The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[pinkfl]

"Haha that sounds worse than it feels, but Jesus do these women feel so little?"

Maybe PinkFl will chime in but in my experience... yes. Women can and do void their emotions for you. Gone. They will then alter reality to prove to themselves that they should feel that way (i.e. no feelings or negative ones) even if that new reality is simply not possible.

Females are strange in that they can be loving and sweet on one hand and cold and heartless on the other.

I can't speak for all women.
Some are really that heartless, some are vindictive, some are pushovers, some are forgiving, some are reasonable. It's a spectrum.

And everyone deals with grief in different ways. Sure, maybe a few months ago she was devastated but she moved on. Maybe she was devastated at the thought of being single and not at losing you.

But here's the thing you have to realize: Once someone else ends the relationship, they already have a leg up on moving on. In fact, one is already out the door.

If they wanted to work things out with you, they would. And they would do it in a mature manner that demonstrates respect. Anything else (mind games, acting out, saying snarky things) is just a power play.

 

[Atom Smasher]

[Quote deleted by Atom Smasher]

Do you really think that kid's actual name should be in this public thread, indexed by Google (along with your school choice)?

You might want to consider editing.

 

[xaint]

i know this is an old post, but i'm going to end my relationship today, i'm sad about it... and i'll appreciate your support guys to move on with the NC. i'll post later!

 

[drellum]

First text back says "who is this?"

She knew who it was.... it was just the bitterness phase that everybody goes through after a BU! Just a stupid petty attack to hurt you or make a point. Happened to me too once and she admitted it! Fcuk her - move on!

D

 

[Albatross953]

Well I kept talking to her after we straightened out who is was..ya right. I brushed that one .but we've landed in a bit of a brawl. She's pulling friends in for support.
Damn part of me says walk, part of me wants to laugh, and part says keep fighting until you either get what you want or she gives up.
somebody tell me to walk, would you?

 

[Albatross953]

I was having a rough couple days, but I said my piece and I'm walking. Damage done to N.C., but I'm back to it now.

 

[The Gambler]

NO CONTACT CONTINUES.

This guy is a soldier.

A god damned soldier.

Right on, bro!

The Gambler

 

[pinkfl]

Simply decided to be happy again

The no contact continues and it's been great.
I started dating another guy and he's very, very different. In a good way. He is on time to dates, respectful, fun to be around, and seems to be considerate (reserving judgement for the moment). I like hearing from him, he went out of his way the other day just to hang out with me and I appreciated that.

Yesterday evening, I ran into my ex at our old swing dancing club.
I had been there for several hours already, and I was having a good time making new friends and hanging out with old ones. I looked good, I had gotten several compliments on my outfit all day long and at the club as well. I felt attractive, confident, and happy and I was letting it show.

As I was talking to one of the girls there, she mentioned my ex, but didn't know he was my ex. She said that he seemed "arrogant, conceited, and full of himself". It actually kind of made my night that he is making such a poor impression on other women.

When he showed up, I considered leaving. But then I was like "I love this place. I like my friends. I am having fun, they are playing good music, why should I leave?" And so I stayed and actually had the time of my life. I was laughing, dancing, and socializing. I was being flirted with, and I was incredibly charming right back.

He never approached me. And frankly, I'm glad. I suddenly realized I don't want to be with him. He's letting his anger at his life situation rule his world.

The "guy" he is now has lost his life goals. His goal is his "career" but it's all up in the air and in pieces on the ground. His priorities are screwed up. He put my life in danger and showed me no respect. He expected me to take care of him indefinitely and made outlandish assumptions, and took that out on me that HE made those assumptions. He no longer believed that a relationship takes work from both sides.

So...while the breakup was a mere 6 weeks ago, I can definitely say that THINGS WILL GET BETTER. As long as you don't lose who you are, the things that you love...it all improves with time. Sure, I no longer have the constant physical comfort of his affection, but as it stands now...I look at him and I see the man physically that I fell for and want to be in his arms, but then I see the person inside and that repulses me.

Good luck to everyone else here. God knows I was beyond devastated, and I'm relieved that I'm starting to feel better. There are other people in the world worthy of my love.

 

[joker79]

Guys, I did it, 60 days today, challenge won. I feel better, first 20 days have been a hell and really struggled to keep the no contact (thanks Atom smasher and Skallioppe for your support). Never met her, never looked for information (fb and other **** like that), never sent a txt, tried to be busy and focussed on other chicks, it worked. I'm not sure about the reaction I could have if I got casually in touch with her, I just realised that the time and energy invested in her was not worth the case. And without any doubt, I'm sure I'll be in a power position if I meet her again.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I started NC with this girl at work after she rejected my offer of a date. that was August 31st.

