Why Women Mention Other Men Even IF They Are Interested in You!

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Persistant:
Wow that was a fast response! Helpful too! Thanks a ton!

You're welcome.

 

[Dudeamon]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
I'd say she is interested in you. If you are interested you should try to shift things a little more towards romance. Yes, you should go see her if it's been on your mind. Just based on what you've said (and that's all my answer is based on) it sounds like you are her first choice. If you don't act she will gradually become more open to putting someone else first over time, and then she eventually will.

so is it possible to become too much of a challenge ie so much so that she is forced to lose interst? i mean i kept posponing the trip to come and see her becuase i had some financial difficulty, and i never sent any flowers or gifts etc, but she did!...

So if you really like someone and u want to lay all the right moves to maintain her interest in you, would a %80 challenge %20 romance be a right mix?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Dudeamon:

so is it possible to become too much of a challenge ie so much so that she is forced to lose interst? i mean i kept posponing the trip to come and see her becuase i had some financial difficulty, and i never sent any flowers or gifts etc, but she did!...

So if you really like someone and u want to lay all the right moves to maintain her interest in you, would a %80 challenge %20 romance be a right mix?

It is my opinion (and my personal experience) that if a guy doesn't show enough interest and stalls too long a woman's interest will definitely fade.

I have an ongoing situation that fits this to a T. There is someone I have had feelings for over the last 18 months or so, to varying degrees. Initially there was a lot of contact and he showed a lot of interest. All of a sudden he broke contact with me for a few weeks. Over that time I got involved with someone else. Around the time that I decided to end that relationship, this other guy started to show a lot more interest again. It was consistent for about 9 or 10 months and then it lessened substantially. My interest level in him also dropped about 75% from where it was in less than a month. About a week ago his interest level shot up again and my interest level in him is going back up again.

So yes...if you are too distant her interest will most likely fade. At the same time, if you overdo it with most women, that will work against you too. You have to find a happy medium and figure out just the right amount of effort you need to make to keep her interest level up and give only that much. This varies from woman to woman. With me, I don't like or play games. If a guy pulls away from me I don't chase...I pull back too. Only some women do this, not all. You have to go with a bit of trial and error with this issue.

 

[Aztec]

Thanks for starting this topic, Wyldfire.

This girl I was seeing pulled this one on me. Normally I would have panicked and be worried if I really have a chance with this girl.

To make a long story short, I gathered from her cousin that she was just doing that because she wanted me to put more pressure on the gas pedal.



[This message has been edited by Aztec (edited 01-19-2002).]

 

[gekkoca]

Wyldfire........
What
the
heck!

Whats with all this game playing b.s with men and women anyways.I think you are interesting.Lets get together.No commitment.Get to know each other.If we jive we jive,If not we move on.I wont play games or b.s you.Lets have fun.I am no male slut.Just a man very comfortable with himself and others.
Now why would this approach scare a woman?
Oh yeah as for KINO whats your opinion to as why this works or doesnt.Or is it just the technique.I can understand women being scared off if they think they are not interested or emotional afraid of a guy being needy.What the hells wrong with just enjoying touching and closeness if you are not being all needy.I had female friends cuddle me and not be all paranoid.Then again they were European!
Lets hear your opinions!

 

[Dudeamon]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
It is my opinion (and my personal experience) that if a guy doesn't show enough interest and stalls too long a woman's interest will definitely fade.

I have an ongoing situation that fits this to a T. There is someone I have had feelings for over the last 18 months or so, to varying degrees. Initially there was a lot of contact and he showed a lot of interest. All of a sudden he broke contact with me for a few weeks. Over that time I got involved with someone else. Around the time that I decided to end that relationship, this other guy started to show a lot more interest again. It was consistent for about 9 or 10 months and then it lessened substantially. My interest level in him also dropped about 75% from where it was in less than a month. About a week ago his interest level shot up again and my interest level in him is going back up again.

