The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Red Legg]

(day 1)...Well the same BPD has bit the dust on me for the second time,major attention wh0re this one,she has already entered my feels zone unfortunately .I learned along time ago you can't stop the "feels" no matter how hard you try.I am old enough to know that NC is about you and you only....so I guess this is day one,already talking to new girls...……..charge !!

 

[Spaz]

(day 1)...Well the same BPD has bit the dust on me for the second time,major attention ***** this one,she has already entered my feels zone unfortunately .I learned along time ago you can't stop the "feels" no matter how hard you try.I am old enough to know that NC is about you and you only....so I guess this is day one,already talking to new girls...……..charge !!

I'll honestly tell you this Red, how I'm not affected by women, I categorised women and by doing so I mentally prepare myself to act in a certain fashion according to those categories.

There's a Wild category(bpd, crazies, etc).

In this category, I normally would sample at a max 3-4 per year. No more then that. And not more then 5 encounters.

This is to insulate myself from being influenced by them.

But they r massively exciting, I had one who wanted to fvck while we were both climbing up a mountain, some wanted it in a waterfall. Every fantasy you have they're up to it. It's that good so I do understand why u r attracted to them.

But you need 2 set boundaries brother. Not on a crazy, but on urself. It's because a crazy just changes too fast to keep up, if you try you'll be svcked into a whirlpool of pain.

 

[Red Legg]

I'll honestly tell you this Red, how I'm not affected by women, I categorised women and by doing so I mentally prepare myself to act in a certain fashion according to those categories.

There's a Wild category(bpd, crazies, etc).

In this category, I normally would sample at a max 3-4 per year. No more then that. And not more then 5 encounters.

This is to insulate myself from being influenced by them.

But they r massively exciting, I had one who wanted to fvck while we were both climbing up a mountain, some wanted it in a waterfall. Every fantasy you have they're up to it. It's that good so I do understand why u r attracted to them.

But you need 2 set boundaries brother. Not on a crazy, but on urself. It's because a crazy just changes too fast to keep up, if you try you'll be svcked into a whirlpool of pain.

I'm not in pain at all (my c0ck is in mourning ) just pulling back a wee bit...I took waay to many hits off the BPD crack pipe and overdosed..she was hot and it was tight...I wasn't totally destroyed because I use distance (geographically) as my defense mechanism.

 

[Spaz]

I'm not in pain at all (my c0ck is in mourning ).

Hahaha

Find another one. Wild times ahead...

 

[Spaz]

I've sensed it for a few weeks now LA, through ur posts. U either subconsciously or consciously knew it was unfolding.

There's much we need 2 discuss and you'd be a big help towards it. There's no other expressive's here that's reached ur level of success.

 

[smokeforfun]

Day 2 after I came out so needy that she simply stop talking to me. I would like to know what is she thinking about. I kinda start to feel like she banged someone else, because prior to this stop she was a bit sexual in conversation. I failed to seize the spark. Actually I just remembered that prior to this she told me about feeling like her cycle is coming. Hmm.
Don’t know, but I hit the gym so hard, sticked to diet and it feels so good. Too bad I don’t like fat girls, otherwise I would have also smashed something. Meh.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 26

Think less, do more. Thinking is one of the great traps in post-breakup depression.

Many men, when they find themselves feeling low after a breakup, indulge in two types of unhelpful thinking. First they dwell on and brood over the loss and the problems arising from it; and second, they 'introspect' - in other words they think too much about where they might have gone wrong. Some introspection is fine as it is needed to grow and transcend one's previous behaviours and patterns of thinking, but as a general rule, too much thinking doesn't do us any good, especially immediately following a breakup. It digs us deeper into the swamp we are trying to climb out of. Action, on the other hand, is usually helpful.

So always default to action. Always.

 

[smokeforfun]

Day 4
After day 3 was so full I was just able to breathe, today I’m seeing someone else.
In the morning I was thinking of sending her my last line, but I’m going to wait for a week.
I have just had a great back training, had chinese food and got baked, now I’m at work.
I do not know why typing my **** here makes me feel so good, like when I write about it I think very critical of my actions (in a positive way) to find out how can I improve them. And sometimes somebody tells me something that really helps me clarify various situations.

 

[Spaz]

I appreciate it, yes it was definitely apparent from my posting. Basically all my women evaporated and a long distance girl was the last one left, at which point through love bombing got to me(seemed very authentic eventually.) Then she got bored and strung me along for a few months, I noticed it early but ended it because it was becoming laughable with the bare minimum maintenance love spam texts. The red flags were always there (so many that I'd be embarrassed to list them here...proven hypergamy, disaster upbringing, MH issues etc). I just never had it in me to really care about that with her, all the protective codependent instincts came back from a decade ago.

