Wife goes to Club/Bar

[Mr. Me]

He should take advice from guys that never have women cheat on them.

Problem with that is two fold. First, those guys may not have been aware that their relationships were in trouble, let alone that their women were cheating on them, so any advice they give may be ineffective. "Sure, we have our ups and downs, like any other relationship", he says, "but overall, I'd say we're happy". Meanwhile, the wife silently thinks, "I'm not happy at all. Thank God for Raoul the pool boy or I'd go insane."

Secondly, since they don't have the experience of what happens when a spouse strays, they wouldn't be able to give solid advice. It would be an unknown area for them.

What we have here is similar to guys that are broke giving advice on how to make a fortune.

Actually what you have are guys who had a fortune, but lost it, and recognize now how it went down and what the signs were. They've been there.

This isn't about "transferring painful experiences" and "disempowering beliefs". Try this little experiment: Call a PI and tell him that your wife is doing all these things we've read about, and see if he transfers his painful experiences and disempowering beliefs unto you, or if he tells you what it pretty much sounds like to him based on his experience in the field.

What we have here are some young men giving life advice without having lived through it themselves.

 

[Luveno]

Hello.

I was the poster who first suggested the OP monitor his wife's internet usage with a keylogger.

The OP is very suspicious of his wife's actions, and wants to determine if she was truly of low character that evening.

Monitoring and documenting her correspondences and actions are NOT assuming her guilt. What they are doing is:

1. Giving the OP means to determine whether she was or was not being unfaithful.

2. Giving the OP sufficient grounds to make a clean break without incurring child support or alimony payments, should his detective work uncover proof that his wife was cheating.

Mr. Cardinali suggests that the OP try to make it work and thus have second thoughts about the biased patrons of this board, who have all had similar problems with women - he says that their past experiences are causing them to give biased advice to the OP. This is actually a fair argument. We have no proof of what happened at all that night.

However, the OP has extremely high suspicion now. Taking these steps will hopefully give him the proof he needs to make a decision to either stay or not.



My personal opinion is this: get a lawyer and figure out what you should do. If your wife is petty enough to leave you behind until all hours of the morning because you had a small argument earlier in the day, then she WILL BECOME petty enough to screw around on you in the future.

Plus, you've known this girl for all of what ...less than 2 years? You married her because she had your kid(this was a huge mistake!), not because you knew her or felt that you could have a future with her. You should've talked her into an abortion.

 

[Nighthawk]

I'm not basing my advice on bitter past experience (well, women instigating most arguments maybe), just on the evidence at hand and looking at the world around me.

Women getting pregnant by Joe Provider, or Johnny Alpha then getting Joe Provider to foot the bills, then running off with Billy Bad-Boy when they get bored - these things have never happened to me (apart from being the desired Billy Bad-Boy in a couple of circumstances) but I see it happening all the time.

 

[penkitten]

I'm not saying this guy needs to divorce his wife tomorrow, but Latinoman and others have given solid advice. Her behavior needs to be documented from this point on. I got the "smoking gun" on my ex using a keylogger. Watch EVERYTHING she does and don't let her suspect that you are up to anything cause then she will bury it even deeper.



I mean people, cmon....SHE HAS A NEWBORN BABY AT HOME!

Think about this for a second. A woman would NOT leave her newborn at home while she's sleeping off a buzz unless she has or is looking to secure another source of intimacy.

1. i agree that you should have a key logger. i know guys that have caught their live in finance's telling other people they loved them by key loggers. key loggers can be found for free online. every home should have a key logger when you have more than one person getting on the internet.

2. i never left my newborns alone for the night, even with their father there and stayed out all night. something is not right in this situation.

 

[ZenGodMod]

You all probably have noticed by now the OP hasn't posted anything lately. Not even to ask questions or expanded any information.
He probably sat her down, talked it out with his wife and worked it out.
Or his dead!?
Dam and i thought a divorce was gonna ensue. Hopefully his assembling the PI and lawyer.
He could at least said thank you.

