A girl's perspective on boundaries

[TarantulaHawk]

Ok lets summarize what we have here:

Me: women know what exclusivity is, when they are attracted to you and want you to be their BF there will be no ambiguity about their intentions, there wont be other guys in the picture. The exception I can think of I think tarantula alluded to above is that you really arent too interested in her - or are overplaying àsshole game - and so she thinks she has no chance and tries to make you jealous by pursuing other guys. Not really relevant here.

It is completely relevant as women aren't naturally "confident" and completely "secure" with a man who they deem high value they must have to themselves.

Women not only use makeup, push up bras, cosmetic surgery, butt lifts, gym time, heels, and every other accessory to make them their most attractive for a top tier male but they also gossip with friends, see shrinks, watch talk shows, go to psychics as they need re-assurance and advice.

Chicks aren't just going to drop every other dude even IF they push for exclusivity without knowing exactly where the high value male they choose stands. They want to hear the man they are pursuing's definition IE: boundaries etc. and they appreciate it even more if they hear it vocally that high tier male in their eyes "claims" them with boundaries. Otherwise the chicks overthink (especially if they want the high tier male to themselves) and confer with friends etc. and won't just drop other males let alone ALL of them ESPECIALLY if they are a high quality chick. Only time that happens is when they agree to their choice of high value males terms and vice versa for exclusivity as they see it as a "test drive" for possible full on lifetime commitment/ boundary of marrying the dude.

To think otherwise is complete nonsense as you could ask 100 people for the definition of exclusivity and you'd get many varying answers.

Boundary brigade: no, women have no idea what it means or how to act.. They need your expectations explained to them..

Sorry dude but if it's a committed exclusive relationship both parties explain their terms. No one is a mind reader and everyone's definition of things will vary. Like it or not.

Me: ok this goes against everything we know about female dating psychology, but lets consider this. Do you really think a girl is going to tell you if she goes to hang out with a male friend when she knows you dont want her to? If she wants to break your boundaries she will do so..

And then she's just weeded herself out. To claim to be EXCLUSIVE is a boundary in itself. Otherwise you are casually dating.

Me: you would dump her either way, why do you need to establish precedent like a legal trial? The only difference is that with the boundaries she would be more likely to hide it from you. The fact remains, if you are a man of value - a big if with some of the responses im seeing from you guys - she should be a whole lot more worried about who YOU are hanging out with than the other way around. If this is not the case, then you need to reevaluate the way you are dealing with women.

You'd do it for the same reasons people may prepare the same food different ways. One person can make a pizza one way and there's tons of people who may make pizza completely different ways. Which is why there are many ingredients and ways to make pizza or any food and different ways to order them. IE: Some chick makes you a turkey sandwich and in your eyes she should just KNOW how to make a turkey sandwich but she may add a wrong ingredient or you might not like regular mayo or no salt and pepper.

Exclusivity comes with terms and conditions. Boundaries that need to be explained. To deny that is ridiculous and just ASSUME the other party knows EXACTLY what exclusivity means to you and you them.

BB: no no its on her to accept the terms of your expectations. You are just telling her what you want, and she is choosing to accept it or not. She can walk away if she wants I dont care.

Me: So now you think that by her agreeing to the terms, that means she wont see other guys.. Which you already admitted wont work? Be consistent.

You are defining the terms of exclusivity with both parties to be on the same page. If the other party cannot accept them? You either just casually date or move on. If they agree and break them anyway? You move on. Boundaries are set for what you accept. The other party can accept them or not. If you're high value enough they WILL accept them as they see you as high value enough to be possible marriage material etc. in the future.

 

[zekko]

Me: women know what exclusivity is, when they are attracted to you and want you to be their BF there will be no ambiguity about their intentions, there wont be other guys in the picture.

Women are TAUGHT and RAISED to believe that having opposite sex friends is perfectly all right, whether they are in an exclusive relationship or not.

Once again: The men on this forum cannot agree whether or not this is true, how can you expect women to hold a consensus on this subject?

Boundary brigade

Boundary brigade, lol.

BB: whoa whoa who said anything about controlling her?! The argument now changes as you guys appear to grudgingly accept the reality of my last statement, which is verified through both examples in the thread and apparently zekko and gurus own past marriages (correct me if im wrong on that part).

I can't speak for guru, but boundaries and cheating had nothing to do with my divorce. We were in firm agreement that opposite sex friends were off the table, in fact SHE brought up the subject to me.

I don't want to get into the details again, but basically she went a little crazy and because of that we stopped getting along. I take my part in the responsibility because I let her p!ss me off.

Me: So now you think that by her agreeing to the terms, that means she wont see other guys.. Which you already admitted wont work?

She will adhere to the agreement as long as she remains interested. Which, in the case of my current girlfriend, is over 11 years now. I don't believe that relationships last forever (I know some do, but you can't count on that). But the point is the relationship will be as I wish it to be, at least while the relationship lasts. Otherwise, why get into it in the first place?

