waiter flirts hard with my date

[nismo-4]

I agree, that sauce thing is easily suspect.
It implies that the waiter asked for her name as well.

I don't know many waitresses that ask for my name when I'm out for dinner on a date... then again, I don't do dinner on a date... but even when I was in an established relationship, I was never asked.

And as a bartender, I can tell you that I only knew the names of my customers after a few times, but definitely never the first night. I didn't make it a habit to try to get to know everyone the very first time, let alone try to spell their name out with whipped cream next to their drink.

I'll admit Kailex, as a former Pizza Delivery guy, I used to flirt with women over the phone. If I didn't get laid, I got paid! But I didn't go as far as name spelling with the meat! Some of these women was married, then some were scorned.

Especially in New Orleans where I worked. I saw the good, bad, pretty, and ugly. It goes to show you, women will get a free meal off an AFC provider, and f**k a guy using push pull romance. I don't shop at Pedestal Mart, and I showed it. This is probably why the waiter had a better chance of getting laid as opposed to the OP.

 

[CarlitosWay]

Lol and guys wonder why I never fully pay for dinner until I'm in a serious relationship.....

agreeing with some others, I would have played along. I'm sure he was testing some waters for ****s n giggles only
I honestly would have joked/flirted around with the server too. Why? He's freakin' working and for the most part you always had the upper hand, she accepted and decided to go out with you. It could have been an awesome night, you flirting/teasing her and having fun with the server. Her leaving thinking "damn these two guys are fun as hell" and possibly getting something more than some cash emptied out of your wallet.

Yet ...too many get caught up in this alpha male mantra. It's bull**** most of the time when it's brought up in most peoples situations.

 

[iqqi]

And now time for a commercial interruption...

I just wanted to state for the record that the social custom in our country is an 18-20% tip. 10% was back in the 80's, I believe. If you are tipping less than 15%, than at least I have done my part here by informing you that you are being a cheap bastard, and your server is at that point paying to wait on you. These days, a waiter's tip is split to include bussers, food runners, bartenders, and maybe more. And then their tips are also taxed at an expected rate. They get maybe 7-8% of a tip, so when you leave 10%, they may indeed be paying taxes on tips they did not recieve, because you basically tipped the support, but did not leave enough to take care of your server.

OK, lesson delivered. This has nothing to do with the OP, just simply noticing a few posts where the posters seem to think that 10% is a good tip. That has not been an acceptable tip for nearly two decades. If you disagree with this idea and notion, that is another thread of course, but at least now you are no longer ignorantly tipping badly.

Continue on.

 

[jonwon]

I just wanted to state for the record that the social custom in our country is an 18-20% tip. 10% was back in the 80's, I believe. If you are tipping less than 15%, than at least I have done my part here by informing you that you are being a cheap bastard, and your server is at that point paying to wait on you. These days, a waiter's tip is split to include bussers, food runners, bartenders, and maybe more. And then their tips are also taxed at an expected rate. They get maybe 7-8% of a tip, so when you leave 10%, they may indeed be paying taxes on tips they did not recieve, because you basically tipped the support, but did not leave enough to take care of your server.

OK, lesson delivered. This has nothing to do with the OP, just simply noticing a few posts where the posters seem to think that 10% is a good tip. That has not been an acceptable tip for nearly two decades. If you disagree with this idea and notion, that is another thread of course, but at least now you are no longer ignorantly tipping badly.

Continue on.

Most places I go have a service charge anyway.

As for the polite custom of tipping, It is also polite to recieve good service, after all we the paying customer keep them in business. THe OP clearly didn't recieve good service in his opinion.

Any girl who thinks I am a cheap bastar* for not tipping is the exact type of girl i'd never take out to dinner. I can imagine it now, hawking over the bill to see if I give 15%, i'd tell her to go take a steaming pis* on some power-lines.

Also another thing, when I go out for dinner I could spend well over £200 if there is a group of four, 15% of £200 is £30quid, that's alot of money to give to someone for just putting a plate on your table.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Taking a woman to dinner is perfectly fine~ its just the stiff formality that ruins it for some AFCs. But if you are comfortable with yourself and have a way of relating with women intimately, then any type of setting will do for generating attraction and leading her into your bedroom.