Sep 5th - on passing in the hallway she made eye contact and a smile which i responded with a polite nod of the head and half-smile. nothing more.

Sep 7th-24th - me away on holiday.

Sep 24th - 1st Oct - she away on holiday.

2nd Oct - on passing in the street her face lights up like a christmas tree on seeing me and she manages a nervous 'alright?' as i smile and politely ask how are you? Neither of us stop to talk further.

She seems to be mirroring my NC tactics. She makes no approaches nor says anything when passing me when i was sitting on her side of the room. She does not venture over to my side of the room once.

5th Oct - She approaches my side of the room to talk to my female colleague who is sitting next to me ostensibly to give her something from the printer. the colleague says it is not hers. She does not address me at any point.

8th Oct - Again she approaches my side of the room to talk to the same colleague about birthday plans. This time she stays for a long period of time whilst they all discuss with others who join. when another female colleague addresses me, 'she' is looking at me. i say nothing and continue with my work.

9th Oct - Again she approaches my side of the room with another colleague, this time right next to me as they ostensibly search for a new set of headphones in the junk box next to my desk. again she makes no effort to address me.

(so far you might think this is all rather incidental but i can assure you that girl's actions, no matter how subtle, are rarely incidental). It amuses me to watch regardless. TBC.

 

[Skalioppe]

Guys, I did it, 60 days today, challenge won. I feel better, first 20 days have been a hell and really struggled to keep the no contact (thanks Atom smasher and Skallioppe for your support). Never met her, never looked for information (fb and other **** like that), never sent a txt, tried to be busy and focussed on other chicks, it worked. I'm not sure about the reaction I could have if I got casually in touch with her, I just realised that the time and energy invested in her was not worth the case. And without any doubt, I'm sure I'll be in a power position if I meet her again.

Joker79 Fvcking excellent mate, I mean seriously well done. However, I must impart a few bits of advice.

When I reached 60 days I felt great, empowered, clear headed, positive and over her etc. The obsessional disease had gone into remission. She tried to break my silence a few times during the period with email / text, but I was strong.

Then 70 ish days later, thinking I was cured we ended up in contact again, just a few short light emails. Then a few texts, then phone conversations, then she wanted to meet up and we met up had a laugh, she showed some interest and before I knew it she pulled me back into her web and I was diseased again, then the games started again.

DON'T DO IT!!!!!! Learn from my mistake. Don't contact her again, if you bump into her be polite, smile, make excuses for leaving and keep walking, it'll save you from what I'm having to deal with. I'm NC-ing again, this time without telling her. Just *GONE*.

I don't know about your ex, but mine is a fvcked up, game playing, mind messing, manic depressive uber b1tch and this time she's not going to exist to me any more.

 

[sylvester the cat]

11th Oct - on my way out to lunch, the girl happens to be heading out at exactly the same time as me. She seems nervous and quickly averts eye contact. I say hello in a supermarket kind of fashion and say 'after you' as i hold the door open for her to leave. She thanks me and goes through the door at which point I turn and head off in the opposite direction. It is at this point that she realises she has 'forgotten' her ID card and turns back. I walk on without looking back.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Few days of break up went LC (only reply shortly when she initiates) but thinking about going NC, Im not going to let her string me while she hasnt found a rebound yet. Already blocked her FB 5 minutes after the first face to face meeting post BU.
To my amusement the day after the BU with this current girl my BPD ex sent me a msg through FB (which I dont have in my friendlist and have also been NC with for 10 months)
Its like that btch is telepathic lol.
Although funny that how devastated I was 10 months ago about the other chick, I was now not even trying NC I just simply forgot to reply back. So yes knowing this also gives me comfort I will get over this current girl quite fast.

 

[Purefilth]

Strangely keep having these urges to break the NC. I dont act on them, and go about my days quite happy, full of life and not a thought about the EX ever. And then I suddenly get a feeling in my guts to get on the phone, or send a text or some sh1t.

Just figured a read of this thread an a lil post would help keep myself in check

Thread needed a bump anyways

 

[EastWind]

Strangely keep having these urges to break the NC. I dont act on them, and go about my days quite happy, full of life and not a thought about the EX ever. And then I suddenly get a feeling in my guts to get on the phone, or send a text or some sh1t.

Just figured a read of this thread an a lil post would help keep myself in check

Thread needed a bump anyways

Talking about helps indeed. And it is much better to come here and post once too often (or twice) than go back to her...

Remember you'll feel like crap for breaking it. Plus, what would you say? Wouldn't it be awkward, calling randomly after all this time? Think to yourself whatever prevents you from calling her.

