Date with a lawyer tomorrow!!

[iqqi]

Yeah we were talking about what to do and I told her to come watch a movie at my place. But that was after a few beers. I don't want to actually call her with that invitation. We'll go out again then she can come back to my place. But I won't be calling for awhile. She sent me an email before the date that I never replied to. So I went ahead and replied with even more C+F we'll see if I get an answer.

So you have texted her and emailed her. I don't know about all that.

I think you should have just put in a solid MANLY phone call, when you said you'd call, and had a plan as well. Like, you should already know what your next step is, where you are going to take her. Then after the date, by all means, take her back to your place!

You need to read some Pook and Fingz. They will set you straight! Don't be lazy.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

So you have texted her and emailed her. I don't know about all that.

I think you should have just put in a solid MANLY phone call, when you said you'd call, and had a plan as well. Like, you should already know what your next step is, where you are going to take her. Then after the date, by all means, take her back to your place!

You need to read some Pook and Fingz. They will set you straight! Don't be lazy.

I never said I would call I told her to call me. She told me to call, and quite frankly she likes to try and boss me around. I won't be calling until next week.

What do you think about her going through my cell when I went to the bathroom?

 

[iqqi]

I never said I would call I told her to call me. She told me to call, and quite frankly she likes to try and boss me around. I won't be calling until next week.

What do you think about her going through my cell when I went to the bathroom?

It was kind of weird, but I have done that before to mess with a guy. I didn't really care, I was just fcking with him. I didn't try to be sneaky about it though. I did it in his face... like I said, I was doing it to mess with him. Playful. "Who's Sashca?" I don't think it means much, unless she really seemed upset. Then she has issues. AND it is weird she was being sneaky about it.

What did she expect to find? You are a single man. If she was really being sneaky, and she really did feel upset, then you have a chick with issues.

 

[Latinoman]

To be able to keep her interested and have her call me 20 times a day to see how I am doing.

For that to happen...you have to become her SEXUAL fantasy...by bringing the SEXUAL element into this. And then...by backing it up.

If a woman shows strong attraction for me...the topic becomes sexual. And I become extremely confident too on that particular topic to the point that I made them think.

But here is the thing...you have to DELIVER the goods too.

I think the reason you did not deliver is because you lacked confidence.

 

[iqqi]

For that to happen...you have to become her SEXUAL fantasy...by bringing the SEXUAL element into this. And then...by backing it up.

If a woman shows strong attraction for me...the topic becomes sexual. And I become extremely confident too on that particular topic to the point that I made them think.

But here is the thing...you have to DELIVER the goods too.

I think the reason you did not deliver is because you lacked confidence.

To get an intelligent woman truly hooked, however, you must stimulate her mind as well. Wouldn't you agree?

Just being good in bed is not enough. You aren't the only one good in bed.

 

[joekerr31]

It was kind of weird, but I have done that before to mess with a guy. I didn't really care, I was just fcking with him. I didn't try to be sneaky about it though. I did it in his face... like I said, I was doing it to mess with him. Playful. "Who's Sashca?" I don't think it means much, unless she really seemed upset. Then she has issues. AND it is weird she was being sneaky about it.

What did she expect to find? You are a single man. If she was really being sneaky, and she really did feel upset, then you have a chick with issues.

couldn't disagree with this more. its one thing if a woman flips through it in front of you and is gauging your reaction and stops immediately if you are not ok with it.

but to flip through your phone while you aren't there?! perhaps if she was sh*t faced drunk i could understand that kind of social faux pas.

but if she was sober, there is zero excuse for doing that. its a breach of your privacy and totally disrespectful, especially for a grown woman!

i hate to say it, but you landed yourself a bottom feeder. she may be a lawyer, but your profession doesn't make you matter (heaven knows ive worked with enough millionaires who act like spoiled idiotic 17 year olds).

anyway, i would cut loose of this one. for two reasons....

1) this is not going to end well given her utter inability to respect very basic personal boundaries.

2) when it comes to messed up chics, usually you can just bang em a few times and move on. BUT, you want to be VERY careful if you are dealing with a psycho female lawyer - if she wants to make your life hell she knows how to do it using the law.

im not saying she's psycho, but if you start to think she might be, GET OUT.

anyway, i couldn't disagree more with iqqi on this one. i would NEVER go through a womans phone. nor would i go through her purse.

so the reaction your chic would have got from me would have been....

her: who are all these women in your phone
me: you're joking right? you went through my phone? I think its time we call it a night.
her: what? you're upset?
me: not in the least. thank you for the night out but its time for me to get going.

and that would be that.

