The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[JoeyBrown202]

you know what.. this video just puts everything into percpective for me!

my ex was a b@tch.. why ****king cry over a low value slut...

i can understand some of you guys probably had good woman, till they turned cold on you... for the majority of the time they was probably good to you, thats why you miss them so much & miss the good times!

my ex was a selfish b@tch, pretty much through the whole damn relationship... i,m done with this sh@t

i don't want her back... i just hate myself for falling for this slutt... this woman had nothing going for herself, other than her fu@king 46 year old vagina...

hell i,m free now... once her posion leaves my body i,m free... and one day will laugh at this slutt

guys you need to feel some anger too

Anger helps. When I start to think about all the reasons I should contact her, I think about all the bad things she did as well. This makes me angry and stops me from talking to her as well as makes me want to meet new girls

 

[soulforge]

Anger helps. When I start to think about all the reasons I should contact her, I think about all the bad things she did as well. This makes me angry and stops me from talking to her as well as makes me want to meet new girls

other girls seem like such a better option to me right now... defo in the anger stage, also in the clarity stage, i can see how she was not good for me pretty much from the start of the relationship.

also i can see how other woman with less baggage, would be better for me.. even if she was not as good looking as my ex!!!

also i realize how stupid i was for putting up with bad behaviour.. this is a mistake i never ever intend to repeat again,

 

[Jariel]

Jariel, let me give you my take on this.

Hang in there buddy. We have all gone through this, and you will get there too.

Thank you mate! I appreciate the support and your words make sense. I hit rock bottom yesterday and had a bit of a meltdown, but I had quite a long period of respite last night and started focusing on the other things my life has to offer and the activities I can throw myself into. When I'm in these moment, it still hurts a lot, but I can function and I can get more of a grip on my thoughts.

I'll get there eventually.

Man....y'all are on some other sh!t. Get angry at least, damn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AWH0C_cDSk

Anger is such an effective way to deal with this and that's exactly how I felt to begin with. I took out my frustrations on the weights and felt determined not to let it beat me.

But then the adrenaline rush started to fade and I lost my fire. Trust me, I am aiming to get my anger and my boldness back. It's how I've always dealt with (lesser) break ups and rejections and it feels good.

It's the kind of pain you welcome in your life as it stops you from getting complacent and helps motivate you to greatness.

 

[Jariel]

also i realize how stupid i was for putting up with bad behaviour.. this is a mistake i never ever intend to repeat again,

On one hand, our situations seem very different, almost opposite and yet the root of our pain all comes down to how our egos have been manipulated.

In my case, my ex has built my ego beyond anything I've ever known. She made me feel like the most amazing and attractive man in the world...hell she even told me that. She made me feel loved, supported my goals, hung on my every word and craved my company with all her heart, was blown away by the sex and how attracted to me she felt. I made her so happy, I was the centre of her universe and she wanted to tell the world how she felt.

That's one hell of a high for my ego! It made me feel so loved and appreciated...it made me feel like a god! It was beyond any drug I've ever tried. Life was so beautiful! But like most drugs, when it wears off, the come down is fvcking unbearable! It feels like nothing life has to offer will ever come close to that experience again and so everything in life just feels pointless.

The obvious problem is that I became dependent on her for that high feeling and therefore she became the centre of my universe, my whole reason for feeling good about myself and about life.

However, in your case, she has damaged your ego and made you feel worthless, made you feel like you cannot handle life or being with anyone better...and made you dependent on her. You can do better, we know you can and on a rational level you know you can, but it's going to take time for you to rebuild your ego and you confidence so that you believe it.

Many years ago I was obese. I was picked on, ridiculed and women found me repulsive. I've overcome it now and got in very good shape, people are attracted to me and respect me...but there is still part of me that is uncertain and still thinks like that fat kid I used to be. And that's how it is for you. Part of you still feels like a doormat, because you lived that way for so long.

We must both understand that it all comes down to our wounded egos and we need to rebuild ourselves as individuals, from the inside out, rather than trying to find external means to give us that ego high or relief.

 

[soulforge]

damn! i BROKE no contact today, picked up the phone & called her... i begged & pleaded for her to come back...!!!

even my crying & tears didn't move her!!

she told me she is screwing someone else now & called me a f@cking stalker!

what shall i do?? whats the next step?

haha just kiding folks... i wouldn't f@cking dream of it... but guys if you break no contact that could very well be what you could be heading for.

jarial for us guys, it is very much about the ego... these woman make us feel amazing & we hang on to that feeling like it was a drug!

and yes, right now it does feel like we are coming off the drug.

in my case, this drug was very very bad for me indeed, but screw her... i will get back on track with life & build my confidence again...

it will take time,. but i will get there... !!! keep up the no contact guys, it will get easier

 

[Married Buried]

damn! i BROKE no contact today, picked up the phone & called her... i begged & pleaded for her to come back...!!!

even my crying & tears didn't move her!!

she told me she is screwing someone else now & called me a f@cking stalker!

what shall i do?? whats the next step?

haha just kiding folks... i wouldn't f@cking dream of it... but guys if you break no contact that could very well be what you could be heading for.

jarial for us guys, it is very much about the ego... these woman make us feel amazing & we hang on to that feeling like it was a drug!

and yes, right now it does feel like we are coming off the drug.

in my case, this drug was very very bad for me indeed, but screw her... i will get back on track with life & build my confidence again...

it will take time,. but i will get there... !!! keep up the no contact guys, it will get easier

You BEGGED? Why are you posting here.. why don't you go stalk her instead.