So yes...if you are too distant her interest will most likely fade. At the same time, if you overdo it with most women, that will work against you too. You have to find a happy medium and figure out just the right amount of effort you need to make to keep her interest level up and give only that much. This varies from woman to woman. With me, I don't like or play games. If a guy pulls away from me I don't chase...I pull back too. Only some women do this, not all. You have to go with a bit of trial and error with this issue.

well, with this girl whose interstate(from america) come new yrs eve her interest level seemed very high and she was sayn how much we should be together etc. From new yrs eve to about the 9th of jan i had lost my phone and had no way of contacting her. On the 6th she had messaged me sayn

"hey just prefer to leave things abd be you friend and say good by over the phone"

Now, she new i was planning to come over on the 14th to see her, yet she came up with this message(above). My reply was:

"well that really sux baby cos was planning to see you next week, can only blame our situation tho, have fun and enjoy rest of your stay."


its been about 4months since i last seen her(and so been phone txting each other during this time) and only have another 1month and half bfore she goes back to america.(shes in sydney and i'm in melb in australia)

i did not message her again.
But on the 14th she messages me:

"bby i really miss u thought it would be easier to cut things off with u. But i was so wrong my feelings havent changed at all."

now if you really want to be with someone then y would you break it off? maybe she was scared if she seen me again she might have stronger feelings for me, and then that would be hard to deal with knowing she had to go back overseas for good. dunno?

OR maybe she met a guy up in sydney becuase her interest level in me was way down since we havent seen each other for 4 months. However after sometime with this guy her interest level in him might have fell and so she was thinking about me again.

argh really dunno. I'm gonna tell her that if she has feelings for me and wants to see me she can come down and see me becuase i had already made plans to see her and i had to cancel them, and i do want to see her again but dont want to be her puppy dog she can control do things for her whenever she feels like it.

what you think wyldfire?
if she does want to see me again and expects me to re-scheudle plans for sydney should i jump from the word "go"?
I dont want to seem like i can be easily controlled like this cos that might cause her to disrespect me again, and partly the reason y she wouldve contacted me again is becuase i set up a challenge and acted carefree and didnt call her etc didnt beg her to get back with me etc.

 

[Wyldfire]

>>Whats with all this game playing b.s with men and women anyways.<<

Humans tend to be a bit on the insecure side. People don't like to be vulnerable and put themselves on the line. We aren't born that way. We learn it as we go through life and experience betrayal.

>>I think you are interesting. Lets get together.No commitment.Get to know each other.If we jive we jive,If not we move on.I wont play games or b.s you.Lets have fun.I am no male slut.Just a man very comfortable with himself and others.
Now why would this approach scare a woman?<<

That sounds like you are asking the woman for a purely sexual relationship with no substance. The "no commitment", "Let's have fun" and "I am no male slut" translates in "Man Speak" as "You know, I am not going to settle down with you, but I think you might just be stupid enough to let me use you. Let's fvck."

>>Oh yeah as for KINO whats your opinion to as why this works or doesnt.Or is it just the technique.<<

To be prfectly honest, I don't think KINO in and of itself works JUST because of the touching. I think it simply shows the woman that you are interested in her. Think about it...if a woman you find at least moderately attractive lets you know she is interested in you, more often than not, her interest will spark YOUR interest. Women are no different in this way. I think it is just one way you can show someone you like them.

>>I can understand women being scared off if they think they are not interested or emotional afraid of a guy being needy.What the hells wrong with just enjoying touching and closeness if you are not being all needy.<<

It depends on the woman. Some people (men and women alike) just don't like their personal space violated and they are uncomfortable with that. Other women believe that if a guy tries to touch her at all that he is trying to get her to have sex with him. If she thinks this way and doesn't like the guy, she is going to push him away and be very uncomfortable.

>>I had female friends cuddle me and not be all paranoid.Then again they were European!
Lets hear your opinions!<<

European and American women are entirely different. Cultural differences DO come into play. That is undoubtedly why there was a difference.

