Why Women Mention Other Men Even IF They Are Interested in You!

[AlfredB18]

Quite frankly, though women will do it 'til the end of time, if a chick has to resort to those kind of games, I can walk away.

If she likes me at first glance--or before I have conjured up any feelings for her, SHE has to go after what she wants for once.

Don't get me wrong, I'd rather pursue when I like someone, but I will not go for a girl who goes "middle school" on me and "hopes" I ask her out just because she likes me.

Oh yeah, there was another point brought up about girls rather staying with their chumps to avoid being single. Well, no one has died in recent history from just being single. I'll have to "respectfully" pass on being an emotional tampon for some insecure chick. Come on, we were (hopefully?) born single...

 

[Jwheatly]

Wyldfyre,

Like I said, I agree with you on the theory that women can use that type of conversation to show an interest in a guy, and i also agree that a guy should know for the most part the difference between low interest conversation, and high interest conversation.

But what i am doing is the telling guys that regardless of why she is doing it, you should still change the topic. There are too many other things that are worthy of converstion. Expecially if she does it on a date. She will atleast begin to notice that your skeletal structure is held together by a massive backbone, and that you are not average chump.


"lets talk about something else, blah blah blah?"

or

"Can we change the subject, I don't really want to talk about other guys (laugh), I want to talk about you"

 

[Wyldfire]

Alfred...if you are going to wait for a woman to approach you, well, you aren't going to get too far.

Men and women are different in a lot of ways. You can't expect women to be able to relate in the same way you do. Most just can't do that, even if they want to.

Women play these games that drive men crazy for pretty much one reason...somewhere in our psyche is the belief that it is not feminine or socially acceptable to be aggressive about pursuing men. Because of this, we do things to try to send signals and cues to the man to help him know what we want. This would be a lot easier on the guy if he knew what the hell these signals meant, but he doesn't because he doesn't think like a woman. Women have the same difficulty understanding men because they don't think like a man.

Now, in my opinion, it's counterproductive to get all bent out of shape over normal courting behavior in women. Those are the hints, cues and signals she sends you to say, "Hey...I'm interested in you!" The kinds of behavior that you should be upset with is manipulative and unhealthy stuff. The things that hurt others. Those usually come along more after you are involved with the person. There is a definite need to differentiate between normal courting rituals and just plain bad behavior. If you don't look at the signals and cues to determine a woman's interest level in you, you are never going to know if she likes you or not and you are going to miss one opportunity after another.

Don't tolerate cruelty and manipulation intended to cause pain to you.

Do understand that nearly all women naturally behave certain ways while trying to attract a mate. These things aren't harmful, they are part of the natural process of courting that allows her to not come across too forward or aggressive.

 

[Wyldfire]

Wheaty...no problem with changing the subject. I'm only saying it's important to recognize that this doesn't necessarily mean she isn't interested, and that it can mean her interest level is high.

 

[Centaurion]

Let me see if I get this right...so if she says that another guy looks good, then she regards you as a friend...correct?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Centaurion:
Let me see if I get this right...so if she says that another guy looks good, then she regards you as a friend...correct?

That alone could go either way unless she says it all the time or "swoons" when she says it. Usually if she's interested in you she will criticize the men she is talking about, or will just act disinterested in them. If she just casually says "So and so is kinda cute." still look at the other signs to get an overall picture.

 

[good-disciple]

A question for Wyldfire (since she is the expert) if a girl who knows that you are interested in her, talk about her boyfriend's faults......what would this mean? she likes me or I am a doormat for listening to her emotions?

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

A question here for Pook and WyldFire

Let's see the difference in their opinions

Pook,

Based on your ******** translator thing, I agree with you 100%. But I can still remember what Anti-Dump had mentioned before. If a girl likes you, she will not probably say she has a bf because she doesn't want to hurt you. And if she does mentioned about others guys,her bfs and etc, this is an OBVIOUS sign that she has low-interest in you. Isn't that what Anti-Dump is doing to weed out the professional daters?

And WyldFire,
Based on what evidence you can say that a girl will talk about others guys because she wants you to move faster.I have seen girls talking about others guys as a way to scare them off. Basically, Anti-Dump had said before, you cannot come off as too slow,only too fast! Taking it slow will show that you're not clingy\needy and you will be seen as a DJ. Fools rush in. Pros take it slow.
Now explain!