To be honest, I'd never fault someone for choosing another person (still friends with some exes) and any LDR is 1% likelihood of success, but its hard to wrap your head around them just openly manipulating you like that.

You wanted it to work - reading between the lines of ur past postings.

I get it. And it's perfectly natural.

Would you be open to try it differently ?

Meaning the now you, the frame u r in, into another frame ?

 

[Spaz]

With her? I tried to reframe and intended to actually but the blatant exploitation of her love-bombing me with professions of love, poems etc then disappearing got to be too disrespectful and emotionally disruptive.

I brought it up hot cold treatment very early on and she made excuses, then finally admitted she was losing interest. My regret is she didn't treat me with respect, she could have dumped me on any grounds and I would have enjoyed the usually inevitable bittersweet ending to what we had and reminisced well, but she just HAD to string me along...

When caught most women might say this; I string you along because I'm unsure abt my feelings 4 you, that's why I drag you through the uncertainties, dramas, chaos, and confusions of my life.

I've heard this often enough from women that I've slept with in which they confided in me the contents of their texting to their 1/2 boyfriends, when they were caught stringing them, going ghost for hours, day, perhaps even weeks.

It's all bullshiet.

They say it not because they care 4 your feelings.

They say it because they don't want to feel bad abt themselves.

They string you along because you handed over your power.

 

[Spaz]

Correct. I wanted to just reframe and keep plodding along but I gave up my emotional power and I'm not sure you can regain that once lost. I did do it once but it wasn't ultimately worth staying in contact bc it interrupts the healing process. That's why "downgrade to FBuddy' is such trash advice here when talking about someone you're actually attached to.

When I said reframe.

It's meant as a total overhaul of ur current principles.

Perhaps you should give it some serious consideration.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 30

Last one or two days I’ve been angry with the ex. Angry she left me. Hit the ego. I’m fine now. Probably because I skipped the gym and meditation yesterday and haven’t seen my main plate since Sunday as she’s on her period – it’s hard to be mad when you’re getting reverse cowgirled by a former gymnast

Besides, I can’t be angry at someone for pursuing what’s in their best interest. That’s the game. You can’t control other people’s behaviour, only your own. I got lazy. Should have been less emotionally invested – certainly less than her which wasn’t the case. Forgot one of the cardinal rules: The person who cares least controls the relationship.

Even though I was overtly influencing the direction of the relationship she was ultimately in the driving seat. If things ended between us she would be (and is) fine, whereas it would hurt me and she knew it. She knew I cared more. And that’s never a position your girl should be in. Probably should have been spinning plates for the first six to 12 months. I was actually straddling an LDR, with a girl I’d been travelling with, when I met the current ex so didn’t have any other active plates in the city. Another error. Spin plates, care less. Golden advice and something to remember for the next one.

One great thing about NC is that it has strengthened my resolve. My confidence is actually higher than when I met my ex. I have zero regard for women who don’t have high interest. Life is too short to spend time with people that don’t love the idea of being around you.


The evolution in my thinking has been interesting.


Day 1 – 3 Apologised, tried to convince and pushed and pushed to no avail. Wrote her a goddamn letter to explain my thoughts. Yes, yes I know. I was with this girl for a year and the breakup, for the most part, took me by surprise. Didn’t go as far as crying, begging or pleading for another chance but still far from my greatest moment of manhood. Initiated NC, but told her if she changed her mind I’d still be interested in giving things another go.

Day 4 – 15 Started seeing other women, but still pined for the ex. Intended to finish 60 days of NC and then contact the ex. Would have taken her back in a heartbeat if she’d reached out and apologised or wanted to talk things through.

Day 16 – 25 Realised the true devaluing impact of reaching out to someone who dumped you. What does that say about how you see yourself? Your self-value? Your options? Anyone who would risk losing you so they can go fvck other guys does not give a sh*t about you. Woke up from the post breakup mist of the first two weeks. No intention to initiate contact with the ex but would still have been open to reconciliation had she contacted me and pushed for it.

Day 25 – 30 Confidence growing. Thinking more objectively. Wouldn’t take the ex back right now even if she asked for another chance. Am I bit lonely sometimes? Sure. Do I miss her body and the regular sex? Yep. But having someone like her around wouldn’t serve my best interests at the moment. I am making a lot of progress in my social life, hobbies, therapy, internal game and mission. She would only disrupt that.

Men with options, men who know their value, men who value their happiness and sanity, only elevate high interest quality women to girlfriend status. Looking forward to what the next 30 days will bring.

 

[Spaz]

Just so you guys know, there's no such thing as quality women. That idea is being thrown around by women themselves and by men being susceptible to it always ends up being hurt.

