Wife goes to Club/Bar

[Mr. Me]

Ask to meet Josh's girlfriend instead. Have a nice chat with her about this. See what she has to say when you tell her.

 

[MacAvoy]

I think the fact that your wife is only 23 is a huge red flag an a good indicator of her actions / why she ended up going clubbing. However there are some positives in her actions that make it look like she wasn't in fact cheating. First bein that she called repeatedly, not a guarantee that she wasn't messing around but good in the fact that she wasn't totally ignoring you and you were on her mind.


Secondly the fact that she wants you to meet Josh. She is either a player and wants to prove to herself that she can out play you OR more likely, that she honestly didn't do anything and wants you to put your mind at ease. I would take her up on her invitation and if you have any skills, you should be able to read their relationship and have a good idea.

However I like the fact that you were able to discuss everything with your wife on the weekend (communicatin is key to a successful marriage) and more importantly that you let her know how she screwed up.

However like others have suggested, I would remain viligent for the next few months and watch for flags.

The best way to combat this type of problem is to become more of a DJ so that she is attracted to you and has no need to stray.

 

[MacAvoy]

Personally I wouldn't have Josh's g/f present because it will TOTALLY change the dynamics of how Josh & his wife act together. Josh will be cognant of his g/f and will not flirt with OP's wife if his g/f is there.

 

[Mr. Me]

Meeting Josh's GF is FAR more beneficial in getting to the truth over watching if Josh or the wife linger in eye contact for two seconds longer than it seems normal.

Besides, this is also a good test. If for any reason OP's told that the GF isn't available, that adds to the pile.

If he does meet her, chances are she's been recently given a story to cover Josh's actions, due to the impending revelation that may come from the OP. If there are any discrepancies between the stories, there's a good chance they will be discovered. At the very least, if there has been anything going on, Josh's GF will start to put the pieces together.

That is, if the GF even really exists.

 

[cordoncordon]

I think the fact that your wife is only 23 is a huge red flag an a good indicator of her actions / why she ended up going clubbing. However there are some positives in her actions that make it look like she wasn't in fact cheating. First bein that she called repeatedly, not a guarantee that she wasn't messing around but good in the fact that she wasn't totally ignoring you and you were on her mind.


Secondly the fact that she wants you to meet Josh. She is either a player and wants to prove to herself that she can out play you OR more likely, that she honestly didn't do anything and wants you to put your mind at ease. I would take her up on her invitation and if you have any skills, you should be able to read their relationship and have a good idea.

However I like the fact that you were able to discuss everything with your wife on the weekend (communicatin is key to a successful marriage) and more importantly that you let her know how she screwed up.

However like others have suggested, I would remain viligent for the next few months and watch for flags.

The best way to combat this type of problem is to become more of a DJ so that she is attracted to you and has no need to stray.

I said since the beginning that the fact that the wife kept calling all night was a strong indicator to me that she wanted to talk and was not cheating. I mean lets face it the last thing i would be doing if I was out macking on some chick would be to keep calling my gf or wife. That's just common sense. The OP imo brought much of this onto himself by being childish and not answering the phone like something a 15 year old girl would do (sorry OP no offense), then the wife kept getting more upset that he was purposely ignoring her calls when SHE KNEW he was home with the baby. And ya know, she left a message saying where she was and what she was doing, it wasnt like she was hiding it. Sounds to me like a fight that got blown all out of proportion and things just kept escalating when they shouldn't have IF the proper lines of communication had been open like they should be in any successful marriage. OP this isnt some high school or college fling you are in anymore. This is a marriage with a child involved. The times for ignoring phone calls because you are in a tiff are over. There is much more at stake here than if you take your girl to the dance on Friday night. NO MORE GAME PLAYING!

And if in fact this Josh guy does have a gf, that even lends more credibility to the story that there was no cheating going on. I really think, and have thought since the beginning of this thread, that this was just two people who got caught up in things and if they really want to can work things out just fine. I still think he should keep her on watch, but for now I think this can be worked out.

 

[Latinoman]

I am putting some thought to this post. As a man that is divorced…that has cheated…and that has been involved with “happily” and “unhappily” married woman…let me give my advice.

1- Keep a SECRET log-book.

