Brak86's Journal

[IWillReturnsoon]

Brak, ur progress is amazing....def need to catch up to you. lol. Been 8 months since we met, this is Steve under a different username, and i can def see the progress u've made. Hope things work out, and if not...who cares...there are ton more girls who want a stud like you. Keep it up! But from what i read, she def wants u badly...just she doesn't want to risk losing her boyfriend...females are pretty scared of the possibility of that since things can fall apart, in their eyes.

 

[Brak86]

I thought it would be good to post a couple things of utmost importance that I have recently learned about the game:

1. DISQUALIFYING-Disqualifying is key for attraction. It is the basis of all flirting. in fact, it is key for just having a good time with anyone. Almost all naturals and players use disqualifying to attract girls. Also, I notice that boyfriends and girlfriends disqualify each other all the time because they feel comfortable doing it to each other.

Disqualifying is pretty much PLAYFUL BANTER. It often involves TEASING as well. Therefore, it is an indicator of disinterest (IOD): you are initially showing your disinterest in her.

What you really need to realize is that disqualifying and IOD's in general feel COUNTER-INTUITIVE especially when you first start using them, because they are not logical. If you are attracted to a girl, why the hell would you tell her that you could never hang out with her? Well, first of all, it shows that you are not needy. It shows that if you can banter back and forth with women, you must be experienced with ladies. And it also distinguishes you from all the other AFCs. Even though you want her bad, joke that you don't want it. Tell her that she's turning you off when she gives you a compliment.

But the reason why it makes the girl laugh instead of making her mad is that it is always delivered in a PLAYFUL TONE. You must be flirty, friendly, and playful when you disqualify, as if you two were little kids teasing each other. This way, she knows it is a joke. If you delivered an IOD with a serious facial expression, she would be weirded out and probably would take offense. So although you are verbally busting her balls, you're body language and behavior tells her that you are just being flirtatious.

Guys who always get stuck in boring conversations do not disqualify, because I am sure that if you successfully do so, you two will both have a ton of fun. She might even playfully hit you. Unfortunately, most men do not understand that while this seems illogical, this effectively attracts women. This counter-intuitiveness works magic--it actually makes her want you more.

2. SEXUAL FRAMING-The biggest improvement in my game in recent weeks has been my improvement in expressing my sexual side. I used to be very timid when it came to talking about sex with women, but now I am very, very comfortable with it. Like disqualifying, you must do this playfully, or else you will come across as weird.

If you are uncomfortable being sexual, ****y/Funny will help you be more comfortable. If a girl compliments you, for example, you can easily say, "ughh i'm tired of you girls just trying to use me for sex." The girl WILL take the bait and play along. I always make jokes about hooking up with girls (even if I haven't hooked up with them). I'll say something like, "if you do that, we won't be able to hook up anymore."

You can (and should) show your sexual side non-verbally as well. You must become comfortable touching a girl. But not only this, but I learned the hard way that as you start building more attraction and comfort with a girl, you must escalate your kino, too. You can't just keep on touching a girls shoulder. If she is getting more and more into you, you need to be more brave with your KINO. You need to grab her waist, put your arm over her shoulder for a few seconds, playfully pick her up from behind (growl like an animal for added effect, etc). You will show her how comfortable you are with sex and physical escalation, and she will probably get wet the more you touch her.

As a side note: One thing I think PU needs to stress more is how aggressive you need to be IN END GAME/SEDUCTION. This does not mean that you should be creepy and sketchy. This is also a bit different than LEADING.

I was totally clueless about how aggressive you need to be once the mutual attraction and comfort is there. I really didn't understand how sexually persistent and aggressive you have to be. It's hard to explain, because some people can misconstrue this as being sleazy, but I think the difference is sleazy guys do it at the beginning of the whole process, even when the woman is not yet attracted to him.

I'm beginning to find out how much you can get away with with girls. Not only CAN you get away with stuff, but you SHOULD. I felt like much more of a confident sexual being when I literally picked up all these girls, piggybacked them, and made them give me messages, but even after reading a lot of material, I never understood the absolute necessity to be sexually aggressive. It is not sleazy if you do it right. In fact, it is so sexy to a woman if you can be sexually aggressive in a COMPETENT manner.

3. "ON GAME"-While my biggest improvement in recent weeks is that I'm a lot more of a sexual person, the MOST IMPORTANT thing I've learned is ON GAME. On Game simply means that you should be social with EVERYONE. You do not want to put on your "Pick-up Persona" only when you go out to parties or when you do day game. No, your charisma must become a PART OF YOUR BEING. It should not be a switch that you turn on, or else people will know that you are fake. You must still be your genuine self, but maintain your fun and social side with everyone: girls, guys, old people, babies, parents, siblings, etc.

This also shows women that you are a social guy in general, not just with hot women. People misunderstand this whole DJ thing and think that they are only practicing their skills when they are cold approaching women. But no, there is ALWAYS opportunity to practice, because you can practice socializing with anyone that you see on a daily basis. Chat with your mailman, chat with the worker outside, chat with the grocery bagger, chat with random people drinking coffee at starbucks, etc.

