The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

Day 20

Feeling good. Hit the gym five times last week plus cardio on the Sunday. Aiming for six times this week by gyming on Wednesday, rather than using itas a rest day. I was feeling more sluggish and slightly more prone to negative thinking on Wednesday before now. Another day with a testosterone rush and metabolism boost can only be a good thing. I work on different muscle groups each day and am looking into flow workouts (increasing volume, dropping intensity) so it won't be a problem.

Don't miss the ex but still would like to, at the very least try and plate her post NC. We will see how I feel by day 30. I haven't heard from her, nor have I reached out to her either.

The 21 year old I banged on Thursday didn't respond to my Friday message. Sent a follow-up on Monday. She responded last night saying she didn't feel there was a connection and that we were at different stages of our lives. Blah blah blah. I told her it wasn't an issue, had no expectations and still enjoyed my night. Never burn bridges. Closed that book for now.

The other plate who gave me a bl0wjob Friday night is keen. She pushed for another date so I'm meeting her next week.

I have a date lined up with an actor/singer on Sunday. A walk along the riverside near my place. Turns out she lives 5 minutes walk from my house. That could prove both a blessing and a curse.

I am trying to push for a date on Friday night with this 24 year old masters student. She is the first girl I've been speaking to who could actually replace my ex as far as hotness and gf potential is concerned. She's also four years younger than my ex which is an added bonus. Confident I can close this one if I can secure the date.

 

[resilient]

@beatjunkie, I wouldn't overthink if the apple bill was her trying to reach out to you. It's more of a financial nuisance that she just wants to get done and over with. If she was interested, she would have asked a personal question or referred to your relationship with her somehow. Carry on.

@BeTheChange, that's cool man. You've got options that will keep your mind off the ex. At least with the 21 year old, you got action.

Day 7
Messed up my count in NC initially, so I'm actually on day 7. It gets easier everyday.

I still sit there at times and wonder what I did to make her lose interest so fast in the span of a week leading up to the flaking and ghosting by her last week. From distancing in text response times leading up to ghosting by her, to the doubt placed by her/mixed signals, from me being overly accommodating (showed weakness)... over-validating or manipulating vulnerable moments in convo to increase intimacy felt so beta in retrospect, I need to cut that out.

A high status or dominant male doesn't chase or show any signs of desperation. All of this is sub-communicated and women are very attuned to this and actively gauges her interest level to this. The woman should worry about losing the man, not the opposite. I read a blog post that said something along the lines "...if you're continually getting mixed signals, you're most likely not the most dominant man in her life... she's keeping you around as an option and not a priority."

In other news, I joined a kickboxing gym for an 8-week bootcamp. I completed my first nonstop workout with the trainers last night. I was sweating so hard, I nearly threw up. Stoked for this. I had a "runner's high" from the endorphin boost last all night. I felt the happiest in a long time. Just what the doctor ordered!

 

[beatjunkie]

Back to Day 1

So I called her back yesterday. I was returning a call that she had tried to make to me twice on Sunday when I was overseas. It would have bothered me silly had I not done so. Turns out she just wanted sleeping pills. I asked if she still needed them, and she said no. Conversation ended there. No talk about anything else. Though because we spoke, I reset the counter back to zero. Not sure how I feel about it all, but presently it feels good.

Starting afresh again. I will be going overseas again this weekend and chilling with close friends. The country I live in presently hasn't given me much socially, I think the language barrier hinders that. Nonetheless, I intend to be more social upon my return.

Sorry I let you guys down

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 21

@beatjunkie Chin up son. Much harder to resist contacting the ex when they are blowing up your phone. Radio silence from my ex so it's not as difficult for me and even then I find myself trying to seek justifications for getting back in touch with her.

Truth is, now is not the time. At the very least I will wait till Day 30 or depending on circumstances Day 60. I enjoy the challenge and frankly, as frustrating as the dating game can be when you have to start from scratch, the constant need to push yourself outside your comfort zone is character building. Had my first number close today in more than 9 months. 20 year old cutie, who works near my office. I was sat outside with a friend eating lunch and she was sat nearby with her friend. I drew them into our conversation and asked for her number once they'd said they were leaving to go back to work.

Also taken some time to figure out what went wrong and how I will be better in the next relationship.

 

[resilient]

@beatjunkie, happens man.. don’t feel like you let us down, just start over and go make your life rad.

@BeTheChange, you know your own time clock, so just decide when you feel like it would be ok for you to break NC at a given point. The point is that when you arrive at that moment there is no feels, you’ll feel indifferent and in control of your destiny. Congrats on the number close.