 

[Latinoman]

Taking her to dinner (or ANY woman you have not phucked yet) is a waste of time...$$$...and quite honestly: mostly AFC.

Forget about the movies..tell her you are going to cook for her. And buy 3-4 bottles of wine.

Iqqi advice in this situation is weird, because she is using HERSELF as the way how to approach this. When it is obvious this woman is NOTHING like her.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Taking her to dinner (or ANY woman you have not phucked yet) is a waste of time...$$$...and quite honestly: mostly AFC.

Forget about the movies..tell her you are going to cook for her. And buy 3-4 bottles of wine.

Iqqi advice in this situation is weird, because she is using HERSELF as the way how to approach this. When it is obvious this woman is NOTHING like her.

Interesting! Joekerrs post was great too.

We did talk about how I like to cook. Now do I try this tomorrow (since she let me know she was available) or wait until next week?

 

[Latinoman]

To get an intelligent woman truly hooked, however, you must stimulate her mind as well. Wouldn't you agree?

Just being good in bed is not enough. You aren't the only one good in bed.

I am not good in bed. I am GREAT. I am almost 40 years old...and I am blessed in the stamina (3-5 times in a day) aspect of sex...if you know what I mean. I am also a great kisser. I don't make love to "intelligent women". I phuck them.

But...I do agree that you have to stimulate her mind. You have to satisfy her intellectually and emotionally and psychologically.

Intellectually = intelligence.

emotionally = a little romance

psychologically = making her feel safe and protected.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Damn, Latinoman brought down the sledgehammer!

 

[iqqi]

Taking her to dinner (or ANY woman you have not phucked yet) is a waste of time...$$$...and quite honestly: mostly AFC.

Forget about the movies..tell her you are going to cook for her. And buy 3-4 bottles of wine.

Iqqi advice in this situation is weird, because she is using HERSELF as the way how to approach this. When it is obvious this woman is NOTHING like her.

On the first date, she paid for dinner. It just seems to me like he needs to step it up. She is the one who paid for dinner, she is the one who tried to get him drunk... she is filling the man's role! This isn't good!

I think she is just going to use him for sex, then be done with him because he doesn't bring any excitement or stimulation to her life. If she is looking for a man who can take charge, and show her something, she won't find it here.

 

[Latinoman]

Interesting! We did talk about how I like to cook. Now do I try this tomorrow (since she let me know she was available) or wait until next week?

Cooking for her is excellent. Keeping in mind that eventually you will take her out too (she paid for the first one...pay for the second one).

I am not into ONE-NIGHT-STANDS, because of health issues. But if you want some level of involvement with this woman...the sex factor is going to be important.

Listen...and listen carefully. Even if you don't perform well the very first time...that's okay as long as you show confidence and that the next time is going to be great. But for that to work, you have to put in her mind the concept of "exploring" and "discovering" her body...getting to "know her body". That concept. And imply that it might take one or two meetings, before you "find it". Or something to that effect. And be confident. So if you experience a "mishap"...she will have in her mind the fact that you are in the "exploration" stages of her body. Women know...from the moment you kiss them...they know.

 

[Latinoman]

I think she is just going to use him for sex, then be done with him because he doesn't bring any excitement or stimulation to her life. If she is looking for a man who can take charge, and show her something, she won't find it here.

Hmmmm...good point.

 

[iqqi]

couldn't disagree with this more. its one thing if a woman flips through it in front of you and is gauging your reaction and stops immediately if you are not ok with it.

but to flip through your phone while you aren't there?! perhaps if she was sh*t faced drunk i could understand that kind of social faux pas.

Well then you don't completely disagree with me. I also said that it wasn't cool how she did it in a sneaky fashion.

When I have done it in the past, it was just because we were on a playful level like that. It was to see how serious a guy takes himself. If he got really mad and stormed out, I would not be sad. I like to bust a guys b@lls a little, so to speak. And on the flipside, men have done this to me before. If the guy seemed serious, or sneaky... we have a problem. This actually happened to me the other day... and it wasn't cool. If he is doing it in my face, and being silly about it, but I can tell he doesn't really care, then its ok.