When you do this, hot women will see how social of a guy you are and you will also get social proof.


Hope this all helped. These three things have been HUGE realizations for me.

 

[Max Power]

That's awesome and true, Brak.

 

[Brak86]

Wednesday July 18th,

I met up with a guy from the Dallas Lair today (not the really smooth one I mentioned in my other post), and we did some day game. I'm a bit rusty since I haven't persistently gone out, but I managed to get a solid number close. I don't really remember everything that happened but I'll try to summarize it.

I was in Barnes & Noble when I saw a 2 set (both were about 7's), and there was a little girl with them (I'm guessing it was one of their sisters). They were hanging out by the Journal section, but the little girl was somewhere else.

Me: Do you all know where the Daily Planners are?
HB#1: Are you trying to sort out your messy life, too?
Me: ahaha you know it...it's reaaal messy now.
HB:#1: So are ours.
HB:#2: yeah, but not in a dirty way (uhh ok whatever that means)
Me: Yeah, y'alls lives aren't messy at all, rockstar... (HB#1 was wearing a hat that said rockstar on it).
HB#1: ahhaaha. actually the story on how I got this hat is real messy.
Me: Care to explain?
HB#1: ahah noo.
Me: ahaha ok I don't think I want to hear it anyway. So where are the planners?
HB#2: They're on the other side of the store, but they all start at July 2007,
Me: That's perfect cause I'm a pretty big procrastinator.
HB #2: ahhaa well you can rip out the first few months.
Me: I can't do that! Then I'd feel guilty.

I stupidly ejected and went to the planner section. But then I found a planner that starts January 2008, so I went and re-opened them. They were very receptive. I don't really remember what was said since we talked about a lot of stuff, so I'll just mention some of the more notable things I remember:

I asked them if they were Hispanic, and one of them was (HB#2). The other was Hawaiian (HB#1). I talked to the Hispanic girl about Mexico since I went there last summer. She told me she's only been to Mexico City. I busted on her for not being a true Mexican. Then I told them to guess my nationality. They guessed the usuals: Italian, Israeli, Jewish (I busted on them for using Jewish as a nationality). They even guessed Irish? Why the hell did they guess Irish??! I have dark skin. So I busted them on that, too.

The Hispanic girl (HB#2) was sooo into me. As she was talking to me, she was playing with her hair, she fumbled her daily planner, and my wing said he heard her laugh at my bantering from across the bookstore. I could tell she was nervous, but in a good way, while she talked to me. After a little while she told me she had to find her sister, so I continued talking with the Hawaiian girl alone, who was really fun.

We talked about scuba diving and I described my feelings when I'm under the water. She asked me about snorkeling and I described how Scuba is so much better because you aren't around other people as much and you can't hear the boat engine, etc. She told me she really wanted to go diving with sharks and skydiving. I gave her a pound for being adventurous.

We then talked about Hawaiian food and she told me one of the signature Hawaiian dishes was a pig cooked in the ground. So I said, "so it's pretty much pig and dirt...you ARE dirty (referring to what they said earlier about not being dirty). She ate this up. She also mentioned how cool it would be a food critic, but that she would then get fat. So she then added that it would be cool to be a free shopper.

Me: A free shopper? I didn't know there was such a thing.
HB#1: Yeah you go around and pretty much get whatever you want.
Me: ahahah all girls are "free shoppers" then. They can just get their BFs to buy them free stuff. Doesn't your BF do that?
HB#1: well I've had some boyfriends that did that
Me: I would never buy you stuff
HB#1: ahaha and I would never date you.
Me: ahahaha Touche!!

We talked about my gay mexican coworker who hits on me. I showed her how he touches me (he tickles my arm). She mentioned something about my style being gay and said it was a compliment. I told her just because I dress gay does not mean I'm gay.

We also talked about our drinks of choice and bars. I asked her where she lived so I could transition to a smooth number clsoe. She told me where she lived, and it is pretty far from my house, but she mentioned that she goes to bars around Greenville. I told her I lived really close to there and suggested that we should hang out.

She eagerly agreed and asked me for my number. I then got hers. Soon afterwards, HB#2, who was really into me, came back with her sister. HB#1 told her that they were gonna hang out with me. After that, we said our goodbyes and they left.

 

[On Point]

Can you expand on what you're saying here? Like give an example of being aggressive.

As a side note: One thing I think PU needs to stress more is how aggressive you need to be IN END GAME/SEDUCTION. This does not mean that you should be creepy and sketchy. This is also a bit different than LEADING.

I was totally clueless about how aggressive you need to be once the mutual attraction and comfort is there. I really didn't understand how sexually persistent and aggressive you have to be. It's hard to explain, because some people can misconstrue this as being sleazy, but I think the difference is sleazy guys do it at the beginning of the whole process, even when the woman is not yet attracted to him.

 

[Brak86]

Can you expand on what you're saying here? Like give an example of being aggressive.

When you sense that the girl is comfortable enough with you, you cannot be afraid to really ramp up the KINO. I mostly mean KINO when I mean sexual aggression. Don't molest the poor girl, but do risky things that only couples really do. Put your arm around her, grab her waist for a bit. Take her hand.