Day 8

I almost approached a cute girl in her 20s sitting alone at a hamburger place today looking bored just flipping through her phone. We met eyes once yet that was when she was throwing away her trash and leaving. Bummer. Next time, I just have to man up and ask if I can sit there with a smile and see where it goes.

The ex liked my first picture I put up in a week on Instagram after she ghost and blocked me yesterday. Which doesn’t make sense because I changed my settings to private and somehow she liked the image nearly minutes after I posted it. So weird. It might have been a hover attempt. In any case, i’m not going to break NC. I wouldn’t go back and beg or try to resolve anything with someone who wasn’t into me or just used me as an option or jealousy plot line.

OLD has been much slower my second week. Few profile views, smiles, or messages. I need to pay a photographer for better pictures. I took my outdoors ones down after I realized most chicks aren’t going for that.

I was trying to plan a date with a girl I met and hanged out with Friday night and Saturday morning for the World Cup games. She has been radio silent after I counteroffered a date idea when she said she had family coming into town this weekend. I’m going to try and reach out one more time before considering it a dead end lead.

I’ve got my first phone call with an OLD chick tonight. She wants to see where things go so she can feel comfortable to meet up. I’ve never really put much effort into dating apps or websites so maybe this behavior is normal?... There is a bit of driving distance between us so that might be part of the issue...

3 days straight of kickboxing. Going strong. Yesterday I did kickboxing then a hour working out quads when I got home. Still practicing the guitar too to distract my thoughts when I’m home at night.

 

[MichaelA]

Just got dumped by my girl as well.

Been dating her for around 7 to 8 months.

Never acted needy or insecure just on the ending stage, i did. she was distant most of the times sex was not on the table anymore.

A week of no contact got her brain spinning got a text of mixed signals nothing to get together.

Current situation is that we were supposed to meet on monday she texted me saying if we meet she will be "distand" again and just wanted to let me know i definitely i turned her off. She told me is my fault not yours (right).

In any ways i told her to change her mind and shoot me a call, ofcourse no response to that text.

So here it is my official Day1.

I deleted her facebook, phone number, message and pictures. Moving on.

 

[BeTheChange]

Reached out to ex over the weekend. Felt the time was right as I was mentally in a good place of detachment. Spoke on the phone and met her the next day. Tried getting back with her. Turns out she thought I'd dumped her, which may have been the case. Although she admitted that she was thinking about ending things. Long story short. Tried to rekindle. She resisted strongly for the first few hours but eventually she settled, we had some wine and I took her back to my place where we had sex. But emotionally she has moved on now and was adamant she wasn't interested in a relationship or seeing me casually. She's entirely driven by her feelings, even more than most woman. It was clear the image of me as her boyfriend wasn't going to return.

I got the inevitable text this morning, when I tried to suggest we grab another drink. She didn't want to see me again, maybe as friends in the future months from now but not right now blah blah blah. It hurt more than expected but I recovered quickly and hit the gym. We parted on good terms and I'm happy with how things ended especially as she told me she had spent the last three weeks thinking I hated her. This is a much more mature and positive end than my previous serious relationships.

So now I feel free to just enjoy life and see what other possibilities are out there. I learned a lot from my experiences with her and have set myself up to develop into a better man for both myself and the next one. It was a nice way to close that chapter of my life. So that's it fellas. I won't be updating the NC thread again, in relation to this experience since for me this is just the first day of a new chapter. Best of luck to the rest of you.

 

[MichaelA]

Reached out to ex over the weekend. Felt the time was right as I was mentally in a good place of detachment. Spoke on the phone and met her the next day. Tried getting back with her. Turns out she thought I'd dumped her, which may have been the case. Although she admitted that she was thinking about ending things. Long story short. Tried to rekindle. She resisted strongly for the first few hours but eventually she settled, we had some wine and I took her back to my place where we had sex. But emotionally she has moved on now and was adamant she wasn't interested in a relationship or seeing me casually. She's entirely driven by her feelings, even more than most woman. It was clear the image of me as her boyfriend wasn't going to return.

I got the inevitable text this morning, when I tried to suggest we grab another drink. She didn't want to see me again, maybe as friends in the future months from now but not right now blah blah blah. It hurt more than expected but I recovered quickly and hit the gym. We parted on good terms and I'm happy with how things ended especially as she told me she had spent the last three weeks thinking I hated her. This is a much more mature and positive end than my previous serious relationships.

So now I feel free to just enjoy life and see what other possibilities are out there. I learned a lot from my experiences with her and have set myself up to develop into a better man for both myself and the next one. It was a nice way to close that chapter of my life. So that's it fellas. I won't be updating the NC thread again, in relation to this experience since for me this is just the first day of a new chapter. Best of luck to the rest of you.

