Well, I fvcked up...

[The Master Disaster]

Well,that good. I was wondering how long this drama was going to go on. I actually had planned to check on this thread on the 14th,the two month anniversary of this thread to see if you had made any progress with this situation,even though I already knew what the answer would be. The friendzone ain't no joke. If you're in it,you're in it,and that's that.

Ok,who are you talking about here? You're not talking about the same girl you started this thread about,are you?

Yea, same girl. The girl I started the thread about sent me a text out of the blue.

 

[MisterMcGee]

"(She's good looking, but I'm not gaga over her. Her personality is a little... meh)"

Lol I've got the same thing going on. I had a slight oneitis for a girl, and then found out after a work christmas party from a mutual friend that she's prob not interested. I doubt the value of her information cause she was incredibly vague; the only reason I value the information at all is because I noticed the HB being colder and distant toward me half way through the night, like a switch flipped.

Anyways I got back in touch with an old friend's little sister I used to know many years back and it's been looking good, but I'm not too too attracted to her and I'm not gaga over her personality or anything. It's an 'id **** her' scenario.

As for the HB, I've been getting less and less interested ever since the christmas party thing. Not less interested in her, just less interested in pursuing. I didn't see it as fun. After being distant at the christmas party, she sees me at work a few days later and says "Hi!! " as if nothing happened. I've been giving her very little attention and receptivity, and haven't been capitalizing on opportunities to be funny and so forth like I used to. I feel liek I'm selling myself short, but I don't want to settle for being friends. I also don't want to bother escalating again because it prob won't lead anywhere under the current circumstances. And I'm just not 'feeling' it.

So I figure I'll let her go and pretend as if nothing happened. Maybe one day I'll give it another shot but for now I'm done with the 'work' scenario. I'm gonna work on myself, get my full license, start writing again, etc.

 

[The Master Disaster]

"(She's good looking, but I'm not gaga over her. Her personality is a little... meh)"

Lol I've got the same thing going on. I had a slight oneitis for a girl, and then found out after a work christmas party from a mutual friend that she's prob not interested. I doubt the value of her information cause she was incredibly vague; the only reason I value the information at all is because I noticed the HB being colder and distant toward me half way through the night, like a switch flipped.

Anyways I got back in touch with an old friend's little sister I used to know many years back and it's been looking good, but I'm not too too attracted to her and I'm not gaga over her personality or anything. It's an 'id **** her' scenario.

As for the HB, I've been getting less and less interested ever since the christmas party thing. Not less interested in her, just less interested in pursuing. I didn't see it as fun. After being distant at the christmas party, she sees me at work a few days later and says "Hi!! " as if nothing happened. I've been giving her very little attention and receptivity, and haven't been capitalizing on opportunities to be funny and so forth like I used to. I feel liek I'm selling myself short, but I don't want to settle for being friends. I also don't want to bother escalating again because it prob won't lead anywhere under the current circumstances. And I'm just not 'feeling' it.

So I figure I'll let her go and pretend as if nothing happened. Maybe one day I'll give it another shot but for now I'm done with the 'work' scenario. I'm gonna work on myself, get my full license, start writing again, etc.

Haha, sounds a lot like mine. Yours just seems to be a couple weeks behind me.

I'm really curious what the stance is with the girl I started the thread is. I mean you think about it (not trying to over analyze), but she sent me a long text out of no where. She had to have thought about me a little to a lot if she sends me a text 3 days before classes begin. 3/4ths of the text is just reasoning her text. I'm almost 100% she knew I wasn't taking the class; I believe I told her twice before but whatever. So it looks like she is somehow... in some way... still attracted to me.

I'm more or less just shocked that after 3 months I still have a chance. I've essentially knocked the girl off her pedestal over the last 4 weeks. I'm not head of heels, she's the one anymore. I'm just smiling wonder where the hell this is going because it's a miracle she hasn't gotten bored and moved on.

