The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Jariel]

Day 26:

MUCH better day today! I had a few moments this morning when I got upset, but I've felt like I'm coming to terms with it more today. A few things seemed to sink in, that what we had was amazing and we share some magical memories, but in terms of the long term picture, things weren't clicking. That's all it comes down to really.

I got to the gym earlier, completed some work for my business, watched a few episodes of The Simpsons and this evening I've been chatting on the phone with my mate and we've been laughing and joking and it felt good. We also got talking about lots of hot women we know and who we want to bang and it reminded me that single life is actually pretty good...and so is being a redblooded man!

Of course I still miss her and it still hurts, but if I can continue this way I can definitely see how life goes on. I'm hoping that my sudden drop into depression and my breakdown yesterday got a lot of the hurt out of my system and will free me to move forward.

I've not felt this good for a while!

 

[soulforge]

Soulforge,

as you know, my BPD ex did the same at the end. Constantly picking fights. I think it was either she had lost interest and wanted ME to break it off, or it was a battle for power. To break my spirit. You know how they LOVE to do that.

In the end, when I finally broke it off with her, she resisted..............so i don't think it was loss of interest, I think it was a power-play. Whatever. She was toxic and I am much better off without her.

mauser i believe in my case it was also power play too, because it was always me who was calling things off & walking away... not her

i think she wanted to continue the relationship, but on her terms... with her in the driving seat...

she wanted to break me! have total control over me... i felt this on a daily basis... even in our sex life!!!

she would tease, then withold sex... when we had sex, it was usually on her terms.

if i initiated sex, the majority of the time, she would refuse me... but when she wanted sex, she expected me to comply!!!!

it was all about control & power... when your relationship becomes a game... it's time to get the f@ck out!

 

[Married Buried]

Unfortunately this is very true and exactly what happened with me and my ex.

Don't ever do it again.

 

[Blazing]

Well recent events has led me here. GF and I went our separate ways because she plans to move away for school in the spring and I'll be in pharmacy school in another state. Said she still wanted to be friends eventhough she knows how hard it would be and wished me the best in life that we were two different people whose lives were going in different directions. I didn't shoot down the notion just told her that maybe one day we could be friends but not right now we need time apart to figure out what's best for us.

It sucks when things just work out this way. It'd be so much easier if I could say I hated her but I don't. So after a couple of sad ass nights I figured NC is the best option to get my mind right.

So here we are this is day 1

 

[Jariel]

I had a dream about her last night...except this one was VERY different and had a rather profound message to it...

We had somehow got back together and the dream took place about a month into our reconciliation. We were in the same room, but distracted by other things. The kids were arguing and my ex was getting stressed out and shouting at them, and was focused on all the things she had to do that day. I had agreed to take the kids to school and help out by running some errands on the way back.

I went into the bathroom just for a time out and a couple of minutes to myself. I sat on the edge of the bath and was hit by this feeling of regret. I started to realise that getting back with her was a big mistake and it wasn't living upto my expectations.

It was great when we first got together again, but now the novelty had worn off and I wasn't happy. I felt like my life wasn't my own any more and I had taken on a lot of burdens to be there. We hadn't even had sex for a couple of weeks.

Just then the kids started banging the bathroom door. I couldn't even get a few minutes of peace.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling such a huge sense of relief that I wasn't with my ex any more. The fact is, that dream wasn't just a glance of the future with my ex, but it was exactly how the relationship was towards the end. There were many times in the relationship I would go to the bathroom to check my texts, emails or Facebook, and just for a time out...and sometimes during these moments I would have doubts about continuing the relationship.

When you break up, you tend to romanticise the relationship and think of all the amazing moments you shared and how much you loved each other. You think if you could just get her back it would all be like that again. Perhaps it will for the first week or month, but then that novelty will wear off and it'll be back to the same routine.

I still wish we could somehow clear the air and move on under better terms, but I think it's starting to sink in with me now that this break up is for the best.


Edit: A couple of hours after waking, the grief has hit me once again and I'm a total mess. I know it's for the best, but it's so difficult letting her go.

 

[soulforge]

day (lost count)

wrote down a list of negatives about the ex, and positives!

the result... 4 positives & 12 negatives

as each day goes by, i feel a little aless attatched to her & my thoughts are becoming clearer about this relationship

i really do not know why the hell i was with this woman... other than her looks... there was nothing else she could offer me, or did offer me!

the whole relationship was choas & a big joke!

defo in the anger stage... is it easier to get over a person, when you only see them in a negative light?

i rarely have any positive thoughts about her

 

[soulforge]

I had a dream about her last night...except this one was VERY different and had a rather profound message to it...

We had somehow got back together and the dream took place about a month into our reconciliation. We were in the same room, but distracted by other things. The kids were arguing and my ex was getting stressed out and shouting at them, and was focused on all the things she had to do that day. I had agreed to take the kids to school and help out by running some errands on the way back.

