The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

You're going great I think. Not an easy breakup by any means.

Day 55

Cheers man. Last few days have seen a shift in my thinking as I've been contemplating the merits of contacting my ex at some point after NC, probably in January. Why January? Well I'd like to believe I'm thinking objectively by now but another two months would definitely make things clearer.

There's also a Spanish girl I had a fling with more than a year ago, a few months before I hooked up with my ex, who I've been pursuing on and off since then, although I stopped pursuing while I was LTR'd. She's been back in Spain for a while, but is moving to my city again in January. I'd 100% choose her over my ex given the opportunity. In my top 3 lays as far as hotness goes. Figured it would make sense to spread the risk of rejection too!

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 55

Cheers man. Last few days have seen a shift in my thinking as I've been contemplating the merits of contacting my ex at some point after NC, probably in January. Why January? Well I'd like to believe I'm thinking objectively by now but another two months would definitely make things clearer.

There's also a Spanish girl I had a fling with more than a year ago, a few months before I hooked up with my ex, who I've been pursuing on and off since then, although I stopped pursuing while I was LTR'd. She's been back in Spain for a while, but is moving to my city again in January. I'd 100% choose her over my ex given the opportunity. In my top 3 lays as far as hotness goes. Figured it would make sense to spread the risk of rejection too!

Fvck this sh*t. Temporary thoughts of weakness. I've been saying to myself time and time again if I can't replace her with atleast ONE girl who is as hot or hotter than her then I never 'deserved' her to begin with.

I just came out of my first bachata night in a year. Had to leave early before the crowds arrived due to not having eaten dinner beforehand. But could already see that this venue would be a major source of hot poon going forward.

Be social. Get b*tches.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 56

Contacting the ex is the path of least resistance. Justify it anyway you want but that is the road of the weak man.

A man with confidence, a man with options, a man who knows his value doesn't chase an ex.


Approaching hot chicks daily is harder than the alternative.

Desensitising yourself to rejection from new HB8s and 9s is harder than the alternative.

Hitting the gym and working on yourself is harder than the alternative.

Joining a new class or taking up a new hobby in order to facilitate building a better social circle and meeting new chicks on par or hotter than your ex is harder than the alternative.


So most people either settle for a substandard plate or run back to their ex. That will never be me.

There are no shortcuts. If it were easy then we would all have a harem of HB9s. You have to suffer. You have to go through that sh*t. The hard rejections from b*tchy HB9s, the transient moments of self-doubt or desiring the familiar, overcoming the aches and pains from training, the early morning rises. Most people don't realise just how difficult it is to maintain a social life, a good career AND go to the gym on a regular basis. Getting up at 5/6 AM and hitting the club to 11PM the same night after a full day at the office...You have to be unbelievably disciplined both physically and mentally to maintain that for any reasonable amount of time. When that alarm goes off your mind races through a million different reasons why you should stay in bed. When you finish work heading home to netflix and swipe on tinder seems like like the better option than going out but you have to resist.

If I say I'm going to do something I do it. And I don't give myself any leeway. You have to callous the brain. Set a goal and stick to it. Because the moment you slack of you are communicating to yourself that you lack the willpower and strength of conviction to stick to it and it will make it all the harder to keep it up. The next time it will be even harder because you've already set a precedent for failure. Similarly if you continue to set goals and achieve them every single day you are training your mind to become a machine that cannot be broken down.

It goes back to one of my favourite quotes by David Goggins:

Inner strength isn't "found" it's created

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 59

Abundance mentality. You are as good as your last close. Even though I’ve moved on quicker than in previous breakups (e.g. BPD ex), as I'm generally a more confident and centred than I was a few years ago, I never maintained a sense of loss after two months of NC like I do now. I believe this is due to having no major reference points for top tier women.

When I split up with my BPD ex the first two months were hard because my confidence was so shaken that I struggled to get any girls, but then I fired up tinder and got myself out there more. I eventually realised it was pretty easy to find a girl as hot as my ex (HB7 – 7.5). Cute but not quite top tier – we all know that girl. I am dating one right now. Within 3 months of the breakup I had probably fvcked 10 girls on par with her, some of whom were open to LTRs.

