The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[tutu78]

Day 21,

We are still friends on FB. Do not have the balls to unfriend her yet. Eventhough my gut feeling says that I might see something that might hurt me. Shall I unfriend her? Three weeks ago, I broke NC contact and spent 2 great days but later she said she wants to be left alone.

Ps: She is diagnosed with BPD.

 

[tutu78]

I haven't blocked her after the break-up if I do it now, will it show that I'm butthurt? or am i just bargaining?
This drug is very powerful.

 

[tutu78]

Thank you.

During the devauling phase. I had a dream.

She was screaming and yelling at me, calling me names.
Me not knowing what to do. In the dream my phone rang. It was her, in her idealizing phase saying how much she loves me and misses me.
And the devaluing one started screaming at me to hang up the phone. Then I woke up. I mean gut feeling, how much can it get more concrete than that? My brain literally gave me a screenplay but i still ignored.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 34

Weird day. Professionally everything was great. Project I'm working on is making fantastic progress. However I've been craving the ex strongly throughout today. The heart (and d!ck) still wants her but the mind is moving on.

Have a plate coming round tonight. Nothing a nut or two shouldn't be able to deal with hopefully.

 

[BeTheChange]

How long was the relationship? These relapses will happen for months, give yourself time.

Thanks man. One year. And to make matters worse the plate I had come round went nucleur (she's on the crazy side) and just left. She's starting to sense my undifferenxe towards her due to my feelings for my ex and she's acting out. So now the calmness and chilled out nature of my ex looks even better in comparison.

Selective nostalgia is a b!tch. I'll be fine tomorrow. It's the fact they move on so quickly that rubs me the wrong way.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 35

Well if she was entertaining other options towards the end it doesn't matter now anyway. I doubt she was but can't rule it out.

Plate I'm seeing has caught feelings and isn't handling my indifference well anymore. Will need to start atleast giving the appearance of investing or move on. This plate is probably looking for a boyfriend. I'm not there yet.

 

[tutu78]

Day 35

Well if she was entertaining other options towards the end it doesn't matter now anyway. I doubt she was but can't rule it out.

Plate I'm seeing has caught feelings and isn't handling my indifference well anymore. Will need to start atleast giving the appearance of investing or move on. This plate is probably looking for a boyfriend. I'm not there yet.

Well. Before the plate phase I always suggest "self-evalutation". Also, you will constantly compare the plates with the ex. The image of the ex will probably much better than the plate. Have you read some books? Such as the rational male?

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 37

37 days is the longest I've ever gone NC. I broke after 37 days NC with my BPD ex back in 2016. Couldn't handle the feelings of loneliness and loss. I was a much weaker man back then.

I still my most recent ex of course. And the sense of loss was particularly palatable last night, where I struggled to sleep. My rational mind is accepting the permanence of the situation and the reality that it will not be so easy to replace her. However eighty percent of success is showing up, so as long as my get myself I'll find an LTR worthy plate eventually. Stance hasn't changed - wouldn't contact her, wouldn't take her back right now if she contacted me. I'm making a lot of strides personally, professionally and internally. However not the man I want to be as far as fully internalising the prize mentality but I'll get there.

I'd like to be unrecognisable six months from now. Lost a noticeable amount of weight in the months around the breakup and even more after. I've decided to do a serious bulk. I'm 5'9 and currently 153 lbs. I'm aiming to get to 165 lbs by February and then I want to slowly gain another 10 lbs to hit 170 - 175 lbs by summer. 180 lb would be beast mode at my height so I'll assess what the mirror says once I hit those early goals.

Having these goals has definitely given me a new lease of life. I remember being 167 lbs in the summer of 2011. It was another world. I loved it! That feeling is the only memory I need to motivate me. Also helps that the ex was really into gym bodies so that's an added perk. Will feel a bit sweeter to know that I'm kicking ass and she's missing out. And that was back when I had no weight in my legs. So I'd probably need to be at 170 - 175 lbs to get the same impact if I'm working on my legs too. 180 lbs sounds about right because I'd like to look like I lift even if i wear a jacket of sweater.