 

[Phyzzle]

I think you guys scared him off good. Kind of like this guy:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=130817

everybody told him it was over, which was clearly not what he was expecting.

And remember this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=121955

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

i never left my newborns alone for the night, even with their father there and stayed out all night. something is not right in this situation.

You're probably worried that if you do, then your hubby will post on this forum and 99% of the guys will brand you a total slut and convince him that you should be stoned to death...at once!

Cesare Cardinali

 

[jophil28]

Which I did, and so did my friends who have been through the same thing. And every single time the end result was the same- when the woman is out until all hours of the morning SHE WAS WITH ANOTHER MAN.



Like I said, there is only ONE thing that would keep a normal, sane woman away from her baby in the middle of the night, and that is the attention of another man.

This is ABSOLUTELY CLASSIC. When a woman feels "unappreciated" she seeks to fill that void outside of her relationship. When she makes a stink of it, goes out with people hubby doesn't know, and shows up at 5am with daddy sitting in the living room feeding her flesh and blood baby....well, it isn't hard to put 2 and 2 together.

THis is a "hypothetical"...
YOU are the father of a 6 month old toddler and you and wifey had a tiff. You go out with a group from work after calling wife at 9. THat leaves her NO opportunity to get a sitter so that she can come too. You call a few times during the night and drink heavily. You go to "Racheal's" place til 5 am. There is a call from Rachael in your cell . You arrive home at 5am .
What is the wife to think?
So during the day she calls her G/fs about your behavior. WHat do you figure that they are gong to tell HER ?

 

[ketostix]

In my opinion

1. She got pregnant after three months while on the pill? What happened there? Are you what one might call a 'good provider' by any chance?

2. She instigated the argument because there was something planned - Josh or friends night out with options open I don't know.

3. She should've came home, and if the situation was reversed she wouldn't be happy. But it's not a slam-dunk she slept with Josh or anyone else.

4. Maybe she has her baby now, misses the single life, and expect more arguments over nothing resulting in booze and club-fun.

5. Maybe the key-logger isn't such a bad idea.

Props. For 3., no it's not slam dunk, but it's bad enough either way. And I'm with str8up that the probablity is high that she did. All signs are pointing that way.

 

[ketostix]

She was NOT at her girlfriends house.

Notice how I gave the benefit of the doubt until the OP mentioned she came back at 5am?

Let me break down a few things for you....



She's out till 5 am and she comes home pointing fingers? GUILTY.



Classic. I wish I could get away with the kind of sh!t you guys want to see a married woman get away with just by saying "Ooops, I was too drunk so I had to stay at my coworker's house".....



How convenient! She goes out with a MALE coworker, goes to his house to sleep off a buzz, and returns at 5 am.

Yea, she was "at her girlfriend's house trying to make him jealous", and she even went so far as to put a fake number in her phone under the name "Josh".

As I mentioned before, I also find it telling that she takes a job working 3 hours/week and takes ONE class. And a few people assume this is because taking care of ONE infant is so much work, and she was rightfully upset about him calling her lazy in reply to her request to be waited on :yawn:. It's not like some mothers aren't taking care of an infant plus 4 other children . And I'd say she takes this 3 hour job and one class to play the feild just like she did on that night.

 

[penkitten]

You're probably worried that if you do, then your hubby will post on this forum and 99% of the guys will brand you a total slut and convince him that you should be stoned to death...at once!

Cesare Cardinali

no, i was afraid that if they cried, he wouldn't wake up and feed them... and that if they needed a diaper change, he would just wait on me to come home and do it.
one time i went to the store and came home to babies crying while he was snoring, i asked why didnt you just get up with them, i was only gone 45 minutes? he said he thought they would stop crying after a minute.
another time i went to the store and to pay all the bills took 2 children and left only one with him (his favorite) and was gone 3 hours , it was a sunday afternoon, when i returned my baby was still in the same swing.

i could never leave them a whole entire night !