But McGee you were 100% right about me not being in the right mental framework, I was stressed from finals, and the lack of sleep from doing the papers only built on that stress pancake. Now that I've spent 4 weeks with friends and family; my mind is pure once again.

So there is hope McGee. There is hope. Nothing is ever over.

I'll give this girl a call on Tuesday asking her if she's hungry. Haha, I'm pumped because I'm in control. Now that I'm balancing plates it keeps me mentally and emotionally level. Balancing plates is a beautiful thing. It really is.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Just remember - it doesn't mean jack sh!t if she thought about you. I mean, sure, maybe she thought about you, but so what? don't mould your plan-of-action around little subtle things like these. I did, and it slowed me down a ton.
It will also drive you crazy and slow you down in other areas of your life. This is not a science. If it is, then things are too complicated to be any fun. Simplify your relationship with this girl and make it fun for both of you, not this annoying game.

The girl I'm talking about asked me what I'm doing for new years out of the blue. I was busy, so I said "hold on" and walked away to get something I needed to get. She was like "uh okay?"
Later on I was talking to another coworker girl and we were laughing and she asked me what I'm doing for new years, and out of nowhere this HB walks up to me and is like "yeah I wanted to know, whatre you doing for new years?"

Yes, a girl may chase you a bit, but until you set the tone for your relationship, it may simply be her trying to be 'friendly' in hopes of being 'buds' with you. I'm pretty sure that's what happened to me during the past few months, so I'm going back to not giving her attention and such. If she starts chasing me, for whatever reason, then I'll make myself clear.
We should go out sometime.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Here we go again!! Your already starting to analyze her motives and actions behind her text, this is what got you so flustered in the first place.

Just go to lunch with her, feel out the vibe and act. The less you think, the better it will be for you.

And don't just thank MisterMcgee, we all have been hammering this point to you for the past month.



PIMP

 

[izza]

(She's good looking, but I'm not gaga over her. Her personality is a little... meh)

I highly recommend dropping looks as a criteria for the girls you go out with. Assigning value to superficial looks is something 90% of the insecure male population does - it's just fear that other people both guys and girls will judge you negatively for being with someone who's not conventionally attractive.

I cannot recommend highly enough just dropping the idea that being conventionally physically attractive is important. Focus entirely on dating girls whose personalities turn you on. If you do this, you will be astonished who doesn't interest you at all, and who really, really turns you on.

People's looks can only bring you a false happiness of impressing false friends. Every single human being is beautiful, and if she's sexy on the inside to you, let me make a counter-cultural suggestion and say you'll see her as sexy on the outside too.

Plus, in our insanely superficial culture, just telling girls that you judge them by their behavior will cause many women to immediately jump in bed with you. Our society is filled with ogglers, so be better and you get all the ladies. I'm probably saying something here you are not ready to hear, but when you get over lookism, it will be a huge boost of confidence. Huge. You will have an amazing gift to give almost every single woman. That is true confidence.

"sumtime next week we need to do lunch," which I'm ready to wager is the point of the text.

Why are you so suspicious of her motivations? You sound like you have a lot of inner game and ability to trust that you still need to build.

I just was curious to see how badly she wanted the lunch, so I threw a road block on the time she gave me, and I proposed another time, and she quickly agreed.

See above.

I'm glad she called back. Believe it or not, you deserve her interest, paranoia and all.

Izza

 

[The Master Disaster]

Damn, how quickly I fall back into old trends.

Pimp, I read what everyone writes, and I appreciate every written word. I wasn't thanking McGee, but merely saying he was correct in saying I was in a volatile mind set.

Izza, I do judge women on appearance, just as they do as to me. It's a habit... but as far as judging women on how well they mentally stimulate me it's the same. I don't solely judge women on their appearance, but it does go into the account if I will pursue them. However, I also depend my pursuance on their intelligence and vocabulary. I refuse to pursue a women who uses the word "like" more than 5 times in a minute or if they spew out cliches. Nothing hurts my brain then cliche thought after cliche thought. Mine as well just go get a book of phrases and paste a hot woman on the cover; it's the same thing.