In the OP's situation, right at the very start I would have observed "that waiter is flirting with you!" and continue on "oh you love it don't you? you're so hot for silly solly server boy aren't you?" etc. just basically making it all a big joke and reframing it as even more ammunition for you to tease her with. I mean who cares anyway? Life is fun: you have a laugh and try to get what you want~ don't be so serious OP^^.

Women are going to be attracted to handsome guys, thats just a fact of life, the trick is to be attractive also. She can be attracted to the waiter and flirt a little, but she's still going home with you: so be kind. Tip him a little more than usual for helping to get her warmed up and in a sexual kind of mood. Good-looking women are sexual so accept it and be sexual yourself.

 

[zekko]

Tip him a little more than usual for helping to get her warmed up and in a sexual kind of mood. Good-looking women are sexual so accept it and be sexual yourself.

That's pretty much the way I would look at it too. Good post.

 

[Kailex]

She can be attracted to the waiter and flirt a little, but she's still going home with you: so be kind. Tip him a little more than usual for helping to get her warmed up and in a sexual kind of mood. Good-looking women are sexual so accept it and be sexual yourself.

I don't necessarily agree.

If this was an LTR, I'd apply the mindset of "She's still going home with you." But you have no idea how many women I've seen on first dates who I didn't even flirt with... who ended their first dates, left, and 15 minutes later came back to the bar and would hand me their numbers instead.
The next day, the guy would come back talking about how he had such an awesome time and that hopefully next time they go out he'll at least get a kiss.

:crazy:

On a first date basis, you have NO guarantee that she's still going home with you. There's not enough of an emotional investment on her behalf... specially when the first 15 minutes of the date were spent chatting it up with the waiter.

I had a LOT of couples who were in LTR's and tipped me greatly because I was helping their dates getting warmed up and giggly for their spouses/boyfriends/whatever... but those on first dates were on such thin ice, that it could have gone either way.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Most places I go have a service charge anyway.

...15% of £200 is £30quid, that's alot of money to give to someone for just putting a plate on your table.

You're in England, right? English people don't tip. That's why there is a service charge on your bill.

Tipping is a social custom and etiquette that varies tremendously by location. In regard to women, it matters a lot if they have ever had a job working for tips. And yes, just like Iqqi said, if such a woman here in the US sees you tipping 10%, then she is going to think you are a cheap bast*rd. I've never waited tables, but I have delivered pizza, and I think of anyone who only tips the pizza guy $1 to be a cheap b*stard. Once again, that is merely social custom where I live.

 

[ArcBound]

Well in NY after certain hours they add the 15% gratuity charge onto your check whether you like it or not, and at some restaurants if you have 4 or more people you also must pay a 15% gratuity. Of course gratuity is a good thing but forcing people to pay for defeats the whole purpose of you thanking your servers.

 

[fatdog]

Well in NY after certain hours they add the 15% gratuity charge onto your check whether you like it or not, and at some restaurants if you have 4 or more people you also must pay a 15% gratuity. Of course gratuity is a good thing but forcing people to pay for defeats the whole purpose of you thanking your servers.

I've never understood how restaurants have the gall to impose gratuity on you. The reason you tip a server is because the restaurant pays them below minimum wage, and now they're FORCING you to pay them? That's bullsh1t on a whole new level. :crackup:

 

[Kailex]

Not really, I was once "thanked" for serving a party of 50 for an $1800 with a twenty dollar bill.

That's right. After a night of ZERO incidences, happy faces all around. The guy with the tab actually thought he was doing me a favor with a $20 tip to a $1,800 tab.

Trust me, it's because of people like him that many places enforce a gratuity "fee/tip" for parties larger than 4.



Karma's a ***** though.
The following year he came back, did the same thing, I gave ABOVE AND BEYOND service and I included the tip in the bill.

 

[Trader]

Not really, I was once "thanked" for serving a party of 50 for an $1800 with a twenty dollar bill.

That's right. After a night of ZERO incidences, happy faces all around. The guy with the tab actually thought he was doing me a favor with a $20 tip to a $1,800 tab.

Trust me, it's because of people like him that many places enforce a gratuity "fee/tip" for parties larger than 4.



