The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jamesGr]

@dosquito
Thanks man, I still haven't messaged her, and she is on a hunting trip with her father so im not expecting a reply for another day atleast...

its so hard not msging her, its been my daily ritual for the past 8 months, to wake up and msg her , so hard not getting her, good morning love messages

her friends are over with her in Canada, they all think im one of the best looking guys they have ever seen from talking to me over Skype, which i found quite complimentary to say the least, when we were dating she said that if we ever broke up she didn't think she could ever handle seeing me with another girl holding hands without breaking down. she always said "i want you to be happy, but only happy with me", and i was ready to make that happen

i don't know if they are here, the girls here seem really unsure of what they want, i heard that alot of girls say im attractive but not many seem to talk to me now days, its all hey smile brightly and friendly at me and walk off meehhh lol

im still trying to keep sane after all this and it helps alot here thanks guys

 

[ricodragos]

Day1 #1127

Update:

She came and took her stuff, left some though... planing to get them tomorow.. i wont be home tomorow, i`m starting my NC.
As she left i told her that we both made mistakes, we rushed our moving togheter when we were still broken up.

I told her that this is a mistake and she should think about it before moving to another place, she told me she would(but i think she was lying).
I didnt beg or anything, i just told her i still have feelings for her and im prepeared to forget all the mistakes we made, if she did so aswell.
I think i managed the situation like a man..... a pathetic one, but it was tough doing this, and i wanted to end it in clear waters...

So, this NC thing starts, i will post as much as i can, and im waiting for replays, i really need some1 new to talk before i go out dating again...

DAY1
- i cryied like a wuss(never did this before), i let myself do it and i feel like for the first time i accepted my feelings... i feel good already, dunno if this will last, but it sure helped a lot being true to myself.
- LET THIS BE A LEASON FOR U GUYS: if u feel like crying, do it, go to a f#cking dark room and let yourself cry like a *****, be in touch with ur feelings and i promise u will feel better. I can sense how i man up, ive already set 3interviews for a new job, the only problem is that i still cant accept looking at other girls yet, i cant stand my roomate and his girlfriend... hope this will go away.

Thats it for today, i`ll post when im feeling like breaking the NC or when some of guys reply to my post.

Peace out.

 

[jamesGr]

Day 3

repost below in reply to other msg

 

[jamesGr]

Day 3

My brotha james, take a chill pill my man. I am no DJ but I do have a little wisdom for you, being 3 years older.

You're in a good position my man. You have experience with how ****ed up girls can be at a young age.

this breakup is gonna be real hard for you. That's okay. You will learn a lot and it will make all your future relatoinships better.

IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. That's okay! It don't seem okay now, but that's because it hurts, and that love is like a drug, and youre going through withdrawal.

BUT KEEP A LEVEL HEAD. You know what's going on. Don't give in...Take a few days to let the **** out. Then focus on your school work, get your life together, and I'm SURE the ladies will be lining up.

No really, I'm sure.

Those friends who are asking if you are okay?

Dude, they probably want you. They saw that you were a good boyfriend

Day 3

still no effort from her to contact me, she is on a hunting trip so that could be the reason why.

the want to communicate with her in some way is really strong. I did something shouldn't have i went through some of our old messages from 4 months ago, all i can ask myself is what the hell changed.

she wrote so many love messages, im certain she might have loved me more then i loved her at that point, she would go on and on in so much detail with how much she loved me, but yet those feelings faded, it was such a shock as she always said i was the best thing to ever happen to her and by far the best bf she has ever had. I feel like i let her down by not mentioning that i didn't like these new friends she was hanging out with, but i didn't want to intervene with her personal life.

i once messaged her late at night saying i was having trouble with our relationship, saying in tl:dr "you are away from me so much now, we don't talk much and i feel very lonely while your out having a good time and your SO is at home missing you for hours and when you get home your to tired to talk to me" she cried begged me not to leave her and said she would sort things out... she never did , it never stopped and it stayed the same way for the rest of our relationship.

