Well, I fvcked up...

[Energizer]

I
The only thing I don't understand about your post Energizer,is where you get the impression that this girl would "run acroos hot coals without any footwear"? What makes you think that? I've read and posted in this thread from the beginning,some thousand years ago,and out of all of Disaster's posts,updates,and comments,I don't recall one where this girl said or did anything that would make me think that of her.

I can only go by what he is posting, and from what I have read it sounds like this girl is having to take control of the situation and seize the initiative. Maybe it is in his head, as I find it hard to believe that after 3-6 months a girl would still be interested in someone who has at most been a friend and nothing else. Tho, I am a believer in fiction being stranger than truth, so who knows what is around the corner for Master Disaster? I think he should just swallow his pride, inflate his small balls and go and ask her out, making sure she knows it is a date. If she says no, he gets the closure he needs to move on and learn (hopefully) from his mistakes.

 

[Sandow]

Sandow, I don't like doing this "jealousy" plot because is it just some ploy to impress her? I'm not comfortable setting out to impress her because I don't need that. She should be trying to impress me. She should be saying, what can I show him that I have to offer?

Master Disaster, you know why she's not trying to impress you or show what she has to offer? Because you don't have enough social value. Until you increase your self-value (aka self-worth), or at least make it appear that way, she will continue to friendzone you. Like igetit, daygame and I have said, one of your last resorts at this point is to make her jealous.

Why are you getting defensive at making this sound like a "jealousy ploy?" We are not teaching any ploys here. This shyt should be natural for you. I always have girls see me with other girls. I'm not trying to use some "ploy" or "plot", its just who I am. I am not worried or scared if girls that I'm talking to see me with other girls. Shyt I can't help it. And you know what, it only makes them want me more. BTW, aren't you spinning your plates? Dude, this is such a good opportunity for you to take advantage of what I'm talking about. So do what you want, just telling you what works.

Lastly, that's great you're flirting and getting attention from all these babes, but it doesn't mean shyt until you use it to your advantage. Otherwise, your going to get friendzoned. And I think your pretty familiar with that.

I think you should ingrain this quote into your head, "Knowledge by itself has no power! Knowledge only acquires power when it is acted upon. Knowledge PLUS ACTION is power."

 

[The Master Disaster]

I just got back. It's over. I'm done. We're friends. That's that.

It started already off on a bad foot. I walked into her apartment to find all her roommates and one of their boyfriends sitting in the kitchen, so there goes the market idea.

It was almost surreal because the whole entire time we went to lunch or when I went in her apartment. I wasn't nuts about her. I don't know. It was ... weird to say the least. I didn't feel those urges or attractions before.

I mean, I looked at her as a friend. I hate to say it, but I subconsciously friendzoned her. I don't know. I just have other women in my life right now who I am more attracted to. I don't know what I felt; I just didn't make a move, and we had a good time. She did most the talking. I chimed in every once and awhile. I didn't really care. Maybe it's because I was tired. I don't know.

And for some reason, I'm not that heartbroken. I'm just like whatever... I'll carry on. I don't know how to explain it, but it wasn't like she was making moves on me. We went out to lunch as friends, and right now I just feel apathetic towards that. I'm more disheartened by the fact I lost 3 months chasing her than actually losing her...

I mean I saw her today as a rather chipper 20 year old who drinks a lot. I don't know. I went in her apartment just because I thought it might change my mindset, but it didn't.

I guess the flame died out between us. I looked into her eyes, and I didn't see what I saw 3 months ago.

She was so energetic, and I kind of just went along. I just couldn't keep up.

When I left, she said to me, "We can do lunch any time just call or text me! And I'm inviting you to the party we're throwing in two weeks."

I don't know. I should be more heart broken than I am right now, but I'm not.

i would of asked her out by sure curiousity if she didn't say she was going out of town with her friend "Barry." I was more turned off by the fact that she's stringed "Barry" on for god knows how long. He's in the military and she's known for god knows how long, and he's done a lot for her.

As I type this, I couldn't even care less. I hope they have a good time.

