Current GF / Lost interest in Sex

[Gamisch]

I accept my own mistakes as with the mistakes other people make.

If i had ego i would not be part of this group and post here.

Whether i f3uck up anything in else in the future which i can tell i will not, because i may extend my mistakes but I dont make them twice.

now get your negative a$$ out of this thread.

Its not about him. He'll just laugh at your agry response. ...

I really REALLY understand your frustration because I've been here not too long ago.

So my main question is: what you gonna do moving forward????

 

[Sega Genesis]

The sex life is a key relationship barometer. It is tough to know what it is since we don’t see it, but I do see a lot of blame placing. Depending on where you want this relationship to go, you may have to accept for now the lower frequency of this happening and work on whatever is holding you and her back. Requires mutual respect to disagree respectfully, and mutual interest repairing the relationship.

Have you ever sat down calmly with an ‘I’ statement and mentioned your concerns to her? ‘Baby, I love you but I … ‘. Take some time to think about what is wrong, maybe don’t lead with the physical. See if you can examine it from the emotional perspective. Lay it out to her calmly and with positive intentions.

Since this thread is discussing a "long term relationship" versus pick up, plate spinning and/or seduction, the above quoted is the best response imo.

How to interact and respond to conflict (sexual or any other type of conflict) is different in a long term relationship (where there is mutual love and trust) than a casual dating experience, which IMO explains most of the responses (other than Dw3) since this is essentially a pick up/seduction forum.

Anyway, @Learning Curve if you truly want to continue this relationship, I would suggest you take the above advice and see how it plays out.

Good luck and Merry Christmas to you and everyone!

 

[Divorced w 3]

" but I wanna explain to you ( grown azz woman) that I am a horny man who wants to negotiate YOUR desire"

Let's keep it a buck. OP went from having approx 50 sexual experiences a week to zero. That was back in August. He only wants one thing, that is sex. She wants..whatever, anything except that. I can't imagine the atmosphere being a happy cozy one.

Tons to unpack if you want. Let me just say that most modern males fall for this trap. They wanna isolate a woman, use her as a sexdoll but when she refuses to be that they ofcourse get salty. He has no friends close to him and she is not from the town they live in. Some men I know try the same, where they isolate their women from the outside world and "secretly " try to build a legacy.

Meanwhile the only sensible thing to do is leave leave leave. You know, this is why women will say they were abused by their ex. Because at best he'll say: " but I need to get some p00sy otherwise this relationship is over". So she gives you some, but now everytime you penetrate her it will feel like you abuse her. Read that TWICE. You get your short relief but it WILL come back to haunt you one day. If there's drama and third parties get involved she will say that he also sexually abused her and forced her to have sex with him. She can say he used his position of power ( his house) threatening her to become homeless. Some tears, some blue haired women who make the report and he's DONE.

This relationship should've been over months ago. At best OP can extend the cycle for some time, or she'll suddenly "behave better" while we all know its a matter of time before she will act like this again. He can push this along for another 2 years and end up in the same position, a position where he indeed will have to start from zero, get out there , use the app, go to the bars , approach random women and get rejected over and over ( like the rest of us ).

I know you mean well ,but a soft azz approach like this will not work anymore.. eventually we all know op won't end this, and his LEARNING CURVE will be the hard way.

Marry Christmas hohoho!

I have been working on bringing all the eastern philosophy that has been in my head for years into my heart through intense psychedelic therapy. The way I am looking at this from his description is that at some level, there is a partnership that involves living together.

Life is constant change, everything changes. Holding onto the honeymoon stage, being attached to desired outcomes, hoping to change someone’s behavior and personality, it’s all going to cause him to suffer.

Patience is the ultimate masculine behavior. I don’t know if he ever spoke his feelings and concerns to her. There is an opportunity here to work on himself and how he deals with others. If he has a partner here, what they can do together can be really beneficial, but if they can’t, he can at least work internally on what that may be from his side contributing or what other lessons he can learn.

I am sure that if he is able to see the good in her, and accept her as an imperfect human, as he is, and willing to be receptive, at the very least he can attempt a compassionate conversation and attempt to vibe on a better level than is being done now. Wisdom will tell him how to handle it from there, and hopefully if it goes sideways he can keep the blood pressure down and walk away and not force outcomes.

 

[Gamisch]

I have been working on bringing all the eastern philosophy that has been in my head for years into my heart through intense psychedelic therapy. The way I am looking at this from his description is that at some level, there is a partnership that involves living together.

Life is constant change, everything changes. Holding onto the honeymoon stage, being attached to desired outcomes, hoping to change someone’s behavior and personality, it’s all going to cause him to suffer.