was i an idiot or.... i dont know anymore, all i know is i miss her beautiful smile and hearing her voice, it meant so much to me, ive NEVER been this emotional about breaking up with a girl before, my parents have seen it, my friends have seen it. with my other ex's i was sad and in tears for maybe a day, after that i was recovering within 3 days. with this relationship though, every day feels like a struggle and long, its been nearly a week and a half and i still cry every now and then.

i almost snapped and contacted her today, its just so hard, and i cant understand how the incredibly powerful feelings she had for me just.... faded

 

[jonhaul]

When you're a knight in shining armor and you build up these damaged women emotionally they no longer have a need for you. Everything you done by being nice and there for them well they are now better and no longer need you so they dump and demote you to friend. Believe me when I say this I had an ex ex who was molested and went through some ****ed up ****. I listened to her sad stories hell they made me boohoo... When you are her boy friend psychiatrist and her emotional tampon its unfair to you! Its a bad position to be man... I was all messed up for 3 months after she dumped me and cheated on me. Hell she even wanted me back with hickies on her from another DUDE! I couldnt take her back as I couldn't trust her. I was only gone for two weeks too... She was an Army Chick too so stay away from those too... Just a BAD APPLE.

Do not let women use you for your caring qualities and emotional dumps. It only harms you when you do...

See the fact man she DONT CARE FOR YOU. Why should you care for her anymore? Just realize she dont give a crap about you. Once you know this I think you will be able to move on. My last dumper didn't give a **** as soon as I knew this it was all the closure I needed. Go for her friends who see the quality man you are! You deserve better jamesGr!

 

[jamesGr]

When you're a knight in shining armor and you build up these damaged women emotionally they no longer have a need for you. Everything you done by being nice and there for them well they are now better and no longer need you so they dump and demote you to friend. Believe me when I say this I had an ex ex who was molested and went through some ****ed up ****. I listened to her sad stories hell they made me boohoo... When you are her boy friend psychiatrist and her emotional tampon its unfair to you! Its a bad position to be man... I was all messed up for 3 months after she dumped me and cheated on me. Hell she even wanted me back with hickies on her from another DUDE! I couldnt take her back as I couldn't trust her. I was only gone for two weeks too... She was an Army Chick too so stay away from those too... Just a BAD APPLE.

Do not let women use you for your caring qualities and emotional dumps. It only harms you when you do...

See the fact man she DONT CARE FOR YOU. Why should you care for her anymore? Just realize she dont give a crap about you. Once you know this I think you will be able to move on. My last dumper didn't give a **** as soon as I knew this it was all the closure I needed. Go for her friends who see the quality man you are! You deserve better jamesGr!

im really hoping that is not the case, she always even said, you are my Knight in shining armor :/, when she msgs me, im not gonna msg back, and im gonna let her suffer for a while in confusion that i don't need her anymore, and when we are finally on talking terms again.... im gonna send her all of these things, so she can see what she gave up, and how she is gonna beat herself up for it in the future. she didn't let me down, she let herself down and she just hasn't realized yet. And most my friends are saying i deserve better.

she always said she never gave me enough attention also, shes like, oh James, you treat me so well and im not always here for you, i dont show you as much respect as you should and take you for granted....

i don't know how i didn't see it, or how her feelings of caring about me like i did with her could just fade....

 

[jonhaul]

im really hoping that is not the case, she always even said, you are my Knight in shining armor :/, when she msgs me, im not gonna msg back, and im gonna let her suffer for a while in confusion that i don't need her anymore, and when we are finally on talking terms again.... im gonna send her all of these things, so she can see what she gave up, and how she is gonna beat herself up for it in the future. she didn't let me down, she let herself down and she just hasn't realized yet. And most my friends are saying i deserve better.

she always said she never gave me enough attention also, shes like, oh James, you treat me so well and im not always here for you, i dont show you as much respect as you should and take you for granted....

i don't know how i didn't see it, or how her feelings of caring about me like i did with her could just fade....

