They come out with soooo much BS when they breakup with you it's unreal. It amazes me where they manage to dig the sh!t up out of their minds. Stuff that's TOTALLY irrelevant some how has something to do with the breakup. The best thing to do is just drop off the face of the earth as soon as it happens.
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
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Renegade357
Master Don Juan
LOL, they never give you the real reason and it's always our fault.adam225 said:
All that has to be said is -" Sorry I just don't love/feel for you anymore". Nothing else needs to come into it. At the end of the day if you feel a certain way; it's fine. You can't help feelings. But to justify it with a load of BS and excuses is beyond a joke. I guess it just show how weak minded and insecure they are.
soulforge
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how many of you actually believe she was the one? or you had a genuine future with her?
i feel pretty much relieved & would say, i dodged a major major bullet..
then why get so down about it? whats the f@cking point
i feel pretty much relieved & would say, i dodged a major major bullet..
then why get so down about it? whats the f@cking point
Everyone does. It's your mind playing tricks on you. The only "one" is yourself. I now have a golden rule with girls which I make clear from the start - I won't put anymore into you than you'll put into me. Never put a b!tcb before number one.
soulforge
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adam225 said:
exactly... you should always come first & only give as much as she is giving you... never care too much about these hoes
if you isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated... then time to exit
seriously i will take this lesson to my grave!!
had to learn it the hard way... but so glad i f@cking did
I did, but I'm now beginning to realise how unsuited I was to a future with her and how much it would impose on my freedom and my happiness...and it was already changing who I am.soulforge said:
I know she had doubts about a long term future with me, because I was having the same doubts before the break up.
Sometimes you can convince yourself that she's the one because you have fun, you're in love and the sex is great, but there are so many more components to becoming a long term partner.
After doing the exercise I mentioned in my previous post and picturing myself in that future with my ex, I was left with the conclusion that I'm not the right man for her future and she's not the right woman for mine.
soulforge
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Jariel said:
coming to that conclusion should make it easier for us guys to move on...
in my case, it was so so clear cut, she was not the "one"
and hell... the long term future with her... would have been torture & pure hell
Day 29:
Doing good and feeling a lot more accepting of the situation today. I had some painful moments last night where I focused a lot on the hurtful side of the break up and felt very low and upset.
But then I decided to try a little exercise that came to mind, which I mention in my previous posts, where I wrote out how my future would be in 6 months + into the relationship, once we settle into routine. I found that instead of romanticizing the relationship as I had been doing until now, I was now seeing it realistically and feeling all the negatives about continuing in the relationship. I emerged from the exercise feeling free and relieved.
I also focused on another future being single for a while and then meeting someone else. It was a much more positive vision for me and made me feel good.
I've since been to sleep and had a couple of related dreams. The one dream was me re-living the painful break up. It was horrible and upsetting and it made me realised just how traumatic the break up itself has been for me and why my recovery has been so difficult.
But then I had a dream that I went on a date with another girl. I was still feeling a bit jaded over my ex, but I decided to go for it and take a chance. It was amazing. It felt exciting and fun and reminded me of the great things my relationship was lacking.
Feeling good and actually finding myself obsessing a lot less about my ex.
Doing good and feeling a lot more accepting of the situation today. I had some painful moments last night where I focused a lot on the hurtful side of the break up and felt very low and upset.
But then I decided to try a little exercise that came to mind, which I mention in my previous posts, where I wrote out how my future would be in 6 months + into the relationship, once we settle into routine. I found that instead of romanticizing the relationship as I had been doing until now, I was now seeing it realistically and feeling all the negatives about continuing in the relationship. I emerged from the exercise feeling free and relieved.
I also focused on another future being single for a while and then meeting someone else. It was a much more positive vision for me and made me feel good.
I've since been to sleep and had a couple of related dreams. The one dream was me re-living the painful break up. It was horrible and upsetting and it made me realised just how traumatic the break up itself has been for me and why my recovery has been so difficult.
But then I had a dream that I went on a date with another girl. I was still feeling a bit jaded over my ex, but I decided to go for it and take a chance. It was amazing. It felt exciting and fun and reminded me of the great things my relationship was lacking.
Feeling good and actually finding myself obsessing a lot less about my ex.
JoeyBrown202
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So she texted me today and I was so tempted to reply, but I didn't I'm slowly getting over her chalk one up for Joey
JoeyBrown202
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So she texted me today and I was so tempted to reply, but I didn't I'm slowly getting over her chalk one up for Joey
Renegade357
Master Don Juan
You guys will hate me. Had to break NC today. She texted me tonight asking me if I want those baseball tickets I left at her place. I just replied to her "keep them". Didn't want it dragging on with her trying to get in touch with me. Too annoying. No reply back from her. Hopefully she stays away now.