The girl is too afraid to do these things, you have to take responsibility to be the aggressor and the leader. Even though she might be initially uncomfortable, make sure that you keep at it and she will love your initiative.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

congrats on HBSpanish. Them dimples are working overtime on the laydeees, LOLOLOL. But ya, sounds like you had social proof up the azz and was very in-state, thinking about things logically. Keep it going man, nice to see you updating you journal again

 

[Brak86]

Them dimples are working overtime on the laydeees, LOLOLOL.

are you hitting on me again?

 

[Brak86]

I'm frustrated. Being frustrated is often a natural part of development, but I find myself too many times stuck in frustration. I never cry anymore, but I feel like doing so now.

I absolutely LOATHE pitying myself, i think it is the worst thing to do ever. It basically suggests that you deserve something without working towards it. However, I feel like pitying myself right now.

Sometimes I get into these moods, so I guess it's good letting out now, but I feel as though I've been busting my a** at socializing and flirting with women for about a year, yet I'm still a virgin and I still haven't seen much progress in terms of OUTCOME.I have noticed behavioral changes, yet I'm still not aggressive and flirty enough. Im still not getting hook ups, and I'm still not getting laid. Even though I have noticed a lot of improvement in myself, yet I can't seem to appreciate this improvement. I can't be proud of what I have become better at. Instead, I fixate on what I need to work on. I'm a perfectionist and I'm hard on myself.

One of the big reasons that I become so frustrated is that I want much more than just sex. As a matter of fact, my main goal isn't even to have sex with 9's and 10's. My goals are much higher. I want to be AWESOME at socializing in general. I want to be awesome with any woman and I want to teach guys how to be good with women, too. Furthermore, I don't want to be dependent on ANYTHING EXTERNAL.

But even though my goals are so high, I haven't even gotten laid yet. My goals are higher than most guys', and yet I'm behind most of them in that regard. Seeing how far I have to go and how much more I have to work is discouraging sometimes.

I should LOVE and ENJOY this whole process, yet I constantly focus on how I need to get better and how bad I am at the game. Even though I have approached numerous women, I still feel uncomfortable doing so.

i know that the nervousness of approaching a woman is so inconsequential, and yet I still feel it. It's so annoying! I want to be at a place where I am enlightened and I am so confident that nothing rattles me. Yet I still feel rattled even at the thought of talking to someone.

I'm ready to be in my first relationship. I want to feel it so I can enoy it and then rise above it. I want to not need anybody in my life. I want to be self-reliant. But as of now, I still seek approval from women and people in general.

 

[Agent Zero]

We all have our ups and downs so I wouldn't worry too much about it cause you've made great progress. It seems like being a virgin is what is getting you down, but it really shouldn't matter. Would you rather go out and get some drunk girl at a party? I doubt that would make things better. I think there is another way to look at. Instead of looking at it as you being behind other guys just look at it as you haven't found the right girl yet.

Also, I know you know this, but try not to make this stressful. You have already cold approached more girls than most guys will in their entire lives. I know a lot about the nervousness behind the cold approach. It's intense at first and I still feel a lot of it as I am just getting started, but it does lessen over time. I'm sure you recognize that. One thing I read by someone here but I forget who is that the anxiety will NEVER completely go away. So the majority of us can never expect to get to a point where we just see a woman and approach without even thinking about it. There's always going to be some anxiety you have to plow through. So I'd say it's counter-effective to set perfection as your standard in this regard.

Keep on doing what you are doing and I'm sure you will find a relationship or whatever goals you have.

 

[Max Power]

I'm frustrated. .

That's normal.

I feel like pitying myself right now.

That's a bad frame. Nothing good is gonna happen with women if you feel that way about yourself.

I have noticed a lot of improvement in myself, yet I can't seem to appreciate this improvement. I can't be proud of what I have become better at.

Anyone who has read your entire journal can really see the difference and be proud of you and the balls you have grown, even if you can't.

Instead, I fixate on what I need to work on. I'm a perfectionist and I'm hard on myself.

You're turning this into a job. It's supposed to be fun.

One of the big reasons that I become so frustrated is that I want much more than just sex.

One thing at a time

As a matter of fact, my main goal isn't even to have sex with 9's and 10's.

We are two completely different people, LOL.

My goals are much higher. I want to be AWESOME at socializing in general. I want to be awesome with any woman and I want to teach guys how to be good with women, too.

One step at a time. You're turning this into a high stress job etc etc etc

Seeing how far I have to go and how much more I have to work is discouraging sometimes.

Yes, cause from the sounds of it you want to be PU guru. You basically haven't launched Apollo 1 yet and you're upset cause you're already dreaming about Apollo 11. Well, guess what? Worry about Apollo 1 first. Then Apollo 2. To quote Aerosmith (which I hate to do ... at least the post 1989 Aerosmith) Life's a journey, not a destination.

I should LOVE and ENJOY this whole process, yet I constantly focus on how I need to get better and how bad I am at the game.

You're not bad. First off, you're a year out of high school and are approaching and dating women with jobs and grad students. That's pretty good.

Even though I have approached numerous women, I still feel uncomfortable doing so.