The problem is that now I lack that same reference point for top tier women. My ex was a HB8.5, possibly even a 9 on a good day for those who are fans of the big bum/small waist combo. I have a lot of 7s on my list but think I’ve only had sex with five or six HB8s/9s in my life with my ex being the only one open to an LTR. Point is I don’t really know what it feels like to be highly desired by top tier pvssy in the way I know what it feels like to be wanted by HB7s.

What’s to blame for this over the last two years? Laziness, not approaching, overreliance on dating apps, being exclusive with my ex way too early. This is the main reason why I’m trying to do three approaches a day only to HB8s or higher. I think for someone on my level (an 8) approaching and being social is the best way to land these chicks. Dating apps won't do it. I’ve experienced having a harem of 7s. To get that true abundance I need to experience what it feels to have a harem of 8s/9s. Only then can I respond with a knowing smile when a girl of my ex’s calibre walks away from me.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 60 - The End

I was planning to write some deep, inspirational post but honestly there's nothing new that hasn't already been said.

60 days in. She never reached out and probably never will. That's ok. NC is about allowing you to maintain your self respect and getting you to a place of acceptance.

We had a fun time and now it's over.

Over the past two months I've grown a lot but honestly I'm most grateful for the fact the breakup created an opportunity to be become more knowledgeable about the self and cultivate better habits in the process

There are so many habits I have picked up as a result of the catalyst created by the rejection-introspection dynamic which occurs after the end of a relationship

• Counselling as a path towards self-knowledge
• Cognitive behavioural therapy as a means to replace debilitating internal thoughts and behavioural patterns with more helpful ones
• Daily meditation to become more mindful
• Choosing to see the positives in every situation to develop a more appreciative mindset
• Taking the gym and my diet more seriously and already seeing the gains in the mirror as a result
• Building better relationships with my family
• Trying to approach at least one woman daily in order to develop an abundance mentality
• Generally being more social
• Salsaing more often and as a result meeting interesting people and attractive women

I don't always succeed but I never stop trying and I am becoming a better man in the process. Ultimately that's what really matters. Looking forward to what the future holds.

 

[resilient]

Kudos @BeTheChange for your introspection and self-healing. You’re a better man for it. Your next relationship will reap the rewards that you put into forgiving what happened and the how you approach romantic and non-romantic relationships. You have been productive with your time. Keep it up man!

Day60
I never wrote about days1~60 with breakup from the last ex-mainplate. I’ve had some good friends and family to support me through. I also didn’t break NC and neither did she as well. All good.

I’m going to write more about my last few months in my mature man thread I started a while back.

 

[Music_czar]

Day 60 - The End

I was planning to write some deep, inspirational post but honestly there's nothing new that hasn't already been said.

60 days in. She never reached out and probably never will. That's ok. NC is about allowing you to maintain your self respect and getting you to a place of acceptance.

We had a fun time and now it's over.

Over the past two months I've grown a lot but honestly I'm most grateful for the fact the breakup created an opportunity to be become more knowledgeable about the self and cultivate better habits in the process

There are so many habits I have picked up as a result of the catalyst created by the rejection-introspection dynamic which occurs after the end of a relationship

• Counselling as a path towards self-knowledge
• Cognitive behavioural therapy as a means to replace debilitating internal thoughts and behavioural patterns with more helpful ones
• Daily meditation to become more mindful
• Choosing to see the positives in every situation to develop a more appreciative mindset
• Taking the gym and my diet more seriously and already seeing the gains in the mirror as a result
• Building better relationships with my family
• Trying to approach at least one woman daily in order to develop an abundance mentality
• Generally being more social
• Salsaing more often and as a result meeting interesting people and attractive women

I don't always succeed but I never stop trying and I am becoming a better man in the process. Ultimately that's what really matters. Looking forward to what the future holds.

Bethechange, good luck on your journey. It’s sh*tty when they don’t message you but it really is for the best. This is the type of woman who’ll leave you when you need her the most, for any reason at all.

