Post the link to your online dating profile here and have it critiqued.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yeah, I kinda thought you had just gotten out of a LTR. The add reads as if you are both trying too hand with a bit of a "don't give a fvck" attitude about getting into anything serious. There's a couple of lines that makes you seem like a hit and run dater.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
There's a couple of lines that makes you seem like a hit and run dater.

Interesting... where do you see that?

MinusoneAFC:
I think you have too many pics in teh profile: one with open mouth.. another one with closed...When you show too many pics especially when are not very different you come as desperate for women...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
Interesting... where do you see that?

I believe women want a guy to take it slow and want a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, just little bit, go on get down with your bad self. Also a little romance and affection sprinkled with dash of charm never seemed to hurt me with the ladies. Email me if want to peel back the covers…….to get to know me, what were you thinking ;-)

Before I expound on what I think, what do you see in these few lines?

 

[MinusoneAFC]

Thanks for the feedback, moved thread from main mature forum al77

Quoted from Mature forum from al77 reponse.

2. "Intro: Yes I own a striped shirt but I know how to wear, inside out. " What does "Intro" supposed to mean?
And if you wear your shirt inside out.. hmm...what is it supposed to mean? You say some elitist things here since not any people whould get what you are talkign about.


4. "I check the mail in my Calvin Klein boxers, gotta practice my runway moves for GQ magazine"
Hmmm... you definitely have some unique sense of humor. If you check your mail in boxers...what does it say about you?
Do you model for GQ? It is not very clear what you want to say...


6. "to hurt me with" it has a negative image. Consider changing it to a positive one..

7. In general you come up as ****y with "mysterious" humor that is hard to understand. First of all, you have to be understood. Then add c&f in a little bit more "simplied" way.

8. The length of the profile is fine.

Al,

So in response to your post a couple of things. The intro: isn't supposed to mean anything but tell you what is listed in my intro: The joke is almost every dude in dallas,tx where I live owns a striped shirt and wears it out so just kind makin a joke about it just like every dude in dallas wearing a black leather coat in winter.

Your comment about GQ boxers is interesting, you say that I have "unique" sense of humor so lets qualify your comment, either you are being polite and saying unique as in it sucks or unique as is not your everyday humor, something different. If it's the latter then mission successful after all women dont want the average the want different. Thoughts and thanks for your response.

 

[al77]

Re: Thanks for the feedback, moved thread from main mature forum al77

Originally posted by MinusoneAFC
Al,

So in response to your post a couple of things. The intro: isn't supposed to mean anything but tell you what is listed in my intro: The joke is almost every dude in dallas,tx where I live owns a striped shirt and wears it out

Your comment about GQ boxers is interesting, you say that I have "unique" sense of humor so lets qualify your comment, either you are being polite and saying unique as in it sucks or unique as is not your everyday humor, something different. If it's the latter then mission successful after all women dont want the average the want different. Thoughts and thanks for your response.

I am just telling you what I think: if you refer to an average Joe guy who wear a stried shirt that way... well, lets think what image you want to convey by it? an average Joe? An average style (striped shirt)? why do you want to convey you have something to do with "average"? I guess you dont want to come as average at all......

GQ boxers. Well, I just didn't get it. Maybe it is funny, but I cannot grasp the idea where it is....In my experience women have slightly less skills in understanding humor.. so they may not get that what you said is funny. I just pointed that out.

Again, you come as a guy with a very unique sense of humor...that I cannot get. It could be your style: have you see
"Man from teh Moon".. image of Tony Clifton? at first they didn't think it was funny at alll.. later they changed their mind.

anyway, if I were you I would re-write the profile with more clear images and more simple humor.......
If you revamp it i'll give you the feedback.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Before I expound on what I think, what do you see in these few lines?

I believe women want a guy to take it slow and want a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, just little bit, go on get down with your bad self. Also a little romance and affection sprinkled with dash of charm never seemed to hurt me with the ladies. Email me if want to peel back the covers…….to get to know me, what were you thinking ;-)

Somebody who...had some disrespect in previous relationship, a slightly bitter about it. "never seem to hurt.. with ladies" is not a
good way to say things: as if he wants to get those ladies but at the same time dont want to make a move. "peel back the covers"- I am not getting the humor. Maybe it is funny, I am just dumb probably and not getting it.
Thats it.
What do you see?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
Somebody who...had some disrespect in previous relationship, a slightly bitter about it. "never seem to hurt.. with ladies" is not a
good way to say things: as if he wants to get those ladies but at the same time dont want to make a move. "peel back the covers"- I am not getting the humor. Maybe it is funny, I am just dumb probably and not getting it.
Thats it.
What do you see?

You may be on to something about the disrespect thing. I just got the feeling that it was a bit cliché in its presentation. Plus, respect IS important, but it's more of a male need. Women on the other hand value appreciation more so. It may seem like semantics but there is a definite difference.

You're spot on about the "never seem to hurt" line. It screams "I get around!" Inferring that is bad, vocalizing it to a woman is even worse.

The "peel back the covers" line along with the "never seem to hurt" line just screams "I'm after one thing." Women will not read that one thing as being an appreciation of them if you know what I mean.

