The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SoSuave666]

NC day 2.

We had pretty much planned the breakup, but she seemed like she wanted to make things difficult for me. I wanted to say goodbye nicely and walk away with closure - she knew this and it seems she wanted to try stop me feeling that.

Got fed up with it yesterday - she wouldn't talk on the phone to say bye and just kept being a bit of a *****, so I just stopped texting back. Her last message said she didn't know why I wanted to drag things out, so how about that for not dragging it out?

She hasn't tried to contact me but is constantly checking my online status. She also posted a whole bunch of pictures on Facebook, so I removed her from my feed.

Absolutely adore her, but think this is for the best.


Would like to tell her I'm walking away - simply because if she did this to me it would be the nastiest thing she could ever do. Really can't think of anything worse!

Should I keep nc or let her know I'm leaving her life?

Genuinely it would be so that I'm not hurting her. Is one text or email so bad for that reason?

Do NOT tell her you are leaving. Pick up and go. She'll be left wondering why her little boytoy isn't around her anymore. Walk away, delete her on fb, cut contact with mutual friends, and get back to living your life.

This type of NC takes not only strength, but perseverance as well. If you can display those two qualities to yourself, you better believe they will shine through to your ex as well.

 

[dbx]

I guess I agree with what you are saying...

But like I said, my only bit of doubt is regarding how horrible this is. I really can't think of anything worse. It would drive me insane! I don't want to cause her pain.

Despite how i feel about her, if i'm honest, i think breaking up is for the best, so this is not about getting her back.

Is a very short text/email saying I can't continue and won't be in contact again really such a bad thing to do? If I say that and do it, won't it have the same positive effect?

Sorry, I know, generally speaking, all the advice given here is correct, and I don't want to go round in circles, but it you care about someone and think this is horrible to do to them, is it really so bad just to say bye?

Thanks!

 

[SoSuave666]

I guess I agree with what you are saying...

But like I said, my only bit of doubt is regarding how horrible this is. I really can't think of anything worse. It would drive me insane! I don't want to cause her pain.

Despite how i feel about her, if i'm honest, i think breaking up is for the best, so this is not about getting her back.

Is a very short text/email saying I can't continue and won't be in contact again really such a bad thing to do? If I say that and do it, won't it have the same positive effect?

Sorry, I know, generally speaking, all the advice given here is correct, and I don't want to go round in circles, but it you care about someone and think this is horrible to do to them, is it really so bad just to say bye?

Thanks!

Saying something like "bye" deters your healing process. Someone like you, who struggles with walking away, surely wants their ex back. It's very clear that you would go back in an instant if she came back to you. Trust me, if she broke up with YOU, she doesn't hurt nearly as much as you think. You are the one in pain and you instantly believe she must feel bad about the breakup too because, hey, you guys had great times together.

She has been thinking about breaking up with you for a while. It's not something that you two mutually decided like you think. She clearly wasn't happy in the relationship, made the decision to break up with you months ago, and finally broke your heart by doing it. You agreed, and called it mutual to save face in your own mind. It's natural.

What does telling her you are leaving accomplish? You tell the woman that broke your heart that you have to walk away from her because it hurts too much? You are just feeding her ego. You are solidifying the fact in her mind that she made the right decision, because you're a little wimp that can't handle a little bit of pain and distance.

Is a very short text/email saying I can't continue and won't be in contact again really such a bad thing to do? Yes, it most definitely is. Take my advice or don't, that's up to you. In the grand scheme of things, you'll be much happier not speaking to her again. If you want her to realize her mistakes then let her hamster spin. Hopefully by the time she has realized her issues, you'll be over her and on to someone new.

 

[dbx]

Grrr... I guess I shouldn't say anything and just keep this going.

I genuinely just hope it isn't hurting her like it would me.

I'll follow your advice, but I imagine, when doubt creeps back in, i'll be back for some more brutal advice

Thanks - and good luck to those currently doing this. I guess if you really follow it through and for yourself rather than to get her back, you'll be in a better place very soon!