True or not man... The one I told you about called me her knight in shining armor. When you rescue these emotionally damaged women they discard you.

I suggest not sending her this... I sent my ex ex my POF rant and upset dump on the forum about her and she resented me for that. Held it against me and hates me to this day 4 years later. I am that significant EX that she will never speak to again! Do not be friends with this woman cut her out of your life. She has excused herself from your world let her go. Go to no contact and stick with it because its only for you not for them to see and realize how great you are and they miss you and they come back. Do not take her back because all you are saying is she can come and go as she pleases. That she cam harm you emotionally that you have no self respect. However its your life and your love you ultimately make that choice.

Be strong my friend you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I even prayed to god asking if she was the right woman for me and he answered it. She dumped me thus I knew lol... (The one in the mature man forum my thread on LJBF)

 

[jamesGr]

True or not man... The one I told you about called me her knight in shining armor. When you rescue these emotionally damaged women they discard you.

I suggest not sending her this... I sent my ex ex my POF rant and upset dump on the forum about her and she resented me for that. Held it against me and hates me to this day 4 years later. I am that significant EX that she will never speak to again! Do not be friends with this woman cut her out of your life. She has excused herself from your world let her go. Go to no contact and stick with it because its only for you not for them to see and realize how great you are and they miss you and they come back. Do not take her back because all you are saying is she can come and go as she pleases. That she cam harm you emotionally that you have no self respect. However its your life and your love you ultimately make that choice.

Be strong my friend you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I even prayed to god asking if she was the right woman for me and he answered it. She dumped me thus I knew lol... (The one in the mature man forum my thread on LJBF)

well she means alot to me, and some day i feel like trying again with her in a few years, but for now im going to make this is hard as possible for her by doing the simplest thing, ignoring her, and her seeing that i have "read" her fb messages, that will tear her apart.

we have been through alot and i just dont wanna lose all the good times we had, and still will have in the process :/

 

[jonhaul]

well she means alot to me, and some day i feel like trying again with her in a few years, but for now im going to make this is hard as possible for her by doing the simplest thing, ignoring her, and her seeing that i have "read" her fb messages, that will tear her apart.

we have been through alot and i just dont wanna lose all the good times we had, and still will have in the process :/

Block her on facebook you need to heal man. This is about you now and probably in the next few years you wont want her. I wanted that ex ex of mine too those few months I was depressed. Do not get your hopes up they will come back because they usually do not. I had my heart so closely guarded that I never even let my ex girl friend of 11 months have it. Then when we broke up it wasn't a big deal... lol

You can remember those good times but its kinda obvious she don't value them as you did... Otherwise she never would have gave up on you nor ever left. She wants to be single or think theres a better dude... All this means for you is there is someone else who hasnt ****ed you over emotionally that is better for you. Remember there are more women in this world than us. No reason to go back to those who think less of you.

I give these women only one shot and that is it. Brutal but I like to keep my self respect and dignity... They do not deserve anymore of me once they say he you are a "friend" emasculating you to the lowest degree with no regard to your feelings only theirs.

Just put yourself out there when you are ready and feel better you will see tons of attractive women who haven't screwed you over.

 

[jamesGr]

Block her on facebook you need to heal man. This is about you now and probably in the next few years you wont want her. I wanted that ex ex of mine too those few months I was depressed. Do not get your hopes up they will come back because they usually do not. I had my heart so closely guarded that I never even let my ex girl friend of 11 months have it. Then when we broke up it wasn't a big deal... lol

You can remember those good times but its kinda obvious she don't value them as you did... Otherwise she never would have gave up on you nor ever left. She wants to be single or think theres a better dude... All this means for you is there is someone else who hasnt ****ed you over emotionally that is better for you. Remember there are more women in this world than us. No reason to go back to those who think less of you.

I give these women only one shot and that is it. Brutal but I like to keep my self respect and dignity... They do not deserve anymore of me once they say he you are a "friend" emasculating you to the lowest degree with no regard to your feelings only theirs.

