waiter flirts hard with my date

[Gangster Of Love]

well there's a new twist to this story. i log on facebook this morning and see that the girl i went out with the other night is now in a relationship.haha talk about feeling like a fool! i spend money on dinner, get insulted by our waiter, and Monday she's all of a sudden magically dating another guy.haha it's not the waiter, before you ask.lol i just don't get why she went out with me to begin with if she's talking to some other guy that apprently is serious enough to be in a relationship with? i know shes seeing if i was better, but couldn't she have somehow mentioned it?

Yet another example why you never want to take a woman you haven't slept with to dinner. NO DINNER DATES! PERIOD! If you need to buy her dinner to impress her, she is not the girl for you. This is the perfect example of everything that is wrong with buying a woman's time/affection/approval, gone wrong.

If you want to have dinner with a date, have her cook for you at her place, or go over to your place. Have her cook for you and go to the park for a picnic.

 

[Falcon25]

Dinner is for your GIRLFRIEND. OR a woman who has been intimate with you already. NOTHING puts a girl to sleep faster than food. Dancing, alcohol, or in most cases drugs (cocaine) gets a woman horny and comfortable and want to have fun. Always ask a girl to go to drinks with you. It will relax both of you. Maybe, maybe some coffee during the day. NEVER dinner.

I will say it again;

Alcohol equals sex
Dinner equals sleep

Be the fun guy. Be the guy who doesn't date traditionally. A dinner is like an interview. A drink, is more like "let's relax, so later we may fuvk."
Trust me. It will relax your nerves and hers. A dinner date is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too intimate and formal for the first time. Stop being those ****heads who wear socks with sandals, or cases for their phones on their belts. Be cool, be hip, non-caring. You don't date strangers. A woman you meet is a stranger. Why would you buy dinner to a stranger? Go spend a few bucks on a couple drinks and then decide whether you want anything else. You date a girl "ROMANTICALLY" after she becomes your girlfriend or she is willing to be intimate with you. After a few dates, she will say "How come you never take me to dinner?" then you say "Oh, I usually go to dinners, and do other romantic stuff with a GIRLFRIEND. Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?" Be aggressive. Be nice. Be sexual. BUT NEVER be uptight.

 

[nismo-4]

Dinner is for your GIRLFRIEND. OR a woman who has been intimate with you already. NOTHING puts a girl to sleep faster than food. Dancing, alcohol, or in most cases drugs (cocaine) gets a woman horny and comfortable and want to have fun. Always ask a girl to go to drinks with you. It will relax both of you. Maybe, maybe some coffee during the day. NEVER dinner.

I will say it again;

Alcohol equals sex
Dinner equals sleep

Be the fun guy. Be the guy who doesn't date traditionally. A dinner is like an interview. A drink, is more like "let's relax, so later we may fuvk."
Trust me. It will relax your nerves and hers. A dinner date is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too intimate and formal for the first time. Stop being those ****heads who wear socks with sandals, or cases for their phones on their belts. Be cool, be hip, non-caring. You don't date strangers. A woman you meet is a stranger. Why would you buy dinner to a stranger? Go spend a few bucks on a couple drinks and then decide whether you want anything else. You date a girl after she becomes your girlfriend. After a few dates, she will say "How come you never take me to dinner?" then you say "Oh, I usually go to dinners, and do other romantic stuff with a GIRLFRIEND. Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?" Be aggressive. Be nice. Be sexual. BUT NEVER be uptight.

I'm glad you own a residence in Reality Heights, Indiana. You live in the real world, and you proved that by saying that women love cocaine! They like ecstasy and weed too! All that sh*t equals sex, and so does wine!

 

[Rescue Mission]

This HAS to be a first for sosuave........the don juans are actually taking this thread into the right direction.

I now await for a pvssy to defend paying for a stranger's dinner, and justifying not having sex on a date.