 

[jurry]

It is completely relevant as women aren't naturally "confident" and completely "secure" with a man who they deem high value they must have to themselves. Maybe not but he is still their main option, and once he agrees to be exclusive they drop anyone else.

Women not only use makeup, push up bras, cosmetic surgery, butt lifts, gym time, heels, and every other accessory to make them their most attractive for a top tier male but they also gossip with friends, see shrinks, watch talk shows, go to psychics as they need re-assurance and advice. Ok? Cool.

Chicks aren't just going to drop every other dude even IF they push for exclusivity without knowing exactly where the high value male they choose stands. They want to hear the man they are pursuing's definition IE: boundaries etc. and they appreciate it even more if they hear it vocally that high tier male in their eyes "claims" them with boundaries. No.. No they dont. Its a simple conversation that you're trying to turn into the ten commandmentsOtherwise the chicks overthink (especially if they want the high tier male to themselves) and confer with friends etc. and won't just drop other males let alone ALL of them ESPECIALLY if they are a high quality chick. Only time that happens is when they agree to their choice of high value males terms and vice versa for exclusivity as they see it as a "test drive" for possible full on lifetime commitment/ boundary of marrying the dude.right, and agreeing to be exclusive is a pretty minor early step. You say ok we're trying this out, it isnt marriage. You learn a lot more about each other, most relationships dont even make it past a few months. Who would possibly care as much as you guys do about ironing out every detail?

To think otherwise is complete nonsense as you could ask 100 people for the definition of exclusivity and you'd get many varying answers.pretty sure theyd be exactly the same - dating only one person - but feel free to give it a shot



Sorry dude but if it's a committed exclusive relationship both parties explain their terms. No one is a mind reader and everyone's definition of things will vary. Like it or not. I guess in the bizarro world you live in thats what people do



And then she's just weeded herself out. To claim to be EXCLUSIVE is a boundary in itself. Otherwise you are casually dating.yes it is a boundary.. One that everyone understands and requires no discussion




You'd do it for the same reasons people may prepare the same food different ways. One person can make a pizza one way and there's tons of people who may make pizza completely different ways. Which is why there are many ingredients and ways to make pizza or any food and different ways to order them. IE: Some chick makes you a turkey sandwich and in your eyes she should just KNOW how to make a turkey sandwich but she may add a wrong ingredient or you might not like regular mayo or no salt and pepper. Except its not a recipe, its the most simple thing in the world everyone understands

Exclusivity comes with terms and conditions. YesBoundaries that need to be explained.noTo deny that is ridiculous and just ASSUME the other party knows EXACTLY what exclusivity means to you and you them.



You are defining the terms of exclusivity with both parties to be on the same page. If the other party cannot accept them? You either just casually date or move on. If they agree and break them anyway? You move on. Boundaries are set for what you accept. The other party can accept them or not. If you're high value enough they WILL accept them as they see you as high value enough to be possible marriage material etc. in the future.

This gets us back to where we were before. If she is pushing for exclusivity, she knows what she is asking for or she wouldnt be asking for it. She will remain faithful to you if she has interest, she wont if she doesnt have it anymore. The exclusivity agreement signed and sealed makes not a bit of difference.

I know of no high value man that would waste his time with a girl who needs exclusivity explained to her. You shouldnt either. I would actually be turned off if a girl kept harping on about what it meant and what we can and cant do, because she is probably clingy and obnoxious.

 

[jurry]

Danger if you think she will not do as she wishes then you are saying the boundary discussion is about control and stopping her from behaving a certain way, which directly contradicts what you said earlier.

 

[zekko]

I mean, it is just a "useless boundary", isn't it? Why handcuff yourself when she will just do whatever whenever?

Well, some are saying that she will just automatically do what you want her to. Which is odd, considering that some are also saying that she will just do whatever she wants to whenever she wants. The other side is all over the map on this.

yes it is a boundary.. One that everyone understands and requires no discussion

You are either blind or in denial. I will repeat this AGAIN. Your statement is blatantly false. Peaks believes it is okay for a woman to hang out with a male friend. I do not. There's disagreement right there. The whole point of the Big Bang Theory forum link (which flew way over your head, apparently) was that everyone did NOT agree on what was appropriate behavior in an exclusive relationship.

When we first started discussing this topic, the main argument of the other side was that objecting to a woman keeping her male friends and arguments was INSECURE. That was about the only word you heard for a long time. Somehow, that has evolved into "She will drop all her male friends and orbiters on her own, no discussion required". Which is FALSE. I know plenty of couples who retain their opposite sex friends, to various degrees. It is a matter of CHOICE, to be decided by the couple.

I would actually be turned off if a girl kept harping on about what it meant and what we can and cant do, because she is probably clingy and obnoxious.