It never totally goes away. I'm much older than you have had dozens of women and last night I got AA in a club with five plus drinks in me.

I'm ready to be in my first relationship. I want to feel it so I can enoy it and then rise above it. I want to not need anybody in my life. I want to be self-reliant. But as of now, I still seek approval from women and people in general

Here's my suggestion.

Take it easy for two weeks. You are treating this too much like a job and need a vacation. Plus you're in a pity frame and nothing good is gonna happen anyways in that frame.

Write down your DJ goals. If you have already done this, do it again.

Now write the steps you need to reach those goals, including the steps you have taken. That way you will get a better sense of how much you have accomplished.

Relax for a week.

Put some "realistic" time frames on each of these goals. And reassess.

Come back here in a week and write out your assessment and goals and ask for feedback.

Then go through the process again write your goals and get back in the field and keep writing your amazing field reports.

Your fan, Max Power.

 

[greenlake]

Hey bro,
I know it sux to have the feeling that you've been doing this for awhile but your progress doesn't turn out like you wanted it to. I can relate to that because I find myself going back to fearing approach anixety again. I feel weak and depressed. But hey, I don't want to pass on more negativity to you.

I know I'm not in the position to help anyone right now since I need it myself. But have you ever try GIVING without WANTING anything in return? We tend to care less aobut the outcome when we're giving. Cause there notihng to care about since you don't want anything back. From what I read in paragraph 4, you WANT more than you GIVE. Well, nothing explain better than the person who I read it from. So if you think this is your problem then check this link out.
http://direct-method.net/invisionboard/index.php?showtopic=2676&hl=

I've just read it yesterday and totally got a different view today. The reason for my approach anxiety seem to make more sense now. What my mistakes with my approaches before was that when I see a girl, all in my head was either "I want to bang her" or "Wow, my friend would totally worship me once they see me with a girl like her." It's all about me more than her. I rarely go "She's beautiful, I'm going to walk up to her and make her day by telling her that."

Okay, my brother started to complain so I'll ttyl. I hope it helps.

 

[thefonz]

One of the big reasons that I become so frustrated is that I want much more than just sex. As a matter of fact, my main goal isn't even to have sex with 9's and 10's. My goals are much higher. I want to be AWESOME at socializing in general. I want to be awesome with any woman and I want to teach guys how to be good with women, too. Furthermore, I don't want to be dependent on ANYTHING EXTERNAL.

Relax and have fun.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=58526

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Sometimes I get into these moods, so I guess it's good letting out now, but I feel as though I've been busting my a** at socializing and flirting with women for about a year, yet I'm still a virgin and I still haven't seen much progress in terms of OUTCOME.I have noticed behavioral changes, yet I'm still not aggressive and flirty enough. Im still not getting hook ups, and I'm still not getting laid. Even though I have noticed a lot of improvement in myself, yet I can't seem to appreciate this improvement. I can't be proud of what I have become better at. Instead, I fixate on what I need to work on. I'm a perfectionist and I'm hard on myself.

One of the big reasons that I become so frustrated is that I want much more than just sex. As a matter of fact, my main goal isn't even to have sex with 9's and 10's. My goals are much higher. I want to be AWESOME at socializing in general. I want to be awesome with any woman and I want to teach guys how to be good with women, too. Furthermore, I don't want to be dependent on ANYTHING EXTERNAL.

But even though my goals are so high, I haven't even gotten laid yet. My goals are higher than most guys', and yet I'm behind most of them in that regard. Seeing how far I have to go and how much more I have to work is discouraging sometimes.

I should LOVE and ENJOY this whole process, yet I constantly focus on how I need to get better and how bad I am at the game. Even though I have approached numerous women, I still feel uncomfortable doing so.

i know that the nervousness of approaching a woman is so inconsequential, and yet I still feel it. It's so annoying! I want to be at a place where I am enlightened and I am so confident that nothing rattles me. Yet I still feel rattled even at the thought of talking to someone.

I'm ready to be in my first relationship. I want to feel it so I can enoy it and then rise above it. I want to not need anybody in my life. I want to be self-reliant. But as of now, I still seek approval from women and people in general.

A = Your goals
B = Getttin pvssy

-You want A more than B
-You are complain because in your pursuit of A you havent achieved B.
-Just an observation but perhaps you should get B out of the way so that focus more on A?


Also, you are developing LIFE skills. You expected to get this sh!t after a couple of years? And if it were something you thought could master in a couple of years, would you say that you have honestly been putting in the effort that would be expected? Have you been approaching every opportunity, pushing the boundaries at every occasion, personally goin after every chick that your heart flutters for, actively pursuing them until rejection or success? Like that manager in the movie "Waiting" said 'The Difference between extraordinary and ordinary is that little extra'. Push the boundaries and you'll be gettin pvssy, fulfillin your life goals or w/e the hell else.

At the end of the day, anything you are not comfortable doing, you HAVE NOT DONE ENOUGH OF. You think you suck at flirting? Stop this 'woe is me' sh!t and flirt until you are good at it. It will not happen overnight. The same goes for being aggressive. Look at my sig. Dont compare yourself to other people in the board and act like you should be having as much success as them or more because, you arent entitled to everything, you EARN everything.