 

[Falcon25]

Don't get me wrong, it's not good to fuvk a girl you want to be your girlfriend right away. It's better to wait so she anticipates it. But, it's most important that you be the guy who doesn't give a fuvk about results, just has fun. You have to act like this could be the first, or the one hundreth drink with her and it wouldn't ****ing matter. Why? Cause other women will take the offer if she doesn't. A dinner SCREAAAAAAAAMS that you are looking for a girlfriend. Contrary to what women say, they are not looking for a guy that wants to settle down. They are looking for a man that THEY could settle down. Read that four times. MEN don't look for relationships, they just accidentaly get into em. WOMEN look for relationships. Don't fuvk a girl right away if you want her to stay with you. That doesn't mean you can't be intimate right away. Where you take her, how you act will determine her comfort. Comfort equals fun. Fun equals making out. Making out eventually becomes sex. You get the point. God's speed soldier.

 

[Rescue Mission]

Don't get me wrong, it's not good to fuvk a girl you want to be your girlfriend right away. It's better to wait so she anticipates it. But, it's most important that you be the guy who doesn't give a fuvk about results, just has fun. You have to act like this could be the first, or the one hundreth drink with her and it wouldn't ****ing matter. Why? Cause other women will take the offer if she doesn't. A dinner SCREAAAAAAAAMS that you are looking for a girlfriend. Contrary to what women say, they are not looking for a guy that wants to settle down. They are looking for a man that THEY could settle down. Read that four times. MEN don't look for relationships, they just accidentaly get into em. WOMEN look for relationships. Don't fuvk a girl right away if you want her to stay with you. That doesn't mean you can't be intimate right away. Where you take her, how you act will determine her comfort. Comfort equals fun. Fun equals making out. Making out eventually becomes sex. You get the point. God's speed soldier.

I wanna have your children.

No homo.

(to any moron who doesn't get the joke, I give this post my 1000000% stamp of approval to the infinite degree!)

And yes, if I was a chick, I would definitely have this guy's children.

no homo

 

[Kailex]

I now await for a pvssy to defend paying for a stranger's dinner, and justifying not having sex on a date.

Anybody registered to this site who willingly and consciously would come in here defending to pay for a stranger's dinner should automatically be set up for an account over at Loveshack.

I'd gladly show the willing White Knight the door, or in this case, the link.

 

[jonwon]

These are perfect situations to see how your GF act's.

Taking ownership of your lack of percieved qualities when a girl is flirting with a guy say's more about the type of guy you are than the type of girl your with.

The only right thing you did here was going out with your friends after the meal.

Ideally what you want to attract is a girl who doesn't feel the need to flirt with every guy, be it a waiter or a guy in a bar.

Yes you can adopt a certain frame and techniques to peek her interest but when all is said and done, if your girl is flirting with a waiter in your face, you can class it has a sure sign that, that girl is most probably for sport fcuking only.

How would I act?

I'd act like I always do, watch how she preforms with the onslaught of another coc* in the vincinity and judge her actions accordingly, what I wouldn't do is preform like some monkey swinging my dic* to see who has the biggest. At the end of the day i'm not that competetive when it comes to puss*, what I mean is - if I am out on a date the last thing on my mind is having to worry about other men around, that shi* is the first sign of insecurity, mind games and head fuc*.

I remember a time when I was dating this solid 9.5, we was in a bar, this good looking guy, well built came over to me and my girl, he had a bag with him, he reaches his bag out, hands it to the girl I was with and asks her to save it for him whilst he goes to the toilet. He comes back sits on the other side of the girl, she moved closer to me - good sign - so he gets up and starts talking to some other girls - I forget about him, do my thing, get up and go to the loo - low and behold I come back and he is sat in my seat, talking to the girl - I simply walked over to him and said "thats my seat" -

Then i forgot about him, yeh the girl i was with peaked at the guy being Alpha, did she respond, did she open him, did she encourage him? No! That is the point, if she would have done, i'd have probably left her hanging and let her get on with it, then waited for the inevitable phone call 20minutes later asking where I was, or simply spent the rest of the evening with her and then put her in a cab and never called her again.