 

[tutu78]

Day 24

I'm still under the FOG, as my BPD-ex lost her dad and told me leave her alone while I was showing support over the phone. Then she told me to leave her alone. This was the last conversation we had. I still want her to be good and wish her a well-being. Despite all the insults, manipultaions, triangulation and physicall abuse she is still in my dreams. I haven't pass one single night without seeing her in my dream. It sucks.

 

[Vikingking1488]

Day 35

Well if she was entertaining other options towards the end it doesn't matter now anyway. I doubt she was but can't rule it out.

Plate I'm seeing has caught feelings and isn't handling my indifference well anymore. Will need to start atleast giving the appearance of investing or move on. This plate is probably looking for a boyfriend. I'm not there yet.

I think this about my ex to sometimes. But you'll never truly know because you can't trust anything she tells you anyways. Sucks

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Day whatever.

A few weeks of insaaaane panic attacks/ptsd like sh1t from all the cognitive dissonance of the devaluation/love bomb cycle, but I'm finally past it. Was like the worst 2 weeks I've ever had post breakup physically. I swear I've never had more extreme emotions than with this girl. Anyway, hottest girl I've ever even had accept a date is coming over Friday, 9+.

Hit it hard

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 21

Just a note on reframing and how it worked for me. My thought process works as follows:

• I recognise that I have incredible value while acknowledging a continuous necessity to better myself personally, mentally and financially. I’m not improving myself in order to be a better Ken doll to these Barbies but because life is brilliant when you have a positive attitude, great social skills, an awesome network of friends and money to fly around the world and enjoy the finest things in life.
• Even if she felt she had a legitimate reason to leave, this is no longer a reflection of who you are now and who you will be in the future. What happened in the past is done. Take an honest look at yourself, acknowledge any flaws, learn from it and grow.
• It is a shame she wasn’t able to see your value or potential, because if she had she wouldn’t have left, but it’s for the best. You only want to be with woman that genuinely recognise your true capabilities and LOVE the idea of being with you because of this. I don’t even like my tea lukewarm, let alone my women.
• Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
• She is free to come back and hop on the BeTheChange growth train any time she chooses but there’s only so many passengers the train can hold and if she doesn’t buy a ticket then some other lucky lady will

This last point is really important. When I broke up with my ex briefly back in June I talked through it with my cousin. I mentioned she met me only two weeks after moving to the UK and he said “wow, she’s pretty lucky she found someone like you that quickly”. It wasn’t said in an artificial or non-authentic way, but more like a nonchalant afterthought. He had looked at her and what she was doing with her life and mentally made the same comparison with me and had not even considered the possibility of me being the fortunate one in this relationship. He saw something that I had failed to see in myself by the end. That I was “the prize”. I didn’t believe it when things ended again three weeks ago otherwise why would I have spent two days trying to convince her to stay with me. But it’s true. There are more women like her than there are guys like me. That is a fact. If she doesn’t see it that’s her problem, not yours. I am internalising this prize mentality now and I look back on those days like I was crazy. It’s actually insane when you think about it. Why should I have to convince her to be with me??!! If you gave someone a million dollars would you need to convince them to take it?? High value people know their worth and behave accordingly.

We preach “Be the Prize” so much on this website but genuinely internalising this belief is paramount to one’s success and should be the focus, before anything else. Thankfully I am moving further towards this state and it feels great.

Day 41

Need to get back to this mentality. Have slipped last few days and started to see her as above me, which is a natural to do when you're the one who's been dumped. But it doesn't serve my interests or growth to think in those terms.