Karma's a ***** though.
The following year he came back, did the same thing, I gave ABOVE AND BEYOND service and I included the tip in the bill.

So based on the information you gathered, was he an American? In other words, was he familiar with tipping customs in the US?

I am trying to determine whether he tipped $20 out of ignorance, or he chose to be cheap.

 

[Trader]

I've never understood how restaurants have the gall to impose gratuity on you. The reason you tip a server is because the restaurant pays them below minimum wage, and now they're FORCING you to pay them? That's bullsh1t on a whole new level. :crackup:

Correct, it is the restaurant that started this unfortunate chain of events, by shortchanging waiters in their base pay.

That is why I rarely dine out.

 

[Kailex]

So based on the information you gathered, was he an American? In other words, was he familiar with tipping customs in the US?

I am trying to determine whether he tipped $20 out of ignorance, or he chose to be cheap.

Technically American, yes.
He was of hispanic heritage though and was a "regular" every Saturday. High-profile kinda guy.

He was familiar with tipping customs.

That I am 100% certain of.
What I wasn't sure of was whether he was aware that it was 15% or that tipping 20 on a bill that large was a good practice as a customer.

I'm more inclined to believe it was because he probably knew that 15% of 1800 was over $250 and since the bill didn't SPECIFY how much the tip should be, he tried to play it off as "Look, here's a twenty dollar bill."
I was fairly new to the game at that time and just ranted and raved to the waitress who was with me that night.

I made sure it didn't happen a year later.

 

[jonwon]

You're in England, right? English people don't tip. That's why there is a service charge on your bill.

Tipping is a social custom and etiquette that varies tremendously by location. In regard to women, it matters a lot if they have ever had a job working for tips. And yes, just like Iqqi said, if such a woman here in the US sees you tipping 10%, then she is going to think you are a cheap bast*rd. I've never waited tables, but I have delivered pizza, and I think of anyone who only tips the pizza guy $1 to be a cheap b*stard. Once again, that is merely social custom where I live.

Varies by location fair enough, but on the same footing do you think it's acceptable to date a woman who see's you as a cheap b*stard for not tipping?

For starters why can't she leave a tip - I've never paid for a woman out on a dinner date and it's nothing to do with being English. Those of you who think it's acceptable or normal or the way of things, I seriously disagree if a woman is genuinely interested, she will split the bill hence the point of the 'cheap bast*rd comment should be null and void, unless guys don’t mind paying for first dates' - I don't and it has never not once compromised any of my dates at all, if anything it's proved beneficial.

Hence any women who thinks a man is a cheap bast*rd especially after paying for her to eat, shouldn't in my book be worth the time of day. Maybe i'f I'd dated her for x amount of months - but on a first date, cheap bast*ard? I'd walk out the restaurant and leave her hanging.

It's bad enough she sits there waiting for you to pay, it's a kick in the man nuts for her to hover over the bill to see if you give a 15% tip. If this is what it takes to be American, no wonder half the threads on this forum describe the entitlement princess.

I dont pay for a womens affections, never have, never will.

 

[FastMen]

well i'm no small guy by any means. i was a cornerback in college and i'm 5'9 185 with a 33 inch waist. i don't know how much i can bench but i can bench 225 nine times with no help(used to be alot more but since i quit playing football i havent worked out as much). you can look at me and tell i workout, but i'm not going to be on the cover of a magazine or anything. he wasn't obvious flirting, but i've been at this way too long to not know when a guys hitting on your date, g/f, wife, whatever she is to you. he did it in a way that if i said anything, jokingly or not, i would have looked like the insecure idiot. i felt like an idiot nonetheless, but i guess you just had to be there. i thought about making a funny comment about it to the girl when he wasnt around but i didnt want to seem insecure. what i dont understand is i dont look like a geek, or a guy that would be easy to do that to. something about me made him have the nuts to do what he did and thats what i want to figure out and work on. i gave out a weakness unkowingly. like i said, i must have LOOKED like a nice guy or something. i didnt tip the b@stard, and if she would have said anything about it i would have told her to leave the tip if she felt that way. if i ever do go in there again, i hope he remembers that $0.01 tip:crackup:

she actually did a mistake if she was receptive to his flirtin but the next time what you do is ignore the dumbass waiter and ignore any comment or glance she does , i mean how the hell should u be intimidated by a damn waiter, what you cans ay the next time to her is "are you enjoyin this" as a reference to him, but she wont tell