It was either low interest on her part, or if you’re anything like me, you probably did enough stuff to her that she’s so p1ssed she’s hurting and never wants to reopen that chapter with you.

Every time I got oneitis for a girl, and it’s happened in a couple long terms I’ve had, it’s important you go cold turkey because it’s like a severe drug addiction. You get addicted to the extreme attraction you have to that kind of body you really like, and you get addicted by the highs and lows of the relationship. You may not value it now, but what she’s doing really is for your own best interest. Every time I got over a girl like this, and it’s happened a couple times in my life, I always found a better hotter one within 6-12 months later. As you know yourself, it doesn’t always happen right away so focus on improving yourself mentally and physically for the next awesome girl you meet.

Always strive for better, and to be treated better.

 

[bobafatt]

Hello chaps this is DAY 1 for me. A brief history of the relationship, together for nearly 2 years, more downs then ups she was a very jealous, aggresive unpredictable person which made me break up with her. I packed up all my things and moved back in with my parents to escape. This was over a month ago but regretfully didnt go NC straight away, we ended up banging a couple more times and keeping in contact, we have both ended up meeting other people now and think she is now getting with someone else, I have slept with someone else but ended it thinking it was a rebound.

A mistake that was no fault but my own ended up speaking to her last night and told her that i missed her and still loved her but didnt get much back, it was actually her who got in contact with me.

she text me this morning asking if i knew a person where i am from, god knows how she knew him i think its from tinder and she is asking me for whatever reason....i havent replied.

This is important for me to stick to this now i need to fix my life, i recognise problem that i need to address and it all starts from now!

 

[bobafatt]

Day 2

The last 2 days has been alot easier, I found myself pining for her on Sunday but now realise this was only because i was hungover and lonely! This was the last time i spoke to her. I have now blocked her number and she has already blocked me on other platforms prior to this. I am so glad about this! She has always been the one to initiate contact with me wether it be a text, email or phone call but she has stopped doing that now which has been a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Went out last night for a drink with the girl i ghosted and apologised for the way i was but was honest and to the point, we were both happy to see eachother told her id like to see how things go and spend some time together so lets she what happens there - have left the ball in her court.

Apart from that i have been reading alot of posts on here all the way back from 400 which really helps and the advice is GOLDEN! Someone who i have followed on Youtube for years is COACH COREY WAYNE i reccomened to anyone reading this to check him out and also his book which i have read a few times!

I have already started a diet where i am using an app to track what i eat and after work today i am heading to a local gym where i am going to join and start to exersize, this will be the second week where i have been doing small exersize mainly consisting of a job around the block (1 mile in 20 mins) I have such a beer belly right now something that i truly aim to get rid of as well as the amount of beer and bad food i eat!

Some things i really need to cut back on aswell is the amount of time i spend on the PS4 or on my phone in general, This has been an issue for a while and i recognise this now and I WILL CHANGE, the same goes for porn, its such a lazy way out and i also feel this has had a damaging effect to my life.

I have to feel happy for my EX now, we all deserve happiness and i hope she finds it, If i was still with her now then i wouldnt of even began to think the things i am thinking now about my personal growth and development so in a way i kind of thank her aswell.

 

[bobafatt]

Day 4

Its been a good couple of days for me to be fair, there are times when she creeps into my head but am busy with other things for it to upset me. I think weekends are alot worst then weekdays especially if you are drinking alcohol alot!

I actually had a missed call from her last night but because ive blocked her number it goes straight to answerphone and shows on my call list..I havent tried to ring back!...nothing since though.

have been out running every night this week and joined a gym yesterday where i have a plan of action. Have also lost 1kg since my first weigh in which was last week so all in all things are good. I try not to come on here too much but wanted to write today as a bit of therapy for myself. I caught myself looking at photos of us earlier when we first got together, she really isnt the person that i fell in love with its such a shame we got on so well and i love how affectionate she was towards me, ah well on to the next one

 

[bobafatt]

DAY 6

Today marks 6 days since i last spoke to her and i found out from a mutual friend that she is already in a relationship! I honestly am surprised at myself how well i have taken it, The last time i spoke to her she told me there was this person in the picture and how happy she was, went into great detail to rub it in on how sexy she felt around him and how well he treated her.