 

[Mr. Me]

Mr. Cardinali suggests that the OP try to make it work

However, if infidelity has occurred, then the relationship is typically beyond repair by the time that happens. Infidelity doesn't kill the relationship, that's just a symptom of the relationship having died.

I've read numerous accounts over years where an unfaithful partner attempts reconciliation, which doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's never the best relationship. There's always that giant elephant in the living room. There's always that fault line running through the relationship.

Relationships may be saved before they reach the breaking point. Problems have to be nipped in the bud before they become too big. That's typically when you hear her nagging. Most guys turn a deaf ear toward it, and lo and behold, in time when they're served divorce papers, they're always surprised.

But both partners must be made of the right enough stuff that they can work effectively to bring about improvement. That means they know how to work it out without sabotaging it and desire to work it out and do make individual changes. Many couple don't do that, they draw a line in the sand and refuse to budge, insisting that their partner make the changes.

Both need to be vested in saving the relationship. If you have one partner no longer interested and her feelings have died, and she's unhappy, feels neglected and/or disrespected, and she has one foot out, it's like trying to revive the dead.

You all probably have noticed by now the OP hasn't posted anything lately. Not even to ask questions or expanded any information.
He probably sat her down, talked it out with his wife and worked it out.
Or his dead!?
Dam and I thought a divorce was gonna ensue. Hopefully his assembling the PI and lawyer.

Well, your sarcasm aside, if he did have a talk and worked it out, again, there's this fault line now that will run through their relationship. He knows that she is capable of going out and getting drunk with another man and may do who knows what - which is an unloving and disrespectful act on her part toward him.

Certainly, getting drunk in the company of other men is not a way to resolve marital problems.

Then also, she now knows if she wants to get his attention, all she has to do is go off and stay out until dawn. That's just great.

And talk is cheap. Having one of them isn't enough.

Hey, I've got a little boy your age!

That's my sarcasm.

 

[ketostix]

I think that the amount of energy he would place in following this advice of doing detective work to see if she's cheating would be much better spent making the relationship work (if that's what he wants). Women that are attracted and in love with a man simply do not cheat. There are enough resources for the original poster to learn how to seduce her, keep that attraction, and keep the relationship going.

The bottom line is that all you guys saying this has happened to you and giving advice from that place of pain and negativity are not in the right frame to help the original poster. You're trying to convince him that she's cheating or bound to cheat and what you're doing is transfering your own painful experiences and your own disempowering beliefs onto this situation and then drawing similarities.

He should take advice from guys that never have women cheat on them. What do these guys do? How do these guys keep the passion, romance, and love alive in a marriage?

What we have here is similar to guys that are broke giving advice on how to make a fortune.

The problem is, when you bury your head in the sand and put on your rose colored glasses of course you never get cheated on, and/or you believe a woman has never broke up with you to get with another man! The breakup was mutual! Not every given relationship is going to be perfect, not every woman is perfect nor can she be influenced to behave the way you want her to. You have to look at the given situation and her behavior on a case by case basis.

 

[ketostix]

What we have here Cesare reminds of the debate between evolution and creation, and that won't be solved for a long time either I'm sure.


On the other hand we have the creationists. Those who believe in God and that he created everything in 7 days, Adam and Eve, men lived with dinosaurs, earth is only 7,000 years old, blah blah blah. Or, as the slutsters, or creationists would say....she is a HOR!!, I've had it happen to me so IT MUST have happened in this case, you should divorce her immeaditely, and there is no other possibility as to what happened the other night and i won't accept any other type of explanation.....BECAUSE IT HAPPENED TO ME!! ME ME ME!

See the difference between the two camps here? One is open, scientific, and rationale without bias.

The other? Not so much.