By the way, I do hope you've deleted every way of contacting her. It's what I did in those situations. Ideally you have to be at the point where the work to obtain her contact info should be more hassle than it's worth.

 

[NotAnother]

This thread has been an inspirational read

You guys have helped with some crap I've been dealing with by all sharing it here. Thanks for the perspective.

 

[pinkfl]

Made it to 30 days.
It feels better than I did initially after the breakup; especially since I've realized that a lot of his behavior had become abusive. It's funny how you recognize it all after the fact instead of when it's actually going on. My friend confided in me that she saw the signs of abuse a long time ago but didn't know how to tell me.

I won't get into detail, but basically: I had to walk on eggshells to avoid setting him off, he would throw and break things while angry, he would never take responsibility for his emotions (how dare you be angry about how I acted when you made me angry to begin with), he would dictate what I needed to wear (told me that I wasn't a good girlfriend if I didn't dress up like one of his fantasies all the time), he was often overly aggressive and manipulative when we were intimate (often I felt I had to "suffer through" it for fear of telling him that he was doing something wrong...because he would get very, very angry and hurt no matter how minor an issue it was) and he would call me names. I'm not pretending that I've never done anything wrong, but frankly, I really did not deserve a lot of what I put up with.

I know I'm better off without him now.
The sad part is, he has really damaged my self esteem and I can see myself easily falling into a trap like this again.

 

[toughguy7]

I've made it to 100 days NC and still think of her etc. The worst times are when i'm generally feelin low, like after a night of heavy binge drinking or some rejection from other chicks. The hardest thing is letting go the feeling that I somehow need to prove her that i'm living well and am happy. The reality is that i dont need to prove her anything. She hasn't contacted me so it's obvious shes not interested. But NC has helped me letting go lots of anger that i felt when she was still mind****ing me for some time after BU. I still miss some good old times with her but mostly when i'm generally feeling down, like i said. I'm never going to give her the satisfaction of knowing I still think of her so it's NC forever or until she contacts me and even then I will only offer my friendship, no sex( afraid of STD-s, cuz she's become a slut nowadays)

 

[The Gambler]

I'm never going to give her the satisfaction of knowing I still think of her so it's NC forever or until she contacts me and even then I will only offer my friendship, no sex( afraid of STD-s, cuz she's become a slut nowadays)

First off, welcome to the site!

Head to the DJ Bible link at the bottom of the page, and start (or continue) reading! Sounds like you are already on the long road to recovery.

One suggestion.... Do not offer friendship to your ex, even if she contacts you. TIME is the most valuable asset you have in this life, and you don't want to waste any more time being an emotional tampon for her. Let some other poor chump listen to her problems and inflate her ego.

See ya around, keep us posted!

The Gambler

 

[\O/]

Ok, so after 115 days of no contact, she breaks it today. To be honest, we haven't had 100% no contact, because we have had some e-mail correspondence concerning practical matters (apartment related), however strictly transactional with no private chatter involved.

But i have deleted her number, her texts, removed her on FB and cut out all personal contact. I'm guilty of looking at her facebook profile on two occasions after hitting my low points after returning home from the bars.

Today she tried calling me. I knew she called to make sure i've sat out one of her belongings in the hallway outside my apartment for her to collect. I didn't pick up and she sent a message where she asked if i had done it. After a few minutes i replied that it was there and she could pick it up whenever. She then replied and asked if i wanted to come down to say "hi" when she came to collect. I ignored this message for a few hours and replied : "I was at the gym. I don't think that would be a good idea. Enjoy your trip " I don't want to see her, i don't want to meet her. I don't feel ready and i don't feel that there would come anything positive from it. I want to just forget her, even though that thought makes me sad.

Weird thing is that later the same day (tonight), i saw her at the movies. (First time i've seen her in 4 months. She looks as stunning as ever. Solid 9.) Pure coincidence. She saw me and waved at me. I smiled and waved back. After the movie ended, i made sure to just slip out of there so that i wouldn't have to stop and talk to her or her friends. I just left and went straight home.

It was a good feeling that she wanted to see me atleast, even though i don't want to. Guess she gives a **** afterall. Too bad it's too late for her. Biggest mistake she ever made in her life for sure. I almost feel sorry for her.

It's been tough, but it's getting easier. My heart started racing when i saw her, but not as much as i expected it would. I'm feeling a bit sad about it all now because it was weird seeing her again.

Oh well. Life is whatever you make of it. I have a date on saturday and will try to add some more plates to forget her even more.

"Disregard females, aquire currency"