I haven't really been analyzing it today, but I have noticed a pep in my step. I really wasn't trying to analyze if she was thinking about me over the break, but I mean merely stating a fact. A long text 3 days before classes start telling me she wants to see me... it just points to that direction.

I'm not really excited about seeing her, but more curious about how the hell she is going to act while we "Do lunch." I'm in much, much better mind set now, and all I want to do is enjoy myself. I think it'll be quite interesting to find out how lunch will go.

 

[izza]

Damn, how quickly I fall back into old trends.

Pimp, I read what everyone writes, and I appreciate every written word. I wasn't thanking McGee, but merely saying he was correct in saying I was in a volatile mind set.

Izza, I do judge women on appearance, just as they do as to me. It's a habit... but as far as judging women on how well they mentally stimulate me it's the same. I don't solely judge women on their appearance, but it does go into the account if I will pursue them. However, I also depend my pursuance on their intelligence and vocabulary. I refuse to pursue a women who uses the word "like" more than 5 times in a minute or if they spew out cliches. Nothing hurts my brain then cliche thought after cliche thought. Mine as well just go get a book of phrases and paste a hot woman on the cover; it's the same thing.

I haven't really been analyzing it today, but I have noticed a pep in my step. I really wasn't trying to analyze if she was thinking about me over the break, but I mean merely stating a fact. A long text 3 days before classes start telling me she wants to see me... it just points to that direction.

I'm not really excited about seeing her, but more curious about how the hell she is going to act while we "Do lunch." I'm in much, much better mind set now, and all I want to do is enjoy myself. I think it'll be quite interesting to find out how lunch will go.

Great! Glad to hear you're feeling well, and focusing on fun and what you want. Lots of great things in this post. I just want to clarify one thing about the looks thing. When I tell people to liberate themselves from "conventional beauty", that is different from asking you to ignore looks. The latter is basically asking you to be blind - we think about who people are and even express their personality in terms of looks. You should feel visually attracted to the girl you're seeing.

When I say you should liberate yourself from "conventional beauty", what I mean is that we live in a society that places beauty into a false hierarchy and has false values about what makes a person sexually attractive or not. It's that simple. It is a good idea to just drop these non-sense ideas and never look back. Not only do you pick women that will make you happier, you will be happier because you will drop false expectations about yourself.

The truth is that everybody on this earth is beautiful, an amazing creature, fine-tuned and complexified from billions of years of evolution. Anyone who tries to tell you a girl is ugly is caught up in a false hierarchy - our society sets strict and nearly unattainable limits on who is attractive for both guys and girls. People who think this way simply hate their own appearance, it's that simple.

When I say you should drop all this - what I really mean is that it is incredibly helpful to reject our society's self-hating, diet-selling idea of beauty, and realize that every human being is equally beautiful. Even the fat ones, even the too skinny ones. Nobody is more beautiful than anyone else - but of course if you watch too much TV, you know advertisements ask us to feel otherwise - and try to make us feel ugly so we'll buy more stuff.

So if everyone is equally beautiful - and no one lives up to the standards of perfection on TV, not even the models who are subjects of digital editing - then all that's really left is how compatible a person is for you.

Be a person who sees beauty in everyone - follow those who attract you through their kindness, gentleness, and passion for life, and you will always be dating "perfect 10s".

Izza

 

[izza]

For years I told myself that I was judging women by both looks and personality. I said that looks got her in the door, but personality kept her in the house. But basically, this is BS. By only choosing girls who are conventionally beautiful, I was rejecting all sorts of girls who I WAS attracted to, because they weren't conventionally beautiful. It's one thing to have high standards - I have extremely high standards. The goal of life is to be happy. That is the most important thing. Standards that rule out people who make you happy just make you less happy than you would be if you had your head on straight. Conventional beauty serves nothing but insecurity and a fear of being judged by people who don't matter.