 

[Heyjose25points]

Here is mine:
http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=S6NicEGSS6jMyXW1ifPjFw==&lid=21

What you guys think? :cheer:

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
You're spot on about the "never seem to hurt" line. It screams "I get around!" Inferring that is bad, vocalizing it to a woman is even worse.

You have such a strong, definite measning for those phrases...

The "never seem to hurt" line is somehting that says" hey I am trying too hard, so I even talk about it: HOW I try... I share with you how I try since I think about it so much".

Much different from "I get around!" though.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Heyjose25points
Here is mine:
http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=S6NicEGSS6jMyXW1ifPjFw==&lid=21

What you guys think? :cheer:

1. I'm about 5'11 and weigh around 175 pounds.
There is not need to repeat you height and specify your weight: they can see on teh pic you are fit.

2. "I can be presentable toward others."
I fi were you I wouldnto say that: are you seeking women's approval? Youshould not.

3. I think I'm very adventurous and like to try out new things.
Very much a cliche. Dont say that.

4. Yea, I might fail at times, but you go to keep trying.
Not a good phrase to say: why do you want to adverstise that you might fail??? is it attractive?

5. But I'll give you one hint, I am good looking. lol.
Thats just arrogant. Even if you are a model, dont brag about it.


The profile seem a little too long. Compress it a little bit.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
1. I'm about 5'11 and weigh around 175 pounds.
There is not need to repeat you height and specify your weight: they can see on teh pic you are fit.

2. "I can be presentable toward others."
I fi were you I wouldnto say that: are you seeking women's approval? Youshould not.

3. I think I'm very adventurous and like to try out new things.
Very much a cliche. Dont say that.

4. Yea, I might fail at times, but you go to keep trying.
Not a good phrase to say: why do you want to adverstise that you might fail??? is it attractive?

5. But I'll give you one hint, I am good looking. lol.
Thats just arrogant. Even if you are a model, dont brag about it.


The profile seem a little too long. Compress it a little bit.

Good points..

 

[Heyjose25points]

Thanks alot guys. I took the unneeded BS and compressed it. Franco, ur the man.haha.

 

[Heyjose25points]

*I took out the unneeded BS
lol

 

[Heyjose25points]

o i forgot, ur the man too Al77. haha

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Heyjose25points
Thanks alot guys. I took the unneeded BS and compressed it. Franco, ur the man.haha.

Give your kudos to al77, he did most of the work, I just agreed with his assessment. I'll add one thing though, add a couple of things to your profile that could be used as openings for a girl that wants to contact you. Making it easier for them to approach usually gets you more initial responses.

 

[Heyjose25points]

I'd do one, but i'm not sure of one. Tell me an example.please.haha.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Heyjose25points
I'd do one, but i'm not sure of one. Tell me an example.please.haha.

I would NOT add that thing. Think about it: women are not used to contact guys, and decent, good looking girls have more attention than they can handle, so they in no way will contact guys. Who will? Some desperate chicks... who cannot find a guy.

They might be either picky, ugly or dumb. in any case you dont want to contact you.

 

[al77]

Revamped

---
I don't do karaoke, but i'm a damn good singer - in the shower! I think it comes with love for art, so occasionally I doodle naked souls on a napkin. I have tried rock climbing and I love the feeling of being on top of the steady earth. I prefer Rock over Pop (or soda). I am an honestly witty man who grew up in Europe, with smoldering hazel green eyes and an accent though I don't sound like Terminator or James Bond. No tv+beer+sports combo included, I rather prefer inquisitive dialog while sipping a glass of good Cabernet. Happy thoughts, excellent conversation, great times: this is me. Who are you?
---

What do you think?

 

[TheDarkSaint]

Time to give this a shot

http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=1olR7rQX2kleWXoX0Pzeng==&lid=21


Lemme have it guys. I need to what to cut and what to spruce up.

 

[al77]

Re: Time to give this a shot

Originally posted by TheDarkSaint
http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=1olR7rQX2kleWXoX0Pzeng==&lid=21


Lemme have it guys. I need to what to cut and what to spruce up.

1. Physics, which we can scratch our heads and wonder to. Philosoophy, which we can use to figure out why we are here.

Dont mention Physics or Philosoophy - they appear dry to women.

2. "I'm am very liberal in my faith and"
Well..those who believe would think "liberal" means "not strong", those who don't would have hard time understanding your liberalism when you say "No one else can tell me how to run my spiritual life except God and I.".

I would not say anything about your religious philosophy - remember philosophy is a dry subject for women.

3. The profile. Man... you are lazy: you know how to write, but you
didn't care to come up with somehting catchy and even didn't check the spelling. I am sure that is not what you want to convey.

4. Dont make such a long profile. Make it shorter. More readable

5. Dont start with negative things... well.. dont mention them at all.. they are a turn off.

6. "practice at making babies"??? What babies? what do you mean? Women will not take it decently.

7. "winking at a stranger" - that weird. Women would not take it either.

8. "roasting corn" - You are looking for a pop corn lover or a country girl? it is not clear why it is so important to you....

9. "Getting Sweaty..." doing what?

10. "laughing at the dog"... what dog?

11. I would take off pic#2 and pic #3.
#2 has a weird hair... too close shot.
In #3 you like 20 y.o. You dont want to appear much younger your age.