.

 

[natmush]

Nc

My boyfriend (and business partner for 2 years) of 7 years (we are both 23 so were eachothers first love) he dumped me 4 weeks ago because he "wants to be alone, he doesnt think were working at the moment, he doesnt want to stay together only for pure monogomy, he needs to sort his life out, it has nothing to do with other women, "hes still in love me and sexually attracted to me, but he has to see this through", many a reason, im devastated as things were going so well up until the last few months. I no hes the guy i want to marry and i will try everything to get him back. The first week i cried, i did the usual dumped gf situation and asked him why over and over again, i didnt beg him back i just said that i didnt agree with this decision. We didnt argue over it and therefore were not angry at eachother, which i guess makes it easier? I have to see him once a month for business reasons (full days at weddings together- perfect scenario A?!) Then as of march it will need to be a lot more regularly for a few monrhs.

For the first few weeks I didnt really contact him except when i saw him for work. I did however talk to his friends, Ive now stopped talking to his friends (its been 2 weeks now) things were going well until i sent him a text about a week ago saying "hey, fancy a chat soon as havent spoken in a while, miss u" - i regretted it as soon as i sent it, anyway we ended up having a half hour chat the next day, he was telling me things hes been doing and vice versa, it was very relaxed conversation and i tried to sound upbeat, he did say "oh btw i heard u text me friend, it might be worth not doing that as i dont want him to get annoyed with u" i said "yeh i sorry i didnt really think before i text, i also wanted to say sorry for being so needy when we were together, i understand u must have felt really claustrophobic, i didnt mean to make you feel like that" to which he replied "look whats happened, happened and it was the only solution" we chatted a bit more about updates and then we said goodbye. We havent spoken since and i have therefore renewed my NC, since then its been 10 days. Hes contacted me twice about work and i have left it a day and then replied about that only.

His facebook statuses are sooo regular that hes obviously bored, things like

" "Life has been thrown into the world, light into darkness, the soul into the body. It expresses the original violence done to me in making me be where I am and what I am, the passivity of my choiceless emergence into an existing world which I did not make, and whose law is not mine." Hans Jonas Zwischen/Alvaro Deprit."

"Now is the time to shine"

" Shopping Therapy. "

"Restlessness is looming over me. Hello Insomnia, my old friend."

And many more, sometimes hes overly happy others hes not. Apparently hes now trying to sort out his career.

Do you think he will come back and just needs time? Or has he already moved on in his mind? Will no contact work? i think hes going through a quarterlife crisis

 

[Purefilth]

@ricodragos - listen to what the guys here are saying, its for your own good

@natmush - welcome, Understand that NC is for you to heal and get over this person, in time you'll see that they werent what you thought they were.

and seriously?" A GUY DOING SHOPPING THERAPY?" may well be batting for the other side :crackup:
Seriously though - Contacting about work is fine, just don't go making things up about work, or trying to find excuses to talk to him.

Honest opinion? He was ready to walk for a while, and he had already got himself in the right place mentally. Remember, the person being dumped is the only one surprised by it.

Ive had a friend who got the "we need a break" talk, and I tried to explain to him that his relationship was over, use the break time to heal and move on, because she had already. He didn't, he waited and pined for 3 weeks and sure enough, she didnt come back to him. I helped him through that and he's getting married to another girl this year(2013).

My point is that if it happens that he does come back to you (small chance) - you should figure if you really want that person in your life. You were dropped and rejected and more than likely he's coming back cos it's hard for him to get laid, and a few sweet words make you an easy option. It wont last, he will walk again.

Trust me - I have been that guy - Thats how it is. The relationship is over, move on, heal.

Peace.