That isn't a problem. In fact I'd say you went about it the right way providing that was your EXACT reply. It's straight to the point, and tells her where to stick the tickets. Hopefully she does disappear now. ...Renegade357 said:
soulforge
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hello guys, most of you know my situaition with the ex... those who don't read my other threads!
checked my post this morning & i find a letter posted to me by my ex!!
i have not opened it or read it, but i know it's her as it's her hand writing on the envelope..
plus it has no postage stamp on it, so it's been put through my letter box by hand!
so i have been thinking i really should not bother reading it... i have changed my mobile number & i do not bother reading my emails... so my guess is she thought it's best to send a letter, as she cannot get through to me in any other way.
anyhow, most of you know how she treated me & i found out she was ready to branch swing to another rdude, 4 days after i dumped her....
i,ve come to the point where i realize i have no future with this woman, and she ceratinly does not have my best interests at heart... so dumping her was the best thing... as she would have destroyed my life further down the road.
so this letter is either
01. her feeling guilty, and sending me some dumb pathetic explanation
02. her wanting me to react & make contact with her, to stop her hamster from spinning!
03. she wants to try reel me back into her life somehow, so the direspect & control can continue..
anyway i have decided F@ck her... i will not read it... i gain nothing from reading this crap... in the bin it goes!
no contact all the way
checked my post this morning & i find a letter posted to me by my ex!!
i have not opened it or read it, but i know it's her as it's her hand writing on the envelope..
plus it has no postage stamp on it, so it's been put through my letter box by hand!
so i have been thinking i really should not bother reading it... i have changed my mobile number & i do not bother reading my emails... so my guess is she thought it's best to send a letter, as she cannot get through to me in any other way.
anyhow, most of you know how she treated me & i found out she was ready to branch swing to another rdude, 4 days after i dumped her....
i,ve come to the point where i realize i have no future with this woman, and she ceratinly does not have my best interests at heart... so dumping her was the best thing... as she would have destroyed my life further down the road.
so this letter is either
01. her feeling guilty, and sending me some dumb pathetic explanation
02. her wanting me to react & make contact with her, to stop her hamster from spinning!
03. she wants to try reel me back into her life somehow, so the direspect & control can continue..
anyway i have decided F@ck her... i will not read it... i gain nothing from reading this crap... in the bin it goes!
no contact all the way
Soulforge:
I know we are all in support of no contact and I think you did great to delete her number and stop from contacting her.
But if I'm speaking objectively, I think you should read the letter. I know it goes against what we've been saying, but she has obviously taken the time to write it and post it to you, which tells me you have got your power back!
Even if that letter is hurtful or tells you of another guy, you have to ask...why is she going to such lengths to hurt you? Obviously, it's because she cares!
This could be a big turning point for you, because you have gone all this time feeling downtrodden and emasculated, and yet this is your chance to get a big ego boost and come out on top.
However, I am NOT suggesting you give her another chance or try to get back in contact. Just read the letter, let the power sink in, feel your confidence rise and then move on.
Just a word of warning!!
Open the letter slowly and make sure there are no photos in there, just in case she's sent photos of her with another guy or something like that.
Even if there are, it still shows she cares enough to try and hurt you, but I don't think you're ready to handle something like that yet.
I just think it would do you good to read it and move forward knowing you came out on top and left her caring enough about you to write a letter and post it through your door.
I know we are all in support of no contact and I think you did great to delete her number and stop from contacting her.
But if I'm speaking objectively, I think you should read the letter. I know it goes against what we've been saying, but she has obviously taken the time to write it and post it to you, which tells me you have got your power back!
Even if that letter is hurtful or tells you of another guy, you have to ask...why is she going to such lengths to hurt you? Obviously, it's because she cares!
This could be a big turning point for you, because you have gone all this time feeling downtrodden and emasculated, and yet this is your chance to get a big ego boost and come out on top.
However, I am NOT suggesting you give her another chance or try to get back in contact. Just read the letter, let the power sink in, feel your confidence rise and then move on.
Just a word of warning!!
Open the letter slowly and make sure there are no photos in there, just in case she's sent photos of her with another guy or something like that.
Even if there are, it still shows she cares enough to try and hurt you, but I don't think you're ready to handle something like that yet.
I just think it would do you good to read it and move forward knowing you came out on top and left her caring enough about you to write a letter and post it through your door.
I see your point, but it's clear he is still suffering the after effects of how she treated him and feels like all his power has been taken from him. My thinking was that he might be able to regain some of that power from this and feel a boost to his confidence.Mauser96 said:
That said, I'm seeing the perspective that this is a relatively sane woman who has finally learned what she's lost and recognised Soulforge's value. But if she's BPD that really doesn't apply and the letter may well have more sinister intentions.
