Hey everyone. Ive been lurking here for a couple of days, and felt that it was time to come forward and tell my story. It is incredibly long, and I'm sure this thread isnt intended for the epic that I'm about to unfold, but i feel that I need to get it out, and this is the best way to do it, so here it goes..
Welcome the community. I suggest you start your reading- PM me for a few books to get you started on if you are TRULY interested in making a change
So my ex and I have known each other off and on since high school (roughly 11 years) which is when we first started dating. When we first met, she was the one that made the initial approach about dating, and we did for roughly 2 years. Inbetween that time we had a very intimate, but rocky relationship. In all honesty it was me that was making the mistakes that caused the relationship on a downward spiral.
It started with another girl that was basically obsessed with me, told me how much she wanted me, and I eventually caved and we slept together. It was just days before my ex and I started dating, and that event followed and corroded our relationship for almost the entirety of our time together.
I did lie about this girl and I sleeping together, and I told her that I only loved and wanted to be with my ex. Even through all of the turmoil that it caused, we still had plans to get a place together after high school, get married, have kids etc. At the time I was pretty outgoing and spent quite a bit of time with my friends, and the days she wanted to see me, I would usually either blow it off (sometimes unintentionally) and see my friends instead of her.
On new years eve of 2005, i decided to spend it with my friends, and that was the last straw. She came over a couple of days later and broke up with me. It was pretty mutual, and she expressed how she tried and tried, and i kept showing a lack of dedication. From that point, she had persued someone else,and we only spoke a couple of times throughout the next few months. I called and wish her a happy birthday (roughly 4 months later) and she thanked me and told me that she would like to meet up sometime after a trip that she was taking (which was with her boyfriend, but she didn't tell me that). After that, we only saw each other 3 times over the course of the next 9 years.
The first time was when she came to visit at my work. She was with an old highschool mutual friend (not the boyfriend) and I took a break have a short conversation with them. She was very touchy feely, and brought up our past quite a few times. I blew it off, said goodbye, and we didn't speak again for maybe a year. The second time was with the same friend, only this time she was also with her boyfriend, and them and her friend meet up with me to just talk. She stayed in the car with him while the friend talked to me, and I eventually saw her staring at me, then making out with her boyfriend.
I'm sure it was an attempt to make me jealous, but I tried not to focus on it, and after about 15 minutes we went our separate ways. The final time was at another job, which was roughly another year later. She knew where I worked, and had a different boyfriend with her. She basically just said hello, and left. She eventually got married to him and had two children with him.
After many years, she finds me on facebook, adds me, and between 2013-2014 we start talking off and on for about a year.
She tells me that her husband had neglected her many times through the marriage, and she basically stopped caring about him 2 years ago. They got a divorce in 2012, and she had only been with a handful of men since then. In very early January, we start talking heavily about what we've been doing in the past, and she says that she never got over me. She said she wished I would have faught for her, and things could have been different. That being said, we met up for the first time in years, went back to her place, and I told her everything.
I confessed that I lied to her, and that it was a big mistake. She started crying and I held her telling her that what happened is in the past. After she calmed down she told me aslong as it stays there it will be ok. After a few minutes, she grabs me and we start making out.
From that point, we officially start dating again. We of course go through the puppy love stages, and express our undying love for each other constantly. She sleeps over at my place a few times, I sleep over at hers, and we can't keep our hands off of each other. Not even a month goes by, and she wants me to move in, so I do!.. That might have been the biggest mistake that I made. I gave in too soon, and got comfortable too soon. For the first 3 months we talked heavily about getting engaged, marriage, and basically the same thing that we talked about in high school.
Everything was great.. Then something happened..
I made the stupid mistake of texting my other ex that I had broken it off with months before my highschool ex and I got back together. I texted that I loved her, not intimately, but just in a way that I care about her well being. I texted her that I'm with someone else, and that this girl is very important to me. Well, around March, we talk about my ex a few times, and I pull the horrible mistake of lying and told her that I never speak to her. Sure, it was very seldom, but I still texted her a few times. I made the foolish mistake of putting in my password on my phone with her watching, so one night she felt that I was hiding something, and checked my texts. She told me about it the next day, and I told her it ment nothing. I told her she is the only one for me, and I am completely in love with her.
We were still very intimate throughout the next two months or so, but after that day, something about us did indeed changed. I also started getting lazy and stopped as much attention to her. I was also taking medication for anxiety at the time, and I strongly believe that it was making me simply not care as much about the things around me. She tried for a while to get my attention, asked me to go places etc. I did off and on, and at the end of the day I still kissed her goodnight, and kiss her goodbye in the morning before work. Around may, she started becoming distant. It was after a fight that we had one night and we had a long talk about how we feel for each other. She told me that things were going downhill and that she isn't sure if she wants to marry me anymore.
Basically, we stopped being intimate altogether about 2 weeks before she asked me to move out. We dated for about a week after, and she called me and said that we needed to take a break. We were both in tears, and she said that she would always love me, and even said that the breakup wouldn't last forever. She just wants me to get on my feet, and remain friends with her until things change.
It has now been nearly 3 months since the break up. We've been talking briefly at least once a week, and occasionally meet up for about an hour once every two weeks. We keep it civil and we then hug and go our separate ways. I bring us up every now and then, and mention us getting back together and how I can patch things up. She tells me that we have already talked about it, and that I'm just pushing her farther away by talking about it.
No matter what though, she stills ends up calling once a week, and we still meet. However, after 2 weeks of not mentioning us, I caved and called her one night, and did it again.. This time she said if I keep bringing it up, she may not pick up the phone anymore. We talked about it for 30 minutes, and she told her it was putting alot of stress on her. She said that with her kids, she barely has any time to do anything, and that shes basically done fighting for people (friends as well) because they always neglect her.. So she suddenly said she had to go, and that was it. We haven't spoken in 3 days, and I'm now going no contact.
She has never brought up being with someone, and I'm pretty sure she hasn't started dating again. She has never once said that we would never get back together as well.
So here I am, in shambles, but ready to take it with a grain of salt and move on.
I thank everyone that decided to read this incredibly long story, and I appreciate any and all input that is given to me. I am still deeply in love with her, and hardly find the interest to see anyone else yet. With time, who knows what will happen..