I'm painfully aware that the ideas I'm suggesting are radical. It's the kind of thing that if it doesn't strike you as a good idea right away, it will take 3-6 months - if not years - to have an "aha!" moment. In other words, if you're not ready to end your lookism now, don't worry about it. It's something that won't make sense to you on an emotional level until the day when you're ready to live by it.

I realize that probably nobody has put this idea of beauty this way to you in your life. It's so different it takes time to process this. In fact, I was never ready for this until I finally made REAL friends who just wanted me to be happy and didn't care what people looked like, or if a girl was conventionally ugly or beautiful.

So I cannot recommend strongly enough that you revisit what I'm saying in 3 months. Mark it on a calendar or something. If you don't feel motivated to do this, just keep in mind that nothing beats being free.

Izza

 

[2.0]

I highly recommend dropping looks as a criteria for the girls you go out with. Assigning value to superficial looks is something 90% of the insecure male population does - it's just fear that other people both guys and girls will judge you negatively for being with someone who's not conventionally attractive.

I cannot recommend highly enough just dropping the idea that being conventionally physically attractive is important. Focus entirely on dating girls whose personalities turn you on. If you do this, you will be astonished who doesn't interest you at all, and who really, really turns you on.

People's looks can only bring you a false happiness of impressing false friends. Every single human being is beautiful, and if she's sexy on the inside to you, let me make a counter-cultural suggestion and say you'll see her as sexy on the outside too.

Plus, in our insanely superficial culture, just telling girls that you judge them by their behavior will cause many women to immediately jump in bed with you. Our society is filled with ogglers, so be better and you get all the ladies. I'm probably saying something here you are not ready to hear, but when you get over lookism, it will be a huge boost of confidence. Huge. You will have an amazing gift to give almost every single woman. That is true confidence.

Why are you so suspicious of her motivations? You sound like you have a lot of inner game and ability to trust that you still need to build.



See above.

I'm glad she called back. Believe it or not, you deserve her interest, paranoia and all.

Izza

I was reading this and I almost felt a tear come to my eye.

I never really saw it that way, but it's very true. In the past I've been shallow, and now just reading this I realize that I was indeed just trying to boost my self-esteem and others' opinions of me. In fact, there was even a girl whom I rejected just because of how she looked... but the thing is, she was quite pretty in my eyes, just not conventionally. I'm not going to do that again. There is definitely more to people than how they look.

 

[The Master Disaster]

Izza, I know this stuff from kindergarden, and I believe the bible. I don't disrespect anyone, and I know what your saying, but uh.. I don't know where you are coming with all this stuff.

I don't regret people on their looks, and I obviously don't date women just to boost my rep. I've dated emo women in the past, and I'm quite preppy.

The reason why I started this thread is not over a girl who I'm solely attracted to her looks, but I am attracted to her looks. She's a really cute girl.

What I like about her is the way she makes me feel. She's fun and energetic, and she doesn't mindlessly laugh at my cracks. Sometimes, she'll call me on 'em, and I like that. She keeps me on my toes. Where as, some women just laugh at whatever I say if I say it in a funny tone. They use those opportunities to start putting their hands on me... I mean it's just shallow. I want a girl who keeps me sharp, and this girl certainly does.

Plus when I see that lip start to raise, her eyes start to twinkle, and she takes a deep breath... I don't know it just makes it feel all that more worth it.

But even on top of that, she's good looking, so just to clear it up I'm not only going after her because of her looks, but it doesn't hurt.

I don't want to raise her on a pedestal, but I'm highly attracted to her, and I want to take the opportunity on Tuesday to push things in a more romantic direction. I'm going to go after what I want, and if she doesn't want it whatever I'll move on, but at least I tried.

