The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Zontyy]

Update:

It's been 8 months since I broke up with the ***** for cheating and I've been months into a child custody case that is finally just starting. I've gained some weight neglected myself. My baby mama despite having multiple indicated cases of child neglect and abuse from CPS the judge awarded her temporary custody until our custody case could be played out. Before our custody case could be played out she got in trouble with CPS again and the judge decided to put my custody case "on hold" to see what happens with the neglect charges. That alone took 6 months and finally she was found guilty of neglect. On the negative side of things the judge pushed her sentencing out 5 months. On another note she also being charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing along with criminal defiant trespassing, she has a until middle of may to accept a plea deal of 1 year probation along with supervisor of her kids for 1 whole year. These charges should hit her right when we start our custody battle. She still sends me pictures and videos I can only assume to entice me to get back together with her but she is a cheating ***** so it means nothing.

Between the charges in a different state and the neglect guilty verdict, I stand a good chance of getting custody over my 3 year old boy. Knowing all this has been like a burden that is finally being lifted from me. Last week I finally had time to analyze myself well being I just couldn't focus on anything else then trying to save my boy. I rejoined the gym and started a good exercise routine and have been watching what I eat. My finances are pretty much on hold as the majority of my expendable income is going into my lawyer, she is the best trial lawyer in the area. She was their to school the county/CPS lawyers when they were convicting my EX and boy was I glad she was there. I'm not bothered by the loss of money because I can always make more money.

One of my exes a muslim girl that I know reached out to me she living in the NYC now and told me that she is done with men and relationships as a whole. Then told me if I am visiting the city or catching a flight to stop by her place for some FWB. Apparently her husband turned out gay and she got divorced and I was the second guy she has ever been with and then the 3rd after me was bad at making love to the point where she just stopped dating altogether thought that maybe she was a lesbian. She told me she does get horny though and thinks of me often and told I am the only person that has ever got her to orgasm.

I'm usually in the camp that an Ex is an Ex and should forever stay one. However being the distance between me and the Muslim girl it would never be a relationship and purely an FWB situation. I'm guess it would be x2 weekends a year we would have s3x and maybe a vacation together? She is still smoking hot if not more fit then the last time I saw her and I believe it would be a good ego boost to myself. Not to mention it would get my mindset back into I can get pu$$y on the side whenever I want it type of thought process.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Thought I would drop in with a brief update of my NC.

It's been months (maybe 7?? 8??) since my most recent break up and immediate NC.

Personally I've been doing fine. I don't really hurt as much as I used to at the beginning. Though there are periods where I feel mellow especially when I reminisce over the good times we had. Oddly, I still think about my ex regularly which goes to show the importance I've attributed her with in my life. But definitely it has not been as debilitating as it was previously. I don't get bogged down by it. I do yearn for the day when I am fully detached from this but from all the big break ups I've had over my life, I've learnt you never truly forget people; they just feel different over time.

There has not been any overt breadcrumbing from my ex. Although I discovered that she has been consistently keeping tabs on me. (Her best friend has been telling me this). I made a mistake of reading into her behavior and tried to contact her months earlier but she never responded. Which I think just brought to the finality of everything. Surprisingly, it was what I needed to really accept the situation back then and focus on moving forward.

Since the break up, I've met many plates and had a lot of sex with many women. Some of the sex sessions had been intense and unforgettable. For example, once I had sex with 2 different girls back to back. Literally within less than 1 hour of each other. Yet most of the sex sessions have been truly enjoyable. They feel like going to a Marvel movie, enjoyable only in the moment but something you forget about after. So although I have had the sexual liberty that I did not have when I was with my ex. (I was largely loyal to her.) But all this has come to help me realize that sex alone isn't going to fill my void. It has also come to make me realize that finding the right person to have sex with is more important to me than just sex alone. But finding that right person is not easy, so until then, lower expectations and don't project onto others. Leave room to be surprised.

I've spent a lot of time working on my professional goals and career over the months. This has felt more satisfying to me than anything else. The sense of achievement and the fulfilment that comes from doing great work feels amazing compared to women. And I have been making this my focus and reminding myself that excellence is the only thing we should all chase as men. But at the same time, self-excellence is also the hardest thing to chase, it is an ongoing journey. Besides my work, I've been improving my fitness which has brought me wonders in my life.

This NC has been much more reflective for me because I've been through 2 major NC's back to back (including this one), I've seen patterns and things I did not see previously. I plan to do a very reflective and lessons-learnt post once I get out of the woods and truly recover, until then I hope all my fellow DJs are doing well.