Strawman! We have always talked about this being a one time discussion. The only "harping" about what it means goes on in threads like this.

 

[TarantulaHawk]

This gets us back to where we were before. If she is pushing for exclusivity, she knows what she is asking for or she wouldnt be asking for it. She will remain faithful to you if she has interest, she wont if she doesnt have it anymore. The exclusivity agreement signed and sealed makes not a bit of difference.

I know of no high value man that would waste his time with a girl who needs exclusivity explained to her. You shouldnt either. I would actually be turned off if a girl kept harping on about what it meant and what we can and cant do, because she is probably clingy and obnoxious.

You know of no high value man that would waste his time with a girl who needs exclusivity explained to her because you neither know a high value man nor are a high value man.

The exclusive "assuming" relationship. LMFAO.

If a chick is pushing for exclusivity doesn't mean she is fully confident and not insecure due to the fact she's after a high value male in her eyes. If she is high value herself she most likely has tons of orbiters, facebook stalkers, dudes in the wings etc. She isn't going to drop everyone and everything for a dude who she perceives high value and put all her eggs in one basket with an ambiguous high value male who doesn't explain what exclusivity means to him and his relationship with her.

Chicks need re-assurance. And if they aren't getting that from a dude they will keep orbiters etc. Not drop everything and just leave what they determine is an exclusive relationship as their thoughts and doubts will make their minds race.

You are basically leaving the whole exclusive relationship up to the woman to determine what she thinks is and isn't acceptable for BOTH your relationship.

And if you are as "high value" as you claim you cannot expect to leave things up to a chick who knows other women are after her prize to just "know" her definition of exclusive is the same as yours.

Your argument is completely ridiculous and submissive to a chick while claiming high value status for yourself.

If you were high value you'd have your own terms and stick with them regardless if she does or doesn't. Same thing with children and marriage etc. Everyone has terms etc. Boundaries etc. They get crossed and the man is high value? They find out the consequences.

 

[zekko]

You are basically leaving the whole exclusive relationship up to the woman to determine what she thinks is and isn't acceptable for BOTH your relationship.

And if you are as "high value" as you claim you cannot expect to leave things up to a chick who knows other women are after her prize to just "know" her definition of exclusive is the same as yours.

Great point, Tarantula. If you do not define the relationship, then you are leaving it up to the woman to define it. By not taking the role of leadership yourself, you are leaving an empty void that needs to be filled. A role that will be filled by her! And we all know that the male must be the leader, not the female. Especially for high value males, that is non-negotiable.

As for her "just knowing" your definition of exclusivity, I have never been one to believe that women have all these supernatural mind reading powers that many PUAs assign to them.

 

[jurry]

Your responses once again betray a basic understanding of female psychology and dating experience. She wants exclusivity from you because she has already decided you are the one for her. Women dont just fvck different guys for the fun of it when they already have a man of value. You're trying to analyze this as if she is a man. That is not their DNA. The fact that the woman is requesting exclusivity already includes her exclusivity with it. Unless you suddenly turn into a beta bîtchboy after the relationship starts, theres no problem.

Ive not avoided anything, theres like 5 people responding to me with 5 different arguments and I am at work so I dont have time to address each point.

I wouldnt care if my gf hung out with a man who was just a friend. We are honest and trust each other, I know that she isnt interested in someone else at this point. And honestly i dont really give a fvck, im not a little boy whos going to cry over a girl. I talk to other girls, if we end it ill just move on. Whats the problem?

 

[TarantulaHawk]

Great point, Tarantula. If you do not define the relationship, then you are leaving it up to the woman to define it. By not taking the role of leadership yourself, you are leaving an empty void that needs to be filled. A role that will be filled by her! And we all know that the male must be the leader, not the female. Especially for high value males, that is non-negotiable.

As for her "just knowing" your definition of exclusivity, I have never been one to believe that women have all these supernatural mind reading powers that many PUAs assign to them.

These dudes are hilarious. It's low value dudes trying to claim "high value" by leaving things up to a chick to determine what exclusivity means for their exclusive relationship. The "assuming" exclusive relationship LMAO...based entirely off the chicks definition. It's a completely delusional fantasy where the low value man tries to "one up" high value men who know they are high value and set their terms accordingly by claiming they're "insecure" if they don't let the chick assume the exclusive relationship lead. LMFAO

 

[jurry]

You have had half a week to reply to zekkos, gurus and my questions, have you been working 72 hours straight?

I respond when I'm at work when I have time. If im not at work, I actually go out and enjoy life, you should try it.

So you would not dump her, but I would for violating the expectations of exclusivity.

Therefore we have different definitions of exclusivity (second time I have had to prove this to you).I would say you are tremendously untrusting of your GF and probably shouldn't be with her if the idea of her being somewhere with someone of the opposite sex is so troubling to you.