Not having her answer the phone was possibly the best thing that could of happened. I cleared my mind and moved on, so what's there to lose. We'll get some lunch talk about things, and I'll see what she thinks about us moving to the next level.

I think Igetit said it, but she doesn't even know I'm interested in her, and if this is the last time I go out with her; I should lay out all my cards, and see if she if she likes it. Least then, I'll know if she liked or didn't like me. I won't debate why I didn't make my move the rest of my life.

Whatever, we'll see, but that's my mindset going in. I'll have a good time and see what she thinks about a sexual/romantic tone.

If she likes it, we'll move on to the next level. If she doesn't whatever, and I'll move on to another woman who wants to.

 

[Igetit!]

Here we go again!

Yeah,my thoughts exactly. New year,same old crap.

What I like about her is the way she makes me feel. She's fun and energetic, and she doesn't mindlessly laugh at my cracks. Sometimes, she'll call me on 'em, and I like that. She keeps me on my toes. Where as, some women just laugh at whatever I say if I say it in a funny tone. They use those opportunities to start putting their hands on me... I mean it's just shallow. I want a girl who keeps me sharp, and this girl certainly does.

You like the way she makes you feel,huh? Man,I sure wish I could see the look on your face when you have lunch with this girl while she's telling you about the new guy she's been dating for the past 3 weeks,and how she can't wait for you to meet him.

Plus when I see that lip start to raise, her eyes start to twinkle, and she takes a deep breath... I don't know it just makes it feel all that more worth it.

What makes it feel like it's worth it? What are you talking about? You admiring her from a distance? What's the deal here?

I don't want to raise her on a pedestal,

Too late,you've already done it. And what evidence do I have to back up that claim? Well,let's see:This thread for one. All anyboby has to do is go through it reading your replies. Even you could go and look at some of the previous pages and see how highly you prize this girl. Also,I bet when she mentioned you two having lunch,I bet you squeeled like a school girl.

I'm going to go after what I want, and if she doesn't want it whatever I'll move on, but at least I tried.

Oh,so now,all of the sudden after 5 to 6 months of knowing this girl,NOW you're going to go for what you want,right? No you're not. You know why? Because you already know that if you say or do something sexual/romantic towards her,that things will get awkward. You said that yourself. It was like a hundred replies ago,but you said it.

Not having her answer the phone was possibly the best thing that could of happened. I cleared my mind and moved on, so what's there to lose. We'll get some lunch talk about things, and I'll see what she thinks about us moving to the next level.

Out of all the replies you have made to your thread,this has to be the funniest one I read to date. You say you've cleared your mind and moved on. You've moved on? Dude,you've no further along now than 2 months ago when you started this thread. You didn't make you intentions known to her at the beginning of this thread. And now,2 months later,you still haven't done or said anything. You liked her 2 months ago,you still like her now. You were afraid to make a move 2 months ago,and you're still afraid now. Help me out here,I can't seem to see the "moved on" part. Oh yeah,and that "moving to the next level" thing. So what would be the next level? What,dating? It's hard to determine what the next level is when you can't even define what it is you currently have with her right now.

I won't debate why I didn't make my move the rest of my life.

This is up for debate. You've already spent the last five months of your life going back and forth in your mind and here on the forum about not making a move with this girl. Therefore,I see at least six more months of the same. Or at least another month up until she shows you the roses and chocolates she got from her boyfriend of four months for Valentine's Day.

Whatever, we'll see, but that's my mindset going in. I'll have a good time and see what she thinks about a sexual/romantic tone.

Yeah,whatever you say CapedCrusader08.

 

[The Master Disaster]

Dude, get of off my cack. Don't get hostile. You took a lot of my quotes out of context... Jesus.

I have moved on bro. My happiness is not dependent on her. I am not afraid her regretting me. I've really centered myself.

You are right. I have no clue what our current status is. Are we friends? Are we something more? I have no clue, and that is what I intend to find out this week.