 

[soulforge]

You BEGGED? Why are you posting here.. why don't you go stalk her instead.

dude i am just joking... did you read my post... i would not even dream of contacting her... ever

 

[Married Buried]

dude i am just joking... did you read my post... i would not even dream of contacting her... ever

I got so angry, just reading the first lines, I couldn't finish the post. Don't joke about these things.

 

[soulforge]

I got so angry, just reading the first lines, I couldn't finish the post. Don't joke about these things.

hey malice, i just wanted to give people an example of how nasty, contacting you ex could turn out for you...

i have no intention of breaking no contact 100%

 

[Jariel]

hey malice, i just wanted to give people an example of how nasty, contacting you ex could turn out for you...

i have no intention of breaking no contact 100%

It's so true and that is very likely the sort of reaction you will get...in fact it's very rare that anyone gets the response they're looking for. It might not be as harsh as Soulforge's example, but even if it's just cool indifference, it will make you feel like sh1t. What's more, it shows her you still care and you're still thinking about her so she can continue to take you for granted...and you will be left feeling like you lost even more power and dignity.

The hard part for me is that last time we broke up I did break no contact after around 3 weeks just to try and get closure. I just wished her well and told her I held no hard feelings. And I got the greatest response I could hope for...she told me how much she missed me, how hard she was grieving for me and how much I meant to her, and said she was so happy I had got in touch with her.

Well, I guess part of me hopes that she's thinking the same again and if I just made contact....

But this is dangerous thinking. I need time away from her to rebuild myself without her, overcome my dependency on her and to heal. That's the real point of no contact.

 

[Married Buried]

It's so true and that is very likely the sort of reaction you will get...in fact it's very rare that anyone gets the response they're looking for. It might not be as harsh as Soulforge's example, but even if it's just cool indifference, it will make you feel like sh1t. What's more, it shows her you still care and you're still thinking about her so she can continue to take you for granted...and you will be left feeling like you lost even more power and dignity.

The hard part for me is that last time we broke up I did break no contact after around 3 weeks just to try and get closure. I just wished her well and told her I held no hard feelings. And I got the greatest response I could hope for...she told me how much she missed me, how hard she was grieving for me and how much I meant to her, and said she was so happy I had got in touch with her.

Well, I guess part of me hopes that she's thinking the same again and if I just made contact....

But this is dangerous thinking. I need time away from her to rebuild myself without her, overcome my dependency on her and to heal. That's the real point of no contact.

Alot of times when you beg, she will not flat out turn you down. She WILL turn you down, but she will say things like "maybe in the future" to string you along. Then later on she will shut you down.

 

[soulforge]

It's so true and that is very likely the sort of reaction you will get...in fact it's very rare that anyone gets the response they're looking for. It might not be as harsh as Soulforge's example, but even if it's just cool indifference, it will make you feel like sh1t. What's more, it shows her you still care and you're still thinking about her so she can continue to take you for granted...and you will be left feeling like you lost even more power and dignity.

The hard part for me is that last time we broke up I did break no contact after around 3 weeks just to try and get closure. I just wished her well and told her I held no hard feelings. And I got the greatest response I could hope for...she told me how much she missed me, how hard she was grieving for me and how much I meant to her, and said she was so happy I had got in touch with her.

Well, I guess part of me hopes that she's thinking the same again and if I just made contact....

But this is dangerous thinking. I need time away from her to rebuild myself without her, overcome my dependency on her and to heal. That's the real point of no contact.

jariel it all depends on the woman & the dynamics of the relationship!

In your case i am certain she will be missing you... you guys seemed to have for the majority of the time, a good healthy relationship... so i doubt she will forget all that over night..

in my case.. the relationship was rotten & i don't think any of it was genuine!!

so i don't really grieve for her... honestly i don't miss her that much, or want her back...

my strongest emotion right now, is regret & anger towards myself...


i will give you an example... i was dating a girl for nearly 2 years, we got engaged, but the relationship fell apart.

she walked away from me, like i meant nothing to her... i spents months & months thinking she did not give a f@ck about me & was just happily getting on with her life, with a new boyfreind.

6 months down the line, when i was pretty much over her... she rang me & we had a chat.

turns out after me & her split up she hit rock bottom & ended up seriously depressed... she was even hospitalized.

so it is difficult to tell what out exes our thinking...

 

[Jariel]

Soulforge: Yes you are right there.

I think deep down I know that my ex is missing me and will always love me on some level. What we had was quite shortlived, but it was so intense and shared some very special times that neither of us will ever forget. But we both know that circumstances were against us and we just couldn't make it work long term.