 

[kidkoala]

Hey D-man. So I read that post about your goals and frustrations and I related to everything. I could have written it myself actually. I'm going through the exact same things. Something Dylan from Enlightened Seduction wrote to me comes to mind: "Great relationships can be found anywhere, and the girl who really does it for you will probably be the one you least expect. Whatever you do, don't get caught up in the need to have a relationship. Go easy, be unattached to the outcome of any interaction you have with a girl. If you focus on the need for a relationship, she may sense it and it will be a turn off. Be cool, as they say."

I know your post may not focus specifically on relationships but overall game as well. But I think that frustration makes a negative feedback cycle that just ****s with your ability to meet and connect with women. You go in saying in your head damn I'm gonna get frustrated again. That's why you have to go easy. Its a real simple concept. When you learn to be easy and detach from outcomes and just have fun paradoxically all your goals come to fruition. I;ve experienced this myself in my dancing. I also think this is the essence of natural seduction. Simple concept hard to do. Just keep in mind being easy and I think things will sort themselves out. That's what I;m going to be doing. Your post made me remember this email and maybe I learned a new lesson. Thanks!

 

[Brak86]

Thursday August 2,

I was impressed and taken aback by the influx of great responses you all gave me. It's good to know that there are selfless people on this site who freely give support without having even met me.

Inspired by you all's advice, I've been thinking more and more about my identity, who I am, and who I want to become. I've delved deeper into my inherent character and even into my parents' relationship in order to consciously understand myself and the way in which I act.

Let me start off by saying that I could not ask for better parents. They are the coolest, most understanding parents I could hope to have. I can talk to them about ANYTHING, which is pretty rare. In fact, after keeping it a secret for a couple years, I finally told my mom about the game. I told her that in addition to attending college, I also took hours of my time going out and talking to strangers. She thought that what I did was great, and even offered to pay for a workshop when I turn 21.

But I digress. I wanted to talk about the relationship specifically between my mom and my dad. They love each other so much, that is not the problem. It's just that my mom wears the pants in the family. My dad is so supplicative to her and agrees with everything she says. I used to remember getting into arguments with my mom when I was younger, and my dad always sided with my mom. He never sided with his sons. My dad does everything out of pure love for his family, but I wanted him to be more of a father figure to me. My mom was always the one offering me some of her wine at restaurants, while my dad was the one telling me to only drink a little bit. He never told me how to get the ladies (prob because he doesn't know how ), he never cracked open a beer to drink with me. He is paranoid and is always telling me what NOT to do, instead of encouraging me to take risks every once in awhile. Now that I think of it, though, not many of my friends had dads who were figures of masculinity. Nevertheless, my dad is pretty passive. It's obviously a significant issue, and I think I'm a bit bitter about it. But I need to learn to forgive my dad and understand that everything he does is out of love for me. I don't wish I had another life, and I don't really regret anything, because then I wouldn't be where I am now and I love how much I understand now and where I am heading.

I think I idealized my mom when I was younger (I'm not sure this is true, because I was not as mature and self-aware as I am now). But I do know that as a child, I was a momma's boy. I always clung by her side as a toddler and young boy. She symbolized that which was dominant in my family. You know how boys commonly look at their dad's as Godlike figures when they are young? I think I did that, only for my mom instead of my dad. I always knew she wasn't perfect, but until recently I felt like she was an exception to the rule, as if she was a divine-like figure. Maybe this is why I have always had trouble getting girls. I idealized them just like I idealized my mom.

As I age, however, it's as if this delusion is wearing off. I see her faults and, as a result, her humanity more so now. I still think she is the most amazing mom, and yet I have noticed that for the past few years I have acted somewhat short and temperamental with her. This might just be a teenage thing, but I'd like to change it.

This might be a reason why I like girls who are feminine and seem somewhat submissive. In addition, I am a guy who naturally loves to take on the dominant, masculine role. I am extremely independant and individualistic. There are those who, once they get into a relationship, they cling to their significant other. But I don't think I will be that way. I have my own life to lead and I have many things I want to accomplish. You'd think this attractive, non-needy trait would have led me to have a bunch of women, but I don't get many girls as of yet.

One of the main reasons (other than my parents) is that I have always been shy and socially nervous. Despite being popular at my highschool, I just was not good in social interaction. I went to an all-guy school for 1-12 grade, and I was huge friends with all the guys. I was also popular with the girls at my sister school, but I never really hit on them because 1)i idealized women and was, in turn, quite intimidated by them and 2)I was socially nervous 3)I had a big ego that was scared to take rejected and 4)I was not confident. So despite many girls being attracted to me in highschool, I barely got with any of them out of fear of rejection, fear of social situations, etc.

Another thing that has hugely hindered my success with women and my conversational skills in general is my lack of emotion. While I have never been a tight-a** at all, and I have a great sense of humor, I have trouble exuding full emotion when I speak. It feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Some people can naturally speak with emotion in their voice. That is not me . It did not help that, up until recently, I linked masculinity to emotional coldness. I felt like it was feminine (and i still feel a bit weird) talking with emotion in my voice. But there's a huge difference being girly emotional and emotive in general. I need more passion and excitement when I talk about things.