 

[Wyldfire]

Well, it depends on the context in which she mentions other guys. Pook hit the proverbial nail right on the head with his "translations".

I KNOW women will do this because I have done it myself many times. If a girl mentions a boyfriend...don't even bother thinking about what it means. Avoid these girls...if you steal them, they will let someone else steal them from you too. That's a pattern with girls who do that. Save yourself the time and trouble.

If she tells you that she likes a guy or seems all "smitten" when she mentions him, she's not really into you. Don't waste your time on her.

If she goes out of her way to tell you that other men are attracted to her or want her, she wants YOU to want her. However, somewhere in the back of her head, she is afraid of looking too forward, easy or is just afraid of being rejected if she says what she really wants. If she is showing other signs of interest and does this too, she is REALLY into you and wants you to notice and like her back. Now, there is a guy who I was absolutely crazy about. My interest level was VERY high. I told him when any other guy would hit on me, ask me out or show interest in me. I never liked, wanted or got involved with any of those other guys. This guy was interested in me too and would discourage me from liking any of those other guys. It showed me he was interested too. I use this as a way to test the guys interest in me as well as encourage him to act. So, I know that I often have done this and why I did it. If that isn't reason enough for anyone to see this tip as valid, I don't really know what else to say.

As for Anti-Dump...I've read some of his posts, but not enough to say too much. The one impression that I did get from what I've read is that he probably pushed away a lot of girls who genuinely liked him due to some pretty excessive cynicism. If you toss aside a girl because of one thing she did or said that didn't make sense to you when you really liked everything else it's kinda counterproductive. Human beings are never going to be perfect, and the sooner a person accepts that and leaves a little room for that, the better off they will be. Would you want a girl to decide not to consider dating you because you did one thing that she perceived as a lack of interest when everything else you did she knew showed interest? If a girl mentions another guy hitting on her, use this as a test...ask her if she's going to go out with him or if she wants to be his girlfriend. If she's interested in you she will very quickly let you know she isn't interested in him.

 

[Neophyte]

Okay.... didn't want to jump in this thread BUT I'd like to share just a little experience.

Look at it this way:

Some girls will tell you OR show you they can be with other man too, just to give you a hint.

Quote: "You know, when I said my group of friends left the party, there were enough people I could go to ... but I'd rather wanted to talk to you." - a girl.

The girl told me this a few days after the party.

So, if you interpret this in the right way, she let me know, I had a chance with her.

-Neo

 

[stuartSan]

This girl called me at work with the reason "I miss you"

She also said she liked the feeling of what her ex's did. (All the details of her foreplay and how she felt)

She doesn't have a bf.

I bet that means she wants a piece of me?

I'm not pretty sure now.. as she talked about sex.. but included emotions.

Any ideas? I'll just assume she wants me for now.

------------------
i'd rather die than give you control

[This message has been edited by stuartSan (edited 12-28-2001).]

 

[AbsoluteFreakinChump]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
This is very important information. After talking with a man in chat yesterday I wanted to make this post. There is a woman who he told me about who I believe so obviously is interested in him. He doesn't think she is because she has told him about other men who are after her.

Think about it guys...don't DJs try to use other women wanting them as a way to look MORE desirable to other women...specifically one they want? Women are no different in this respect. We just tell a man we are interested in that he has competition this way.

Women will use this tactic on you if she likes you and wants you to make a move on her. If she senses you are interested in her and you aren't acting on that fast enough she will tell you about other guys she COULD be dating. She wants you to think that you need to beat the other guys out by asking her out first. This is about Challenge and Social Proof more than anything else.

So...if a woman is showing you other signs of interest and drops in comments about other guys who want her...act soon. This is one of the last hidden signals a woman will give you before beginning to lose interest. She's trying to tell you "Quit stalling already! I want you to ask me out and am tired of waiting!" If you don't act soon her interest level is probably going to start dropping at this point.

Assuming you are right,
why doesn't the Lady ask the guy out?
Why does it always have to be on the guy to ask the woman out? In this society of supposedly "Equal Rights", shouldn't the women share "Equally" in the responsibility and risk of rejection in doing the asking?
If not, then perhaps "Equal Rights" is a phoney concept.

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Don't ask yourself "Is she interested?" Ask HER
"Hey! Let's go out!"