 

[Captain Rizz]

Just chiming in to emphasize how important no-contact is. It can really create intrigue and can "reset" a bad taste in her mouth from unattractive or overeager behavior.

Most men don't get it until their neediness has screwed them over multiple times, and even then many still won't catch on.

You need to project independence to women at all time, including outcome independence.

 

[TheGambino]

Been a week since we officialy stopped banging fwb. And like a month since we called quits trying the relationship in her eyes. Deleted her digits. Some days were better but today I feel a bit down since she added her old gwn back on Instagram. He followed her but she didn’t follow him but today she did. I don’t follow her though but I know.

going on a trip tommorow for 14 days. Going strong on nc never going to text her.

i hope that she reaches out though so i can have the final blow by not responding. 7 days in, let’s go.

 

[TheGambino]

My guess is she won't be as thirsty as you are for validation of relevancy.

probably otherwise she would’ve texted already. You’re probably right. Even though I know she will be hurt sometimes late at night and miss me even if she’s fvcking already someone else. All good though. NC forever @AmsterdamAssassin

 

[DarwinTaurus]

My Ex, whom we got together and broke up three times... we remained friends for a year after, however, last October, she sent me a text pretty much telling me never to contact her again. This was because she saw some comments I posted on a Tik Tok video about Avoidant Personality, and I wrote something along the line of "reminds me of my ex".

So, I thought fine, I'm tired of the emotional yo-yo, never responded and left it at that. Six months later, April of this year, I got a random text from her on a Friday night, saying she wanted a "softer goodbye". Probably my bad, as I did respond. She texted me also saying that she went on a date not long ago, but heading to the date, she wished it was me.

We went out to dinner a few times, and I ended up sleeping with her, and her house. We weren't going to get back together, it was just an opportunity. However, just recently, she told me that she has started seeing someone, which has given me mixed feelings. We have history together, and it would be ok to remain friends (which I know people here would think to be sheer madness), but perhaps I should just let it go for good. My boss and good mate, and my sister, think I'm mad. Perhaps I need to wake up.

 

[Chow Mein]

My Ex, whom we got together and broke up three times... we remained friends for a year after, however, last October, she sent me a text pretty much telling me never to contact her again. This was because she saw some comments I posted on a Tik Tok video about Avoidant Personality, and I wrote something along the line of "reminds me of my ex".

So, I thought fine, I'm tired of the emotional yo-yo, never responded and left it at that. Six months later, April of this year, I got a random text from her on a Friday night, saying she wanted a "softer goodbye". Probably my bad, as I did respond. She texted me also saying that she went on a date not long ago, but heading to the date, she wished it was me.

We went out to dinner a few times, and I ended up sleeping with her, and her house. We weren't going to get back together, it was just an opportunity. However, just recently, she told me that she has started seeing someone, which has given me mixed feelings. We have history together, and it would be ok to remain friends (which I know people here would think to be sheer madness), but perhaps I should just let it go for good. My boss and good mate, and my sister, think I'm mad. Perhaps I need to wake up.

Would you be open to keeping her as a plate?

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Would you be open to keeping her as a plate?

If she remained single, I would. But I've read in this forum, which I agree is a big NO NO, that once your EX has had another Man inside her, you never go back.

 

[TheGambino]

It’s been 6 weeks since my ex fwb and I agreed to call it quits. She still liked me but i found out she made out with another guy. Though we had no ltr or agreements. Saw her last week in the bar I go to every weekend and she tried to get my attention by smiling waving and I greeted her quickly and moved on. I expected a text but none. Though she comes online for a long time on WhatsApp when I am too I think she is looking at my profile. But who knows she’s chatting with her a new guy. Whatever, I think a lot about texting her since she was very happy and eager to see me I saw in the bar but i resist the urge. Been on a couple of dates with new girls but I didn’t like them so much.

I’m going to stick to my guns, sometimes you feel like u wanna text. Lets keep her uncertain and unknown about my thoughts. So NC.

 

[teapotinthejetstream@yaho]

im heartbroken over my first girlfriend cheating, she told me she wants me to violate her her and stick a knife in her and all this stuff. i told her she can come over but she said no come to me so im back go ignoring her again. and ive got no job and my dad is always yelling at me. so its like a double whammy from both sides. my dad is making me feel bad everyday and im heart broken over my ex too and my dad offers zero emotional support and is kicking me out of the house when i have no job

 

[Chow Mein]

If she remained single, I would. But I've read in this forum, which I agree is a big NO NO, that once your EX has had another Man inside her, you never go back.

I think you probably have too many feelings for her still have a casual sexual relationship with her.