I definatly wouldn't be the guy sitting awkward whilst my date and another guy fluffed, with me hugging my pint or thinking of some clever shi* to say to try to out-alpha the guy - fuc* that cra*.

Some peoples adivce for such things are more or less "chat to some other girls in the bar, to make her jealous" I call BS on that one too, if your out on a date, you've got ready, you've invested your time in going out with this chick, for her to drift towards the flirting of an other guy, no man on the planet is going to be in the comfortable enough zone to go and chat another chick up - if anything he is going to be a little pee-d off - also to go and chat other girls up shows your trying to out Alpha the guy - whats the point in that cra*, unless the girl is for sport fuc*ing, what about the times your not there to show her how alpha you are when another jock comes on the scene.

I've just read all responses, seems like this was a free meal ticket, hence the lack of respect on her part in flirting - taking girls to dinner or drinks aside, Robert you did the right thing by going out with your friends afterwards and i'll give you props for not getting invested and developing AFC tendencies to a girl because she went on a date with you - Very DJ handling of the situation, you saw the damage and acted accordingly, but next time, skip the dinner date cra* - and when a jock comes over to your girl, watch her actions - but stand your ground and only act if the situation needs you too, i.e the fcuker doesn't pis* off when your girl tells him to.

 

[Atom Smasher]

i guess there's no better way to learn a lesson then the hard way. which is what i did. looking back on the date there were some red flags that she put up, and i saw them, i just ignored them. things like sayingevery guy she's dated she's been hurt, wishes there was a guy out there willing to be friends first, she mentioned a few guys she'd been burned by but she never once mentioned this dude. no "yeah i'm sorta seeing this other guy" nothing like that. today when i saw the in a relationship thing i have to admit i was shocked. she never mentioned this guy AT ALL, but yet mentioned other guys she'd dated but it didn't workout. she brought up that subject somehow and i tried to revert it from that, but we kept going back to the ho hum story of hers about how shed gotten burned, how she wants to meet a guy that wants to be friends first. i know girls have options, but i mean damn, don't ask a guy out basically when you're on the verge of dating someone else and not tell him about it! it's like i'm standing on the tracks and the trains coming but she didn't say "look out!"

She sounds like a self-absored bore. Good riddance.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Wait, dinner on a first date? I thought this was a girl you were seeing regularly.

What a waste of money and time.

 

[drak_ool]

Robert, you seem so surprised that a girl who was "on the verge of a relationship" would go out on a date with you.

But what about girls who go on dates with dudes while already in a relationship?

As others have pointed out, she went for the free meal mainly, but also to use you as an emotional tampon (her constant babbling about getting burned by other guys, etc...).

If you would have planned out an action date she would have probably found som excuse and flaked. Just another reason why non-traditional dates are better: the gir will come only if she s interested in hanging out with you, not to get a meal out of it.

 

[zekko]

Just to throw in a different possibility:

I wonder if the OP might be overreacting about the waiter.
Some waiters have a flirty personality that they put on when they're on the job, helps to get them tips. The fact that the guy was also flirting with the cougars makes me think it might just be his standard performance, rather than any serious flirting with the OP's date. Some waiters feel it is their duty to make the woman at the table feel like a lady.

If it was a flirty waitress I doubt there would have been any complaints. Waitresses are usually masters at being flirty to get tips.

Now if the guy was actually insulting the OP obviously that was out of line. But the OP is kind of vague about what the waiter says or does in this regard, so I'm not sure if he was really insulting or it was just some insecurtiy showing up.

I doubt that I would get upset about a flirty waiter, depending to what degree he took it of course. It's kind of hard from the original story to see what really happened.

 

[Razor Sharp]

Just to throw in a different possibility:

I wonder if the OP might be overreacting about the waiter

Dunno man - I been to a lot of restaurants but none of the waitresses have ever spelled my name in the sauce. This waiter was definitely over the top, but I do agree that he overreacted to someone who should not have been a threat.