So if we have different definitions, how is she to know what is expected of her?Im not sure, the boundary brigade are the only people I know of who have this problem. Deal with it as you like. Personally, every girl I know and have dated understands what exclusivity means and I've never gone into detail about it.

I agree she wants exclusivity because she decides you are the one for her, I have already stated that.

My question which still remains unanswered, is if she will do as she wishes, why would YOU go exclusive with her and handcuff yourself in the process? What is the benefit to you?

Why are you assuming she is the only one who will do what she wants? The benefit is two people who like each other decide they only want to see each other and see where it goes. If one of them stops liking the other, the relationship generally ends! Lol, have you been in a relationship before?

Tarantula why dont you go get banned a few more times for raging out and losing your shlt on internet forums instead of talking to me about what makes a high value man.. rofl

 

[TarantulaHawk]

Why are you assuming she is the only one who will do what she wants? The benefit is two people who like each other decide they only want to see each other and see where it goes. If one of them stops liking the other, the relationship generally ends! Lol, have you been in a relationship before?

Tarantula why dont you go get banned a few more times for raging out and losing your shlt on internet forums instead of talking to me about what makes a high value man.. rofl

Sorry son. You aren't high value. You're a drifter. Right Mr. Polyamorous?

"Raging out and losing my sht on an internet forum?" You're more delusional than I thought. LMFAO. You still dating those quality 4's for 40 by 40 on POF? Lay off the shrooms.

 

[zekko]

I wouldnt care if my gf hung out with a man who was just a friend. We are honest and trust each other

At least now you are being intellectually honest. Argue that you trust each other, rather than saying that she "will just know and drop all her male friends and orbiters".

You don't care about boundaries because you don't care if she hangs out with other dudes. I won't tolerate it, so I think it's only fair to let her know that. Because she will NOT automatically know it: In the case of both my ex-wife and my current girlfriend, their exes both believed in having opposite sex friends. Coincidentally or not, both their exes ended up cheating on them.

I would say you are tremendously untrusting of your GF and probably shouldn't be with her if the idea of her being somewhere with someone of the opposite sex is so troubling to you.

Lol, and yet it is the anti-boundary brigade who is always saying that the girl will do whatever she wants whenever she wants. Who are the untrusting ones?

It's a completely delusional fantasy where the low value man tries to "one up" high value men who know they are high value and set their terms accordingly by claiming they're "insecure" if they don't let the chick assume the exclusive relationship lead

In their defense, this is the feminist definition that we all grew up with. And to be fair, this "loose interpretation" of exclusive relationships works best in high school, where commitments are made more lightly. Even in young adults, there is a "pack mentality" where people draw their identities largely from the group they hang out with.

I think people become more individualistic as they get older, thus the idea of keeping opposite sex friends makes less sense the further you get from adolescence. You come to realize that these friendships are basically dishonest (usually they are based on physical attraction on at least one person's part), plus older people are less likely to run in packs. They tend to draw their identities from themselves, or at least I do. Many extroverts hang onto the "pack identity". These people always strike me as kind of sad.

 

[G_Govan]

Man this thread is long, but that usually means there are uncomfortable truths abound.

I think some of the men here don't give women enough credit.

They've been right here with us for thousands of years evolving their own methods of maximizing their ability to obtain and spread the best genes.

Women, just like men, respond to incentives and consequences. When you live in a developed country where the average man is treated as little more than a handbag accessory, you have to realize that trying to "reason" with a woman by telling her your ground rules becomes laughable.

This isn't an insult or a way of undermining you, it's just the reality of the environment you live in.

If you took this same stance in say, Saudi Arabia, well then, talking about it would be quite redundant. In a country such as SA you don't only have to rely on your word, you've got laws, cultural norms and society at large backing you up.

That's ultimately what's required to keep women in line, in a traditional sense. The only power we really have today in a first world country is the ability to "walk away." The great thing about this is you don't even have to argue, women know instinctively how a man truly behaves when he's fully confident in leaving.

Since most men aren't, well, you have Sosuave.net.

 

[zekko]

Women, just like men, respond to incentives and consequences. When you live in a developed country where the average man is treated as little more than a handbag accessory, you have to realize that trying to "reason" with a woman by telling her your ground rules becomes laughable.

Your basic premise is flawed. If men were no more than a "handbag accessory", they wouldn't care if we walked away or not.

Also, no one is trying to "reason" with a woman by telling her our ground rules. As Danger has said, boundaries act as a filter. If she has a problem with our expectations, then we will not become exclusive with her in the first place. That has to be more effective than merely "walking away". IF you are a high value male.

You might argue that she will just agree to your terms and then break them, but that's why you screen them. If she's that much of an unreliable fly by night, presumably you would know.

The great thing about this is you don't even have to argue, women know instinctively how a man truly behaves when he's fully confident in leaving.