The devil got the better of me and i found out from my friend who the guy was and had a stalk and i cant believe how much of a downgrade he is, I know that sounds a bit rich coming from me but damn dude is uuugly, fat and no style... As long as she is happy tho right haha!

Today has been closure for me, That thought in the back of my mind on wether she will contact again, turn up at my house or wether we will re connect in the futre is completely out the window now. There is absoloutley no chance i will be contacting her again or answering if she ever tries to contact me!

Regardless of wether its a rebound or not i truly do wish her and the guy she was with the best, He's going to need it!

i have found that my thoughts towards my ex at the start of no contact were of good times and how much fun we had, Over the last 2 days is been thoughts of how much of a over dramatic, attention seeking, high maintained unhappy person she really is.

Im not sure how many people are ready this right now, I know its only day 6 for me but i will be making a huge effort to not come on here so much and carry on with my own self improvements. To anyone feeling down go for a run and hit the gym!!!!

 

[NSX-R]

We broke up because of my fault . I don’t want to talk about it . 2 weeks of no contact and texted her we should talk and she responded very fast . I apologized for my actions and told me i was too late for apologizing and she told me she needs time to think if she wants to be again with me . In the same day she accidentally met a very good friend of mine and he explained the situation to her and eventually she forgave me .
After 3 days i texted her and tried to approach her but she was very cold with me and she didn’t want to talk .

3 days since then and we haven’t spoken since and I’m thinking of accepting the challenge from today .

That’s important for me and also funny cause i never thought i would post around here . I guess i let my guard down for this one .

 

[NSX-R]

Day 2 of the challenge and 4 days of no contact with her .

Haven’t talked yet with my guy about what they discussed and made her forgive me but also what caused this sudden coldness from her .

Noticed she doesn’t see my instagram stories since the day she forgave me and if she does it would be after many hours. Normally she would see them as soon as i was uploading them and that was even faster during the 2 weeks of nc before she forgive me . She’s almost the whole day online .
Don’t know if it’s one of her tricks for making me crazy . It works though

I believe there is some other guy in the picture. Like 90% sure . The reason is that when i called her again she told me i was too late to apologize and many things would be different.I find it funny but also it pisses me off because she couldn’t have a better quality guy than I am concerning looks , status and wealth , literally .

She knows I’m an attractive blue-greenish eyed guy and many women approach me . I have even stopped approaching women because they do approach me themselves and she knows that . That was also one of her insecurities while being around me . She still has a picture with us together in her instagram account.

I remember some instances from her and it gives me the idea that she used me to make some other guys jealous and how much of a “high quality “ chick she is to be around with me . I mean i want to text her of how much of a gold digger she is and that she used my feelings for her own purpose.

Anyway having some feelings for her never cause me any troubles fcking with some other women except when i used to fck them it felt shallow and didn’t enjoy it .

I don’t believe she’s ever going to text me back and if she does (I doubt) I’m either telling her why she text me again or be sarcastic and say that she wants to be with me again .

Still it feels good posting all these things here .

 

[NSX-R]

Day 3 of the challenge and 5 days of no contact.
Apparently some person close to her died. I’m on the verge of sending her something because she’s very emotional with people close to her and i kinda feel bad for her . I don’t know . I’d like some advice for that .

 

[bobafatt]

Day 3 of the challenge and 5 days of no contact.
Apparently some person close to her died. I’m on the verge of sending her something because she’s very emotional with people close to her and i kinda feel bad for her . I don’t know . I’d like some advice for that .

NSX-R STICK to no contact, this is your heart trying to fight with your head. You will come up with all types of challenges regarding your ex during this recovery time, you cant expect to crumble everytime something crops up! This is her drama to deal with now not yours, she will be expecting you to contact her but dont do it to yourself keep up the positive steps in getting over this girl!

 

[bobafatt]

Day10... i think

Things have been getting alot easier lately, yes i do find myself thinking about her at times but far less than before, the hardest is as soon as i wake up in the morning there is this sense of loss and dread, as if she is missing, as soon as i am awake it does go away.