I went into the bathroom just for a time out and a couple of minutes to myself. I sat on the edge of the bath and was hit by this feeling of regret. I started to realise that getting back with her was a big mistake and it wasn't living upto my expectations.

It was great when we first got together again, but now the novelty had worn off and I wasn't happy. I felt like my life wasn't my own any more and I had taken on a lot of burdens to be there. We hadn't even had sex for a couple of weeks.

Just then the kids started banging the bathroom door. I couldn't even get a few minutes of peace.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling such a huge sense of relief that I wasn't with my ex any more. The fact is, that dream wasn't just a glance of the future with my ex, but it was exactly how the relationship was towards the end. There were many times in the relationship I would go to the bathroom to check my texts, emails or Facebook, and just for a time out...and sometimes during these moments I would have doubts about continuing the relationship.

When you break up, you tend to romanticise the relationship and think of all the amazing moments you shared and how much you loved each other. You think if you could just get her back it would all be like that again. Perhaps it will for the first week or month, but then that novelty will wear off and it'll be back to the same routine.

I still wish we could somehow clear the air and move on under better terms, but I think it's starting to sink in with me now that this break up is for the best.


Edit: A couple of hours after waking, the grief has hit me once again and I'm a total mess. I know it's for the best, but it's so difficult letting her go.

jariel that is exactly how i am feeling now... i feel so negative about her & the kind of future she would have given me.

seriously there was so many things wrong in my relationship... some days i thought of just running away from her.

but just like you, i have brief moments where i miss her & the few good times we had.

 

[Jariel]

jariel that is exactly how i am feeling now... i feel so negative about her & the kind of future she would have given me.

seriously there was so many things wrong in my relationship... some days i thought of just running away from her.

but just like you, i have brief moments where i miss her & the few good times we had.

I don't know what to expect of this whole healing process, but I'm hoping that this has to be a good thing, being able to see the relationship for what it was rather than what we originally romanticised it to be.

I'm nearing day 30 now, half way through this challenge and I've gone through a lot of phases. This is why I really wanted to keep my journal going, to show other readers in the future what to expect and that it's all part of the process.

There have been times when I thought I was reacting abnormally, overreacting or even losing my mind. At one point I was even questioning whether I had BPD or manic depression. I realise now, it's just the natural process of grieving.

 

[soulforge]

I don't know what to expect of this whole healing process, but I'm hoping that this has to be a good thing, being able to see the relationship for what it was rather than what we originally romanticised it to be.

I'm nearing day 30 now, half way through this challenge and I've gone through a lot of phases. This is why I really wanted to keep my journal going, to show other readers in the future what to expect and that it's all part of the process.

There have been times when I thought I was reacting abnormally, overreacting or even losing my mind. At one point I was even questioning whether I had BPD or manic depression. I realise now, it's just the natural process of grieving.

your mind is playing tricks on you, as you withdraw from the attatchment you had with her... it;s normal & natural to question myself

even tho nearly everybody on this forum has told me, i did the absolute right thing by getting rid of her...

i still question myself & doubt myself... what if i did this better, or did that better, then maybe we would have still been together.

it's a total mind f@ck

 

[Jariel]

I remember when I gave up smoking, I was aware of a little voice in my mind trying to trick me into smoking again. It would say things like...

"You've had a hard day, you deserve a smoke"
"Just one won't hurt. It might even help to make it easier"
"Instead of giving up, try smoking just 3 a day"
"You're under stress, now is probably a bad time to quit"

Well, you get the idea. The subconscious mind can be a real trickster when it comes to addictions and I've read that walking away from a relationship can be comparable to a heroin comedown.

 

[BlackgumL]

Said I wasn't going post again,but...

I wanted to go back and see the pathetic things I wrote before I got out of the dark, found the light, and turned it on. It's been on BRIGHT and no I am not back with her. I did fvuck her as much as I wanted. Got her to bring her close friend in for a night. Did it every way I wanted until I found another and dropped her. Actually I made sure I found two others I liked better so I can keep trading one of them for another until I find THE ONE which I hope never happens.

Let me turn the light on for some (most) of you frustrated chumps out there. The simple fact is No Contact may or may not work for you. Yes, it's a behavior that will keep many of you chumps from getting arrested from stalking violations or from hurting yourself, but I have THREE WORDS that I believe will work BETTER than No Contact.

3 words Blackgum? Yes!

Really?!?! Hell Yes!!!!


ACT AS IF.