Please don't try this "she will instinctively know how to behave" garbage, this has been thoroughly debunked. The fact that this is Sooli's argument alone would be enough for me to back off of it. For her to "instinctively know how to behave", she would have to act against all of her feminist upbringing, and all of the training that white knights and AFCs have given her over the years.

The only way she will "instinctively know how to behave" is if your definition of being exclusive includes her spending time with male friends and orbiters (which I suspect it does).

 

[Soolaimon]

Hilarious how these boundary guys think "defining terms of exclusivity" to a woman will make her not have other men around if she still wants them. That is pure ignorance and delusion!

They have no idea if their own women hung out with other men without their knowledge even though they defined terms.

Zekko feels it's ok for his woman to talk and text other men. He is ignorant to the fact that she can meet those men for drinks without him knowing thus breaking his boundary as he thinks she is following it. That would make his boundary useless cause she broke it.

Social Leper wrote in "the just got dumped thread" that his woman dumped him even with boundaries.

These are the same women who lied to their parents and previous boyfriends getting around the boundaries they set. But these betas have no clue that these women can do the same to them when they set their relationship boundaries. Crazy!

They also state that women have been taught not to know what exclusive means. So just cause they inform middle aged women of what it means that doesn't mean they are going to follow it since they have been doing their own thing for years. That's on the job training and that will fail. That's why they all have failed relationships choosing the wrong women to define terms for.

Telling her what you don't find "acceptable" doesn't matter when she still wants those other men. She will agree to your terms to avoid a hassle and will just see them when you're not around. Are you people that stupid? Especially when it's happened to you guys before.

I know taken women who hooked up with other guys who had terms defined to them in the past. They knew it was wrong but did it anyway. The boundary was useless.

There is a girl on my friend's facebook who was in a new 3 week relationship and she got caught hanging out with another guy. The guy set boundaries with her and she broke them with ease cause she had the free will to do so.

What did the boundary do? Nothing! She agreed to "the terms" and still decided to see another guy when she wanted to.

Boundaries only work when the woman respects you, is attracted to you, and wants only you.

You can explain and define terms to her until you're blue in the face. When she doesn't care to follow "your terms" your boundary is useless. The boundary crew still can't figure that one out.

So when your woman is showing you through her own actions that she wants only you there is no need to set a boundary.

A boundary does nothing to prevent cheating. She can agree to it but that does not mean she will follow it. You need a faithful woman in order for that to happen. When she is faithful you don't need a boundary anyway. Why can't the boundary crew understand that?

Well, some are saying that she will just automatically do what you want her to. Which is odd, considering that some are also saying that she will just do whatever she wants to whenever she wants. The other side is all over the map on this.

No you guys are all over the map. You contradict your own positions while making up new ones as you go along. None of you can understand common sense.

When she is showing me through her own actions that she doesn't need other men she is doing what I want her to. Women will do that for men. Why can't you understand that?

You don't believe a woman has the free will to do what she wants when she gets out of bed each day?

Even you boundary guys claim that you "only define terms to her once" and she is free to do whatever she wants after that.

So you define "your terms" and she is free to choose whether she will follow "the terms" or not.

How does that change anything in your relationship when she can still see men without you knowing even though you told her not to and she "agreed to your terms"?

If a chick is pushing for exclusivity doesn't mean she is fully confident and not insecure due to the fact she's after a high value male in her eyes. If she is high value herself she most likely has tons of orbiters, facebook stalkers, dudes in the wings etc. She isn't going to drop everyone and everything for a dude who she perceives high value and put all her eggs in one basket with an ambiguous high value male who doesn't explain what exclusivity means to him and his relationship with her.

And this guy thinks she will drop every dude for an insecure guy who has to explain his exclusivity fears and concerns to her. Amazing!

She does that cause she wants to. Not cause you explained and defined terms to her.

She doesn't need jokers of less value when she has a man who is worth something.

Defining terms won't make her get rid of men she really still wants around.

Ask members of the boundary crew about that. They defined terms and set boundaries and the women still hung out with orbiters even though they knew the terms and agreed to them.

If she wants to see them she will see them without you knowing. Even though she said "yes" to all your terms.

Guess that is too hard for you and the rest of the crew to understand?

Chicks need re-assurance. And if they aren't getting that from a dude they will keep orbiters etc. Not drop everything and just leave what they determine is an exclusive relationship as their thoughts and doubts will make their minds race.

Insecure chicks need re-assurance all the time. Those are chicks you don't commit to.

Women keep orbiters cause the man isn't of high value.

I guess you think any man who "defines terms" will have women dropping every dude for him cause he made his concerns known LOL.

The woman drops other dudes cause of his value and what she feels for him. Not cause you "defined your terms" out of insecurity.

You are basically leaving the whole exclusive relationship up to the woman to determine what she thinks is and isn't acceptable for BOTH your relationship.
.