 

[Albatross953]

Day 23, between not seeing my oneitis not jerking off, not watching porn, and my friggin ex, and five plates driving me nuts, something has to give....lol

 

[drellum]

I deleted my FaceBook account yesterday. Now NO ONE knows who, where or what i am doing.

Good for you! The anonymity is very empowering!
I love it!

Nothing stopping you going back to it in the future - when you need it.

My only other comment is when you meet new girls - they seem puzzled that you are not on FB - it adds to the mystery :-D

D

 

[dbx]

Day 3

Any tips for not looking at Facebook etc.? Finding it really difficult. Even if I delete mine, I'm sure I would still check hers out.

I've decided not to login to whatsapp as it records your last online time and I'm almost certain until I stopped, she was logging in to check when I was on. Guess it's to add to the whole disappearing thing. Also not posting on Facebook and trying to hide my online status, but not sure if that fully works.

 

[dbx]

Day 4 or 5

She just messaged me. Haven't looked at it yet - worried about what it will say.

Miss her so much, though.

Will read it. Don't know if I can not reply...

 

[dbx]

Grrr her messaged asked why I haven't replied to her email. I didn't get an email - want to know what it says!

This some sort of Jedi mind trick?

 

[SoSuave666]

Grrr her messaged asked why I haven't replied to her email. I didn't get an email - want to know what it says!

This some sort of Jedi mind trick?

Hey man, good job on not responding. I'll try and stay updated on this thread to help you out with it.

1.) Who cares if she sent you an email or not. Whatever it says is not worth your response. Block her emails, her phone calls, and take her off FB. You're not ready to talk with her yet and won't be for a very long time.

2.) Go try and meet some new girls and do things with your friends. Leave your phone at home so you can't check things or drunk dial or something like that.

3.) Lift weights. You get on a power trip when you lift weights and exercise...I promise it helps.

 

[dbx]

Hey man, good job on not responding. I'll try and stay updated on this thread to help you out with it.

1.) Who cares if she sent you an email or not. Whatever it says is not worth your response. Block her emails, her phone calls, and take her off FB. You're not ready to talk with her yet and won't be for a very long time.

2.) Go try and meet some new girls and do things with your friends. Leave your phone at home so you can't check things or drunk dial or something like that.

3.) Lift weights. You get on a power trip when you lift weights and exercise...I promise it helps.

Day 5 (i think)

Thanks, buddy!

I still haven't replied, but my issue is the message also contained a sorry/good luck because she knew I had a funeral to go to. I feel a little **** about not replying to that, but obviously I also want to know what the email said! haha so annoying. I'm 99% sure that if I asked her about it, she'd say she meant her message rather than email (i ignored her last message when starting NC.

I'm focusing all my efforts on finding new women - definitely need one to see me through this, but she is still there in my mind all day every day.

If I wasn't so hungover, I'd definitely take your advice about working out. Perhaps I'll start that monday.

Thanks again.

 

[Albatross953]

Day 27, heard from someone she's telling people stuff about me. I am not breaking nc. Also heard she tried pof and had some disaster first dates. Lol..I guess the hamster is running. Good luck honey.

 

[Albatross953]

Well I admit when I heard about pof, I thought of every remark made on this forum about that site. lol. I do miss her but getting better.

 

[dbx]

day 27? How much better do you feel? I'm still very early in mine... would be useful to know how much better it'll be by then.

I do think I need to break mine today just to say thanks for her text about a funeral i went to. surely there has to be situations where it's ok to break it. i never told her what i was doing, simply stop talking to her, so is it really going to come over as weak? she text me about it 2 days ago and all that's going through my mind is how **** it is i didn't text. i feel like it's working against me. i found other girls to text, have dates arranged, so I'm moving on, but feel this is not helping. guess if she didn't reply to my text, it may make things worse.

 

[Albatross953]

The first couple of weeks really suck! But it gets better. I stick to a few things I know are true.
If she wants back into my life she can earn it.
I CAN replace her.
She loses more than I do in this.
I am no ones lap dog.

Yeah it sucks, but I cut all contact..everything..you should do the same. No half measures.