Ok I have to respond to this because you're bastardizing what many creationist or what the intelligent design belief is, or at least you're taking what a very few believe (LMS) then throwing them together with anyone who's advice is that the odds are that she's likely cheating or will cheat.

Not all "creationist" believe Genesis was a scientific account to be taken literally or to draw specific and broad conclusions from, at most it's a very condensed guide. For example, the "7 days" can be 7 epochs of time spanning millions and even billions of years. So they don't believe the earth is 7,000 years old and it's not necessary to believe Genesis is saying that. And they don't necessarily believe that man and dinosaurs co-existed all though they could have. What they believe is and can show scientifically is that it's not proven and statistically unlikely that purely through random chance things went from random elements to all the highly complex order of life we see. It's not unscientific at all.

Likewise, when people say her behavior is a major warning sign and she likely is cheating or will cheat in the future, they're not saying the ridiculous things you claim they are. They're saying the signs and the statistics point to what they're saying, that she probably cheated or will cheat. If anything you're the one that is engaging in wishful thinking about this female's motives and behavior.

 

[cordoncordon]

And they don't necessarily believe that man and dinosaurs co-existed all though they could have.

Not trying to steal this thread and get off topic but.....

With that quote i really don't even need to read anymore about what you believe.

Dinosaurs lived hundreds of millions to billions of years ago. Modern man didnt even begin to make an appearance until about 100,000 years ago.

Do you believe that a man walked on water and healed the sick as well? Then he died and some how rose up to...heck I dont know what. It's ridiculous. Do you believe in Mithra and Horus and Attis and too? You must because these gods from about 2000 years before Jesus just so happen to have the exact same story as jesus, along with about 200 other "gods" that have the same story. Born on Dec 25 to a virgin Mary, accompied by a star in the east, addored by three kings, started a minsitry with 12 disciples, known as the light or the good sheppard etc, crucified, buried for three days, and then rose into the heavens etc etc etc. The all have the EXACT same story.

You do know that the birth cycle of Jesus is completely astrological right?



Watch this...then tell me how you feel. Especially from about 7 minutes in.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/main.htm

 

[iqqi]

no, i was afraid that if they cried, he wouldn't wake up and feed them... and that if they needed a diaper change, he would just wait on me to come home and do it.
one time i went to the store and came home to babies crying while he was snoring, i asked why didnt you just get up with them, i was only gone 45 minutes? he said he thought they would stop crying after a minute.
another time i went to the store and to pay all the bills took 2 children and left only one with him (his favorite) and was gone 3 hours , it was a sunday afternoon, when i returned my baby was still in the same swing.

i could never leave them a whole entire night !

Haha, Pen... I think Cesare was referring to our beloved Gio!

Lol.




Anyways, as my loving auntie would always say... "Ain't nuthin open past two but legs!"

There is no making right or explaining away that part....

 

[STR8UP]

Mr Me was right on. Call up a PI and explain her behavior and ask his opinion.

I'm all about giving people the benefit of the doubt, but in a case like this the slim, slim chance that this could be "something else" isn't even worth counting.

To be honest, I can't even fathom that there could be a debate here about what PROBABLY transpired. We might disagree on how he should handle it, but to me this is almost cut and dried. If wifey hadn't gotten home so late it would be one thing. The fact that she is 1/2 of the parental unit (actually MORE than 1/2 since she's the MOM) also speaks VOLUMES.

A SANE WOMAN WILL NOT LEAVE HER BABY LIKE THAT UNLESS SHE IS OUT SEEKING INTIMACY OUTSIDE OF HER MARRIAGE!

 

[STR8UP]

Anyways, as my loving auntie would always say... "Ain't nuthin open past two but legs!"

There is no making right or explaining away that part....

Wow....iqqi actually said something brilliant....

 

[iqqi]

Wow....iqqi actually said something brilliant....

No, no, credit goes to the Auntie!

But I knew YOU'd like that one.

You can use it.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Haha, Pen... I think Cesare was referring to our beloved Gio!

....

Exactly!