False. She can still determine she wants to see other men even though you defined "your terms" to her.

Isn't that her determining what she thinks is and isn't acceptable for BOTH your relationship?

All the boundary guys have failed marriages/relationships due to the woman's actions.

With your definition above the boundary crew's former women determined what was acceptable for themselves and the relationship even though they had exclusive terms defined for them by the boundary crew members. The women disregarded what the boundary crew's terms were and they did what they wanted to do.

Their boundary was useless.

And if you are as "high value" as you claim you cannot expect to leave things up to a chick who knows other women are after her prize to just "know" her definition of exclusive is the same as yours.

Definitions don't matter when she doesn't care to follow that definition or she makes you think she wants to follow it.

It has to be from her attraction to the man and her own choosing otherwise your boundary doesn't work.

Your argument is completely ridiculous and submissive to a chick while claiming high value status for yourself.

If you were high value you'd have your own terms and stick with them regardless if she does or doesn't. Same thing with children and marriage etc. Everyone has terms etc. Boundaries etc. They get crossed and the man is high value? They find out the consequences.

More ignorance on the part of a fool.

You don't need to explain your terms to a woman when you have high value. You live by your terms and execute action when you need to.

Women want men with high value and when they have that man odds are they don't want to lose him so they aren't going to do anything to ruin it.

Men of value have their own set of terms they live by. They don't go around weakly explaining themselves to every person they come in contact with. If a person violates your terms in any way that person is removed. That's how it's done. Chicks explain. Men use action.

All citizens are supposed to know the laws of the land. A judge will not care if you don't know what is and what is not acceptable. He will still throw you in jail.

Same with women. They should already know what exclusive means and should be showing you through their own actions before you become exclusive. If they don't show you what it means through action then you don't commit to that woman. You are the judge.

Defining terms to them won't change their behavior when they still want to behave that way.

I know guys who "defined their terms". The women still hung out with other guys anyway. Defining terms made no difference to their relationship at all.

Being concerned whether they will cheat on you or not is placing more value on them.

Defining terms does not change anything in a relationship just cause you defined your terms.

Women are going to cheat whether or not you put boundaries on them or not if they really want to.

All the boundary crew guys found out the consequences that their boundaries didn't work after their failed marriages/relationships but still argue for their boundaries. LOL

 

[TarantulaHawk]

Hilarious how these boundary guys think "defining terms of exclusivity" to a woman will make her not have other men around if she still wants them. That is pure ignorance and delusion!

They have no idea if their own women hung out with other men without their knowledge even though they defined terms.

Zekko feels it's ok for his woman to talk and text other men. He is ignorant to the fact that she can meet those men for drinks without him knowing thus breaking his boundary as he thinks she is following it. That would make his boundary useless cause she broke it.

Social Leper wrote in "the just got dumped thread" that his woman dumped him even with boundaries.

These are the same women who lied to their parents and previous boyfriends getting around the boundaries they set. But these betas have no clue that these women can do the same to them when they set their relationship boundaries. Crazy!

They also state that women have been taught not to know what exclusive means. So just cause they inform middle aged women of what it means that doesn't mean they are going to follow it since they have been doing their own thing for years. That's on the job training and that will fail. That's why they all have failed relationships choosing the wrong women to define terms for.

Telling her what you don't find "acceptable" doesn't matter when she still wants those other men. She will agree to your terms to avoid a hassle and will just see them when you're not around. Are you people that stupid? Especially when it's happened to you guys before.

I know taken women who hooked up with other guys who had terms defined to them in the past. They knew it was wrong but did it anyway. The boundary was useless.

There is a girl on my friend's facebook who was in a new 3 week relationship and she got caught hanging out with another guy. The guy set boundaries with her and she broke them with ease cause she had the free will to do so.

What did the boundary do? Nothing! She agreed to "the terms" and still decided to see another guy when she wanted to.

Boundaries only work when the woman respects you, is attracted to you, and wants only you.

You can explain and define terms to her until you're blue in the face. When she doesn't care to follow "your terms" your boundary is useless. The boundary crew still can't figure that one out.

So when your woman is showing you through her own actions that she wants only you there is no need to set a boundary.

A boundary does nothing to prevent cheating. She can agree to it but that does not mean she will follow it. You need a faithful woman in order for that to happen. When she is faithful you don't need a boundary anyway. Why can't the boundary crew understand that?






No you guys are all over the map. You contradict your own positions while making up new ones as you go along. None of you can understand common sense.

When she is showing me through her own actions that she doesn't need other men she is doing what I want her to. Women will do that for men. Why can't you understand that?

You don't believe a woman has the free will to do what she wants when she gets out of bed each day?

Even you boundary guys claim that you "only define terms to her once" and she is free to do whatever she wants after that.

So you define "your terms" and she is free to choose whether she will follow "the terms" or not.