 

[dbx]

day 6

broke NC to say thanks for getting in touch about the funeral and informed her i didn't get an email from her. she read the message and went offline without replying.

thought that might happen. little annoyed, but it doesn't really matter. i don't want her back. i don't feel guilty about ignoring her message now and the fact she's done it will hopefully motivate me to get over it quickly.

day 1 starts again, but got a date on wednesday and another couple of possibilities

edit: she has now replied. considering i made her wait 2 days, guess i deserved longer than a 15 minute wait. b!tch

 

[RedScorpion]

NC is definitely the way to go. I'd had quite a few ups and downs, especially during the first two weeks. On day 21 now, maybe day 1 if you consider it technically. I had to see her at a buddy's wedding, and I basically acted as not acknowledging her existence at all. Didn't act like an ass to her, but just like she was just... there. She did do some interesting things, unexpected, some things like... approached me and couple other wedding party guys, she doesn't know them well. Said "I'm going to go back to the car and get my purse", no acknowledgement from any of us. Later, convo going on, me catching up to photographer in my car (she said she left early and was going 130km/h ). The girl I liked, she said 'You're so silly' to me. No response, then she said I had some black on my collar and went to rub it off, then saw my shoulder had some too, tried to rub it off too. I just said it's probably boot polish. Went in to the reception, minimal attention paid throughout. Didn't even look at her when possible, when not, I looked through her. Though did notice she possibly was looking quite often at me (who knows). Walked by from bar to the dance floor, smiled at each other as we passed (no other way to walk, I think it would have been odder/more revealing to have done anything else). Later, dancing in a group, she came and danced right beside me, fairly close. Besides her, I had a really great time. Lots of good looking girls flirting/dancing with me, one inappropriately (she has a bf who is my friend, and she was doing lots of touchy, talking, innuendos, and texting now. Unfortunately I did not do too much to discourage it, now got to do that lol). One girl as I was leaving ran up and gave a hug to me, said we'll have to keep in touch since we're all family now (no relation whatsoever, she's friend of bride, and i'm friend of groom lol). Loads of dancing, with moms and grandmas too for fun. Just overall really good confidence boost. I know I was at my best, and it was great.

I can't say I'm 'over over' her, since I was debating things like 'Should I talk to her (there)' or 'What the hell is she doing?'. But I feel that she's regulated down to a normal thought process. I started feeling a bit of emotions at the beginning of the night (angry/sad/unsure), but I told myself, I'm sticking to my plan, no matter what. And it took a few minutes to be assured in this. Y'know, I could have approached her, talked with her like normal, asked to dance even. But for what reason? To risk myself back in the firing line, hoping she won't go 'nah' and ignore me, hit on some other guy (especially married)? Ridiculous.

I know and I feel like I've made the right choice. I regret the choices that she made, because she's had her chance. She decided to f**k around and play games (Oh cool we're friends now again, where's your engaged friend? I want to ask him to go drink with me and thus I'm f**king with you lol). I feel better than I've ever felt hanging onto the minuscule interactions between us. I feel actually confident and happy right now. This is great. Keep strong everyone. There are times where I regretted my choice, to cut everything. And had urges to try to fix things or do something. But this is all about you. It may feel like it doesn't pay off, but it does. And always remember the 5 stages of loss (Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance). It helped me a bit identifying my feelings, and knowing that I had to feel it.

 

[Albatross953]

Best reason for no contact. I have no frame and she has no interest. And not one person on this forum or anywhere else can give me a plan to change that.

 

[dbx]

wish i didn't break NC now. i said thanks and she asked how it went, but she has ignored my other messages. now i'm just frustrated she's ignoring me. feels like it's opened everything back up. it's not as bad as it was and i've made sure my messages come across fairly care free, but would rather have not said anything now.

hope others can learn from my mistake. what a b!tch. email must have been a lie. she must have simply wanted to get the power back - now i'm the one that sent the last message and it's not closed for me. she really didn't need this - she wanted to end it more than me!

what a cvnt.

 

[Mister k]

What if you live in the same house as them? I.e a house share.
Just be indifferent?