Act as if you don't give a rats ass about that *****. Act as if you can walk up to the hottest girl at work on the street in broad day light with a crowd of people around...meet, get the number, and bang her within a few hours. Act as if there is an abundance of hot women in your town, at your bar...Everywhere you go....Because there are. Forget No Contact. Act as if it is Yes Contact. All Contact. Full on, every woman was put on this earth for one reason. To please you! Quit crying and Act as if you can do anything you want, because you can. That is all. Act as if! By the way, I am writing this about 30 minutes after I shot my load down the throat of a 27 year old 8.5 chick I met at at a coffee shop on Wednesday. I acted as if this would happen and it did.

 

[soulforge]

man i feel sh@t today

my thinking is so f@cked up today... keep thinking about this guy she was talking to

is she? isn't she? not knowing is really starting to pisss me off...

i know, i shound not be giving a f@ck about who she is with

 

[soulforge]

f@ck her not wasting my life on trash like her... feeling better already lol

 

[Jariel]

It's this obsessive thinking tha's keeping us stuck mate. I'm still going over the same sh1t in my mind over and over, and coming to different conclusions by the hour.

If there was a way to turn of this mental chatter, we would be free.

Have a look at this link and try out their free audios...

http://pstec.org/

I've had some limited success with it and it does help to scramble some of those images I keep focusing on. Definitely seems to work in the short term. Maybe it'll work for you.

I'm going to try putting more effort into EFT as it seems to be recommended a lot for break ups.

At this point, I feel like I have consciously reached acceptance. I miss her, but when I ask myself if I want to be back in the relationship, my truthful answer is no. And as my dream indicated, I know that if we did get back together, the happiness I felt would be over within a few weeks and I'd start regretting it and start wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere.

Unfortunately, that doesn't stop my subconscious mind racing away with thoughts of her, or hearing a song or having some random memory come back and feeling my heart sink.

 

[Jariel]

Act as if you don't give a rats ass about that *****. Act as if you can walk up to the hottest girl at work on the street in broad day light with a crowd of people around...meet, get the number, and bang her within a few hours. Act as if there is an abundance of hot women in your town, at your bar...Everywhere you go....Because there are. Forget No Contact. Act as if it is Yes Contact. All Contact. Full on, every woman was put on this earth for one reason. To please you! Quit crying and Act as if you can do anything you want, because you can. That is all. Act as if! By the way, I am writing this about 30 minutes after I shot my load down the throat of a 27 year old 8.5 chick I met at at a coffee shop on Wednesday. I acted as if this would happen and it did.

The thing is, I don't need to act as if because I do have these options and have plenty of chicks waiting for me to get over my ex. Many would say I'm one of the lucky ones, but while I'm still getting over my ex, sex with another woman would not make me any happier.

I know you have good intentions and at some point, everything you say will click and we'll be back in the game, but trying to get over a long term girlfriend with another chick is like having a family member die and then trying to find a replacement.

It's more than just sex you lost, it's a person...and probably the closest person in your life.

 

[Married Buried]

man i feel sh@t today

my thinking is so f@cked up today... keep thinking about this guy she was talking to

is she? isn't she? not knowing is really starting to pisss me off...

i know, i shound not be giving a f@ck about who she is with

She has already ****ed him, a long time ago. No need to dwell on it. It's what wh0res like this do.

 

[SamTheHobit]

She has already ****ed him, a long time ago. No need to dwell on it. It's what wh0res like this do.

This guy knows what's up.

Well said.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Day about 25?

Since I I told her she is dead to me.

Feeling pretty good about the whole situation.

She's now with another guy. I don't really know much about him just from pictures I've seen. He has tattoos, long hair.

Anyway it's actually helped me so much knowing she's with another guy because now I know for a fact she a worthless slvt.

This whole experience has tuoght me that no matter how high of an opinion you form of someone, beneath the veil they are probably worthless garbage.

 

[clair]

hey I think its been 2 months I haven't really heard from him except a short message about the rent which I had to reply only to let him know he will b getting the rent this month I did not consider it as breaking the contact rule b cause I had to reply or it could b me losing where I live..so I haven't broken the no contact rule..anyways it is still an up hill battle b cause I haven't met anyone to occupy my time such as dating I had joined a few dating sites to no avail..only met two people on these sites which turned out to be duds anyways I am still trying..i am not depressed I am just lonely right now can't wait to meet someone to spend time with

 

[Jariel]

Day 28:

Having another low day, but even though the pain is still there, I feel like I'm handling it now.

The hardest part, as always, is my mind racing away with thoughts of her, which is making it harder to detach. The deceptive thing about this is that it makes you feel much closer to her than you are.

In reality, she's no longer in your life, but in your mind, you're still a couple living out all your happiest times together.

Sometimes it makes me feel better when I convince myself she is missing me and crying over me. It also feels good when I start fantasizing about us getting back together, BUT the biggest moments of relief I've been experiencing is when I start feeling the acceptance and start thinking of moving forward without her. When I can focus on that thought, life feels good again.

I was due to go on a date tonight, but I've had to cancel. My head isn't in the right place and I feel like I need more time.