 

[markmitchell29]

Even if it hurts the no contact challenge is the first step to being happy again

 

[tutu78]

Day 31

Only today after 2 months of breakup and 31 days of NC, I had the courage to unfriend her on Facebook after seeing who she had become friends with. It still stings badly. I realize that NC include not cheking her social media. Hope one day i wil be able to look at this posts and smile.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 31

Only today after 2 months of breakup and 31 days of NC, I had the courage to unfriend her on Facebook after seeing who she had become friends with. It still stings badly. I realise that NC include not cheking her social media. Hope one day i wil be able to look at this posts and smile.

Day 44

I was mulling over this point a few weeks ago. I rarely get an urge to snoop - out of site out of mind - but whenever I'm on Facebook she always appears near the top of my "whose online" list, presumably because I had the most interaction with her. If you wave over their name it comes up with who they've recently added as friends. I unfollowed her the day we broke up but unfollowing doesn't remove them from this list. I only slipped once two or three weeks ago. She'd been on a friend adding spree, which actually annoyed me given she added/accepted about 5 people in the year we were together. Was tempted to unfriend her right there and then. Since then I've not taken a look but it's actually a very irritating feature because it means I'm forced to see a snapshot of my ex's profile whenever I log on.

I've only ever unfriended one chick. A plate who I'd fvcked a few times but who was really hot and cold with me. Eventually she told me she was seeing someone else and I unfriended her in a pathetic act of defiance. Looking back now I regret it. It was emotional, weak and salty. Better to just do nothing. Never let them know they had that power over you. I already wrote my ex a letter the day after we broke up like an absolute pvsssssssy. I don't need to give her yet another ego boost by unfriending her too. The best revenge is reaching IDGAF status combined with success. If they want to stay friends with you on social media and see you shine then let them stargaze.

 

[tutu78]

Day 44

I was mulling over this point a few weeks ago. I rarely get an urge to snoop - out of site out of mind - but whenever I'm on Facebook she always appears near the top of my "whose online" list, presumably because I had the most interaction with her. If you wave over their name it comes up with who they've recently added as friends. I unfollowed her the day we broke up but unfollowing doesn't remove them from this list. I only slipped once two or three weeks ago. She'd been on a friend adding spree, which actually annoyed me given she added/accepted about 5 people in the year we were together. Was tempted to unfriend her right there and then. Since then I've not taken a look but it's actually a very irritating feature because it means I'm forced to see a snapshot of my ex's profile whenever I log on.

I've only ever unfriended one chick. A plate who I'd fvcked a few times but who was really hot and cold with me. Eventually she told me she was seeing someone else and I unfriended her in a pathetic act of defiance. Looking back now I regret it. It was emotional, weak and salty. Better to just do nothing. Never let them know they had that power over you. I already wrote my ex a letter the day after we broke up like an absolute pvsssssssy. I don't need to give her yet another ego boost by unfriending her too. The best revenge is reaching IDGAF status combined with success. If they want to stay friends with you on social media and see you shine then let them stargaze.

Yeah I totally get what you are saying but as I realized that I cannot help but clicking on her profile as unfollowing alone is not enough, I've decided to unfriend her. At this point I cannot care less if my BPD ex has power on me. She already has it. She carries on with her life as if nothing happened. Thankfully my game has not been affected by the break-up. I approach and get numbers here and there starting to be able to back in the SMP. But still sleepless nights are still ongoing.

 

[BeTheChange]

Yeah I totally get what you are saying but as I realized that I cannot help but clicking on her profile as unfollowing alone is not enough, I've decided to unfriend her. At this point I cannot care less if my BPD ex has power on me. She already has it. She carries on with her life as if nothing happened. Thankfully my game has not been affected by the break-up. I approach and get numbers here and there starting to be able to back in the SMP. But still sleepless nights are still ongoing.

Ah BPD is different. That's a bridge you want to burn permanently. I blocked my BPD ex on all social media. I didn't even think of her yesterday but yes in that case that's two chicks I've unfriended.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 45

Best day I’ve had so far internally. NC gets your confidence, and self-respect back, gives you clarity, helps you see the bigger picture and allows you to approach women going forward from a position of strength. When I think about where I was at the end of each of my three serious relationships and where I am now it makes me realise just how good things will be.