Just put yourself out there when you are ready and feel better you will see tons of attractive women who haven't screwed you over.

problem is its a very long distance relationship, im from australia and she is from canada, so the distance was always a problem, the thing is i know she still loves me, she said if i were there she would never ever let me go. which is the reason im finding it hard to move on

i really hope i do find some one else that makes me happy and is attractive, she was GORGEOUS :/

 

[jamesGr]

day 4

ok she just messaged me, it wont come up on her fb that i have read it.

its so tempting to message her back what should i do :/

 

[ricodragos]

depends what u want i guess:
- if u want no future with her ignore her
- if u want to try again, answer, be polite, then excuse urself and go to sleep or something. from here on let her chase u.

 

[jamesGr]

depends what u want i guess:
- if u want no future with her ignore her
- if u want to try again, answer, be polite, then excuse urself and go to sleep or something. from here on let her chase u.

i dont really want a future, i have let that ship sail for now atleast.
but i still want us to be friends

 

[Mr. Bond]

I've had my ex blocked on gchat since friday. After some thinking, I decided I don't want her back as my girlfriend. I have begun my own boot camp, and I've begun to re-read the DJ bible. I checked on a post in the bible about signs your LTR is already over, and my ex did almost every one of those things. My gut told me she wasn't into me anymore, and I ignored it. I even broke up with her (like I should have). I was right to let her go. Too bad I came crawling back, AFC style.

With that in mind, I decided I didn't need to have her blocked. But was I really unblocking her because I was no longer tempted, or was I just using this as an excuse to hear from her?

I unblocked her (had no idea if she was online or what, since I don't want to see her name or her statuses in my chat list), and within 10-15 minutes she is sending messages about how she loves my status and how it's so inspirational, etc. I ignored it.

My thoughts on her have changed. I'm starting to view her the way I view my other exes...I'd bang them, and I'd be interested in hanging out and having fun with them, but I'm not interested in ever being their boyfriend again.

But hey, obviously there's still some oneitis with this girl, or I wouldn't be posting here, would I?

Time to focus on my boot camp.

 

[ricodragos]

i dont really want a future, i have let that ship sail for now atleast.
but i still want us to be friends

friends? really? im dealing with something like your problem.
Ive been friends with ex, convinced myself its ok, im fineeeee (i was fine).. then she met a guy, ceased any contact with me (still living with me) and i went berserk, crying and ****, said things, done things, throw stuff until i kicked her out and felt relieved.

Now when she comes for her stuff, gonna have a 10words convo with her and let her go.(looking for advice on this one)

Bottom line, ur fooling urself trying to be friends with her.
U think ur different? no, ur not...
U think u can do it better then me? ull not...
U still want to be friends because u made up a scenario where u woo her with ur coolness... thats dumb...
Decide what u really want.
- if u dont want her anymore, ignore her completly, she will stop with the sms.
- if u want her, be polite, and let her chase u... u should let her do all the talking, just agree and say things like: "is that so?", "can belive he/she did that", "this is a cool song indeed" then after 10minutes top, excuse urself and gtfo.
If u see she is serious about u, and want to talk to you more and more everyday just ask her out. If she dosnt want, say something like: "well, ok, i was hoping to see u after all the talking, whatever.. i`m going out, talk to u later", and resume the petty talk. After a while ask her out again, if she refuses GTFO and ignore the hoe.

 

[jamesGr]

friends? really? im dealing with something like your problem.
Ive been friends with ex, convinced myself its ok, im fineeeee (i was fine).. then she met a guy, ceased any contact with me (still living with me) and i went berserk, crying and ****, said things, done things, throw stuff until i kicked her out and felt relieved.