[This message has been edited by AbsoluteFreakinChump (edited 12-28-2001).]

 

[BGMan]

Equal Rights IS a phony concept if you mean that men and women are the exact same thing and there is no differences between them. Just my two cents.

BGMan

 

[Aztec]

From IntermediateDonJuaner

A question here for Pook and WyldFire

Let's see the difference in their opinions

Pook,

Based on your ******** translator thing, I agree with you 100%. But I can still remember what Anti-Dump had mentioned before. If a girl likes you, she will not probably say she has a bf because she doesn't want to hurt you. And if she does mentioned about others guys,her bfs and etc, this is an OBVIOUS sign that she has low-interest in you. Isn't that what Anti-Dump is doing to weed out the professional daters?

And WyldFire,
Based on what evidence you can say that a girl will talk about others guys
because she wants you to move faster.I have seen girls talking about others guys as a way to scare them off. Basically, Anti-Dump had said before, you cannot come off as too slow,only too fast! Taking it slow will show that you're not clingy\needy and you will be seen as a DJ. Fools rush in. Pros take it slow.
Now explain!

EXCELLENT QUESTION!!!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by AbsoluteFreakinChump:
Assuming you are right,
why doesn't the Lady ask the guy out?
Why does it always have to be on the guy to ask the woman out? In this society of supposedly "Equal Rights", shouldn't the women share "Equally" in the responsibility and risk of rejection in doing the asking?
If not, then perhaps "Equal Rights" is a phoney concept.

Women are just as afraid of rejection as men are. On top of that, most women don't want to come across as "easy", "slutty" or "aggressive" in this area. It's the man's job to pursue and the woman's job to make the man want to pursue her.

 

[Persistant]

Ok I got a question for Wlydfire (the board mom

)

If a girl goes on talking about other guys hitting on her or liking her etc etc...

Is it ok, and should you go ahead and ask her if she likes these other guys and is thinking about going out with them? If you do, how do you go about interpreting the responses?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Persistant:
Ok I got a question for Wlydfire (the board mom

)

If a girl goes on talking about other guys hitting on her or liking her etc etc...

Is it ok, and should you go ahead and ask her if she likes these other guys and is thinking about going out with them? If you do, how do you go about interpreting the responses?

If you ask her she will likely think you might like her too. If that's a message you want to send her, then go ahead. You could also say something like "You trying to make me jealous?" or "All these guys want you and here you are talking to me. I know you have good taste, because you're here with me. What are you gonna do to prove that all those guys have good taste?" And give her a sly grin.

 

[Persistant]

Wow that was a fast response! Helpful too! Thanks a ton!

 

[Dudeamon]

hello wldfire,
was seeing a girl who had very high intereset level in me, she was also backpacking down here in Australia(shes from america). She moved interestate with her friends and so we kept in contact thru our mobile phones. Its been about 3 months now and i was just planniing to go and c her. She seemed to show plenty interest level in me during this 3 months eg i miss u, never liked anyone as much as u etc etc, however two weeks ago she says "I'm going to pub now, my friends cousin appeared at work today from adelaide dont really know him but he seems nice, u know i miss u"
now would this mean, she's hinting that she has a low interest level, or is she trying to send a message; or test me; to see how i would react so she can know how much interest/carefactor i have in her.
just dont understand comments like this. help needed

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Dudeamon:
hello wldfire,
was seeing a girl who had very high intereset level in me, she was also backpacking down here in Australia(shes from america). She moved interestate with her friends and so we kept in contact thru our mobile phones. Its been about 3 months now and i was just planniing to go and c her. She seemed to show plenty interest level in me during this 3 months eg i miss u, never liked anyone as much as u etc etc, however two weeks ago she says "I'm going to pub now, my friends cousin appeared at work today from adelaide dont really know him but he seems nice, u know i miss u"
now would this mean, she's hinting that she has a low interest level, or is she trying to send a message; or test me; to see how i would react so she can know how much interest/carefactor i have in her.
just dont understand comments like this. help needed

I'd say she is interested in you. If you are interested you should try to shift things a little more towards romance. Yes, you should go see her if it's been on your mind. Just based on what you've said (and that's all my answer is based on) it sounds like you are her first choice. If you don't act she will gradually become more open to putting someone else first over time, and then she eventually will.