Alright, I still have a lot more to talk about, but I'll post the second half tomorrow.

 

[Brak86]

Friday August 3,

So this is a continuation of last nights post. It's going to be a stream of consciousness post, and I'll be covering a lot of topics. I'll mark a change of subjects with a star (*).

*While I have gotten a TON better at disqualification and pretty much all ATTRACTION material in general, I heavily overuse these techniques. As a matter of fact, I really need to tone it down a bit. I used to be pretty reserved and socially inept, so the fact that now I can make sexual innuendos and make girls laugh pretty easily makes all this attraction material very addicting. The problem is, in conversation I am too hooked on all the components of attraction: ****y + Funny, Roleplaying, Role-reversal, Disqualification, Tme Distortion, etc. But this just means i'm being too try hard and too dependent on these techniques. It's not that I'm necessarily memorizing a bunch of lines, because a lot of my attraction material comes from pure improvisation, but even then I just rely so much on attraction.

I think there are three main reasons as to why I'm so obsessed with Attraction material. The FIRST reason is that it just works so damn well. Girls eat this stuff up. The SECOND reason is that when a girl is really attracted to me, it seems like she's definately ready to have sex: perhaps she's laughing a lot, KINOing me, playing along with my role-playing tactics, joining in on my sexual innuendos, etc. When a girl is attracted to me, it really seems like she wants to hook up. We all know, however, that COMFORT is almost always needed for her to even consider having sex with you. While I'm haven't really started working on the Comfort stage of the game yet, I am now a pretty good flirter. And that is definately a step up from what I used to be just a few months ago. The THIRD reason as to why Attraction is so addicting is that it's just so fun. I love having these playful, sexually charged interactions with women.

The problem with all of this is that I am just too focused on Attraction. It's like every situation I'm in nowadays, I look for ways to Disqualify or tease a girl. In fact, I view almost all interactions according to the game (which isn't necessarily a bad thing in my opinion), but I need to throw out technique and skill stuff every once in awhile and just have normal conversations instead of always trying to GAME, GAME, GAME.

It's as if I'm always trying to be alpha, and since ATTRACTION material really really works, it helps me assure myself of my progress and entertainment value. Which brings me to another point: I shouldn't TRY to be entertaining. I should just BE entertaining. Now I know this is a bit of a Catch-22, because I need to consciously try while I am improving my game; however, I feel like too much of a dancing monkey.

I'm always trying to make the girls laugh and always trying to make the girls ATTRACTED, which is a bad thing. I need to enjoy the moment while using ATTRACTION material less often. But maybe I'm just over-analyzing and my behavior will adjust itself the more I practice this stuff and the more i get comfortable in social situations. In order to find the correct balance, you often have to go to both extremes to find that balance.

*In regards to cold approaching, I still get very uncomfortable in the beginning of an interaction. Now I know you might say, "EVERYONE gets uncomfortable." But I go a bit overboard. I need to be more comfortable and less worried so that the girl I am talking to is not uncomfortable. The problem is, I still have that fear of rejection and also that fear of shame and embarrassment.

If a girl is initially cold when I first approach her, I get very nervous. I want to be the one who is unrattled by the other person's reaction and the one who sets the frame. In order to be good at the game, I need to be more comfortable when I first meet a woman (or I at least need to control my nervousness better).

One of the most important skills for me is getting good at what Juggler calls, the Bounce-Back. The Bounce-Back is pretty much your state/your response to the other person's reaction. So if a girl initially acts cold to me, I could accept the fact that this is normal human response and KNOW that she will soon be comfortable around me because I am good at the Bounce-Back.

*Having said that, I have gotten a ton better at responding to when girls try to ****-TEST or DISQUALIFY me. I've found that one of the best methods is to just ignore the girl and either talk about something else or start talking to someone else. It's a really cool thing I've learned.

*I came up with a really cool saying which I will start living by: You have to **** her mind before you can **** her pu**y. It's really true. I often get so fixated on trying to get in her pants that I ruin my chances. I have to take everything step by step, be patient, and trust that I will be successful if I play the cards right.

I have even more stuff to talk about tomorrow

 

[Brak86]

Tuesday, August 7

I'm continuing with the theme of my last post, so I'm just going to talk about a few different things in my head. Like the last post, I will mark new subjects with a star (*).

*One of the biggest obstacles I have been struggling with for quite some time is what I call the Completion Syndrome. I am so fixated on completing things, because it gives me a sense of not having to deal with something anymore. It is as if I get this or that done, if I finish this or that thing, then I will have one less thing to worry about. I feel like I want to get stuff out of the way so I will have less and less to deal with. But life is not like that. I just finished the book, "The Way of The Superior Man" by David Deida, and the FIRST chapter is titled: Stop Hoping for a Completion of Anything in Life. I have this fixation that I need to get over with. He says that many men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done and that if they work enough, then one day they can rest. But he says that it never ends. I know this, I agree with this, but it's very hard to actually accept. I love getting stuff finished, I think it is because men are really into finishing tasks and solving problems. But I need to live more in the present and stop waiting for some fantasy moment where I am done. This is the reason why playing Guitar and learning the Game can be so frustrating for me. A hobby like Guitar is a never-ending process. You don't just come to a point where you have mastered everything. You can always improve. In fact, in regards to most of the really rewarding things in life, you will never be done with them, so I should just enjoy the process. I want to enjoy the present more. I day-dream way to much and think, "Ohhh I can't wait until I'm an awesome guitarist, or an awesome Pick-Up-Artist. But that takes me so out of the moment. And, by the way, what is "awesome?" It isn't clearly definable.