Originally Posted by The Master Disaster
Plus when I see that lip start to raise, her eyes start to twinkle, and she takes a deep breath... I don't know it just makes it feel all that more worth it.
What makes it feel like it's worth it? What are you talking about? You admiring her from a distance? What's the deal here?

I was talking about making her laugh when I'm right next to her. She doesn't laugh like a little school girl like most women I meet. She laughs a lot, but she's not afraid to call me on my sh!t.

I'm not worried about her talking about her new bf because I know she is still single, so that won't be a problem.

I'm nothing more than curious about what will happen between us this week.

I only know what she wrote in her text, and I'm thinking she's still interested.

Don't worry, I just am looking at the facts. Not analyzing, and I didn't spend much time on this.

-She sent me a text message 3 days before class
-She wants to know if I'm going to be in the class with her
-She then says "N sumtime next week we need to do lunch"

So the way I see it is she sent me a long text message on a Saturday afternoon. Obviously, she was thinking of me, and she wants to see me again, but she asked me the most frivilous question. A question that she would find out on the first day of class either A. I would be there or B. I wouldn't.

But instead she needed a reason to send me a text, I can see that. I'm not blind, and I'm not overanalyzing.

Sh!t, I'm going to pick her up, and we'll have a good time. The rest is undeterminable. I don't have a meteor shower planned or a nice restaurant with "nice ambience" in mind. I'm just going to go over there, go grab lunch, and see how she is doing.

I'll see how she is acting, and I will adjust my words and actions accordingly. I don't know what will happen, but I know for one thing I'm not gonna psych myself out and throw in the towel, which it seems you want me to do Igetit.

 

[Igetit!]

You are right. I have no clue what our current status is. Are we friends? Are we something more? I have no clue, and that is what I intend to find out this week.

Question: Do you think she's wondering or confused about your supposed status with her? Do you think she's sitting around with her girlfriends discussing you? Talking about how to go about getting a date with you,or getting in a relationship with you?

I was talking about making her laugh when I'm right next to her. She doesn't laugh like a little school girl like most women I meet. She laughs a lot, but she's not afraid to call me on my sh!t.

So this is what you meant when you said that "it" was worth it. Ok,I know what you mean by this. It does feel good when you make a girl who you like laugh. Agreed.BUT you making her laugh without any romantic/sexual/attraction tention from her just makes you a dancing monkey. So what,you can make her laugh. She can go to a comedy show and laugh just as hard,but that doesn't mean she's attracted to/want to date the guy on stage who's cracking the jokes.

I'm not worried about her talking about her new bf because I know she is still single...

OH,you sooooo don't get it.

I'm nothing more than curious about what will happen between us this week.

That makes two of us. Although,I'm pretty sure I could make a fairly accurate guess.

I only know what she wrote in her text, and I'm thinking she's still interested.

Question here:Let's say you're right and she is still interested in you. Well,why in the world haven't the two of you been on a date yet? A real date,not that "semi-date" nonsense you spoke of earlier. What's the deal there? You're known each other almost six months. If you're interested in her,and she's still interested in you,then what's up? What's the problem? What's the holdup? You like her? Yes. She likes you (according to you)? Yes. Ok then,go out. What,it takes six months for two people who like each other to have their first date? Oh please.

So the way I see it is she sent me a long text message on a Saturday afternoon. Obviously, she was thinking of me, and she wants to see me again, but she asked me the most frivilous question. A question that she would find out on the first day of class either A. I would be there or B. I wouldn't.
But instead she needed a reason to send me a text, I can see that. I'm not blind, and I'm not overanalyzing.

Ok,on this one I have to concede. Her sending you a text out of the blue does mean she was thinking about you. You're right. And her asking you something that she she'd clearly be able to find out on her own,yes,that does seems to be somewhat of an IOI. Now,here's what I think:I think she sent you the text because she missed you. HOWEVER,missing you and being attracted to you are two different things. When you're around someone for a long period of time,then all the sudden you two are separated for a while,you miss that person. There's nothing sexual there,you just feel an emptiness from them not being around. Feeling sexual attraction is a totally different ballgame.