I really did have a reality check after this break up which i truly have her to thanks for this, Since going no contact i have threw myself in the gym pretty much every day eaten nothing but healthy foods, I weighed myself for the first time last night since this new journey began and i have lost 10LBS in 1 week!!!

I feel so much better in myself have started taking cold showers, Cutting off watching porn, started taking CBD OIL and generally taking good care of myself. I have been out for 1 night and ended up back at a chicks house, someone who i hadnt seen in ages, she couldnt believe how feel i looked and was over me all night, this gave me such a boost.

It does still suck a bit that my ex was able to get into a relationship so quickly after breaking up with me but there is a part of me that feels its me whos in the better position, at least i am adressing all these issues now so when im fully healed my next relationship will have no baggage, All she has done is jump from one to another with no real self examination on how much of a bish she is!

keep it up chaps, some days will be good others bad but stay active and become a healthier version of you. A few months ago i was eating non stop junk food and sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself and unhappy in the relationship i had, EVERYTHING happens for a reason - be thankful for that.

 

[NSX-R]

Broke no contact 5 days ago . She answered fast and told me she was working and couldn’t talk . After couple of hours she send me a selfie of herself . Saw the message and I didn’t respond till today . I send her a selfie and asked where she was at . Saw the message as soon as i send it and she hasn’t replied since .

I guess she’s playing the same game . Anyway i got bored of it and if she eventually answer I’m gonna tell her a couple of words and just delete her from all of social media . Anyway i live somewhere else so it’s gonna be it . Honna update it if something new comes up .

 

[bobafatt]

ive just had 3 missed calls from her, i havent answered any of them, Writing in here just to vent. Its been two weeks since we last spoke and she is in a relationship with someone new! After about 3 weeks of us breaking up!!! why is she calling me. grrrr

 

[NSX-R]

Failed again the challenge. Wrote to her again a long text by humiliating her and how much of a low value sl#t she is . She answered fast , she didn’t respond to any of what i told her but she only blamed my best friend of telling me things about her which she says are not true. Messed with her a bit calling her names she didn’t like and i just bloked her everywhere on social media. Felt free after that time .
I believe this was the end and feel glad i ended this relation with her and that I wont be seeing her ever again .

 

[SoSuave666]

Failed again the challenge. Wrote to her again a long text by humiliating her and how much of a low value sl#t she is . She answered fast , she didn’t respond to any of what i told her but she only blamed my best friend of telling me things about her which she says are not true. Messed with her a bit calling her names she didn’t like and i just bloked her everywhere on social media. Felt free after that time .
I believe this was the end and feel glad i ended this relation with her and that I wont be seeing her ever again .

You continue to break no contact. Every time you have a small success of 5 days NC you break it. Let me give you a little advice:

You are a ***** in her eyes. You blocked her on social media? ***** move. You are going NC? ***** move. You are thinking about her all the time? ***** move. You write her a long text? ***** move. You are exuding terrible behavior, and not only is she and all her friends aware you are a *****, but most likely everyone around you can sense it too.

Now on to the good news: NC is for no one but yourself. You are the master of your own feelings. Feelings CAN BE CHANGED and they can be changed very quickly...if...just like anything else...you dedicate yourself to it. Every day you wake up, your first thought should be "I'm the ****ing man. Here are all my good qualities." Then you list them out. Set goals for yourself to accomplish that day and take great pride in checking them off the list and accomplishing things completely unrelated to anyone but you.

You are not in a place where you can approach women. If you go out on the weekends a bit of liquid courage may make things easier, but you're absolutely in no state of mind to have any real success with a woman. So you focus on yourself instead (which you should always do anyway). You blocked her on social media? Fine, stick to it. Better yet, get your ass off social media for a bit. Unplug yourself from all the social masturbators hunting for internet karma.

Put yourself first. It's the only way to become better. I ****ing miss the days of my first breakup that brought me to this site. I was so motivated for self improvement that I dropped weight, got a better job, and grinded on my purpose. You have no idea the power you have right now after a break up to make yourself a better man. It's time to take the power back in your life.