 

[Wyldfire]

>>now if you really want to be with someone then y would you break it off? maybe she was scared if she seen me again she might have stronger feelings for me, and then that would be hard to deal with knowing she had to go back overseas for good. dunno?<<

It could be. I can relate to the fear very personally. The guy I referred to earlier is someone I met online. We have been talking for almost 2 years. About 6 months ago he seriously brought up the idea of us meeting in person. This scared the bejesus out of me. Don't get me wrong, I really want to see this guy, probably more than I've ever wanted anything else before. I know that I love him very much, but I'm not sure exactly what kind of love it is since we've never met face to face. There is definitely a romantic facet of our friendship and we have seen photos of each other. Even so, until you are face to face, you just don't know about chemistry for sure. So, we are on opposite sides of the country. I can't move away from where I am because doing so would mean leaving my sick mother (she's been fighting cancer for the last 8 years) and moving my youngest child away from her father. I not only can't, but won't do that. He goes to school, works, his family is there and I hear in his voice how much he loves where he is everytime he talks about it. A part of me realizes that if I choose not to see him personally, I won't know what I'm missing. If I don't know what I'm missing, I won't miss it. The connection I have with this person is even on a deeper level than that of the one I shared with my fiance who was killed. If you've read anything about that relationship that I have shared, you would realize that this is a VERY big deal. I basically have put off meeting him in person because I know that even if we have the same kind of physical connection as we do on an emotional and mental level, that we STILL can't really do much about it. Seeing him and then having to walk away if it is as good as I believe it will be would tear me up inside, so I am not sure I am going to see him, even though I want to. Now, if he were to live in this area, I'd be with him in a heartbeat if the chemistry were there. I'm still torn over what to do. This girl could be going through the very same kind of thing. The closer you get to someone the more it hurts when you can't be with them.

>>OR maybe she met a guy up in sydney becuase her interest level in me was way down since we havent seen each other for 4 months. However after sometime with this guy her interest level in him might have fell and so she was thinking about me again.<<

This could be the case too, or possibly even a combination of the two.

>>argh really dunno. I'm gonna tell her that if she has feelings for me and wants to see me she can come down and see me becuase i had already made plans to see her and i had to cancel them, and i do want to see her again but dont want to be her puppy dog she can control do things for her whenever she feels like it.<<

I would leave the choice to her providing she has the ability to come to see you. I wouldn't say that to her unless you are sure she can both afford the trip AND can get away.

>>what you think wyldfire?
if she does want to see me again and expects me to re-scheudle plans for sydney should i jump from the word "go"?
I dont want to seem like i can be easily controlled like this cos that might cause her to disrespect me again, and partly the reason y she wouldve contacted me again is becuase i set up a challenge and acted carefree and didnt call her etc didnt beg her to get back with me etc.<<

I see no problem with telling her that if she wants to see you she will have to come to you. Just consider the issues I just mentioned. Obviously, you don't want to refuse to go see her if you really want to go. And if she can't afford it, she's not going to come regardless of how much she might want to. Use your judgement on this one. But certainly DON'T let her get away with disrespecting you. Just be fair and true to what you believe is the right thing FOR YOU.

 

[levichi]

if she is bragging about other men's interest in her,

- her interest level in you is at about 60%,

- she could be passive aggressive towards you,

or she could have no more interest in you,

I would try to up her interest level and see if the behaviour persists.

When someone was angry at me she kept sleeping with a staffed toy which was given to her by her x-boyfriend. I interpreted the behaviour as passive aggressive, and not a sign of a totally low interest level, because of the context.

All the variables must be considered to interpret her behaviour.

But for an ultimate attitude, according to Doc Love's system, we must always look to the bottom line factor.

That means if a woman after the first date still talks about other men, she must be deficient in either interest level or attitude, or your own attitude and actions towards her are lacking in something. Recognizing this, I'd first try to be more of a gentleman, according to the System, if there is no change, then I conclude something is wrong with the woman, and it is up to me weather I want to risk a continued relation with such a woman. That depends on my agenda with her, and my subjective interest level.

For example, if she lacks in Integrity but her psichological type is my dual, I might decide to distance her from me, but I would not burn that bridge alltogeather.