I will also agree with a lot of these DJs that traditional dates are a big FAIL. A girl really has to impress me in order for me to take her out to dinner, and that only happens after a few mini-dates (coffee, drinks, a leisure stroll with conversation) Few ever make that cut unfortunately. For me the hardest part of the game is finding a worthy target

 

[Kailex]

Dunno man - I been to a lot of restaurants but none of the waitresses have ever spelled my name in the sauce. This waiter was definitely over the top, but I do agree that he overreacted to someone who should not have been a threat.

I agree, that sauce thing is easily suspect.
It implies that the waiter asked for her name as well.

I don't know many waitresses that ask for my name when I'm out for dinner on a date... then again, I don't do dinner on a date... but even when I was in an established relationship, I was never asked.

And as a bartender, I can tell you that I only knew the names of my customers after a few times, but definitely never the first night. I didn't make it a habit to try to get to know everyone the very first time, let alone try to spell their name out with whipped cream next to their drink.

 

[Robert28]

we were supposed to meet at the res. at 7, i got there at 6:55. we had made plans the night before on the phone to meet outside, so that's what i did, waited outside. i sent her a text saying "i'm here". never got a response from her. waited 10 more min, then start to think "i'm about to split in the next 5 mins.". i call her to tell her "it's 15 min past 7, where are you?". i get no answer. so i start walking back to my truck to go do something else, i've waited 15 min AFTER the time we were supposed to meet, i sent her a text and called once. i did my part. my phone rings as i'm walking back to my truck and it's her. she's been waiting INSIDE(remember now, our plan was to meet OUTSIDE at 7. she suggested that not me.). so i go in and find her sitting at the table. i sit down and the waiter comes up and the FIRST thing out of his mouth is "Donna's a great girl, we've been talking the past 15 mins.". guess she was too busy chatting it up with him to answer her phone when i called.lol i ask him "oh, so do you know her?". he had this confused look on his face when i said that and replied "no we just met". can you see the red flags popping up here?lol this date was over before it ever started. i know waitresses flirt for tips, but answer me this, why would he flirt heavy with her knowing that she wasn't paying the bill? how is that working for tips? you'd think he'd be kissing MY @$$, but he wasn't at all. in fact when he would come over he paid a LOT more attention to her then he did me. maybe a little insecurity reared its ugly head in there, but trust me i know when a guy is going above and beyond just working for a good tip. i've never heard a guy say "yeah that waiter gave great service! he wrote my woman's name in her sauce and flirted with her all night long, boy he deserves a huge tip!".

 

[Alle_Gory]

Wow. That's f*cked up man, but at least it's a learning experience. In the future, you know what an opportunistic ***** behaves like.

 

[jophil28]

... she's been waiting INSIDE(remember now, our plan was to meet OUTSIDE at 7. she suggested that not me.). so i go in and find her sitting at the table. i sit down and the waiter comes up and the FIRST thing out of his mouth is "Donna's a great girl, we've been talking the past 15 mins.". guess she was too busy chatting it up with him to answer her phone ...

These days I always do a 'personal debriefing' the next day after a first date .
Robert - there is a grand opportunity in this story for you to learn and extract knowledge and wisdom about the behavior of three people ( and men and women in general ).

Firstly, you had a first hand experience of how some guys will hit on your date without a blink of hesitation. That waiter was out of line six ways. His job is to welcome and serve customers, not use his job as a his personal dating site.
You just learned that some men do not operate within the 'man code'.
He did not know what your relationship with Donna was- she could have been your wife, but he still gushed over her and extracted her name.
Men like this play into women's inflated egotistic opinions of themselves by showing sexual interest in anything in a skirt. Is it any wonder that women act like glittering prizes?