Yep, classic case of oneitus, but this time on steroids.

Funny that oneitus can be seen as a hot potato

 

[Chow Mein]

It’s been 6 weeks since my ex fwb and I agreed to call it quits. She still liked me but i found out she made out with another guy. Though we had no ltr or agreements. Saw her last week in the bar I go to every weekend and she tried to get my attention by smiling waving and I greeted her quickly and moved on. I expected a text but none. Though she comes online for a long time on WhatsApp when I am too I think she is looking at my profile. But who knows she’s chatting with her a new guy. Whatever, I think a lot about texting her since she was very happy and eager to see me I saw in the bar but i resist the urge. Been on a couple of dates with new girls but I didn’t like them so much.

I’m going to stick to my guns, sometimes you feel like u wanna text. Lets keep her uncertain and unknown about my thoughts. So NC.

Sometimes, you gotta admit your life ain’t what you claim it to be. Accept it and you’ll pursue the life that you want.

 

[Chow Mein]

im heartbroken over my first girlfriend cheating, she told me she wants me to violate her her and stick a knife in her and all this stuff. i told her she can come over but she said no come to me so im back go ignoring her again. and ive got no job and my dad is always yelling at me. so its like a double whammy from both sides. my dad is making me feel bad everyday and im heart broken over my ex too and my dad offers zero emotional support and is kicking me out of the house when i have no job

Read your first sentence, then realized your username was literally a Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V of your ‘registered’ email account. But, why??

They say that it’s tough to graduate the DJ University, but hell, they have been uppin’ their graduation rates tremendously…

 

[TheGambino]

You're practising 'delayed contact' not 'no contact'. Emotionally, you're still attached to her. Nothing good will come of that.

You are right I know. @AmsterdamAssassin let’s see what happens if I run into her again. Going to keep frame and nc

 

[teapotinthejetstream@yaho]

Read your first sentence, then realized your username was literally a Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V of your ‘registered’ email account. But, why??

They say that it’s tough to graduate the DJ University, but hell, they have been uppin’ their graduation rates tremendously…

what does that mean

 

[Foe]

When Albanian showed up I sat with her, talked, bought drinks and homerun. Closed the deal.

Dude you handled this situation like an absolute boss. Well done. BTW completely ignore her BS "first time I've gone out", guaranteed she's been out plenty, she's just pissed you had a hottie and she had to sit on the side lines.

 

[Doctor Doom]

The point of No Contact is exactly as it states, no contact. Men try to use NC as a form of hoping to get the girl back. Wrong mindset. Block her and permanently move on. Permanently. No contact.

 

[Zontyy]

I'm back in the gym with a routine, a few woman at work have been dropping into my DMs. I've ignored them all though because I'm still in my custody battle and don't want to get distracted. I have full temporary custody of my son now. My EX picked up a DWI while doing over 100MPH on the highway, double over the legal limit with my son in car with his half sister. She now has felony charges, my son was removed and given custody to me because of the latest incident. Since then my EX has forged mortgage documents with the house we had together which might be a second felony police are investigating. During one of our custody exchanges (she is allowed 2 hours a week supervised) she stunned me with an electric stun gun and dropped off the radar since then. She was served papers to force the sale of the home we have together. We were supposed to have custody trial but her public defender asked to be removed as she was abusive and the trial is delayed for another 2-3 months.

I think I might be finally free of this woman, there were lots of bad times. Though I look back on memories and the wild sex and I wonder if I'll ever find a girl with that sex drive again. Wishful thinking says in the future could be a hookup when I'm lonely, I'm sure she would be down for a weekend of fun. Then reality hits and this woman straight tried to ruin me and probably will continue to try and ruin me. Best just to stay away.

 

[mikey2012]

Women get over breakups much easier than men because women begin the detachment process during the relationship. Generally, they begin "breaking up" with you in their minds months before the actual breakup occurrs. Men aren't wired like this. Men see the break-up conversation as the "end" and they are then recovering for the next number of months after that point. Women, however, would have gone through that process months before. It is why they can seem so cold in how easily they get over you. You are pouring out your heart to her while she has already moved on and begun fantasizing about her co-worker (or began banging them even).

Keep this in mind for your future LTRs. It will save you a load of grief if you can recognize this dynamic at play during the relationship and know it is time to begin protecting yourself so you aren't caught with your pants down.

I’m back after 10 years so let me summarize :

never get married
Never have kids
Never get emotionally involved
Never do anything for a woman. Make them do things for you
Focus on your own success.
Be comfortable alone

 

[Lotus Effect]

Here I am again.

new chick. Same old.

well, let’s go. Day one.