I'm done with her. I wouldn't mind keeping her as a friend, but I'm at most mildly attracted to her.

God, I don't know what happened to me. I should be balling my eyes out right now... but I'm just let down at the conclusion. I mean the girl I spent hours and hours dedicated to and for what? Just so 3 months later I could look at her as she sat across from me and not be swept of my feet.

I dreamed about going out with her, and I've done that. I've been over to her apartment 5 or 6 times now, and after all this work, all this thought, I just looked at her and... I don't know.

I'm done. I Fvcked up from day one not setting a romantic tone, and I took so long that even I friendzoned her...

I'll pursue other women and not even text message/call this girl without her sending me one. I don't know if I'll go the party she's inviting me to.I probably won't. I don't really care at this point.

I learned a f'load by going through all these processes, and I won't make another one of these mistakes.

It was a fail boat from day one of this thread.

So in the end, I did fvck up and spent 3 months denying it.

Thank you to all who replied and gave me advice. I read everyone of yours, and I truly bettered myself through this horrid mess of mistakes.

I don't know what she'll think if I don't call or text her... I mean right now, I'm thinking of other women I can ask out for this weekend. I'll tell you all flat out now I don't fear rejection anymore. This long drawn out reach around is far, far worse.

I mean I guess it wasn't all bad. I had a girl at least for 2 months interested, and she was really good looking, but I think izza may of had a point.

Once I stopped only seeing her looks... there was nothing more than a girl who loves to get drunk behind them. Oh well, now on to the next girl.

I'm so sad with myself for carrying this dead horse for so long.

Oh well, I fvcked up.

 

[izza]

Success isn't getting the girl. Success in the short-term is learning about yourself. In the long-run, it's really nice to get what you want. I hope you do that eventually. But this is not a failure, this is a success - you learned a lot about yourself, and that was very worth three months. Like you said, you will bring a lot more wisdom to the next girl, and that's what counts.

A lot of great things here. I think you've planted a lot of great seeds.

Best,
Izza

 

[Igetit!]

I just got back. It's over. I'm done. We're friends. That's that.

Wow. I mean I just......wow.

It was almost surreal because the whole entire time we went to lunch or when I went in her apartment. I wasn't nuts about her. I don't know. It was ... weird to say the least. I didn't feel those urges or attractions before.

I believe you on this one man. You're right. It's just like I said before:When you hang around someone for a long period of time,you get used to the person the way they are while they're in your presense. The friendzone works both ways. This girl was repeatedly in your presense without doing anything or saying anything romantic or sexual towards you. From day one,she only gave off a friendship vibe,continually.
That's why the attraction you felt in the beginning has dissipated. It's weird,but it does happen.

I mean, I looked at her as a friend. I hate to say it, but I subconsciously friendzoned her. I don't know. I just have other women in my life right now who I am more attracted to. I don't know what I felt; I just didn't make a move,

Yeah,those emotions are a tricky thing. One day you're attracted to her,then a few months later,you making "a move" on her seems odd and weird. You're right,you did friendzone her.

I'm more disheartened by the fact I lost 3 months chasing her than actually losing her...

Oh yeah? Well I once spent 6 months chasing after a girl. Originally at the beginning,I had a chance with her,but I did exactly what you did here,and ended up with exactly the same results. Sucks huh?

When I left, she said to me, "We can do lunch any time just call or text me! And I'm inviting you to the party we're throwing in two weeks."

This pretty much speaks for itself as for how she sees you.

I don't know. I should be more heart broken than I am right now, but I'm not.

Probably because the fact that you have closure exceeds any heartbroke feelings. The fact that this is FINALLY over is more of a relief than feeling bad that you "didn't get the girl".

i would of asked her out by sure curiousity if she didn't say she was going out of town with her friend "Barry." I was more turned off by the fact that she's stringed "Barry" on for god knows how long. He's in the military and she's known for god knows how long, and he's done a lot for her.

As I type this, I couldn't even care less. I hope they have a good time.

This does NOT surprise me. Attractive women alway have some guy waiting in the wings somewhere.