I'll see how she is acting, and I will adjust my words and actions accordingly. I don't know what will happen, but I know for one thing I'm not gonna psych myself out and throw in the towel, which it seems you want me to do Igetit.

Throw in the towel? No,no,you got me all wrong man. I just want you realize the difference between geniune attraction from a woman vs. friendzone behavior,that's all. And what's going on here with the you and this girl should be clear to you.

This could ALL be settled if you just simply ask her out on a date. A REAL date. The fact that I even have to define the word "date" is a testiment to the confusion between attraction and friendzone you seem to have.

Imo,the best thing that's come out of all of this is so far is that you proved to everyone here that going no contact indeed does work.

 

[Darth]

Reading between the lines, you are definitely still infatuated with her... Nobody who doesn't care about the girl types up a series of long posts like this.

I don't know...if I were you I would be REALLY frustrated not knowing one way or the other.

I agree that you need to come on strong and actually ask her out if you want to know for sure.

Good luck

 

[The Master Disaster]

Wow, there was a lot of good insight in there bro. Helps when you're not flaming me for once.

I'm not a dancing monkey when I'm making her laugh. It's not like I'm opening canned jokes. I'm just a dude with a good sense of humor who makes people laugh. I just want to clarify to you that I'm not doing "So this pig wants into a bar..." There is definitely some attraction with the humor. I neg, I do c+f, I say funny comments. It's just my general personality.

I mean but she'll call me on it. Like when we were downtown we were walking, and she didn't hear me. So she smiled and said, "What was that? I'm sure it was something smart allelic." She said it with a smile that's what makes me so damn attracted. She calls me on that sh!t.

So I think we agree she's feeling some sort of a void. Doesn't this give me the opportunity to turn on the sexual attraction and fill that void with a romance. I mean, it's almost easier now that she hasn't seen me in 4 weeks, but if I up the push/pull and KINO. Wouldn't that be a smooth transition?

Depending on how things go, I definitely want to see what her feelings are. I don't know how exactly I'll do it if I ask her out "officially," or if I tell her when we are both smiling, "I don't know what it is about you..." and make her beg to find out. Something like that.

I mean. I can do this. I want to know if we're dating or if we're friends by the end of lunch. My goal isn't to get a kiss or get laid, but just to know where we stand.

 

[Darth]

if I tell her when we are both smiling, "I don't know what it is about you..." and make her beg to find out.

No. Please don't say that. Just ask her out. Rather than finding out where she stands, tell her where she stands. Obviously there's some interest if she texted you. Just assume.

"I want to see you again. How bout next Saturday night?"
"To do what?"
"I don't know, I'll come up with something."
And then brush her hair out of her face.

Even something like that would help put it in the right frame IMO. but please don't say "I don't know what it is about you..." At this stage in the game you just need to go out on the limb and either be rejected or not.

 

[The Master Disaster]

At this stage in the game you just need to go out on the limb and either be rejected or not.

Haha, I just was thinking as I typed, but yea I won't do it for you Darth.

Yea, I'm going out of town this weekend, and since we'll probably do lunch on that Tuesday. I'm gonna fit words in like "go out" or "date" something more concrete than "hang out," and no more lunch dates... It's time we do dinner.

How about i tell her like, "You know, I don't really consider this or the time we went downtown as a 'date.' How about I take you out on a real date Thursday night."

Eh? How does that sound?

 

[Igetit!]

Wow, there was a lot of good insight in there bro.

Well thank you. This shouldn't be a surprise,after all,my name is Igetit!.

Helps when you're not flaming me for once.

Oh come on. A little fire will help get you off your backside and get something done.