If things do not work…you cannot just walk out. You will have to
1- Get a divorced
2- Fight for child custody
3- Get stuck with a big bill in child support for at least 18 years
4- Get stuck with alimony

Once again, this is NOT an issue if she cheated or not. We won’t know that. The issue here is how she reacted to a little trivial argument:

1- She went party and “dancing” with OTHER men
2- She left you behind with the 5-month baby
3- She got DRUNK and spent her night in somebody else home

Is that the behavior of a woman that cares about the welfare of her child and her husband? I say that at the very least, this is the behavior of a woman that does not care about where the marriage might end, because she probably feels that worst case scenario would be her having CHILD SUPPORT and ALIMONY.

If you do not keep a log book…you will regret it.

Is she cheating? That’s not the point, because even if she was…you have not enough evidence to “win”. In fact, you will end up losing $$$$ in alimony and child support. That’s why I say…do NOT rush…simply keep things in a log book and compile evidence. Even if it is not substantive at this moment.

 

[cordoncordon]

I am putting some thought to this post. As a man that is divorced…that has cheated…and that has been involved with “happily” and “unhappily” married woman…let me give my advice.

1- Keep a SECRET log-book.

If things do not work…you cannot just walk out. You will have to
1- Get a divorced
2- Fight for child custody
3- Get stuck with a big bill in child support for at least 18 years
4- Get stuck with alimony

Once again, this is NOT an issue if she cheated or not. We won’t know that. The issue here is how she reacted to a little trivial argument:

1- She went party and “dancing” with OTHER men
2- She left you behind with the 5-month baby
3- She got DRUNK and spent her night in somebody else home

Is that the behavior of a woman that cares about the welfare of her child and her husband? I say that at the very least, this is the behavior of a woman that does not care about where the marriage might end, because she probably feels that worst case scenario would be her having CHILD SUPPORT and ALIMONY.

If you do not keep a log book…you will regret it.

Is she cheating? That’s not the point, because even if she was…you have not enough evidence to “win”. In fact, you will end up losing $$$$ in alimony and child support. That’s why I say…do NOT rush…simply keep things in a log book and compile evidence. Even if it is not substantive at this moment.

Latinioman i can almost gaurantee you that this fight had nothing to do with a cup of coffee and was probably something that had been building up for weeks. I mean you have the stress of a newborn in the house, they probably havent been going out much-just the two of them I mean, all kinds of things could have been building up. The OP himself I believe said they really havent been doing much together outside of the house due to financial issues.

One thing I have learned is you still have to treat your gf or wife sometimes like you just met them and were trying to get into their pants for the first time lol! Wine and dine them. Have a date night just for you two! Do something different instead of the same old same old.

 

[cordoncordon]

Dj traveler on a sidenote, my mother is a yoga instructor and loves its. Where do you teach at?

I've tried it a few times but just can't get over how hot they keep it in the rooms lol. Plenty of nice scenery though!

 

[Latinoman]

I said since the beginning that the fact that the wife kept calling all night was a strong indicator to me that she wanted to talk and was not cheating.

Let me share a story with all of you.

I met this married woman in a public place. We simply locked eyes and from time to time smiled at each other. We did that for several days when we crossed our paths. At the time, I was seeing somebody too. One day she simply approached me and gave me her contact information…I smiled…and gave her my card. I said nothing. She emailed me at work the next day. I did not reply to her email, I simply called. And after breaking the ice with like 1 minute of how funny was the exchange of contact cards, about our committed status, and our love lives, I asked her straight up what she wanted from me. She was acting like, “just want to meet people and have more friends”…I replied with, so you are not attracted to me. To wish she said she founded me very intriguing and hot. I told her something like, “Listen, I don’t like wasting my time. If you want to phuck me, that’s fine. I am not going to think any less of you. I have no problems having an affair with you. All I want is discretion and that’s all I can give you too.” Or something to that effect.

Anyway, we talked about when would be a good time to meet at my place. She gave me dates when her husband was going on travel. We picked a night. She drove from her home to my place. She knocked at my door, and I saw her in the cell phone ending her call with an “I love you too”. She told me she was just talking to her husband. Then went on saying that this was the third time they talked since she left her home to my place (40 minutes drive and an additional hour if we count the fact she had to stop to take care of some business). She said something like, “He just misses me.” So, in less than 1 ½ hours, they called each other 3 times.

To make story short…we sat in my living room for like 20 minutes. She was about to leave, so I wanted to give her the tour to my room. I started kissing her and phucked her for a like 45-60 minutes (the phone ranged twice) of straight up sex as I didn’t even care about fore playing with her. And my goodness, I phucked her VERY good too, to the point that she was already telling me that now she knew how to get to my place…something I discouraged her from doing. Anyway, we finished…she got dressed and grabbed her cell phone and called her husband as she left my place.

