Things that make you go hmmm...
Hey guys just a little update on this story.
First off I want to say you were all right in regards to me putting my feelings in check and not abandoning my DJ game. I may have made it sound like I had turned into a needy, desperate, chump but that wasn't the case at all. It was just that I am so used to playing games with women that I was on "new" ground so to speak with Rebecca. There is this incredible mutual attraction between us and alot of the game playing and DJ stuff just seemed unneccesary. Anyhow as I have found there is NO escaping the "game" EVER! No matter how great things are and how "real" things feel it is still a game. Sad but true.
Since Rebecca left for the city she has been calling me everyday and telling me how much she misses me and how much she likes me etc. So when I finally show up in the city to see her I was expecting a big welcome. Well it just wasn't so. She was happy to see me but just not as excited as I expected. Physically the contact (touching, kissing, etc) between us had cooled off considerably. She seemed reluctant to kiss and touch me. Hmmm I thought "Let the games begin".
This wasn't so bad though, as I was now on very familiar ground. I know all the "in's" and "out's" of creating attraction very well. I was a little dissappointed that I had to revert to game playing with her but that's just the way it goes I guess.
So the first night was a little awkward between us. Even the next morning. We went out for a bite around lunch time and I tried holding her hand on the street. She only held my hand for a short time and then pulled away as if uncomfortable. Later I tried kissing her in a book store. She turned her head away. I just smiled at her and shook my head and said, "Okay, you won't be getting anymore of those." Then came my "I don't give a shyt hard to get routine" which predictably ended up with her being the one trying to kiss me etc.
By nightfall she was all over me again and admitted that things were a little "weird" between us that day. I thought to myself "maybe to you".
So as we headed out for our camping trip I was feeling okay about things. My feelings were reeled in. I had put some walls up but I felt confident in my abilities to keep Rebecca's interest level high. It was about a 5 hour drive to the place we were headed and along the way we had some real meaningful conversation about our relationship and our future. Guys I don't know what it is about this girl but she draws so much out of me that its scary. I just can't help but open up to this person. So by the time we got there I was once again feeling overwhelmed by the crazy connection I have with Rebecca.
Over the next few days our relationship grew in leaps and bounds. Way too fast for my liking but like a fool I was just going with the flow. Although we've only been together for a short while we speak of things so openly and sincerely that it feels like we've been together for years. So when it came time to take her back to the city I was feeling very good about things between us. She was having a real tough time with her decision to move to the city and was hinting that she was considering moving back to be closer to me. Sounded good but I wasn't putting any pressure on her and left the decision entirely up to her.
The next week proved to be very interesting. All week I was still getting phone calls from her telling me how much she misses me etc. Come Friday night I give her a call only to find out from her roomate that "she's out for drinks" even though it was obvious that there was a party going on in the background. I tried calling her cell but it was turned off. Hmmm....? Something fishy going on and I think I know what it is.
Sure enough the next morning I get a call from a crying Rebecca telling me that she f*cked up and was out on a date with some guy. She tries playing it off saying that she didn't realize it was a date, blah, blah, blah. She tells me it was just drinks with a friend. I'm thinking "if it wasn't a date then why do you sound SO guilty." So I asked her, "While you were getting ready to go out with this guy did you do your hair and get dressed up nice to impress him?" There was a long pause and she replied, "Yeah, I guess it WAS a date."
She assured me that nothing happened between them and she was thinking about me the whole time. I do believe her. I guess the guy couldn't have been too interesting. If he was I'm sure I'd be old hat.
Now deep down I was very dissappointed about all this. However I didn't show much emotion. I was a little distant but not upset. I just told her that her words and actions don't match up. For example, she tells me all about how she wants to be with me and only me, yet she moved away and is now dating other guys. I said if that's what you want then that is fine. Just be honest with me about it and we'll go from there. I said "I'm sure you'll figure things out, talk to you later."
A few hours later guess who is at my door crying? Rebecca made the 3 hour trek from the city to set things "right". We had a real heart to heart talk where she basically admitted how strongly she feels about me and how she is terrified of losing me. I admitted my feelings for her were the same but I gave her some tough love. I told her that actions speak louder than words and she needs to figure out what she wants. I sent her back to the city to think about it.
A couple of days later I get a call from her saying that she wants to move back to be with me. However she also adds that her decision isn't final she still has some thinking to do. She's coming back this weekend to visit and look for potential employment.
Guys I know this all sounds overly dramatic and like a bunch of BS but I'd really like your opinions on this situation. I'm crazy about this girl. I know that is wrong. I know that things have gone too fast with her. I know that I've handled things poorly. Its all very uncharacteristic for me. I normally follow all the DJ rules and I've been VERY successful attracting tons of women. Yet my past experiences with all those women hasn't really gotten me anywhere. Things just seem different with this one and I've been bending and breaking the rules all over the place.
My brain is telling me there are red flags everywhere. My gut is telling me to proceed with caution. My heart is telling me to forget all that BS and go for it.
This could be the start of something very special.
I could also be setting myself up for a BIG heartache.
Hmmm.....