------------------
Mr. Kamensky

 

[Dudeamon]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:



>>now if you really want to be with someone then y would you break it off? maybe she was scared if she seen me again she might have stronger feelings for me, and then that would be hard to deal with knowing she had to go back overseas for good. dunno?<<

It could be. I can relate to the fear very personally. The guy I referred to earlier is someone I met online. We have been talking for almost 2 years. About 6 months ago he seriously brought up the idea of us meeting in person. This scared the bejesus out of me. Don't get me wrong, I really want to see this guy, probably more than I've ever wanted anything else before. I know that I love him very much, but I'm not sure exactly what kind of love it is since we've never met face to face. There is definitely a romantic facet of our friendship and we have seen photos of each other. Even so, until you are face to face, you just don't know about chemistry for sure. So, we are on opposite sides of the country. I can't move away from where I am because doing so would mean leaving my sick mother (she's been fighting cancer for the last 8 years) and moving my youngest child away from her father. I not only can't, but won't do that. He goes to school, works, his family is there and I hear in his voice how much he loves where he is everytime he talks about it. A part of me realizes that if I choose not to see him personally, I won't know what I'm missing. If I don't know what I'm missing, I won't miss it. The connection I have with this person is even on a deeper level than that of the one I shared with my fiance who was killed. If you've read anything about that relationship that I have shared, you would realize that this is a VERY big deal. I basically have put off meeting him in person because I know that even if we have the same kind of physical connection as we do on an emotional and mental level, that we STILL can't really do much about it. Seeing him and then having to walk away if it is as good as I believe it will be would tear me up inside, so I am not sure I am going to see him, even though I want to. Now, if he were to live in this area, I'd be with him in a heartbeat if the chemistry were there. I'm still torn over what to do. This girl could be going through the very same kind of thing. The closer you get to someone the more it hurts when you can't be with them.

>>OR maybe she met a guy up in sydney becuase her interest level in me was way down since we havent seen each other for 4 months. However after sometime with this guy her interest level in him might have fell and so she was thinking about me again.<<

This could be the case too, or possibly even a combination of the two.

>>argh really dunno. I'm gonna tell her that if she has feelings for me and wants to see me she can come down and see me becuase i had already made plans to see her and i had to cancel them, and i do want to see her again but dont want to be her puppy dog she can control do things for her whenever she feels like it.<<

I would leave the choice to her providing she has the ability to come to see you. I wouldn't say that to her unless you are sure she can both afford the trip AND can get away.

>>what you think wyldfire?
if she does want to see me again and expects me to re-scheudle plans for sydney should i jump from the word "go"?
I dont want to seem like i can be easily controlled like this cos that might cause her to disrespect me again, and partly the reason y she wouldve contacted me again is becuase i set up a challenge and acted carefree and didnt call her etc didnt beg her to get back with me etc.<<

I see no problem with telling her that if she wants to see you she will have to come to you. Just consider the issues I just mentioned. Obviously, you don't want to refuse to go see her if you really want to go. And if she can't afford it, she's not going to come regardless of how much she might want to. Use your judgement on this one. But certainly DON'T let her get away with disrespecting you. Just be fair and true to what you believe is the right thing FOR YOU.

in regards to the girl interstate again, she now says:

"i still miss u and i dont want you out of my life-baby fair enough if u dont feel the same way but please settle for friends atleast."

ok i didnt respond(for 5 days) to her last mess bfore the one stated above which says:

"bby i realy miss u tght it wd b easier 2cut tngs off wth u-but i was so wrong my feelings havnt chngd@al"

am just looking for a hint that she want to see me again and dont want to sound to desperate to see her. And now shes assuming i dont have much interest in her(maybe becuase i didnt call her for 5days) but she seems to be keen on this friends crap.

am assuming again that shes found someone or still with him but she also just truly wants to be my friend and is trying suckup i miss u thing to get my attention.

actually do alot of women say "i love u", "miss u" etc......just to get your attention, as a test to see if the guy gives in and blows all his feelings to her......?
assuming that the women is interested ofcourse but doesnt really trully love him
but likes to sus him out rather with these comments.??????

 

[Rebel Leader]

Glad to see this topic discussed so thoroughly. It confirms my resolution to never discuss other men with the man I happen to be in company with, unless he is purely at a confidant/friend level. If there is any interest on his part at all, he gets very uncomfortable with the situation, and feels like he has to DO something about it. I don't like making people feel uncomfortable, so I think I'll just avoid the topic all together.