Not reaching out would have been a a lot better option maybe you wanted one last sex, but she was not ready that's why walking away is the best possible negotiation for any man when a woman dumps him.

It shows strength and it builds attraction. i don't know your exact situation but in my personal situation i got dumped with no sex in the last days and her being distant.

Me reaching out in any form will force things, and she may agree for a sex but the next day exactly what happened to you will happen to me as well.

Be strong buddy on to the next one.

 

[BeTheChange]

Ex gf wants to see me again. She wanted to spend her last days in the city with me before she heads back to Italy to visit family. I told her in as romantic a way as possible that I wasn't interested unless I could fvck her. She complied but doesn't want the obligations of a relationship at the moment. For me this was the ideal situation I was hoping for.

I can keep her in my life as a friend and plate while meeting new women and forming new relationships completely guilt free.

I have a date with the ex this evening and dates with two of my other plates on Thursday and Friday.

NC has given me everything I wanted. It forced me out of my laziness and necessitated a routine I'm really happy with. Gym 6 days a week, spinning plates, reading more books, a commitment to improving my emotional intelligence, travelling regularly. I would have done none of these things if I'd stuck to the routine I had with my ex gf.

Travelling to Spain with work end of the month. Planning to book a trip to Barcelona for end of August and then Milan in October. Life is good.

 

[MichaelA]

Ex gf wants to see me again. She wanted to spend her last days in the city with me before she heads back to Italy to visit family. I told her in as romantic a way as possible that I wasn't interested unless I could fvck her. She complied but doesn't want the obligations of a relationship at the moment. For me this was the ideal situation I was hoping for.

I can keep her in my life as a friend and plate while meeting new women and forming new relationships completely guilt free.

I have a date with the ex this evening and dates with two of my other plates on Thursday and Friday.

NC has given me everything I wanted. It forced me out of my laziness and necessitated a routine I'm really happy with. Gym 6 days a week, spinning plates, reading more books, a commitment to improving my emotional intelligence, travelling regularly. I would have done none of these things if I'd stuck to the routine I had with my ex gf.

Travelling to Spain with work end of the month. Planning to book a trip to Barcelona for end of August and then Milan in October. Life is good.

How long before she reached to you?

 

[Carpathian]

Without mobiles, Instagram, FB and all that other shlte, to keep torturing you, the most important thing to do is delete her off of every conceivable device, account and service. If you fear doing this because you've then removed all ways of her to potentially contact you in the future, you're wrong. Remember letters? Remember your friends that she could get a message to you if she wanted to?
Block and delete her off of everything.

 

[Designer Man]

I'm not sure if my relationship is over but it can go either way and she has told me she needs time to think what she wants.

Today has been the first day we haven't text/spoke so......

Day 1

It has been a horrible day, stayed in bed for as long as possible and wallowed in pity. Haven't wanted to do anything and even the thought of going outside seemed too much of a challenge. I plucked up the courage and went to get groceries although I was fighting back the tears walking through the store.

I haven't ate much today and feel my body shrinking, I planned on going to the gym this evening but I really don't feel up to it. I want to lie on the bed and slip into a state where this feeling evaporates temporarily.

I don't have the motivation to do a thing, I thought about booking a trip away for Christmas but I really don't have the desire to even search and look. I'm counting down the minutes and keep checking my phone to see if there is a message.

I have a sinking feeling in my stomach and I cry every 30 minutes or so. I've lost the 2 most important people in my life and typing this is killing me. Here we go....Here come the tears.

This is far too hard.

 

[Designer Man]

This is bizarre. I had two contrasting dreams about her last night. In the first one we reconciled and she told me how much she loved me and couldn't keep her hands off me. We were in a garden party of some sort and as I was kissing her she told me to stop in a playful way as there was people there and as I was walking away she said something about getting married.

The other dream was completely different. She was having a back spasm and as I pulled her close to me to rub the pain she pushed me away from her and was acting like she didn't want me around her. Put me in a bad mood in the dream. I woke up this morning and the first feelings I had for her was anger and hatred. I was thinking about all the little things she has done over the last few months that annoyed me but those feelings soon subsided and I started missing her and pining for her again.

This is only the start of day 2.

 

[BeTheChange]

How long before she reached to you?

I dumped her so I reached out after three weeks.

Waited until I was comfortable spinning plates again and identified how to solve the issue that was preventing a better relationship.

Things are going well. We are moving back to where we were before the breakup and I am also seeing other high quality girls too.