Secondly, you learned that she had no head for logistics or practical detail.
She also showed that she has no ability to think about checking whether you were perhaps waiting outside . Instead she stayed seated at a table and soaked up the attention from the waiter .
She further lowered her score by glancing across at the waiter in a jealous way when he flirted with the cougars.
I would have expected her 'reaction' to the waiter to recede into a bland or neutral style as soon as I was seated at the table.
A Quality woman ( in my definition) would have done several things quite differently.
If you take a woman out to dinner, she owes you her undivided attention, You are doing her a favor, after all.

Finally, what did you learn about yourself and your responses to challenges and difficult social moments? How would you react differently should you be confronted with this scenario again ?

Live and learn.

 

[djprophet]

Forget all the "macho alpha" BS, dont be concerned about keeping the girl, if he wants your girl the more you try to fight against it the more it makes her uncomfortable with you, girls have a sixth sense for weakness and she will gravitate to the waiter. After he blatantly flirted with her, the next time you saw him you could have called him out in front of her and said, "hey are you trying to pick up my date? then wait for his response and depending on it say "lets see you try to pick her up"

 

[goodfoot]

we were supposed to meet at the res. at 7, i got there at 6:55. we had made plans the night before on the phone to meet outside, so that's what i did, waited outside. i sent her a text saying "i'm here". never got a response from her. waited 10 more min, then start to think "i'm about to split in the next 5 mins.". i call her to tell her "it's 15 min past 7, where are you?". i get no answer. so i start walking back to my truck to go do something else, i've waited 15 min AFTER the time we were supposed to meet, i sent her a text and called once. i did my part. my phone rings as i'm walking back to my truck and it's her. she's been waiting INSIDE(remember now, our plan was to meet OUTSIDE at 7. she suggested that not me.). so i go in and find her sitting at the table. i sit down and the waiter comes up and the FIRST thing out of his mouth is "Donna's a great girl, we've been talking the past 15 mins.". guess she was too busy chatting it up with him to answer her phone when i called.lol i ask him "oh, so do you know her?". he had this confused look on his face when i said that and replied "no we just met". can you see the red flags popping up here?lol this date was over before it ever started. i know waitresses flirt for tips, but answer me this, why would he flirt heavy with her knowing that she wasn't paying the bill? how is that working for tips? you'd think he'd be kissing MY @$$, but he wasn't at all. in fact when he would come over he paid a LOT more attention to her then he did me. maybe a little insecurity reared its ugly head in there, but trust me i know when a guy is going above and beyond just working for a good tip. i've never heard a guy say "yeah that waiter gave great service! he wrote my woman's name in her sauce and flirted with her all night long, boy he deserves a huge tip!".

This definitely needed to be in the original post. I wondered how he could have the balls to do what he was doing. Who knows what she said about you to him. She probably disquailified you, saying she was meeting a friend for dinner.

 

[zekko]

While I agree the waiter was over the top I'm still not convinced he was seriously trying to pick the girl up. I still think it's probably just his "waiter personality". Remember he flirted with the cougars too.
Ever been to one of those casual atmosphere restaurants where the servers pull up a chair and sit with you and chat while taking your order? I don't agree with this style personally (it seems unprofessional), but apparently someone likes it.

In fact, the waiter was so flamboyant (writing her name in the sauce) I was thinking he might even be gay. Sounds like the OP got a little rattled from waiting outside and got into a bad state from the beginning.

As for how he got her name, maybe he came to the table and said "Hi, I'm D!ck, I'll be your server today", and the girl said "Hi, I'm Donna".

Who knows what she said about you to him. She probably disquailified you, saying she was meeting a friend for dinner.

That's actually a definite possibility. We've all known women who describe potential lovers as "friends".

I know it seems counter-intuitive to flirt with the girl to get a tip from the guy, but I'm guessing this style has worked for him before. Some guys will think "okay, you helped show my girl a good time, here's a good tip". Or some girls will just demand their AFC boyfriend give the nice waiter a good tip. Or, like goodfoot says, he thought they were friends so maybe he thought they would split the check.