God, I don't know what happened to me. I should be balling my eyes out right now... but I'm just let down at the conclusion. I mean the girl I spent hours and hours dedicated to and for what? Just so 3 months later I could look at her as she sat across from me and not be swept of my feet.

Well,I would say I told you so,but hey,I've been in this situation before as well. Hate it.

I'm done. I Fvcked up from day one not setting a romantic tone, and I took so long that even I friendzoned her...

Now this is funny. This is the first time I've ever heard anyone say that before. You said you took so long,that you friendzoned her. That's a trip. But you're right though.

It was a fail boat from day one of this thread.

True.

I'll tell you all flat out now I don't fear rejection anymore. This long drawn out reach around is far, far worse.

You got that right. If NOTHING ELSE you learn from this,that one thing should be enough to keep you from ever going down this road again.

Man,just reading that reply was depressing. But I do understand where you were coming from. Not getting the girl is bad enough,but when you look back at all the time wasted,that time loss is more depressing than the situation with the girl. Oh well,live and learn. You know that if you just forget about her and move on,and I mean REALLY move on,she'll notice your "absence",then she'll start contacting you. But don't be deceived. It's not you,(that is,the possible boyfriend/sexual/romantic you) that she's trying to contact,it's the friend/lunch buddy that she misses. So if you do move on and she tries to contact you,don't trick yourself into thinking she's contacting because she likes you. You've already lost enough time here.

Alright man,chin up. Things might suck right now,but at least it's finally over with Hmm. Or is it?

 

[Darth]

I'll tell you all flat out now I don't fear rejection anymore. This long drawn out reach around is far, far worse.....I'm so sad with myself for carrying this dead horse for so long.

I think that is the moral of this thread.

When in doubt...just find out.

Hey, that rhymes

Anyway, it's sad to hear this, but I'm really happy for you that this is finally off your mind.

 

[The Master Disaster]

I'm not really depressed. I do have some of the wind knocked out of my sails, but I'm still here. Not one tear has been shed.

I don't know what I feel right now. It's not heart-brokenness. That feels more like your heart is begin ripped out.

I guess it's more of like the feeling when you get out of High School, and go what now? Like a what's the point of life kinda thing.

I think it would of be funny if I invite some girl to this party she's hosting. I don't really want this girl at all, but I guess I have some weird sense of curiosity. Like would she be jealous...? Wait, who am I kidding, she shared so many "I was so drunk" stories from what she had over the break.. she probably will be piss ass drunk at her party.

I don't know if she knows that I really don't drink much or what but her getting piss drunk and than having to call her friend "Barry" to come pick her up as she verbally abuses him didn't scream "You so want me" to me. Cultimating in her crying and vomiting for 40 minutes...

She's a good person, and I wouldn't mind keeping her as a friend, but I'm almost relieved I saw her in this light today. Rather than, if I played my cards right from day one got stuck in a relationship carrying her drunk self from parties to her house.

I kind of feel sorry for "Barry." I mean her car broke down in a city 200 miles away, and "Barry" came and picked her up. I don't know which way it goes if she turned down "Barry" or if "Barry" turned down her, but either way he's got a heart of gold I guess.

Just thinking about what she talked to me about kind of lightens my situation. I mean yea, I'm a little down, but there's a sunrise tomorrow.

 

[Tenzen]

Almost everyones been saying it since the beginning, glad this finally came to pass. Cause man you would of never moved on... Oneitis like hell. If you dont have anything else to do that night of the party you should go man. Don't shoot your self in the foot on this one, her party is going to have potential girls you can hook up with. Like you said you see her as a friend now use her as one, go to that party get some girls! Worst case scenario she'll get wasted and throw herself at you. Its up to you what you will do but keep in mind man, i dont think anyone posted in this thread to steer u in the wrong direction were just trying to help based on what we would do in a particular situation.

 

[Darth]

So she really does hit the booze a lot, huh?

Sounds like you did the right thing by not pursuing further.