Now when she comes for her stuff, gonna have a 10words convo with her and let her go.(looking for advice on this one)

Bottom line, ur fooling urself trying to be friends with her.
U think ur different? no, ur not...
U think u can do it better then me? ull not...
U still want to be friends because u made up a scenario where u woo her with ur coolness... thats dumb...
Decide what u really want.
- if u dont want her anymore, ignore her completly, she will stop with the sms.
- if u want her, be polite, and let her chase u... u should let her do all the talking, just agree and say things like: "is that so?", "can belive he/she did that", "this is a cool song indeed" then after 10minutes top, excuse urself and gtfo.
If u see she is serious about u, and want to talk to you more and more everyday just ask her out. If she dosnt want, say something like: "well, ok, i was hoping to see u after all the talking, whatever.. i`m going out, talk to u later", and resume the petty talk. After a while ask her out again, if she refuses GTFO and ignore the hoe.

shes snapping, she msged me 3 times in 10 mins saying, first of all

Howdy...

2 hours later

James please talk to me - over fb
James, please talk to me :/ - over email
James please - over fb

 

[AlexDP]

problem is its a very long distance relationship, im from australia and she is from canada, so the distance was always a problem, the thing is i know she still loves me, she said if i were there she would never ever let me go. which is the reason im finding it hard to move on

i really hope i do find some one else that makes me happy and is attractive, she was GORGEOUS :/

Have you ever met this girl?

 

[ricodragos]

shes snapping, she msged me 3 times in 10 mins saying, first of all

Howdy...

2 hours later

James please talk to me - over fb
James, please talk to me :/ - over email
James please - over fb

Told u my opinion, it depends on what u want. Get in touch with ur feelings, wait for all the negative ones to go away, then invite her out or something.

 

[Whisk91]

#Day 1

challenge accepted

1st post is a bit of a long one but when i saw this i was inspired and thought i'd have to give it a go because i left that my ex was leading me on quite a bit

we were together for 5 months but manage to pack in a lot of emotional drama and good times and bad times etc into the relationship.when i met her first she came down from holland to visit me in england then after a series of events moved to england for her internship but she lives in the south and i live about 100+ miles away so it would be a pricey train journey everytime i came to visit...anyways to cut an already long story one time i got drunk and ended up cheating on her with some girl she always suspected liking me (but i whilst sober find repulsive).Surprisingly she was still happy to be togeather as exclusive friends with benefits which was cool because it was easier and we still got to have sex and stuff but then 2 weeks later my ex rang me to tell me she was sleeping with someone else regularly and i was literally heartbroken...not because of that but because she had me fooled into thinking that she was fine but she was plotting her way of making me feel how she felt as soon as i told her about the drunken night with the other girl

anyways its been about 3 weeks since all of that happened and we were talking a lot via facebook, i did the whole emotional calling her and trying to win her back stuff and even received a voicemail from her telling me she was still in love with me which she told me i "needed to listen to" but when questioned on the motive behind that a few days later she just said it was a random drunk message, after this i resorted to playing it cool just trying to arrange a meet up but she kept making excuses and then telling me she would ring me but she never did so today after the 4th time this happening i just got the jist of what was happening so i messaged her on facebook telling her that i didn't want to feel like a lost puppy chasing its owner and that if she wanted to be friends that it wouldn't be possible whilst i still have feelings for her so i was doing no contact 60 days so we both have time to move on properly.

my only concern is that after the time is up that she will be in a relationship with whoever this guy was that was sleeping with her after the break up...i guess i shouldn't care and even if they did it, it only has the shelf life of now until when she moves back to holland in may...if i'm being honest with myself i sorta deserve it in a way...oh well ..i hope that through reading this forum etc and posting in this thread that i wont fail the challenge

 

[jamesGr]

Told u my opinion, it depends on what u want. Get in touch with ur feelings, wait for all the negative ones to go away, then invite her out or something.

she sounded like she was about to lose her mind so i talked to her, she apologized with how she was acting and after a long tearful convo on her end, she said that her life wasnt the same and that she wanted me back.... but she said she feels like she doesnt deserve me after breaking my heart like that. i havnt said yes or no yet. the reason im finding it so hard to decide is, ive spent the last week killing off my feelings for her and started to talk to this new girl who lives here, is very nice and beautiful and i know she is starting to feel things for me, and im torn both ways cause i have feelings for both girls :/