*I now realize more than ever that you should never change your plans for the sole purpose of trying to get a girl. It can be as simple as changing venues one night just to follow a girl who you are trying to "win over" to changing your life and redirecting your passions just for a girl. This doesn't mean that you should be stubborn and a total d*ckhead, but that the ultimate reason for doing something should not be for trying win over a girl. In this same book, David Deida explains that women don't want to be number one. He says that men are dedicated to their higher purpose, which goes beyond a woman, and that if a man makes it seem like his number one priority is his woman, then he is not trustworty and is not seeking his "highest purpose." He goes on to say that "Although she would never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose."

I really do agree with this assessment. As Zan says, women do not want to be the adventure, they want to be taken on the adventure. If you sacrifice your higher purpose just for the sake of "winning over" a woman, then that is when you are needy and clingy. This is not to say that you should never aim to please your women, as a matter of fact, by living according to your highest purpose, you will pretty much always be pleasing her, because she knows that you are not dependant on her, and that you are seeking something higher than a relationship--you are seeking freedom, love, and passion in life. This is one reason why two guys can do/say the same thing, but get different results. Your intentions and your motive for doing something will be sensed by a woman (or by anyone, in fact).

*I know I mentioned this on Thursday August 2, but I want to go back to expressing emotion. I am more emotive than a year ago, but I still have trouble letting myself go. I am naturally a very logical minded, rational person, so the opposite side of the spectrum (highly emotional) can sometimes really irk me off. For example, in arguments, I am very good at rationally staying calm and seeing both sides of the argument. I am also good at compromising if there is a dilemma between people. So I just hate it when people get all pissy and emotional. It just never goes anywhere and nothing gets solved when people are not listening to each other and just yelling.

I want to be emotional, yet I am so against appearing melodramatic that I put a leash on myself and, as a result, I guard my emotions too much. I just don't like exaggerated emotion and I don't like high irationality. However, if I want to successfuly deal with women, I am going to have to put up with this and know how to deal with it, and also I must be able to at least exhibit some of these qualities to an extent. For an example, good conversation is almost always irrational and it often does not really make sense.

This has to do with another topic I have in mind, which is I need to embrace my feminine side more if I want to be good with women. The best pick up artists/naturals really do exhibit some feminine qualities in their mannerisms. Now I have a square jaw line and I look more masculine, but I dress really well, a little metrosexual, so I have embraced this femininity in my appearance. While women love the masculine edge of boldness, risk-taking, and decisiveness, you need a dash of femininity so not to appear so emotionally cold, boring, and overly rational.

*The more I observe the happy and disgruntled people around me, the more I realize that on average the happier people Give more. Happy people Selflessly Give. They give their gift to the world, they give to other people, they give in all aspects of life. This is not to say that they are completely altruistic, but that love pervades the world and that giving is essential. Besides, giving ultimately benefits them.

*While I have a lot more aggressive with women since I first started Gaming, I have a HUGE ways to go with this. Women like aggressiveness, and women do not like it when guys hide their sexual intent. They know when you want it, so as long as you play the Game smoothly and without neediness, they want you to be sexually aggressive and they want you to show intent. The "nice" guy/"jerk" debate really has nothing to do with niceness or meanness, it has to do with honesty and dishonesty. Jerks usually are not worried about showing sexual intent, and girls like this honesty. Girls assume (and understandably so) that the guys who are not being sexually aggressive enough are either dishonest, cowardly, gay, or a mixture of the three. No wonder why they like jerks. At least they have the balls and the honesty to show their true desires.

I, myself, am still having trouble revealing my sexual intent. I need to be more aggressive and more honest. Now, as I mentioned before, there is a clear difference between SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE and SEXUALLY CREEPY. In order to truly master my Sexual Aggression, I need to go all out. This might require me accidently coming across as creepy sometimes, but the more I do this, the more I will learn. This is a HUGE sticking point for me. I notice that most of my friends who get girls on a consistent basis are sexually aggressive. While they might not have the greatest game, at least they are relentless when it comes to showing their desires.

I play it too safe and I need to be more bold. Finesse, a great guy in the Dallas Lair, reminded me that you should look at her like you want to **** her. Look into her eyes but talk to the *****. I have done this a couple times and I definately notice a difference. I'm sure the girl does, too. I do not plow enough and I need to escalate, escalate, escalate. I am too worried about social awkwardness, creepiness and the girl being uncomfortable, so I often release the tension by either deciding not to approach, not being sexual, or ejecting. F*ck that. I cannot let a girl change my frame. The Game and Confidence can be pretty much summed up as Frame Control: Mastering your frame so that nothing, no scenario and no situation will ever rattle your frame.