 

[yuppaz]

With the whole tipping thing, I agree with fatdog. It's funny that we are expected to make up for restaurants being cheap with their serving staff. It's stupid that it's expected to tip a buck for every time you get a drink or two from a bar as well. Also Iqqi, they only pay taxes and split this or that when the tip is on a credit card. Tips are often cash, and just get pocketed. When I'm doing my job, if I do particularly well, it's not as if I expect my boss to give me an extra $20 or whatever for rockin, I get the same amount no matter how well or poorly I do. Also in restaurants (ones I go to at least) food prices can be in the stratosphere, so it isn't as if the restaurant can't afford to pay their help well. So I order a couple steaks or whatever and a couple drinks I'm paying a serious premium for it, then expected to throw another $10 or whatever on top of that because someone brought me my food, and maybe a drink???

I WILL tip when the service is exceptional, or the wait staff is fun, brings me up on a down day etc. I just don't like the expectation of it all.

 

[backbreaker]

random thoughts


1. i fyou can't afford to tip properly you should not be in that restaurant. that's why they make places like taco bell. if you can't eat a 60 dollar meal and leave a 6 dollar tip, which is the price of maybe desert or an extra drink, you do not need to be in that restaurant.


for those of you that say well the tip is not a part of it, hell if you are that concerned about 6 dollars, you would be eating at home., cooking, instead of out at a decent restaurant. the fact that you are at a restaurant, shows that you are out for an experience, not for necessarily food. you should tip.

2. nothing wrong with resturants. but id on't take dates when i was dating to resturants.. lol, why? when you thinka bout it what possible good can come out the situtation? now, you have acknowledged yourself that you are the dinner guy. she is now going to, if you are even lucky enough to see her again, expect you to drop ends every time you want to see her. and you are not going to get laid. i have never in y life gotten laid after a dinner date with a girl i wasn't already ****ing. hell, i can count on one hand the times i got laid from girls i already was ****ing. reb lobster does not drop panties.

one cute story, about a year ago i had left an AA meeting that i had chaired, and there was this (seriously) smokin hot 19 year old girl that i had somewhat befriended. even went so far as to go car shopping with her, she had no dad, and her mom was gone but her grand parents had given her 20 grand to buy a car and i used to sale cars, went with her one day to make sure she didn't get jipped.
\

now i'd be honest.. the girl was smokin. under any guys criteria. about 5'5, 115, cokebottle, c cup dirty blone, but i was in a relationshiop, wasn't trying to **** (seriously) but she was cool. more like a little sister. the more i tried to be brotherly to her, the more she wanted to **** me lol. i say this because, one day after that meeting, she made it known she was hungry and hell i was kinda hungry to so we went to a seafood joint and got something to eat. she insited to pay for not my her meal, my meal as well and left a 15 dollar tip on a 40 dollar meal.


i say that to say one thing, you want to make women earn things, build value to earn you. what does taking a woman you are not dating out to eat accomplish?


up to that point, she had tried it all. following me to the mall, flirting, going bowling with me, talking about other guys ot "get me jealous" and none of it worked. this was her way of building value.

now, bars are a different story, i've i don't think i've ever NOT gotten laid after taken a woman to a bar for drinks.


3. you really made it sound in the beginning like you were dating this chic. advice would have been totally different if you had been more up front

 

[kingsam]

dinner dates = provider

 

[zekko]

dinner dates = provider

I agree dinner dates should be reserved for women who have earned it.
But I don't see why the term "provider" gets such a bad rep around here.
As far as I know, the ability to provide is one of the attributes women find attractive in men. What, do you think girls want homeless guys?

I know Tyler says that if a girl thinks you might be a provider, she may try to latch onto you long term and not have sex with you right away. Obviously this is bad if you are looking for a one night stand. But overall this represents her trying to be on her best behavior for you, putting her best self forward, so I don't see how it is that bad of a thing.

Now if the girl is just a golddigger, or if the guy has nothing else to offer (no masculine traits) obviously that it a different story.