 

[Spaz]

I found that the idea of all women being the same quality is just as dangerous as the quality vs low quality Madonna/***** thing.
You can be as reckless with your choices of who to be with as the most naive beta guy because you generalize behaviors to "all women". It makes you view red flags as common and inevitable and screws your screening up.

There is no quality.

Therefore there no such thing as same quality.

 

[Spaz]

Same low quality is what I mean.

I don't have real answers as to what the balance should be, I'm just saying both can be counterproductive.

I guess what I'm getting at is this. In a relationship you enjoy, you will eventually view your partner as quality. It's inevitable. Because this is inevitable, you need to be careful initially choosing. There absolutely are degrees of low quality, some much worse than others. If you choose based on nihilistic AWALT and then inevitably view a lowest quality woman as quality, you're in trouble. Obviously this only applies to monogamous men.

No I don't view women as quality. I never did.

Once a man views women as quality they place an emphasis on that person. And that women then tries her best to fit within that mould.

Therefore the quality you speak off exist only in ur mind and the women you deem to be that is merely an imitation of said quality.

And just like an imitation product that you buy, it ends up disappointing you.

 

[John Constantine]

Broke non contact on day 47.. I regret it deeply now, I tried to get to see her again. She declined it and told me that she doesn’t doesn’t want me in her life anymore. It hit like a ****ing brick, I feel so lonely rn I just feel like talking to her but I know it won’t do anything but repulse her more. It’s sad, all the progress I made.. gone. Back to day 1, I’m feeling sick. I still think that she’ll contact me sometimes, pathetic. I could spin plates but sex isn’t that rewarding for me and it certainly don’t help with the pain. It just make me feel like an empty shell stuck in my mind while I’m with other girls. I think about her when I **** other girls. Stupid sh*t, what has she done to me to make me so stuck to her.. had to vent a little bit

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 31

I bought a luxury timepiece yesterday. My first Rolex. New. From the dealership. It had only been in for an hour when I happened to see it. I knew if I didn't act fast it would be gone by the end of the day, so rare is the occasion to find this model. It's a sports watch and so very hard to come by. I've been searching for three years but either lacked the funds, couldn't find the right model or felt I lacked the gravitas and level of success to pull it off. But with the growth I've achieved, particularly in the last year, I felt I was ready. The culmination of a lifetime's hard work.

We are fortunate to be men. Life only gets better as we age. It's virtually impossible to fear the idea of not being able to find a hotter woman to replace an ex when you gaze at the five pronged crown. Life is good.

I have a date with a new girl on Sunday and my main chick will be back on the rosta so it'll be a fun week. Two plates is really all I need to keep me satisfied. Women are not a priority at all anymore. My career, hobbies and personal growth are. This month the breakup has caused a few distractions workwise but I'm completely out of the fog now and motivated to finish the year on a high. There are a lot of interesting things happening at my company so it's my responsibility to ensure that I keep myself educated, well informed and ready.

 

[Soflobro#3]

With her? I tried to reframe and intended to actually but the blatant exploitation of her love-bombing me with professions of love, poems etc then disappearing got to be too disrespectful and emotionally disruptive.

I brought it up hot cold treatment very early on and she made excuses, then finally admitted she was losing interest. My regret is she didn't treat me with respect, she could have dumped me on any grounds and I would have enjoyed the usually inevitable bittersweet ending to what we had and reminisced well, but she just HAD to string me along...

That sucks. I felt like my ex led me on to near the end because i was getting mixed signals. I think she wanted to be close to me but she was controlling herself and not showing interest. She was probably resentful towards me to so i understand. It still really bothered me.

 

[Soflobro#3]

In some cases resentful, some cases buying time to withdraw, some cases both. Hot/cold does a number on you though, it's torture. My opinion is that the resentment is a tool to use to withdraw from you for other reasons, no different than how we would bring up the bad qualities of someone when we are suffering a breakup.

Yeah wich she would do, making herself focus on the negatives because i was kind of good at redirecting to focus on tomorrow, a new day, a fresh start. I probably would go hot and cold without realizing it, it wasn't intentional.

But hot and cold is just a mind fvck. The withdrawing was real effective on me until i decided i was just going to leave. Wheb i finally gave her a taste of her keen medicine she got pissed and i think panicked because i never did her like that, but for that long. I would usually break a promise or something and she would distance herself so i understood sometimes, but sometimes i didn't understand why.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 32

I find watching nature documentaries is another great way to move on. Watching BBC's Blue Planet on Netflix at the moment. You can see the forest through the trees or in this case the ocean! Remember gents, this is one girl in a world full of women. It's impossible to remain focused on such a small problem like a breakup when you recognise how big the world is and the infinite possibilities available to you.