*Finally, I'd like to mention that sometime when I move back to Boston for the upcoming school year, a couple of my wings and I (scratch that, they are not just wings, but good friends, I should start calling them such) are going to be doing a 31 day challenge. This is where you go out every single day for 31 days and approach. This will be exhausting, grueling, time-consuming, and hard, but it will make us a whole lot better. So you all can look forward to a bunch of field reports in the upcoming months.

 

[Brak86]

Wednesday August 22,

Here I am, exactly a week away before I return to BC for my sophomore year at college, thinking about the drastic yet amazing occurrences that have happened over the past few weeks. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that over the past 3-4 weeks I have made greater strides in regards to improving my inner-game than I ever have during any other 3-4 week period of my life.

It's not that I have corrected these inner-game problems per se, but I have become more AWARE of the demons that plague my path to self-confidence. Through talking with my parents A LOT, reading two great books, and going out with friends, many of my insecurities and deep-rooted fears have surfaced themselves, allowing me to be more CONSCIOUSLY aware of them. The first step to improving is to be consciously aware of the problem. As Sam Keen says in Fire in the Belly, "to win our soul or rescue our self from its entrapment in our personality, we have to do battle with a legion of fears we never knew we had." In order to rip out the roots of our deeply-seeded insecurities, we have to dig deep within the soil of our being.

It is important to note that I am not talking about superficial insecurities and problems. I am not talking about Problems that specifically deal with the skillset aspect of Pick-up, or as it is commonly called "Outer Game." Rather, I am talking about deeper, more profound and more powerful insecurities that have been repressed--laid hidden deep within me for a long time.

But over these few weeks, I have delved deeper within myself than I ever have before, and have at least recognized and acknowledged my fears and insecurities. Thus, I have taken the first step in destroying my Ego. All of my fears--my fear of death, my fear of rejection, my fear of not being in control, my fear of public humiliation and shame--they all lie within my Ego.

I don't really know why I have these fears, maybe they just come naturally (although to varying degrees) in each person because they are genetic. Maybe I adopted these fears as a young kid. It's probably a combination of both.

What has helped me the most in recognizing my fears is reconciling with my parents. Although my parents rock, no parents are perfect. Every child has some problems with his parents.My dad took me to dinner a week ago because he knew this, and he wanted me to finally voice what bothered me about him. I was very honest and I told him I never saw him as a dominant figure in my family. I said that I never felt comfortable talking to him, and that he was always telling me what NOT to do instead of what TO do. He was not hurt at all, he was actually happy about this, and I finally let out what had never really thought of as important before until now.

I just finished Fire in the Belly, by Sam Keen. This book is about what it means to be a true Man. It is the best book I have ever read (along with the Alchemist). I strongly encourage every one of you to read it.

I finished The Way of the Superior Man before I read Fire in the Belly, and it is interesting to note that both of them allude to Man's higher purpose. Men become less confident and more needy and less masculine when they sacrifice their true calling for other things.

My favorite part of Fire in the Belly was when Sam Keen said that there are two questions a Man should ask himself: The first is "Where am I going?" and the second is "Who will go with me?" IF YOU EVER GET THESE QUESTIONS IN THE WRONG ORDER YOU ARE IN TROUBLE.

The reason why supplication (neediness, desperation, pleading, indecisiveness) is such a turnoff for women is because YOU HAVE THESE QUESTIONS IN THE WRONG ORDER. As much as women will deny it, they want a man who places his Higher Purpose above EVERYTHING else--yes, even the woman herself.

 

[Brak86]

On a separate note, I have recognized another crippling problem I have with women. Many times I have trouble opening and especially RE-opening a woman because I view women as an entirely different species as men. Instead of viewing a girl as just another normal human being with fears and insecurities like me, I see them as a different animal. It's not that I act like a different person when I am around girls; rather, I just treat girls and guys very differently and my behaviors change. Can you see the difference?

For example, while I am still being myself when I hang out with my aunt or when I hang out with my friends, I am still behaving a bit differently. So it is not really a problem of me pretending to be something I am not, it is just that I don't view girls as human beings. AS A RESULT, I FEEL AS THOUGH GIRLS CAN SMELL MY AGENDA, MY NERVOUSNESS, MY SOCIAL DISCOMFORT, AND MY INDECISIVENESS FROM A MILE AWAY EVEN IF I AM SUCCESSFULLY FLIRTING WITH THEM AND MAKING THEM LAUGH.

This is a dilemma for me. Obviously we can't view girls as separate beings. Having said that, we still need to treat them differently if we are going to be sexually involved with them. We need to show disinterest, we need to qualify, elicit values, SOI, etc. The fact that we GAME girls is proof that we treat girls differently. So the dilemma for me is that, even though girls are human beings too, there is no doubt that we still do have to act a bit differently. You don't sexually escalate and flirt with your male buddies.

I just have a problem distinguishing between the fine line of the necessity of treating girls differently if we want to be sexually involved with them and between not being true to your true, genuine, best self. When are you merely approaching the situation differently, and when are you sacrificing your genuine self and pretending to be someone you are not?