A few observations that I picked up along the way:

At times, I've felt somewhat insecure, so I threw out a "he said this about me", looking for a reality check from the guy I was with, as in, "is this comment for real or is it just a ploy?"

Other times, I felt very confident and had some interest in the guy I was with, and wanted to see what he was made of, so I threw out "other guys are interested" as a test to see if present company had the balls to rise to the challenge. (ok, ok, it was a dumb test)

One man who had high interest level heard an "other guys" comment that wasn't meant as a challenge or as a reality check, and his response was, "Do you want me to send in Guido and the boys to break his knees?"

It's one way of finding out what's on her mind, guys!

 

[crowes22]

I had always thought that when women mentioned guys or BF's they were trying to let you know you had no chance. Not until I found this site did I realize different. As Pook described on the first page of this thread I had a girl do these exact things to me. She talked about things her BF did, never how she felt about him. Also he said girls don't girly talk their romantic interests. This is so true, and as an AFC I didn't realize this. This is a sure fire way to see if a girl is still interested in my opinion. With this one girl I didn't make a move b/c of the BF issue. We still keep in touch however and she never girly talks me. I am assuming she is still interested. Very valuable info from Pook.

 

[crowes22]

I had always thought that when women mentioned guys or BF's they were trying to let you know you had no chance. Not until I found this site did I realize different. As Pook described on the first page of this thread I had a girl do these exact things to me. She talked about things her BF did, never how she felt about him. Also he said girls don't girly talk their romantic interests. This is so true, and as an AFC I didn't realize this. This is a sure fire way to see if a girl is still interested in my opinion. With this one girl I didn't make a move b/c of the BF issue. We still keep in touch however and she never girly talks me. I am assuming she is still interested. Very valuable info from Pook.

 

[trickynick]

I have not been to this topic until now, but there seems to be a really good discussion going on. I am in a situation now where a girl wants to be stolen by me. The only problem is her bf and I have been friends for a year. No way that's going to happen.

 

[BGMan]

Well, if she talks about other guys being interested in her, I don't mind, but the minute I hear the words "my boyfriend", I'm like, "it's been nice knowing ya!" Well, maybe not THAT obvious, but I politely wait for an opportunity to leave.

BGMan

 

[Survivor]

While Wyldfire's tip was well intentioned, I don't think most of young DJs here have yet developed the intuitiveness or social skills to discern what it means when a girl mentions other guys in a conversation.

Bottom line, DJs want to know whether or not a girl likes them. Requesting her home phone number, then proposing a date, accomplishes that better than any kind of psycho-analysis.

Don't get me wrong, translating ******** has its place (for experienced DJs), but in no way does it replace the home phone number.

I have to agree with Pook. I don't reccommend analyzing women. Because you run the risk this of RATIONALIZING disrespectful behavior from low interest females.

If a girl that you are interested in starts confusing you by mentioning other guys in conversation, simply request her home phone number, then go out on a real date with her. Then see how she acts. That should clear the air.

Problem solved.

 

[Wyldfire]

bump

 

[trickynick]

Wyldfire LOL,

Bumping three of your articles at the same time? Is this some sort of cry for attention?

------------------
You either own the game or it owns you!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by trickynick:
Wyldfire LOL,

Bumping three of your articles at the same time? Is this some sort of cry for attention?

Just trying to get more meaty discussions going on. I knew these were meaty so bumped them first. I'll be bumping more over a period of time...gotta find them first tho. This might also remind some that I have contributed more than arguing.

 

[CHALENGE GUY]

I was placing the tapioca pudding back onto the shelf when I felt someone looking at me. I turned and saw this man checking me out! It felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good! You hear me? It felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good! Man, it felt good. Oh, you have no idea how good it felt. It felt GOOD. REALLY good. Oh, you don't know how GOOD!"

Although the above is exaggerated [Understatement of the century- Sosuave.com] the point is that the woman is flopping her emotions out. She is not interested. You are in Friend-Zone.

ROFL!!