How does that change anything in your relationship when she can still see men without you knowing even though you told her not to and she "agreed to your terms"?








And this guy thinks she will drop every dude for an insecure guy who has to explain his exclusivity fears and concerns to her. Amazing!

She does that cause she wants to. Not cause you explained and defined terms to her.

She doesn't need jokers of less value when she has a man who is worth something.

Defining terms won't make her get rid of men she really still wants around.

Ask members of the boundary crew about that. They defined terms and set boundaries and the women still hung out with orbiters even though they knew the terms and agreed to them.

If she wants to see them she will see them without you knowing. Even though she said "yes" to all your terms.

Guess that is too hard for you and the rest of the crew to understand?





Insecure chicks need re-assurance all the time. Those are chicks you don't commit to.

Women keep orbiters cause the man isn't of high value.

I guess you think any man who "defines terms" will have women dropping every dude for him cause he made his concerns known LOL.

The woman drops other dudes cause of his value and what she feels for him. Not cause you "defined your terms" out of insecurity.






False. She can still determine she wants to see other men even though you defined "your terms" to her.

Isn't that her determining what she thinks is and isn't acceptable for BOTH your relationship?

All the boundary guys have failed marriages/relationships due to the woman's actions.

With your definition above the boundary crew's former women determined what was acceptable for themselves and the relationship even though they had exclusive terms defined for them by the boundary crew members. The women disregarded what the boundary crew's terms were and they did what they wanted to do.

Their boundary was useless.




Definitions don't matter when she doesn't care to follow that definition or she makes you think she wants to follow it.

It has to be from her attraction to the man and her own choosing otherwise your boundary doesn't work.







More ignorance on the part of a fool.

You don't need to explain your terms to a woman when you have high value. You live by your terms and execute action when you need to.

Women want men with high value and when they have that man odds are they don't want to lose him so they aren't going to do anything to ruin it.

Men of value have their own set of terms they live by. They don't go around weakly explaining themselves to every person they come in contact with. If a person violates your terms in any way that person is removed. That's how it's done. Chicks explain. Men use action.

All citizens are supposed to know the laws of the land. A judge will not care if you don't know what is and what is not acceptable. He will still throw you in jail.

Same with women. They should already know what exclusive means and should be showing you through their own actions before you become exclusive. If they don't show you what it means through action then you don't commit to that woman. You are the judge.

Defining terms to them won't change their behavior when they still want to behave that way.

I know guys who "defined their terms". The women still hung out with other guys anyway. Defining terms made no difference to their relationship at all.

Being concerned whether they will cheat on you or not is placing more value on them.

Defining terms does not change anything in a relationship just cause you defined your terms.

Women are going to cheat whether or not you put boundaries on them or not if they really want to.

All the boundary crew guys found out the consequences that their boundaries didn't work after their failed marriages/relationships but still argue for their boundaries. LOL

Cool story bro.

Let's talk about your useless boundaries shall we sooli? What words that might appear to be boundaries have you removed from your exclusive relationship? Have you removed calling your exclusive relationship exclusive?

Or the word NO since she's going to do what she wants anyway? Or perhaps she's only a yes woman to you which is another boundary since she refuses to say No to you?

I mean after all there should be no boundaries placed on women in life period because they're going to do what they want regardless correct? If a chick sees you as high value she'll push for exclusivity regardless if you explain boundaries to her. If she doesn't like it I'll make my own choice of walking. If she sees you as high value enough to push for exclusivity she'll make her own choice to agree to her high value man she's pushing for exclusivity with. A man's terms remain the same whether she agrees or doesn't. Simple

People need to know what boundaries are in real life no matter how high value or quality they are. No one just "assumes" regardless of experience that everyone knows exactly what the terms are for their boundaries in all aspects of life. Whether it be parenting, relationships, laws, dating, exclusive clubs, and on and on.

To claim otherwise is dishonest and delusional at best. Cool try though.

 

[G_Govan]

Please don't try this "she will instinctively know how to behave" garbage, this has been thoroughly debunked.

Not only did you misquote me, but you used my comment out of the context it was intended.

I actually had a big reply typed up but I deleted it. It's one thing to have a difference of opinion, I accept that. Hell I invite it when it truly challenges my own, but when you don't even understand the fundamentals it becomes pointless.

 

[Soolaimon]

Cool story bro.

Let's talk about your useless boundaries shall we sooli? What words that might appear to be boundaries have you removed from your exclusive relationship? Have you removed calling your exclusive relationship exclusive?

Or the word NO since she's going to do what she wants anyway? Or perhaps she's only a yes woman to you which is another boundary since she refuses to say No to you?