 

[izza]

Good for you for not being a huge fan of alcohol, by the way.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Same exact thing happened to me. It goes on for so long so subtly that the problem becomes 100% YOU. You stop caring and you just don't want to bother. Gaming a girl from stage 1 would be so much easier than gaming this pseudo-friend girl.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Good for you for not being a huge fan of alcohol, by the way.

What are you his dad??? LOL Just teasing dude....



PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I just got back. It's over. I'm done. We're friends. That's that.

Not surprising..... this girl sounded like the typical college slvt, actually I think that's what I said when I originally replied to your infatuation with her.

It started already off on a bad foot. I walked into her apartment to find all her roommates and one of their boyfriends sitting in the kitchen, so there goes the market idea.

You never took this chick off the pedestal you put her on, in the process you were taking advice from so many different people since you had emotions running through you that you were like a dancing monkey.....trying to do whatever you could to win her.

It was almost surreal because the whole entire time we went to lunch or when I went in her apartment. I wasn't nuts about her. I don't know. It was ... weird to say the least. I didn't feel those urges or attractions before.

I don't believe this at all....infact I would go as far as to say that your in denial right now, which is common when moving on from something. Your trying to rationalize the last 3 months into a quick moment to make yourself feel better.


I mean, I looked at her as a friend. I hate to say it, but I subconsciously friendzoned her.

Denial and rational..... I think we've all done the same thing in the past when we don't get what we want.

I don't know. I just have other women in my life right now who I am more attracted to.

Really??? And where have they been all this time? You've been thinking about this chick forever and suddenly your going to try and tell us that your into other girls more than her?? LOL

Dude you are very much in denial, so much so that your mind's playing tricks on you.


I don't know what I felt; I just didn't make a move, and we had a good time.

Again you should've just went kamakaze on her........ go in for the kill and if you get it great, if you don't oh well. You had absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. Chicks like her have tons of "guy friends," some of which are truly in the friend zone and have no chance. The others she would/has banged.


She did most the talking. I chimed in every once and awhile. I didn't really care. Maybe it's because I was tired. I don't know.

Its because you mentally checked out.... you figured you were in the friendzone at this point, so you stopped caring. Suddenly her cute behavior and beautiful face didn't matter because there was nothing in it for you.

And for some reason, I'm not that heartbroken. I'm just like whatever... I'll carry on. I don't know how to explain it, but it wasn't like she was making moves on me.

It takes time for this to hit, you'll probably be bummed about it in a couple days, then move on.

We went out to lunch as friends, and right now I just feel apathetic towards that. I'm more disheartened by the fact I lost 3 months chasing her than actually losing her...

You should be, don't make things more difficult on yourself when they don't need to be...

I mean I saw her today as a rather chipper 20 year old who drinks a lot. I don't know. I went in her apartment just because I thought it might change my mindset, but it didn't.

The whole problem with this situation from day 1, was you failing to act as a man and take what he wanted. Women, even ugly ones, are NOT attracted to girly men who are timid, scared or beat around the bush. The want a confident man who is in control.


I guess the flame died out between us. I looked into her eyes, and I didn't see what I saw 3 months ago.

You need to stop thinking like this.... this is part of how you put her on a pedestal in the first place. This isn't Walt Disney, its reality.

When I left, she said to me, "We can do lunch any time just call or text me! And I'm inviting you to the party we're throwing in two weeks."

Cool, don't sulk over the fact that you didn't get the girl. Go to the party and work your game, pimp some slvtty 'hoes, I miss college sooooo bad.

" I was more turned off by the fact that she's stringed "Barry" on for god knows how long. He's in the military and she's known for god knows how long, and he's done a lot for her.

You allowed yourself to get strung along as well...don't feel bad for Barry, he doesn't know any better. Learn form YOUR mistakes and don't be that guy again.

As I type this, I couldn't even care less. I hope they have a good time.

LOL.... dude you are in some SERIOUS denial right now.

I'm done with her. I wouldn't mind keeping her as a friend, but I'm at most mildly attracted to her.

The only way I would keep this girl as "a friend" is if you don't go to lunches and talk to her on a regular basis. I was going to tell you this before, but lunch usually = friend.

God, I don't know what happened to me. I should be balling my eyes out right now... but I'm just let down at the conclusion. I mean the girl I spent hours and hours dedicated to and for what? Just so 3 months later I could look at her as she sat across from me and not be swept of my feet.

Don't be too hard on yourself, the important thing is you learned a valuable lesson here. Had you made a move right away, things might have been different, but honestly you won't even give a $hit a few months from now. She'll be just another girl that made your game that much tighter.

I dreamed about going out with her, and I've done that. I've been over to her apartment 5 or 6 times now, and after all this work, all this thought, I just looked at her and... I don't know.

Stop over-analyzing. This single habit will cause you to fail with many girls because your mind perceives a situation one way and reality is another. Stop reading into every little sign thinking it means something. Take it for what it is and go with it. The less you think the better your success will be...

I'm done. I Fvcked up from day one not setting a romantic tone, and I took so long that even I friendzoned her...

Okay honestly, you've got to stop saying "you friendzoned her." The reality is you waited waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long and lost your opportunity. That's like your gf breaking up with you, then you telling all your friends, "I broke up with her after she broke up with me." Really?? C'mon.

You can't friendzone a girl when you've already been friend-zoned by her.

Its okay to be honest here, your thread will teach many newbies a valuable lesson. Or maybe not since no one seems to use the search button here...lol

I'll pursue other women and not even text message/call this girl without her sending me one. I don't know if I'll go the party she's inviting me to.I probably won't. I don't really care at this point.

Your response below proves that your still thinking about this girl. Here you say you probably won't go. Then below your brain is already plotting on what might happen if you do go and bring another girl. That's the jealousy plot that Sandow was mentioning before, the same plot that you said was not your style. Bottom line you still have one-itis for her, it'll take time to heal from it. You can't just turn it off and on like a switch. But meeting new girls will help you heal faster.

I learned a f'load by going through all these processes, and I won't make another one of these mistakes.

Your main problem is 1) you don't have belief, confidence in yourself. 2) this low confidence leads to an incredible amount of over-analyzing which makes you doubt yourself to the highest degree. I'm glad you learned something from this, keep practicing and you'll be a stud in no time.

I don't know what she'll think if I don't call or text her... I mean right now, I'm thinking of other women I can ask out for this weekend.

No your not, your main focus is still this girl because your still wondering what she will think if you don't call or text..... who gives a fuvk what she thinks??? Honestly I don't think she's going to even think about it at all. Regardless, her thoughts and feelings shouldn't be any of your concern.

I'll tell you all flat out now I don't fear rejection anymore. This long drawn out reach around is far, far worse.

You remember the 3 second rule for approaching?? Well the same thing applies to progressing with a woman. The longer you stall when you can capitalize the closer you come to failing with a girl. No one will ever clown you for going for a girl and not getting her. Your more of a man for going after what you want. Most guys are pu$$ies who would rather do nothing at all than be rejected.

I mean I guess it wasn't all bad. I had a girl at least for 2 months interested, and she was really good looking, but I think izza may of had a point.

I respect Izza's opinions, but honestly bro your very young....go pound pu$$y....its okay to be shallow right now, your focus should be fun with women. Being attracted to a woman for her looks is biologically programmed into our DNA, I'm a picky bastard....only date 7's or better.

Once I stopped only seeing her looks... there was nothing more than a girl who loves to get drunk behind them. Oh well, now on to the next girl.

I don't believe this either...you were describing her like a coke addict explains his addiction. And suddenly your going to tell us that she doesn't have a fun, energetic, bubbly personality??? Again, your in major denial right now.

Go get laid this weekend, it'll make you feel a whole lot better and get you back on track. Because right now, your NOT over this girl and you know it.



PIMP

 

[bam bam]

o gosh this was such a fabulous read I stopped my practice for an hour to get through the whole thing!

You're something else eh MD...

Couple things on this thread and general comments.

1) I don't think you came for advice on this form. You came to have people support your lose cause.

2) If you read back you're posts your never wrong unless you agree with something.

3) You're very insecure and you haven't grown much from start till now you're just trying to make it seem like you did.

4) Actions are always louder then words kido follow the trace of actions and they will never guide you wrong in the world of relationships.

5) What you see yourself as doing does not have to be the case of what is actually going on. One guy sees a guy desperately attempting to be cute/funny or ****y/funny or confident/****y whatever the mixes could be. But failing at them meanwhile the same guy thinks he's actually ****y/funny or confident funny. Woman dont want to **** clowns and comedians. So dont be either.

6) Don't make plans about things working out with woman. Go with the flow! Be a master at adaption. I've been on quiet a bit of dates in my short life best dates are the once you dont think about just go and enjoy. Also the once you figure out last minute. "where we going" "can't tell you" or "where we going" "can't tell you" "I really have to know I get uncomfortable" "ok well I haven't thought that far ahead"

7) Igetit is right and wrong. Friends zone is a place where most guys cannot get out of. There are a small few that can and are able to pull it off. But the effort to accomplish that is never worth the end result.

8) Of course you feel like crap you have this beautiful painting of how she was and things could be. Painting burned down and you got left with the big fat donut just a big bill of time invested and emotions.

9) Learn from this event (you probably wont) ask questions that are legitimate so you can get proper explanations to fix the big picture. Your looking for quick and easy fixes to something that is far deeper an issue then you can see.

10) Your not trying to be yourself your trying to be something nice on paper. I am like this and have that.

11) Dont be an excuser! Take responsibility for you're life and your actions.

12) Find yourself kido know what you want out of life out of woman out of this planet.

13) To date because of looks is the most of basic simplest things to have as a requirement as a person. Have some actual proper standards that go deeper then surface issues. Anyone can have a good couple interactions but that doesn't mean that their worth having long term. Or even short for that matter! haha

14) I hope this is a one time thing for you but you seem like a person who doesn't learn from his mistakes. Be happy this girl wasn't a user or manipulator because if she was you'd be her puppy dog doing all her wishes. Advice isn't suppose to appeal to you're ego it's suppose to stir things up for you and question what you all ready know.

15) Just something I observed about you not sure if anyone else picked up on it. It gets creepy reading you're posts how you know so much about her but yet you talk to her almost never.

16) You're last thing what you SHOULD have done was stood her up. If you actually wanted to do something different. Do the same thing get the same results! Stand her up she calls you on it play dumb like you totally forgot and without making it obvious inform her that you where out with another girl. Or get a girl no one has scene around your sister if you have one. Go for dinner at the same time where you had you're crappy get together planned and pick a location where the word would get back to her. Then next time she asks tell her your busy stuff to do people to meet woman to stalk... LOL j/k I hope... This website has lots of juicy good info on how to **** with peoples heads it actually has more information on how to woman **** with guys heads then it has on how to **** with womans heads. Learn how to use it and you'll be laughing. Think outside the box once again! OUTSIDE! humans are animals where very basic it's not a complex system to figure out. Learn the basics and know how to trigger them. It sounds easier then it is but it's like anything in life the most you dedicate to it's theory and practice the better you'll get with good mentors like IGETIT and others. You'll be on your way to happiness or so that's the general idea behind it.

17) It's easier to comment and critic when your not in the situation when your in it the rules change if your foundation isn't strong. So Take what I said in any way you'd like. I had to write it because you do seem like a nice person looking for happiness.

Bams

P.S Guy talks to a beautiful lady asks her so would you sleep with me for a million dollars? She thinks deep and hard and goes yeah I would. Guy responds here's 50 bucks. She replies WHAT KIND OF WOMAN YOU TAKE ME FOR! Guy responds I think we all ready established that where just negotiating price. hahaha had me laughing for a bit. had to share that also...

p.s.s haven't read it over if there are error i'll fix them later when I get to it...

 

[Sandow]

Bro, I was so you in college! Listen, we've all been there, this is just a natural learning process in life. Failure breeds success, and the more you fail, the better you will get. It was a good read though, so reminds of me of my AFC days!

I think you have a lot of potential M.D. Like I said, your going to experience these kinds of things (bumps on the road) from time to time. But in time, you'll get it down and truly understand how women work. I see you becoming very good with ladies soon enough, but you just have to learn from these unfortunate situations.

Anyways...Yes! Bring your lady friend. DO NOT go alone. The look on her face is going to be priceless You know she's hooking up with "Barry" right? Like igetit! said, all attractive girls will always have someone there. And I know she's not abstinent, so she's getting a$$ from someone...(most likely 'Barry"). Not only bring a lady friend, but flirt with her, hell make out with her! I'm not advocating revenge, but this is something you need to experience and understand and you will see how well it works.

Well, I'm glad it's finally over. Like you said, spin those plates! At this stage in your life I think its important that you stay single and experience as much as you can. That's what you need right now. Sarge on!

 

[The Master Disaster]

Thanks guys, it's nice not going through this with others.

bam bam #15 is incorrect. This makes me look bad, but last semester she and I use to meet up once to three times a week to work on our project. We'd spend sometimes 5 hours, and we'd talk and have a blast. Course, I was pvssy who wouldn't esclate her... Early on, she practically threw herself at me. It sounds terrible but I'm learning and improving my greed, pride, jealousy, ego.

Today, I've been for the majority unaffected. I seem back to my normal self. I have good friends around me to help me take my mind off of her. I mean yea, there was a smidgen of denial yesterday, but I'm for the majority over her.

I think if there one major thing that has changed in me. This situation I was looking at women and wondering if they are attracted to me, but now I see women and I couldn't really care if they're attracted. I'm trying to phrase this. I almost assume now that they are attracted I guess. I don't put much emphasis there because it's not important. What's important is if I deem them worthy of pursuit. So I now talk to women and instead of guessing their vision of me, I play with their emotions.

Plus, I use to mainly attempt to get women attracted and that was that. Now, I'm well aware that getting women attracted is facile even pointless to me. It's about progressing and escalating.

Before this girl, I did not have many options as far as the female spectrum went, and that probably was the main reason for my severe case of one-itis. Now, I have 10 or so that I can pursue.

I might go to that party. I won't commit to her if I will when she asks. I'll just give allusive answers. If I do go, I won't go alone. That's retarded. I would prefer to bring over a girl to the party and only stay a little while. Because I don't want this girl back, but I wouldn't mind getting some of my pride and social worth back. If she sees me with a good looking girl as I come in late, and only stay for a little while as she is drinking her ass off. Sure, it's petty, but it will at least give me some of my self respect back.

Give me 6 more months, and I won't be the same person. The wheels are in motion, and I'm ready to grow this part of my person.

I always loved this phrase, "You learn nothing from winning, but you learn everything from losing."

 

[MisterMcGee]

Please believe disaster when he says he's 'over her'.
He's not really over her, but he is definitely treating her just like 'another girl'. I know exactly how he feels and what he's been through. She's finally off the pedestal. This is how it feels. The lower amount of attraction and crap you feel for her is simply you treating her like a normal person. It's good for you.

Now all you need is time to live life and see what happens. No pressure. Just know this - it was YOU, not HER. But don't worry, you're improving yourself. That's what matters. You'll probably never see her on a pedestal as a prize to be won (many guys pedestalize girls in some way, it's not always the extreme AFC variant). This is good. You've crossed that bridge and hopefully you'll never have to again.

I'm probably 2 weeks further into a similar situation. Well, my situation is totally different, but how I feel about this girl ('over her', dont want things to get messy, you feel things are better left undone, you feel comfy with how things are) is mirrored in your post.
I've got this other girl as a plate, and I've been doing other stuff. The key is to truly live life and realize that it's way funner and healthier to be more direct and easygoing. There's no pressure, no complications, no commitments at such an early stage. Just chill and have fun.
Your view on this girl will 'heal' and you'll see her, hopefully, as a good person again. But, if you're on a similar path as me, you won't make a big deal of your 'situation' again.

If you do get into her again at one point, you shouldn't have to worry about making it a big deal. You probably won't. Why? Because all you'll want is to go out with her and see where it goes. You won't want to beat around the bush because there's no bush to beat around. We're the only ones who create our obstacles in such a simple part of our lives - dating - and hopefully you've learnt your lesson:
'Just go for it. Beating around the bush is boring, fvck that. You don't have time to analyze crap.'

 

[Igetit!]

bam bam #15 is incorrect. This makes me look bad, but last semester she and I use to meet up once to three times a week to work on our project. We'd spend sometimes 5 hours, and we'd talk and have a blast.

This is what got you into the friendzone with her.

It sounds terrible but I'm learning and improving my greed, pride, jealousy, ego.

Yeah,I agree. This DOES sound terrible. Pride/ego? Greed? Jealousy? You just named 3 of the seven deadly sins! :crackup:

Today, I've been for the majority unaffected. I seem back to my normal self.

Back to your normal self? I hope not. That's what got you into the mess in the first place.

I mean yea, there was a smidgen of denial yesterday, but I'm for the majority over her.

I think Bam bam and Pimp-sicle were right about you being in denial. So you think you're over her,huh? You spent the last 3 months chasing this girl,thinking about her,on this forum discussing her EVERYDAY,meeting up with her 3 times a week,5 hours each time laughing and talking and having a "blast",tried to have a date with her just yesterday,and now in one fail swoop,24 hours later,you're over her?
If you say so.

I think if there one major thing that has changed in me. This situation I was looking at women and wondering if they are attracted to me, but now I see women and I couldn't really care if they're attracted. I'm trying to phrase this. I almost assume now that they are attracted I guess.

The last sentence here is good. You should just assume they're attracted and act and behave congruent with that assumption. The first part about not caring if women are attracted to you.....well,I don't know about not caring,but they shouldn't get the sense or impression that them being attracted to you is important to you,or the your world is over if they don't like you.

I don't put much emphasis there because it's not important.

Well,I wouldn't say that.

What's important is if I deem them worthy of pursuit.

True,but you foundt this girl worthy of pursuit and look what happened. You DO need to take into account the woman's attraction and some things from her point of view.

Plus, I use to mainly attempt to get women attracted and that was that. Now, I'm well aware that getting women attracted is facile even pointless to me. It's about progressing and escalating.

I'd be careful here. If you really think getting a woman attracted is pointless,then you need to go back to chasing after this girl for a few more months until you get it in your head that attraction is an essential part of the dating process. Without it,you get exactly what you got here: pain,confusion,and wasted time. Or to put it another way:FRIENDZONE.

Before this girl, I did not have many options as far as the female spectrum went, and that probably was the main reason for my severe case of one-itis. Now, I have 10 or so that I can pursue.

WHAT??? Why are you saying this? What do you mean you didn't have any options? Dude,you've had girls around you THE WHOLE TIME. Let me refresh your memory. Check out reply #132 on 12-09-08. YOU said that a girl you were working with in French asked you out 3 TIMES!! YOU said that. Not only that,but you said that that was the second time a girl had asked you out. Those are your words. Oh,you've had options. Don't give us that bull.

I might go to that party....If she sees me with a good looking girl as I come in late, and only stay for a little while as she is drinking her ass off. Sure, it's petty, but it will at least give me some of my self respect back.

So you want to get your self-respect back. How does going to her party with a girl give you self-respect? You get SELF-respect from yourself. IMO,just the fact that you're even thinking about taking some girl there with you in order to show her means that you're not over her,and that she still has some sort of effect on you.

I always loved this phrase, "You learn nothing from winning, but you learn everything from losing."

Disagree with this. You learn what you did right. But even if you don't learn anything from winning,it sure feels a lot better than losing!!!!!!

 

[MisterMcGee]

Yeah I'm half-believing that women have been all over him. All I needed was a little more females in my life an my oneitis began to die because it was boring compared to other aspects of my life. :S
If he had that many women after him, I can't see why he would've been in the passive mindset toward getting a girl.

 

[Sandow]

Ok M.D. time for the next thread. J/K.

One last thing, you seem very dramatic. Girls are NOT attracted to this quality in a guy. I would work on being less of that.