Patience is the ultimate masculine behavior. I don’t know if he ever spoke his feelings and concerns to her. There is an opportunity here to work on himself and how he deals with others. If he has a partner here, what they can do together can be really beneficial, but if they can’t, he can at least work internally on what that may be from his side contributing or what other lessons he can learn.

I am sure that if he is able to see the good in her, and accept her as an imperfect human, as he is, and willing to be receptive, at the very least he can attempt a compassionate conversation and attempt to vibe on a better level than is being done now. Wisdom will tell him how to handle it from there, and hopefully if it goes sideways he can keep the blood pressure down and walk away and not force outcomes.

Gotta admit your way of wording it is pretty neat.

I can imagine that being in that predicament your approach sounds better than mine.

Yours- use your heart and try
Mine- be real and run

I asked him to gibe us the update. Untill we get some updates it's impossible to make any assessment. Seems to ME like a typical case where the man overstayed his welcome( even though it's his house)

 

[Gamisch]

Since this thread is discussing a "long term relationship" versus pick up, plate spinning and/or seduction, the above quoted is the best response imo.

How to interact and respond to conflict (sexual or any other type of conflict) is different in a long term relationship (where there is mutual love and trust) than a casual dating experience, which IMO explains most of the responses (other than Dw3) since this is essentially a pick up/seduction forum.

Anyway, @Learning Curve if you truly want to continue this relationship, I would suggest you take the above advice and see how it plays out.

Good luck and Merry Christmas to you and everyone!

Okay maybe I'm wrong...I'll think about it.

To me a sexless relationship =done. And that's experience speaking rather than feelings tbh.

So let me ask you this; how can he revive his sexless life now? IF there still was sex it would've been a completely different case. But if she already shut down her legs months ago while only being with her for like 2 years AND she never takes the initiative..apart from all the floaty philosophy ish, how is he gonna reignite her PRIMAL desire for HIM?

 

[New_Journey]

I accept my own mistakes as with the mistakes other people make.

If i had ego i would not be part of this group and post here.

Whether i f3uck up anything in else in the future which i can tell i will not, because i may extend my mistakes but I dont make them twice.

now get your negative a$$ out of this thread.

You don't even know what did wrong in this relationship and you're saying you won't make the same mistakes? Your anger shows it. Good luck man, you'll need it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Gotta admit your way of wording it is pretty neat.

I can imagine that being in that predicament your approach sounds better than mine.

Yours- use your heart and try
Mine- be real and run

I asked him to gibe us the update. Untill we get some updates it's impossible to make any assessment. Seems to ME like a typical case where the man overstayed his welcome( even though it's his house)

I am just doing my best to paraphrase a talk by Ram Dass called ‘the yoga of relationships’. He considered relations the most challenging of all work. It’s episode 17 of the Be Here Now podcast. ‘the ego is a wonderful servant and a terrible master.’

 

[Kiranel]

It sounds like you're in a really frustrating situation. I’ve been in relationships where the spark fades and things get a bit routine, but when one person stops putting in the effort, it’s hard to keep things going. It seems like you’ve tried a lot to keep things fresh and communicate, but if she’s not showing any interest or effort to meet you halfway, that can feel really lonely. I think having an honest conversation about where you both stand might help, but if things don’t change, it could be time to reassess whether it’s worth staying in a relationship that’s not fulfilling for you. No one should have to carry the weight of everything, especially in something as important as intimacy.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Okay maybe I'm wrong...I'll think about it.

To me a sexless relationship =done. And that's experience speaking rather than feelings tbh.

So let me ask you this; how can he revive his sexless life now? IF there still was sex it would've been a completely different case. But if she already shut down her legs months ago while only being with her for like 2 years AND she never takes the initiative..apart from all the floaty philosophy ish, how is he gonna reignite her PRIMAL desire for HIM?

I think he should approach it the way @Divorced w 3 presented it in both posts, and while doing so somehow convey the message, not in a caveman-like, heavy handed way, but covertly and assertively, that if she's not willing or desirous of meeting him half way in resolving, he WILL walk away.

She may have taken for granted that @Learning Curve will stick around no matter what (kiss of death in a LTR in my experience), and often times for a woman, the fear of losing him can reignite the spark and her primal desire for him.

IMO (as a woman), she should always have a bit of fear she could lose him. Keeps things fresh and exciting in the bedroom and elsewhere... Never allow complacency to seep in, like I said kiss of death!

For a man too. Learn to embrace fear, fear can be your friend and bring you closer together if channeled properly.

I speak from experience.