Just keep doing what you're doing mate. Ditch the letter, but just keep in mind that she cares enough to write it, cares enough to post it and cares enough to try and hurt you, and then walk away.
Renegade357
Master Don Juan
Yeah, that was definitely my exact reply. Haven't heard from her since. I just didn't want her trying to chase me down. Just wanted to end it. I feel better now, thanks.adam225 said:
Hey guys.
Had this relationship for almost 6 years and ended it because I saw that we weren't sharing the same goals anymore.
Started the NC tactic and got she begging for contact. Any form of communication you name it, she tried. She went bipolar at some points, where sometimes she was angry because I dumped her and sometimes depressed for loosing me.
Anyway, I thought that NC was the best way to go. She tried everything to keep me around, even asked if we could be only f@ck buddies, which I resisted. But since we had this relationship for some time, she knew my family and had contact with them. And some of them liked her and wanted to help get us together again. So, it became really difficult when she started crying to these family members and after a few months I broke off and gave in.
Also there were times when I felt really lonely, even with my friends around and them congratulating me for being strong, but since all of them were in a relationship, it helped a lot to mine my confidence in the NC.
So, ended answering her messages. Maybe the neediness showed up and noticed she was somewhat aloof. She treats me like an acquaintance, keeping her distance and treating me in a cold, but polite way, while she keeps saying to these family members she still loves me and asking stuff about me to them.
So, I'm guessing it is time to go another round of NC. It's time to me to man up and move on. I was thinking that NC wouldn't be as effective again because I contacted her, but then I realized that it's not about her feeling and the way she treats me. It's about me. It's about my power over my life. And it's about my own sanity. Last time, I figured the NC all by myself. Wasn't focusing solely on myself. But now, I saw this post and it made me see what it's all about.
Wherever the roads take me, I'll get there with my own feet. Thanks.
Had this relationship for almost 6 years and ended it because I saw that we weren't sharing the same goals anymore.
Started the NC tactic and got she begging for contact. Any form of communication you name it, she tried. She went bipolar at some points, where sometimes she was angry because I dumped her and sometimes depressed for loosing me.
Anyway, I thought that NC was the best way to go. She tried everything to keep me around, even asked if we could be only f@ck buddies, which I resisted. But since we had this relationship for some time, she knew my family and had contact with them. And some of them liked her and wanted to help get us together again. So, it became really difficult when she started crying to these family members and after a few months I broke off and gave in.
Also there were times when I felt really lonely, even with my friends around and them congratulating me for being strong, but since all of them were in a relationship, it helped a lot to mine my confidence in the NC.
So, ended answering her messages. Maybe the neediness showed up and noticed she was somewhat aloof. She treats me like an acquaintance, keeping her distance and treating me in a cold, but polite way, while she keeps saying to these family members she still loves me and asking stuff about me to them.
So, I'm guessing it is time to go another round of NC. It's time to me to man up and move on. I was thinking that NC wouldn't be as effective again because I contacted her, but then I realized that it's not about her feeling and the way she treats me. It's about me. It's about my power over my life. And it's about my own sanity. Last time, I figured the NC all by myself. Wasn't focusing solely on myself. But now, I saw this post and it made me see what it's all about.
Wherever the roads take me, I'll get there with my own feet. Thanks.
soulforge
Master Don Juan
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Jariel said:
hello jariel & mauser
thank you for your support guys
i just want to say over the last couple of weeks, i am starting to think straight again & begining to realize how bad that relationship was for me..
and how this woman could & probably would have destroyed me, if i had moved in with her, married her, or had a child with her.. bullet dodged
on to the letter... just the fact that she has sent me a letter, already makes me feel some what en powerd again...
as i know, she will probably be expecting some kind of reaction from me...
in the past when i have ended things with her... she has sent me emails suggesting she will be dating other guys & even told me once or twice, she will be f@cking other guys...
i really do not trust this woman... she will say & do her best to hurt me..
on the other hand, this letter could just be a long winded goodbye, because she has met somebody else & she is ready to move on
so again, what do i gain from reading this letter? if she is telling me, she has met another guy & is moving on... thats only going to make me feel ****ty
if it's a ploy for her to pull me back in, then i rather not fall for the temptation!
there is a possibility she branch swung to some other dude & the grass was not as green as she thought it would be.. so she wants to reel me back in!
going back to her, is not even an option... i do not trust her one bit... god knows how much c@ck she has had by now!
so guys... for my own benefit & mental health... i will not open this letter... going to put it away...
maybe in a few months, when i am past caring... i may give it a read