But I also have to accept that I was starting to drive her away. I became too available, dependent and insecure and the man she saw at the end of the relationship was not the same man she fell in love with and had all those experiences with. This is why I have to go no contact...I have to remove that supplicating version of me from her mind. Only when I am back to what I used to be would I feel comfortable seeing or speaking to her again.

It's good that you are feeling angry mate, good that you can see your mistake, because you will now learn from it. The most important lessons in life are the ones that hit you the hardest. It doesn't feel like it right now, but this is all for your own good.

But try not to hate yourself for it. Just put it down to a mistake. We all make them.

 

[Renegade357]

Man, I had a screwed up dream last night about my ex. In the dream she contacted me and wanted to meet up for dinner. I accepted her invite thinking we would get back together. (I would never do this.) Then during the course of the dinner she proceeded to tell me about all the guys who are interested in her and that she's been dating. Even said she left me so she could date one of them. I told her to leave immediately and never talk to me again. She didn't seem to care and just ignored me and kept talking about the other guys.

I woke up feeling pretty crappy. Talk about a nightmare. Glad it's over and I haven't broken no contact. I'm going to go out and find a decent girl who wouldn't branch swing on a whim and is actually invested in the relationship.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Let's not forget it takes TWO to make a relationship work. Some women, especially today in the narcississtic , entitlement age, are always looking nfor the bigger, better deal.

Exactly.

I'm willing to bet that 70 percent of the time its women that cause the relationship to fail.

 

[henrea4]

Alot of times when you beg, she will not flat out turn you down. She WILL turn you down, but she will say things like "maybe in the future" to string you along. Then later on she will shut you down.

Unfortunately this is very true and exactly what happened with me and my ex.

 

[Renegade357]

What is begging? I need a better definition.

Like say your g/f is being distant on you and you know the break is coming.

In that case I know an obvious begging reaction would be:

"Please don't break up with me! I need you! I'll do anything! I can't live without you!"


Is begging also "What can we do to work this out? I want to be with you. Let's figure out what needs to be done to make that happen."


If your girl is distant and you see the writing on the wall would the appropriate response be: "You are being distant, I am not putting up with it. I'm out. Call me if you get it together."?

Thoughts??? I want begging defined.

 

[soulforge]

What is begging? I need a better definition.

Like say your g/f is being distant on you and you know the break is coming.

In that case I know an obvious begging reaction would be:

"Please don't break up with me! I need you! I'll do anything! I can't live without you!"


Is begging also "What can we do to work this out? I want to be with you. Let's figure out what needs to be done to make that happen."


If your girl is distant and you see the writing on the wall would the appropriate response be: "You are being distant, I am not putting up with it. I'm out. Call me if you get it together."?

Thoughts??? I want begging defined.

to me begging is, when you act like a desprate pusssy...

i think asking her if we can work things out, or i would like us to try save this relationship... to me that is not begging!!


jariel don't be too hard on yourself dude... i think when you notice your girlfriend is acting distant.. it's quite normal to start feeling somewhat insecure about the relationship...

what killed my relationship was the constant fights... near to the end of the relationship we would argue nearly every week..

why? because not a week went by, where she didn't act in a disrespectful way, or say something disrespectful..

my natural reaction to that, was to walk away... i would often just grab my things from her house & come home & not talk to her for a couple of weeks.

the arguments got from bad to worse... mate i was putting up with some seriously f@ked up things.

if i went into detail here... believe me you would be shocked, with what this girl did... some crazy mad sh@t


i think the arguments lead to her intrest level dropping & vice versa!

 

[Renegade357]

if i went into detail here... believe me you would be shocked, with what this girl did... some crazy mad sh@t


i think the arguments lead to her intrest level dropping & vice versa!

Man, you can never put up with that kind of behavior from a girl. You had a quick open and closed case on your hands. Next time take care of business quicker and drop her.

Mine was more of a stealth model. A great girlfriend, but emotionally unavailable. Scars and baggage baby. She went distant after she couldn't fake it anymore, found a new guy or maybe she got melancholy over her ex. I dunno. Doesn't matter. Anyway, I went with the "Let's try to work this out and save our relationship" routine. She didn't respond so I ended it. Last time we talked too. Fun stuff!! Glad I didn't beg like a p&&ssy though.

 

[soulforge]

Man, you can never put up with that kind of behavior from a girl. You had a quick open and closed case on your hands. Next time take care of business quicker and drop her.

Mine was more of a stealth model. A great girlfriend, but emotionally unavailable. Scars and baggage baby. She went distant after she couldn't fake it anymore, found a new guy or maybe she got melancholy over her ex. I dunno. Doesn't matter. Anyway, I went with the "Let's try to work this out and save our relationship" routine. She didn't respond so I ended it. Last time we talked too. Fun stuff!! Glad I didn't beg like a p&&ssy though.

you didnt beg renegade... you kept your self respect, so you did good mate.

you can't force a girl to change her mind...

i could never in a million years say, mine was a great girlfreind... thats why i feel like she will be quite easy to replace!

yeh mate i did dump her ass twice before, but she roped me back in with the whole, i love you bullsh@t

but never would i take shiit like that again...