 

[Murk]

Ok you may have seen in my thread, my ex has made contact with my friends 2 weekends in a row (while I haven't been there) - it's thrown my head out of whack.

I can't stop thinking about her now, I actually despise her though and would never want to get back with her.

 

[MrAddiction]

Think that some of you should read this - might be eye opening in one way or another

https://therationalmale.com/2018/08/01/blue-pill-trauma/

 

[jacketrunner]

I did my first night out since becoming officially single last week, and was on fire from a pickup perspective. I went out with my co-workers, and went into full self-amused mastery single mode. In the span of 90 minutes, I made eye contact with and teased almost every girl around, kissed a cute girl and got her number, then went home with a college girl and had sex with her.

I tried out drama game, which Julien from RSD does, and it’s funny how effective it is. When I met the girl I took home, I made eye contact with her and she came up to me and asked me to buy her a drink (she’s poor and in college).

I went into this hilarious bullsh1t about how “all you girls are the same! I just want to open up to a good and loyal girl but you just want to get a drink out me! It’s so disgusting!”

It’s really amusing to do sh*t like this, and the girl rushed to gain my validation.

As a testament to the power of drama game, as the bars closed, the girl begged me to go home with her and promised that she’d drive me back the next day.

We had sex that night which was empty and meaningless, I ubered back from the girl’s place almost as soon as I woke up, and all today I’ve been depressed, hungover, and pining for my former girlfriend lol.

I did enjoy the experience, but ultimately the shallow sex was a drop in the bucket for the deep hole in my soul.

I will say though, bc coming out of a breakup is some deeply traumatic sh1t, it allows you to completely get rid of your fear of rejection. When you’ve just ended something with a girl you’ve loved, every other girl seems like worthless trash, which gives you the right mindset.

You look around you, and see guys standing stiffly ahead, and girls flitting around like emotional butterflies. Your mind zeroes in on the females at the bar as hilarious little girls who want you and are attracted to you, and you want to fvck around with. You don’t need them and their validation at all; your energy is self-amused and you share it with them. When you make eye contact, you might do some stupid confident little dance move while you say some mind blowingly stupid bullsh1t that makes you laugh.

In other words, you develop the mindset of “I’m going to have fun and mess around with these stupid little girls, and share my self-amused good feelings with them.”

If you have this mindset, you can say whatever comes to your mind, and practically get away with murder. I did p1ss off one girl when I commented on her earrings, but she got over it, and the rest of the girls were into what I was doing or not bothered by it.

We’ll see how many meaningless lays it takes to get over my former girlfriend.

 

[RonWithAnA]

Day 1: Shes not my ex but I kinda got hooked on this girl and got a little too inteste at one point, she says she adores as a friend and a bunch other stupid **** that gets me right in the feels, but lately I feel like to her i'm very easy to side, she got mad because this weekend I gave her "too much attention", and I have done it before so it's acceptable. So I'm gonna take this challenge to see how she reacts, at first we we're going smooth in a more relationship kinda it then it dropped off. If she comes back and I'm still interested maybe some thing good will come or maybe she won't and I'd have saved myself from wasting time. In the mean time lets see what tinder is all about.

 

[RonWithAnA]

Day 2: although its the second day of the challenge it’s actually like a week the me and her havent spoken, or more like I havent spoken to her because it’s always me who runs like a love sick puppy to her. I’m not sure if I really like her or if it’s just my ego not wanting to be rejected again, but whih ever the reason my lack of confidence is killing me right now. If I don’t talk to her for the whole 60 days will she really miss me? Or was everything she said about adoring me and really caring for me just lies? Right now I kinda wanna talk to her, about anything really, just to know she still even remembers I exists.

 

[DreamAgain]

Day 2: although its the second day of the challenge it’s actually like a week the me and her havent spoken, or more like I havent spoken to her because it’s always me who runs like a love sick puppy to her. I’m not sure if I really like her or if it’s just my ego not wanting to be rejected again, but whih ever the reason my lack of confidence is killing me right now. If I don’t talk to her for the whole 60 days will she really miss me? Or was everything she said about adoring me and really caring for me just lies? Right now I kinda wanna talk to her, about anything really, just to know she still even remembers I exists.

Stay strong man, do not contact her.

I know you're probably thinking in your mind, if I just send her the right message, catch her interest in the right way, then everything will turn around.

This won't happen, trust me. You'll just feel like an idiot for breaking no contact. You need to make her work for it. In fact, even if she messages you, do not respond back.

No ifs and or buts about it, do not break no contact. I'll repeat it to you 10 more times if I need to, until it becomes ingrained in your head.