So I think we agree she's feeling some sort of a void. Doesn't this give me the opportunity to turn on the sexual attraction and fill that void with a romance. I mean, it's almost easier now that she hasn't seen me in 4 weeks, but if I up the push/pull and KINO. Wouldn't that be a smooth transition?

This is EXACTLY the problem. There shouldn't be any "transition". If you like a woman,it should go straight from meeting her to dating,not from meeting her,to a six month detour through the friendzone,then to trying to date her. As for turning that void into something more romantic,well anything's possible....EXCEPT getting out of the friendzone. That's a done deal.

How about i tell her like,"You know,I really don't consider this or the time we went downtown as a 'date'. How about I take you out on a real date Thursday night.

Eh? How does that sound?

To me,it sounds like you're too scared to just come out and tell her want you really want,so you're beating around the bush,trying to ease your way into a date with her. That's what it sounds like to me. And trust me,she'll "sense" the fear in your hesitation to ask her out as well. And if that happens,you're done.

Let me tell you how I approached and dated my last girlfriend. She worked at a grocery store behind a counter,but I had reconized her from a fast food resturant she she had previously worked. Anyway,I took my groceries to her counter and this is how the approach went down:

her:How are you doing today?
me:I'm doing ok,how you doin?
her:Fine,thank you.
me:Hey,didn't you used to work at so and so place?
her:God,I hated that place. How did you know I used to work there?
me:I know because everytime I went in there,I wanted to talk to you.
her:..(surprised look on her face)
me:Are you married?
her:NO.
me:Boyfriend?
her:No.
me:Good,then we can go out.
her:Woah,woah,wait a minute...
me: (me interrupting her)What's the deal? You're not married,you don't have a boyfriend,so what's the problem?

Now I actually said that to her. What she did was write her name down on a piece of paper and handit to me. Then she told me that if I come back there to the store at exactly the same time the next day,that she'd give me her phone number. I was like,"Is that all?". So long story short,I returned the next day,got her number,and the rest is history. My point is this:I immediately presented myself as a romantic interest from the get-go. This way I automatically put myself in the dating/potential dating catergory bypassing the LJBF zone altogether. I established the way I wanted to relate to her (romantic) instead of taking the chance of letting her do it in her mind. This way your guaranteed for her to at least think about dating you even if she turns you down. She has no choice but to see you in a sexual way,because that's the "YOU" you presented to her from the instant you met each other. That's all she's ever seen and known of you.

This also works against you as well. If you from the beginning,present yourself as a friend,then YOU(not her),puts yourself in the friend catergory. She didn't do it,you did. All she did was went along with what you established from the get go. Once you start off being a certain way with someone from the start,it's hard,hard for them to see you in a different way.
That's why you can't get out of the friendzone.

So the way you want to ask her out on Tuesday? Go with whatever you feel comfortable with. Just know that the you've presented yourself to her from the moment you met her is probably how she'll continue to see you.

 

[izza]

Izza, I know this stuff from kindergarden, and I believe the bible. I don't disrespect anyone, and I know what your saying, but uh.. I don't know where you are coming with all this stuff.

I'm not sure what you mean by disrespect. I was not talking about disrespecting anyone. But anyway, if you're sure that conventional beauty isn't a factor at all in how you evaluate women, then good for you! You are a rare guy!

And even if this girl is conventionally beautiful, that's good that it doesn't affect how much you like her at all. That would be very healthy. Anyway, good for you.

I'm not referring to your situation with this girl at all. I'm just trying to make sure that conventional beauty doesn't affect your decision about women at all. If it doesn't, you are already a very free man. Also, that's cool that you "believe in the Bible" - I'm not sure what that means, perhaps that you're a Biblical literalist? Anyway, whatever you believe, I do respect that, and I'm happy for anyone who transcends our culture's superficial values.

Sounds like you're doing great, so good for you and keep up the good work. My bad if I was telling you something you already know.

Best,
Izza