Day 14
My story is long but my hopes are high.
I dated a girl for 18 months. She is 32 and I am 30. She moved away for a fellowship program for the next year. During our relationship, there were plenty of bad times. But, regardless of that, I felt like our personalities and interests were a foundation for long term success. About half way through I realized she had more image, confidence, and self esteem issues that I had known. Quickly, I became responsible for keeping us both happy in the relationship. Her expectations were extremely high, and her demands of my time were unreasonable.
She has anger and anxiety issues. And she can lose control at a moments notice. I tried to break up with her as a defense mechanism before she moved away. She had nobody, so I offered to help her move. 2 weeks prior to moving, we played house on a big group vacation with our friends. She had an episode on that trip and I thought I can't do this anymore. Even her gfs were wondering why I hadn't ended it yet.
We return, and she begs and pleas with me. I decide to help her move. We play house the entire trip. Everything was great. Except how can I trust this loose cannon when she lives 1000 miles away. So I explain I can't do long distance. We talk a lot the first few weeks. I start to think that I can't live without her. And out of nowhere she asks me for no contact. A week goes by, I start dating every night to get my mind off of it. I've been seeing someone new now for 3 weeks. And she is amazing.
However. I still miss this girl. Despite all the crazy. We talked on the phone 14 days ago, a week after her initial no contact request. She sent me a package with some of my things and a hand written card. That caused me to ask for a phone call. A few minutes of pleasant small talk. I apologized for some of my shortcomings (acting out of fear, not giving to a chance, and not prioritizing her in my life.) I told her I'd do whatever it takes to make it work. She said were incompatible. So I said ok, I'm not going to beg you. I love you and I'll talk to you when I talk to you.
14 days later I stumble on this forum. I think this will be really helpful. I still battle with knowing whether she'll call or text and if so when. This girl is impulsive. And her clock is ticking, so she's more inclined to settle. All that aside, in starting to rationalize that I deserve more.
Do you think she'll text? Do you think I can pursue friendship one day? (I wouldn't normally do that. But we had a family with our dogs and we both miss each other's immensely I'm sure.) what now?
Emotionally - I'm doing well. I still have a little anxiety. But life is going quite well. I'm seeing gains in the gym. Women are quick and interested to date me. Work is going well. Just hung up on some of the permanence and forever that comes with a break up. I still want to be with her and would do anything to make it work. ... Which is dangerous.
Thanks for the forum. This is a healthy means to handle my thoughts. I encourage others to try it!