I mean after all there should be no boundaries placed on women in life period because they're going to do what they want regardless correct? If a chick sees you as high value she'll push for exclusivity regardless if you explain boundaries to her. If she doesn't like it I'll make my own choice of walking. If she sees you as high value enough to push for exclusivity she'll make her own choice to agree to her high value man she's pushing for exclusivity with. A man's terms remain the same whether she agrees or doesn't. Simple

People need to know what boundaries are in real life no matter how high value or quality they are. No one just "assumes" regardless of experience that everyone knows exactly what the terms are for their boundaries in all aspects of life. Whether it be parenting, relationships, laws, dating, exclusive clubs, and on and on.

To claim otherwise is dishonest and delusional at best. Cool try though.

You guys can define all the terms you want and expect her to follow those terms for whenever.

If you don't have the value, the attraction and interest coming from the woman, and her wanting to be faithful to your boundary, your boundary and relationship is never going to work. That makes it useless. I don't get why you guys don't understand that.

Telling her what you want, what you expect, and what she agrees to will not always work if she doesn't behave to those rules and expectations you set forth. Still you guys argue about that. Why?

She needs to show you with her own actions in order for it to work.

She can say "Yeah I agree to all that" that doesn't mean she will do what she says.

When she is showing you with her own actions already there is no need to set a boundary cause it is obvious she understands and knows what she wants.

When she has other guys still hanging around odds are she is still going to have those guys cause she wants them. That's why you don't become exclusive with them until she makes an effort to get rid of them. That is her showing you through her own actions.

Even though you defined terms she can still see those guys even though she agreed to your terms.

You guys all believe women need to have terms defined for them but have no idea that they can still hang out with orbiters if they really want to when you're not around and not the wiser.

To me that is pure delusion and ignorance not knowing what women are capable of.

You guys think once your terms are set and defined she will follow them no mater what with no problems.

That is delusion at it's finest!

You need to be a man in the relationship and she needs to respect you and have attraction in order for it to work. Without that no boundary or relationship will work.

It's not just all about boundaries like these guys think it is.

Not only did you misquote me, but you used my comment out of the context it was intended.

Zekko, Danger, guru, Leper and the rest of the boundary crew always misquotes you and takes your comments out of context to fit their delusional
position on boundaries cause they can't admit their argument is crap.

They do that to throw you off and so they can appear like what they are claiming is correct. But it is totally false. It's a shame they have to resort to that but they know in their own fragile minds that they are wrong and that's all that matters.

Glad to see another person has picked up on what they do in each post.

Then you wonder why these boundary threads go 15 pages cause they can't admiit they are wrong looking for any excuse to look correct in the forum.

Pathetic!

 

[TarantulaHawk]

You guys can define all the terms you want and expect her to follow those terms for whenever.

If you don't have the value, the attraction and interest coming from the woman, and her wanting to be faithful to your boundary, your boundary and relationship is never going to work. That makes it useless. I don't get why you guys don't understand that.

Telling her what you want, what you expect, and what she agrees to will not always work if she doesn't behave to those rules and expectations you set forth. Still you guys argue about that. Why?

She needs to show you with her own actions in order for it to work.

She can say "Yeah I agree to all that" that doesn't mean she will do what she says.

When she is showing you with her own actions already there is no need to set a boundary cause it is obvious she understands and knows what she wants.

When she has other guys still hanging around odds are she is still going to have those guys cause she wants them. That's why you don't become exclusive with them until she makes an effort to get rid of them. That is her showing you through her own actions.

Even though you defined terms she can still see those guys even though she agreed to your terms.

You guys all believe women need to have terms defined for them but have no idea that they can still hang out with orbiters if they really want to when you're not around and not the wiser.

To me that is pure delusion and ignorance not knowing what women are capable of.

You guys think once your terms are set and defined she will follow them no mater what with no problems.

That is delusion at it's finest!

You need to be a man in the relationship and she needs to respect you and have attraction in order for it to work. Without that no boundary or relationship will work.

It's not just all about boundaries like these guys think it is.





Zekko, Danger, guru, Leper and the rest of the boundary crew always misquotes you and takes your comments out of context to fit their delusional
position on boundaries cause they can't admit their argument is crap.

They do that to throw you off and so they can appear like what they are claiming is correct. But it is totally false. It's a shame they have to resort to that but they know in their own fragile minds that they are wrong and that's all that matters.

Glad to see another person has picked up on what they do in each post.

Then you wonder why these boundary threads go 15 pages cause they can't admiit they are wrong looking for any excuse to look correct in the forum.

Pathetic!

Have some self-respect Sooli and don't rely on a woman to determine your value based off what you think she's going to do or not do regardless.

You leave your value entirely up to the woman's perception of your so-called value.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Zekko, Danger, guru, Leper and the rest of the boundary crew always misquotes you and takes your comments out of context to fit their delusional
position on boundaries cause they can't admit their argument is crap.

Have some self-respect Sooli and don't rely on a woman to determine your value based off what you think she's going to do or not do regardless.

You leave your value entirely up to the woman's perception of your so-called value.

:crackup: