Well, I fvcked up...

[The Master Disaster]

I think Bam bam and Pimp-sicle were right about you being in denial. So you think you're over her,huh? You spent the last 3 months chasing this girl,thinking about her,on this forum discussing her EVERYDAY,meeting up with her 3 times a week,5 hours each time laughing and talking and having a "blast",tried to have a date with her just yesterday,and now in one fail swoop,24 hours later,you're over her?
If you say so.

Throw in 4 weeks between the 2 lunches and then also throw in me talking to other women taking a girl on out a couple dates while I was home.

That's why I think I didn't try over the lunch. I just didn't have that one-itis like I use to. I didn't convince myself that I was crazy about her. Instead, I sat there saw who she was, and thought to myself she's nice, but there are other non-alcoholic, less-bubbly women for me.

Eh, I'm kind of over her. I just finished and mailed my application for Assistantship in France, which I'll likely get, and I'm relaxed. The only thing residual that I'm feeling is the fact that it's a Friday night, and I am not with a girl. I have friends at my place, but I didn't get the girl. That's really the only thing that still erks me now. Right now, I'm relaxed. I'm excited that I might spend 10 months in France, and that's it.

Those 4 weeks really cleared up my mind and distanced myself from her. While I was having lunch with this girl, I didn't contribute much to the conversation. She had that down pact; I was more thinking about do I really want this girl? Does she know she's an alcoholic?

Still though, part of me misses that girl that was on that pedestal. The girl I went downtown with. The girl that I saw every Wednesday. She never existed, but I miss her.

You guys are doing a good job. I'd be cynical if I read this thing for 3 months and then in one day the guy goes. Whelp, I'm over her.

Doesn't make logical sense, but I am over this girl. What I'm not over is the idea of the girl. The girl I made up in my head. That's what hurts.

WHAT??? Why are you saying this? What do you mean you didn't have any options? Dude,you've had girls around you THE WHOLE TIME. Let me refresh your memory. Check out reply #132 on 12-09-08. YOU said that a girl you were working with in French asked you out 3 TIMES!! YOU said that. Not only that,but you said that that was the second time a girl had asked you out. Those are your words. Oh,you've had options. Don't give us that bull.

Yea, there was a girl who asked me out 3 times, but she was ... eh. I'd say she was a 5 or 6. I'm trying to remember the 2nd girl who asked me out. I can't remember. If I do, I'll let you know. That was awhile ago. I never followed up on that one girl that I got her number.

I guess I did have options, but in any case I still have more now.

So you want to get your self-respect back. How does going to her party with a girl give you self-respect? You get SELF-respect from yourself. IMO,just the fact that you're even thinking about taking some girl there with you in order to show her means that you're not over her,and that she still has some sort of effect on you.

I don't know if it's self respect. Maybe I used the term poorly. I honestly just want to not leave the girl with the opinion that I was some guy who never moved on her, which is true, but I still don't want her to think that. Yes, it's petty to show off a girl there. Yes, it's using a girl who has nothing to do with this. Yes, in many cultures including our own they would frown upon this, but maybe they and you are right.

Maybe I shouldn't go to the party and have her think of me as some guy who never pulled the trigger until it rusted and fell off. I don't know right now what I will do. And to your question, yea I do care about what she thinks of me, but that's normal for a guy coming off one-itis.

I mean her opinion didn't mean what it meant 3 months ago, and it certainly won't cripple me like it would have 3 months ago, but I do still on some level care what she thinks about me.

To be frankly honest, I want to go because you guys are excellent and calling b.s. and you all see through everything. I want to go to that party and leave having her think "Why didn't he ever ask me out?" That's petty. That's immature. That at least violates 1 of the seven deadly sins, but that's what I would want. Of course, I can't make people think what I want, or I would be manipulating free will, which even God himself can't do, but I just think it would bring even more closure to this in some way.

Plus, it opens the door for a one-night stand or something in the future. Rather than, her telling her friends about this one guy who couldn't pull the trigger after 3 months. The story becomes I couldn't get this guy to pull the trigger what was wrong with me?

Yes, it's petty, and I'm comfortable with that.

Ok M.D. time for the next thread. J/K.

One last thing, you seem very dramatic. Girls are NOT attracted to this quality in a guy. I would work on being less of that.

I'm a victim of what I am taught, propaganda. I'm taught that there is 1 girl that's out there for you. You and that one girl will instantly drawn to each other. That one girl won't care what you look like. That one girl will love you for who you are... and other b.s. like that.

I see love on screen and in literature, and in both mediums they are overly dramatized. Plus, I'm an English major who studies drama constantly, and I also am taking two creative writing courses, which thrive on teaching how to convey drama...

I'm not really dramatic from the outside looking in, but yea I agree my thought processes are fairly dramatic. I've improved over the course of the 3 months.

I just wish someone would write a book called "Romance Propaganda" and give it to 3 year old males who face the same challenges we all are facing because some romanticists release the propaganda to the masses, and then when they hit puberty it's like "What the Fvck! Women don't act like this at all in literature." Women aren't nearly as dramatic. They just want sex and a guy with a good social worth preferably loaded with cash.

...eh I'll work on it.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Then why don't you just ask her out at the party?
Be like "we should go out sometime"
That's it.

No, it's not a big deal. No, you aren't uber into her any more.

YES, the whole past 3 months case is a lost cause. Just start fresh and clean and easy-going. No pressure - go out with her and have some fun. You have nothing to lose, and you're not sure what you have to gain. Cool

 

[The Master Disaster]

Then why don't you just ask her out at the party?
Be like "we should go out sometime"
That's it.

No, it's not a big deal. No, you aren't uber into her any more.

YES, the whole past 3 months case is a lost cause. Just start fresh and clean and easy-going. No pressure - go out with her and have some fun. You have nothing to lose, and you're not sure what you have to gain. Cool

I should ask the girl this thread is about at the party? But I don't want that girl... I much rather keep her as a friend or a booty call (haha, maybe I'll get to that point in a month or two).

I really don't want to date her. I have very little feelings left for her.

 

[MisterMcGee]

You might feel differently in a couple weeks when your head is on straight. You'll notice she's just another girl who is nice and attractive - that's all it takes to want to 'date' any girl during the early stages.
I'm not pushing you to ask her out. If you really don't like her that way then cool, but I think it's delusional. You're simply comfortable with moving on and filing her into the friend cabinet. That's cool, but asking her out on a date all relaxed and not outcome dependant is a good idea to. It doesn't matter if you do or don't feel the UNDYING URGE to date her. That's not what dating is about.

 

[Igetit!]

Then why don't you just ask her out at the party?
Be like "we should go out sometime"
That's it.

MisterMcGee,I've read a few of your post. You always seem to give pretty sound advice,but this right here? WHY......IN THE WORLD....would you tell him to ask her out now??? Just yesterday he got back from lunch with her all down and depressed (imo),dissappointed about things not going as he hoped they would. Virtually everybody here was telling him to move on,and maybe this was for the best. And if I didn't know better,I think for a second there,he was actually considering doing it (unless I'm wrong). To me,that just extends the pain here. As long as there is a glimmer a hope there,Disaster will keep looking back and saying to himself,"Hmm...maybe if I... . This needs to be over. Completely over. I think you inadvertantly gave him some hope about him and this girl. I mean,he's mentioned something about her being a possible FB,which is crazy. If he couldn't get out of the friendzone with her,how in the world is she going to become his f*ck buddy? See what you've started man?

And Disaster,please don't tell me you're thinking about possibly trying to pursue her again.....you know what? Why not. Go ahead Disaster and ask her out. Go ahead. Do it. I remember you saying you wanted closure. Well go ahead and ask her out then. The look of shock,surprise,and blind-sidedness on her face will definately give you closure. That,plus those sweet,sweet word of "I think you're nice,but I just want to be friends" should finally wrap this thing up for good. If that's what you need in order to really put this all behind you,then go for it.

I much rather keep her as a friend or a booty call,(haha,maybe I'll get to that point in a month or two.

So,three months wasn't enough of time wasted on this girl. Now you've got the next month or two set aside to try to reach "booty call" status with her. Wow.
Some people just have to learn the hard way. Fine then. So be it. Go for it,dude. Like I said in a previous post,I'm looking forward to Feb.14,the three month anniversary of this thread to see how things have progressed. Ridiculous.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Some people just have to learn the hard way. Fine then. So be it. Go for it,dude. Like I said in a previous post,I'm looking forward to Feb.14,the three month anniversary of this thread to see how things have progressed. Ridiculous.

Totally agree. You can't make a girl into a booty call when your buried in the friendzone. The best thing he can do at this point is completely eliminate her from his mind. Go start fresh, lots of 20-something year old women out there waiting to be fuvked.



PIMP

 

[Energizer]

I should ask the girl this thread is about at the party? But I don't want that girl... I much rather keep her as a friend or a booty call (haha, maybe I'll get to that point in a month or two).

I really don't want to date her. I have very little feelings left for her.

Kudos to you for finally putting this to bed, having her as a friend seems like a good idea, BUT I would DROP any idea of using her for bootycall. Just hangout with her from time to time and go and explore other options. You don't need anymore prolonged hassle as this thread has shown.

 

[bam bam]

it's human nature to do the same thing in a different way... LOL getting the same results...

leave it be dude don't be a loser...

if it's meant to be it will happen sometime in the future if it's not you're not going to get no where with you're bad game. Asides from having all the girls laugh at you because once the womans network starts to get word that you're a hump say bye bye to getting laid for a while in most circles...

 

[Sandow]

M.D. you would have to be absolutely crazy to pursue her again. Lol. When is that party you were talking about? Keep us posted on that.

Btw, going to France is a great idea. Been there, loved it, you will come back a new person. Hopefully you get it. (Personally I would of done Italy, Holland, or Spain )

 

[MisterMcGee]

"if it's meant to be it will happen sometime in the future"

I actually made a thread about this. Putting a girl on hold until the future when you can pursue her on your own terms when you're ready for whatever reason.

 

[The Master Disaster]

Okay well, last week she sent me an invite to her party on facebook. I didn't reply till like 4 or 5 days later with a "Maybe." The party is tonight.

I haven't talked to her since that lunch thing 2 or so weeks ago.

She just sent me a text "I better see you tonight." I haven't sent her a text back.

What the hell is she doing? I've never been so perplexed consistently at what her intentions are. I don't even know if I'll go.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Just go. Don't over think this, or wonder if you're 'giving her the power' or some other bs. If you honestly cant go, then okay. But if you've got no other plans, then go and w.e. Even just make an appearance for a bit saying you're gonna go for a bit to go where you have other plans (only if you have other plans, of course).

Just go. She wants to see you. Don't make a big deal out of it.

HOWEVER, if you aren't planning on making a move, then don't go. If you aren't planning on sealing the deal and doing basic manly things with her female self, then don't go.

 

[Igetit!]

Okay well, last week she sent me an invite to her party on facebook. I didn't reply till like 4 or 5 days later with a "Maybe." The party is tonight.

I haven't talked to her since that lunch thing 2 or so weeks ago.

She just sent me a text "I better see you tonight"

What the hell is she doing? I've never been so perplexed consistently at what her intentions are. I don't even know if I'll go.

I don't know why you'd want to go after all you've been through over this girl,but if you two are friends,and friends only,then go ahead and go. I don't see it making a difference one way or another.

Boy that oneitis is tough to get rid of.

 

[The Master Disaster]

I'm just perplexed. I was going out of that Lunch thinking; it's over and done with, maybe we'll exchange hi's every so often, and it is just surprising that she overtly wants me there at her party.

I don't have plans for tonight, but I don't really have any friends that are free that I want to take. I, certainly, don't want to go alone. I have friends that are free that don't do parties and are not good with women. Do I want to make a move on her at the party... maybe. I mean it would certainly be easier than the last 3 months of day gaming her, but she could be hanging on to "barry" for all I know after their weekend in Jacksonville.

At the same time, if I go it's like she has me on command, and I don't like that she can just ask me to go, and I'm there...

Ugh.

 

[Igetit!]

I'm just perplexed. I was going out of that Lunch thinking; it's over and done with, maybe we'll exchange hi's every so often, and it is just surprising that she overtly wants me there at her party.

It's surprising that she wants you at the party? Disaster,she hasn't seen you in 2 to 3 weeks. She missed your company,that's all. To be honest with you though,I think YOU may be just another "barry" to her. Who knows how many other guys she has hung up on her like you.

Do I want to make a move on her at the party... maybe.

My response to this:WOW. UNBELIEVEABLE. You know what you remind me of man? You remind me of one of those women who's in a relationship with a guy who yells,degrades her,beats her,cheats on her,mentally and emotionally abuses her,and even though she's in constant pain and everyone keeps telling her to leave the dude and get out of the relationship,she won't listen. The fact that after all the mental anguish you've have because of the situation that you're still considering "making a move" on her is simply mind-boggling. I wish you would make a move and just get it over with already.

I mean it would certainly be easier than the last 3 months of day gaming her,

WHAT??? You call the last three months of you interacting with her "gaming her"? LOL!!! Man,I almost fell out of my chair when I saw that.:crackup:

At the same time, if I go it's like she has me on command, and I don't like that she can just ask me to go, and I'm there...

Yeah,like I said. I think you may just be another "barry". She has this guy doing this and running errands for her at the drop of a hat,and this same girl has you all perplexed and confused in your head.

I wish you had a picture of her. I'd like to see why she has all you guys so mesmorized by her.

 

[MisterMcGee]

"if I go it's like she has me on command, and I don't like that she can just ask me to go, and I'm there... "

Sorry, but people don't think like this in real life. It's not a gigantic game of 'if this guy comes to my party after I say I want to see him, then he's a chump'.
It has nothing do do with what you do, it's how you do it. Go to the party and be awesome. That's it. You're invited to a party, it's not the biggest deal so don't turn the whole ordeal into a game.
Who cares if she's with Barry? Your mind is in the wrong place once again. You're missing out on the essentials.
Go to party.
Have fun.
Maybe do something with this girl after isolating her.
Maybe do something with another girl after isolating them.
Maybe meet some new people.
Maybe get drunk and do something goofy.

Stop being outcome dependant and go with the flow. Just understand you control the flow, not her or barry or anyone else. If she likes barry and theyre hitting it off, who cares. this has nothing to do with you.
"after their weekend in Jacksonville"
you're sounding like a sore loser by viewing their relationship in a negative light, like it's something that makes you jealous.

And why are you "perplexed"? This doesn't mean she was always interested in you, but maybe she wants to see you again after a while of not really having much to do with you. It's not a big deal and HER experience tonight should not be what you're concerned about.

You keep making things messy by acting like dating is a big deal, like female interest levels are these detailed and complicated measurements of how worthy you are, like her attention is a revelation in your relationship with her, and so forth.
Especially, you feel like EVERY LITTLE SMALL THING YOU DO OR DON'T DO will hinder the impression she has of you due to your frame not being strong enough.

Get a better sense of yourself and love yourself man, cause when you overthink things like whether or not she'll respect you if you accept her party invitation, you're on the dark side. Develop your frame, get busy, be a confident sexual person (so what if you wanna see her? she's hot and she's cool, right? good enough of a reason for any cool guy to accept an offer to see a girl).

Also, stop pretending yo and this girl have a complicated history. Even Exes don't overthink communication and crap as much as you do with this girl you hardly dated. I found myself falling into that trap a while ago and I PULLED BACK 100% in order to get my **** in gear. I think that's what you need, and it has nothing to do with 'gaming this girl', it has to do with getting your head out of a gutter and into the real world.

 

[The Master Disaster]

Okay, I think I have come to a decision. Tell me if I'm way off base.

Truthfully, I've gotten over her, but I do want to continue the friendship because she is a cool person with a good heart.

So this is what I'm pretty sure I'll do:

I'm gonna pass on the party; I don't want to be there if she's there with flirting with other men the whole night... or if she's drunk off her ass the whole night... or the other countless things that are likely to happen.

Plus, by me not being there, she doesn't have me on a leash anymore, which gives me more power between the two of us.

I still want to keep her as a friend, and so tomorrow or monday, I'll make up some reason why I was there, "Sorry I couldn't make it, my best friend turned 21 and he threw this big party." Let her know she's not my #1 priority because she really isn't anymore.

See what happens from there.

 

[Alive]

Ahhhh....the sweet taste of missed opportunities.

Welcome to the story of my life...

LOL :rockon:

 

[The Master Disaster]

Go to party.
Have fun.
Maybe do something with this girl after isolating her.
Maybe do something with another girl after isolating them.
Maybe meet some new people.
Maybe get drunk and do something goofy.

I mean that's a good point; she shouldn't have the power over me to determine if I have a fun night or not.

I would think more about going if I had some good friends I could take, but they are all either literally working, out of town for the weekend, or already busy. All I have basically are my roommates who watch anime and play videogames all weekend...

 

[MisterMcGee]

I'm gonna be blunt and rude and all sorts of nasty.

"Plus, by me not being there, she doesn't have me on a leash anymore, which gives me more power between the two of us."
Read my post. No man should think he's on a girl's leash simply because he accepts a party invite. The only guys who truly WILL be on a leash for accepting an invite is a clingy AFC beta dude.
Get a fvcking frame of mind and sense of yourself. Why on earth would someone be afc for going to a girl's party?

"Maybe she'll wonder what she did wrong or spend the whole night wondering if I will knock on the door."
Which will accomplish what? She'll gain respect for you so you two can actually be friends? ... lame?

"I still want to keep her as a friend, and so tomorrow or monday"
Do you always think about how to 'game' your friends and make them miss you so you can get an ego boost and sense of self worth?

"I'll make up some reason why I was there"
This is pathetic. Why tell her anything? You didn't wanna go, you wanted to chill and maybe watch UFC 94 (its on tonight btw), or get work done, or whatever you are actually going to do tonight instead of party.

"Let her know she's not my #1 priority because she really isn't anymore. "
Then who is? It's definitely not you.
It's not about moving on from this girl and finding someone else, it's about not giving a **** and finding yourself.
The only reason you'd game this girl is because you care about what she thinks of you. To add to that, the fact that you say you just want to be her friend makes it even more pathetic. You are thus gaming a girl to gain her respect so you can be friends with her?

Keep in mind I use the word 'gaming' loosely - you're simply playing 'hard to get' with a girl for no good reason.

EDIT:


And I'm not saying you should game her. If this perceived thought that you two actually have a sexual or intimate relationship history got to your head, then your efforts toward this girl will never be successful because you'll be overthinking everything and trying to adjust your frame constantly.
She is just a girl. Not a girl you dated, not a girl who is now your ex, just a girl who witnessed you being Beta.

You shouldn't care if you can recover; it's not about recovering, it's about not being a beta AFC overthinking dude. Period. This girl has nothing to do with the one undeniable thing you need to improve - yourself.