Few initial points. I am savage when it comes to applying ratings. When I say a 7, I mean a 7. Most people on SS talk about banging 9s when these girls are actually 6s/7s. Secondly, I’m 5’9, so when I rate myself I do so from the assumption the woman is not a height Nazi. I don’t find taller women proportionally attractive so never been an issue for me.


October 2010. Broke up with ex that brought me to SS after a 3 month one-itis fuelled relationship. HB 7. Physically I was an 8 when we met. When we broke up, I was a 6.5. Had lost all of my gains and skin was poor, as we met volunteering in a developing country (no gym, oily diet). Negative net worth, poor job prospects, weak bachelor’s degree.

October 2013. Meet BPD ex. HB 7.5. Looks-wise I am an 8 when we meet. Negative net worth but rectified my bachelor’s with a strong performance in master’s degree. Managed to land a great job. Have been working there for a year. When things ended with first ex in 2010, I could never imagine that 3 years later I would be working at one of the best companies in the world.

October 2016. Dealing with the aftermath of a BPD nightmare breakup. Struggle to maintain gains throughout the summer due to loss of appetite and depression like symptoms. I am around a 7 in the summer but manage to get back to an 8 by Autumn. Lose job, have some debt and minimal savings of c. $30k. Net worth, maybe $20k.

October 2018. Present day. Broken up with HB 8.5. Physically, she is one of, if not the hottest girls I have been with. When we met a year ago looks-wise I was an 8.5. When we broke up, I was a 7.5 (loss of size) I’m now probably an 8. Aiming to be a 9 within six months as I recover from injury, improve my diet and get a personal trainer. My net worth sits at a little under $300k. I own two investment properties, have 3 years’ worth of living expenses in the bank, make six figures a year in my dream job, rent in one of the nicest parts of town, wear a Rolex, have prominent positions in multiple start-ups, can work from home whenever I feel like it and fly away to foreign countries with ease. All this and I'm not even 30 yet.


I’m not saying any of these things are representative of good character, but when I look back at where I was even just two years ago it amazes me how far I’ve come. And the patterns don’t lie. The chances are the next girl is going to be better than the last one in every way. So how can I stay mad?

I’m excited for the future. As a man as long as you improve, life gets better.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 47

Another great day. Stick with NC guys. You'll feel so much better after a couple of weeks.

Main chick HB7.5 continues to show high interest. Two other chicks I've been talking to on and off for weeks are back in the city and want to meet this week. All atleast HB7s.

Closing is my forte. So will have 2/3 solid plates I'm banging by end of week. Then it's a case of upgrading the harem from there until I am consistently smashing 9s. Can't handle more than three though.

I won't settle for an LTR with anything below an 8 at this stage and ideally HB8.5 or above.

Talking to a couple of HB8s with promise all in the 22 - 24 range. One who lives 5 minutes walk from my house too.

Once again realising and internalizing the belief that it is truly men who have all the power in this game especially when spinning plates.

Making solid progress in the gym. Recovering very well from injury and pushing heavy again. Almost back to making consistent gains.

Life is good.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 54

Birthday a few days ago. Didn't get a text from the ex. Wasn't expecting one. Don't have any strong feelings about it.

Hard to believe by the end of this week it'll be 60 days and the challenge will have been 'completed'. Definitely glad I went NC. Even the breakup itself was the right thing in retrospect, as painful as the rejection was at the time. I'll be a better man for it.

I don't miss her at all anymore. The only brief moments of sadness are ironically when I'm having intimate moments with a plate, because it reminds me of the fact she is doing the same, with someone else. Enjoying that new, fresh pvssy? Well, remember some new guy is balls deep in your ex right now. LOL...leaving nothing but the nuts hanging out.

We pretend at the time it means something special and unique when in reality we're just slightly more sophisticated chimps. But that's the game.