And whenever they try to look at the pictures, well then I just grab the phone away. I just realized a lot of men do this! (Go through your phone in front of you). More than women. Almost every guy I've met has tried to go through my phone. One even tried to go through my purse! I guess I should stop being so mysterious...

 

[iqqi]

Cooking for her is excellent. Keeping in mind that eventually you will take her out too (she paid for the first one...pay for the second one).

I am not into ONE-NIGHT-STANDS, because of health issues. But if you want some level of involvement with this woman...the sex factor is going to be important.

Listen...and listen carefully. Even if you don't perform well the very first time...that's okay as long as you show confidence and that the next time is going to be great. But for that to work, you have to put in her mind the concept of "exploring" and "discovering" her body...getting to "know her body". That concept. And imply that it might take one or two meetings, before you "find it". Or something to that effect. And be confident. So if you experience a "mishap"...she will have in her mind the fact that you are in the "exploration" stages of her body. Women know...from the moment you kiss them...they know.

This is why I think it is so much better to get to know someone a little before you have sex. The best sex I have ever had was with someone I knew, and the sexual tension was able to build to the point where when it happened, it HAPPENED. Lol.

Know what I mean?

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I am not into ONE-NIGHT-STANDS, because of health issues. But if you want some level of involvement with this woman...the sex factor is going to be important.

In that case, you agree with me for not having sex with her! Trust me buddy when I have sex with a woman I make sure she is satisfied. If I don't satisfy her the first round we'll go again.

I think if we did it she would already be done with me! I went out with a computer programmer a few years ago, same situation.

We had sex the first night, then when I called her the next day she told me it was a ONS and she wanted nothing to do with me.

Although I did see her again and we had sex a couple more times. I don't know what all this has to do with the current situation but I'm sure it ties into it psychologically somehow.

 

[jophil28]

And she wasn't holding the phone when I returned. She was trying to be sneaky but gave herself away when she admitted she knew the names in my phone and started asking me about them.

For some reason I was answering her explaining who the girls were. What was I thinking? I should have told her it's none of her business. I did call her "nosy" though.

WOW ! you really called her on her appalling behavior didn't you ? You called her "nosy" ! What a slap down ! YOu powderpuff !
Get some nuts man. This woman has NO respect for the things of your life and shi is TOYING with you. She has no regard for what is your business and that which is NONE of hers.
I would not tolerate a women scrolling thru my phone ever - even a ten year LTR does not entitle a woman to take that liberty.
What next - will she likely grab it out of your hand when it rings and answer it ? Perhaps she would organize a sneaky phone tap vis her "friends" in the prosecutors office ? Divert your mail ?
You have an ego-driven PD on your hands .My guess is probably NPD and some Sociopath thrown in.
This deal has pain written all over it for YOU .
You have already sent her the message that you will easily tolerate her violating your boundaries by NOT tossing her out after she opened your phone files,and therefor you can bet that more of the same is on its way - you are no match for this psycho.

 

[MikeYikes122]

This whole thread is a good example of paralysis by analysis, and the crazy thing is MNIN isn't even the one responsible for it.

This thread is also a good example of why I don't post about dates on SoSuave.

Anyway, I don't think it's a big deal at all that she was very friendly with your server, depending of course upon the type of friendliness. If she was just being talkative and nice to the person, there is no big deal. I'm always really friendly with waiters because I was in that line of work in high school, and I know how much easier the job is when the people you're waiting are decent to you. But if she was flirting, that could be a major warning sign. It's all about how you perceived it. You have to use your own discretion. None of us was there for your date to witness her behavior.

Though, the thing that should have sent warning signs immediately was that she was checking your text messages and going through your phone. I don't need to be on hand for your date to know that you have a fvcking head case on your hands. That kind of behavior is ridiculous. When I read that she did that, I literally looked like this: I have had girlfriends do that to me before, and they were all jealous broads. With all of them, we were at the point in the relationship where no one was trusting anyone and the break-up was eminent.

There is absolutely no reason for her to be going through your phone. Not only is that an indication of her insanity, but it's completely disrespectful. It's also a pretty good sign that you want to go ahead and never have any form of contact with this chick again. I was going to tell you to go out with her again and just see where this whole thing goes, but that was until I got to about the fifth page of this thread and read what you said about her going through your phone.

Sorry man, but the writing appeared on the wall with this one pretty quickly.