Four calls in less than 3 hours.


By the way…a woman that I was seeing several years ago was using 500 minutes calling cards to get in touch with me. No record of calls that way. I used to do the same.

 

[Latinoman]

Latinioman i can almost gaurantee you that this fight had nothing to do with a cup of coffee and was probably something that had been building up for weeks. I mean you have the stress of a newborn in the house, they probably havent been going out much-just the two of them I mean, all kinds of things could have been building up. The OP himself I believe said they really havent been doing much together outside of the house due to financial issues.

One thing I have learned is you still have to treat your gf or wife sometimes like you just met them and were trying to get into their pants for the first time lol! Wine and dine them. Have a date night just for you two! Do something different instead of the same old same old.

The point is that out of the spur of the moment, she went to a bar with friends...danced with men...got drunk...and spent the night at another's man place.

Leaving her husband and baby to fend for themselves.

That's not the behavior of a good wife or a good mother. That's the behavior of a single woman that has no responsibilities or accountabilities.

NOTHING should trigger that kind of behavior. NOTHING.

 

[Latinoman]

It's times like this when i think this site isn't a good thing as they're too many men who expect women to be like men and to "deal" with the world the same way men do.

She is a MOTHER. If anything, she should act like one.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

One thing I have learned is you still have to treat your gf or wife sometimes like you just met them and were trying to get into their pants for the first time lol! Wine and dine them. Have a date night just for you two! Do something different instead of the same old same old.

This is gold and exactly what I have been thinking on the subject. The problem is simple when you consider how tough it must be to raise a kid when you're a newly wed couple, tight on money, and the kid was unexpected and unplanned.

Latinoman: Good story but just because you've been with married chicks does not mean that all chicks will do that. In fact, the hubby who keeps calling his wife and checking up on her is displaying the same characteristics of suscpiciousness (and other beta behaviors) that a lot of guys here are advocating, and it's this type of AFC fear based stuff that will *cause* women to view you as beta and cause them to seek out more alpha guys to mate with.

And I'm not advocating sticking your head in the sand and ignoring reality. I'm advocating using skills and approaches that work in keeping women attracted and swooning. Why would a woman cheat if she's attracted and swooning? If he hubby is suspicious and monitoring her and being all weird around her and stuff, then she'll be like "f*ck this, he doesn't trust me" and then slowly you'll be the accomplice in pushing her to cheat.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[DJ_Traveler]

I completely agree with Latinoman that NOTHING should trigger that kind of behavior to just go with another guy NOTHING.

I found out today that she had to go to the guy's place anyway because while she was calling at 9:10pm she was on her way to his place. They drove together to the Club because she knew she was going to drink. Of course, you guys know the rest of her story, she got back to his place around 3pm and she got in her car and left around 4:41.
I don't know where the guy lives exactly but it's about 2 miles from where I live and the club they went to is about 25 minutes away.

I will keep a log book for sure.

 

[cordoncordon]

I completely agree with Latinoman that NOTHING should trigger that kind of behavior to just go with another guy NOTHING.

I found out today that she had to go to the guy's place anyway because while she was calling at 9:10pm she was on her way to his place. They drove together to the Club because she knew she was going to drink. Of course, you guys know the rest of her story, she got back to his place around 3pm and she got in her car and left around 4:41.
I don't know where the guy lives exactly but it's about 2 miles from where I live and the club they went to is about 25 minutes away.

I will keep a log book for sure.

We all agree that she shouldn't have done it, I mean that's obvious. And no one is saying that you don't have a right to be upset and that she doesn't deserve something to let her know just how upset you are about this. But even more so what we are saying is lets look at the reasons she did it instead of bemoaning the fact that she did and do the things to make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

[cordoncordon]

Let me share a story with all of you.

I met this married woman in a public place. We simply locked eyes and from time to time smiled at each other. We did that for several days when we crossed our paths. At the time, I was seeing somebody too. One day she simply approached me and gave me her contact information…I smiled…and gave her my card. I said nothing. She emailed me at work the next day. I did not reply to her email, I simply called. And after breaking the ice with like 1 minute of how funny was the exchange of contact cards, about our committed status, and our love lives, I asked her straight up what she wanted from me. She was acting like, “just want to meet people and have more friends”…I replied with, so you are not attracted to me. To wish she said she founded me very intriguing and hot. I told her something like, “Listen, I don’t like wasting my time. If you want to phuck me, that’s fine. I am not going to think any less of you. I have no problems having an affair with you. All I want is discretion and that’s all I can give you too.” Or something to that effect.