 

[Last Man Standing]

This is how you treat this kind - do Not cook for her!! Take her to McDonalds and then back to your place and man handle her!! She'll love you for it - because it has never been done to her before!!

The phone snooping was disrespectful!! Was she your girl for a year that made her suspicious? No!! So why this action? She is controlling you - take her to McDonalds and bring her back to the real world!

 

[Mr. Me]

She paid because I asked her "where are you buying me dinner?".. And she was like "I'll buy you dinner"... So she went with it and picked up the tab.

You're overlooking the bottom line. She paid. The reason women pay is not because you were C&F. When a woman pays for the first date, it's usually because she doesn't want to feel obligated. That's the bottom line. She seized your "where are you buying me dinner?" as her opportunity to pay.

Think... another woman may have responded in quite another way:

MININ: "Where are you buying me dinner?"
Her: "What? [laughing] Buy YOU dinner? You're supposed to buy ME dinner!"[playfully slaps your arm]

Get it?

my cell dropped on the sofa and when I came back SHE WENT THROUGH IT and was questioning me about the girls that were in my phone.

That's a deal breaker. That should've been the end of the night AND time to throw away her number.

I said that because I decided early I didn't want to do it on the first date.

Nothing wrong with that. Maybe a guy wants to have a sexual relationship with a woman he has some feelings for and doesn't want to sleep around. To each their own.

I had kind of the same talk the other night with the model. We got on the topic and I mentioned that having sex right away is just messy. The girl then bonds to you and you don't even know her and so why bother, yadda, yadda... and this chick agrees telling me how she could get laid anytime she wants (Duh, no kidding, I mean when she was telling me this, she was bent over the bar resting on her arm with her butt arched out, talk about body language) but she'd prefer to have it be more than just about sex and not get hurt, blah, blah, blah.

Well, seriously, I think then what happens is that the guy then comes off as a secure sexual person who doesn't need to get laid right now. That you're not a potential "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" - and so you come off as different than maybe 99% of all the other guys, as a guy who demands more, because he can get it anytime. I think in that women's eyes, you become higher value.

I sent her a message just saying "thanks for the date"

I wouldn't do that even if the date went well. Don't you say "Hey, I had fun! Thanks for the great time!" or anything like that at the end of the date when you leave? Why call them the next day to thank them again? Why come off as being so thankful?

For some reason I was answering her explaining who the girls were. What was I thinking?

Alcohol consumption impedes thinking, perhaps? Or maybe you were willing to put up with her abuse because you wanted some more action, so you weren't thinking with the larger organ.

Can I help you down off of your high horse now?

iqqy, there wasn't any high horsing around in that post. Or do you mean that you want to play The Horseman and the Stable Girl? That may be fun! But hey, not on the first date.

Some people are naturally flirtatious

Right. I'm trying to find another way to make my point. Okay... anecdotal! There was this woman I dated a couple of times and she was flirtatious with everyone. Innocent, maybe, BUT I kept reading it as "Needs Attention". And, the guys she flirts with aren't all going to think, "Hey she's flirting with me! Let me NOT hit on her!"

Turns out, I was right. Now, it never got under my skin, I never got jealous or anything, but I understood her behavior meant that she was kind of needy. I put her in the Friend Zone after a couple of dates.

I get her bulletins now on my myspace page. It's been a couple of years since we went out. So I get to read all about her exploits. She can't keep any guy because she's continually batting her eyelashes at other guys and her love life is a series of I'M IN LOVE!!! and getting dumped. Par for the course.

Anyway, my point is, natural tendency or not, flirting with other guys is a flag of insecurity and/or disrespect. Has nothing to do with the man's confidence in himself. It has to do with her, and what she's made of. It's part of her character, and a guy's got to look at her character. So when you see this behavior, it's the tip of the iceberg you're seeing.

With the waiter, "flirty" is different than "friendly", and MNIN said she was flirty, right in front of him. Like I said, just the tip of the iceberg is what you saw, MNIN:

That woman disrespected you when she flirted with the waiter. Then she shows she doesn't respect you when she went through your phone. Right? And like I said, flirting like that also suggests insecurity issues and oh man did she show you she was insecure in a BIG way when she went through your phone and asked you who these women were! You got to see even more of her iceberg!

And you're planning on calling her again? Throw her number AWAY! This is going to be another frickin' major drama, this one. Like the Titanic!