Anyway, we talked about when would be a good time to meet at my place. She gave me dates when her husband was going on travel. We picked a night. She drove from her home to my place. She knocked at my door, and I saw her in the cell phone ending her call with an “I love you too”. She told me she was just talking to her husband. Then went on saying that this was the third time they talked since she left her home to my place (40 minutes drive and an additional hour if we count the fact she had to stop to take care of some business). She said something like, “He just misses me.” So, in less than 1 ½ hours, they called each other 3 times.

To make story short…we sat in my living room for like 20 minutes. She was about to leave, so I wanted to give her the tour to my room. I started kissing her and phucked her for a like 45-60 minutes (the phone ranged twice) of straight up sex as I didn’t even care about fore playing with her. And my goodness, I phucked her VERY good too, to the point that she was already telling me that now she knew how to get to my place…something I discouraged her from doing. Anyway, we finished…she got dressed and grabbed her cell phone and called her husband as she left my place.

Four calls in less than 3 hours.


By the way…a woman that I was seeing several years ago was using 500 minutes calling cards to get in touch with me. No record of calls that way. I used to do the same.

Well of course things like that happen, I mean anything is possible. The Red sox on the world series and who would have thought that? And of course people cheat, I just don't think she had sex with Josh in this instance.

I can also give you 99 million examples where the wife or gf did call the husband or bf all night for exactly the reasons I stated and never did cheat or had any intention to do so. I would would hazard to guess that that example is much more likely to happen than yours.

 

[Latinoman]

Well of course things like that happen, I mean anything is possible. The Red sox on the world series and who would have thought that? And of course people cheat, I just don't think she had sex with Josh in this instance.

I can also give you 99 million examples where the wife or gf did call the husband or bf all night for exactly the reasons I stated and never did cheat or had any intention to do so. I would would hazard to guess that that example is much more likely to happen than yours.

Sure.

The issue here is that he is dealing with red flags. And he has to prepare to expect the worst. In his case the worst is a divorced...and if that happen...would he want to give custody (and pass child support) of his child to a woman that destroyed her marriage? Does he want to pass alimony to a woman that destroyed the marriage?

Well...he might end up doing that...UNLESS he has prove that she messed things up. Log Book is a precautionary step.

Note that I'm NOT even advicing him to go for a divorce. All I'm saying is that if it ends up going into divorce, he might end up PAYING a LOT...unless he prepares well. And that still NOT a guarrantee.

 

[Latinoman]

I completely agree with Latinoman that NOTHING should trigger that kind of behavior to just go with another guy NOTHING.

I found out today that she had to go to the guy's place anyway because while she was calling at 9:10pm she was on her way to his place. They drove together to the Club because she knew she was going to drink. Of course, you guys know the rest of her story, she got back to his place around 3pm and she got in her car and left around 4:41.
I don't know where the guy lives exactly but it's about 2 miles from where I live and the club they went to is about 25 minutes away.

I will keep a log book for sure.

Wow.

How did you find out?

 

[DJ_Traveler]

To latinoman,

How did I find out where he lives?
She told me today that she wanted to pay him back for the club entrace fee since he paid for her. While we were on the subject, I found out a few more details that I shared in my previous post.

From I understand that Josh guy is into Timeshare and he is doing pretty good witht that stuff he was telling my wife that maybe she should get into timeshare.
I told my wife that now is horrible time to get into the timeshare business.

 

[Mr. Me]

Traveler, she's changed her story and has contradicted herself. It doesn't make sense. That usually means it's a lie, because lies don't keep facts consistent as their story evolves.

For example:

She originally told you that she was going with a group of some friends, straight from class, which had ended early.

But now it's "while she was calling at 9:10pm she was on her way to his place. They drove together to the Club".

Originally, you reported that the cell phone shows that Josh called her at 11 PM while she was at the club. But now Josh arrived there with her and paid her admission?

Call the school and see if she even made it to class that night. If there was a class.

 

[ZenGodMod]

I love this world, it's pretty ****ed up which makes it so fun!

Lol!

I do wonder. DJ_Traveler do you love your wife unconditionaly? Even if she did cheat on you, would you still be able to cuddle her at night?
What i really mean is could you accept her with all her faults as person as human as a person who has made mistakes as you have?
Silly question, but just think about.