The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Noyou]

I think it's the same process as overcoming a serious drug addiction.
What you've described is the first phase: denial - I'll go NC for 'myself' when in reality I do it to get her back = I don't have a problem, I can stop whenever I want.

Meeting new women is very important, however, some of us social reptiles have difficulty doing that, especially without a healthy social circle, I'm talking about myself of course.

It happens and I went through it too, but you have to sit down and look at your life. You need to realize that you don't need anyone to make you happy, because you yourself are happy, and if you can't be that way, then you really aren't happy.

First order of business to true recovery is admitting you have a problem. The next step is dealing with it.

 

[Noyou]

Thanks for sharing Noyou. That was really insightful.

Day 9 NC

Still just feeling indifferent again today. Went to the movies the other night with family and celebrated my sister's birthday. Began to have those old memories of the Ex rise up and holding hands at the theatre but had to remind myself those were good times and if she still valued them or me they wouldn't be over now.. She is one female and I will meet another to share moments such as these again. Another better even

There is nothing wrong with having good memories, however correct mindset is what YOU valued, not your ex.

 

[Genos]

It's been around 5~ weeks. At this point in time, I'm no longer feeling an urge to try and talk to her - a massive improvement from the past few weeks, where I badly wanted to speak with her again.

I suppose I'm passed the first stage, acceptance. Now I'm kind of struggling with coming to terms with the regrets and and worries that I have left over; it's taking some time, but I think I'm making progress.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 10 NC

Still hanging in there, it's becoming more difficult now...

A close female friend of mine ran into my Ex at a bar the other night, they began to talk about me and the relationship.. My Ex broke down crying and telling her how much she misses and loves me...

Not gonna lie, it makes me want to reach out to her but I won't. Gives me a stronger desire to check her fb and insta but haven't.

Everything she told my friend about what happened was poor communication on her part and some mine.. I can say I've seen my mistakes right after the break up and what not to do again in my next relationship. Thing is I tried to talk things out with her after she broke up with me but her mind was made up and no reasoning with her like two adults who could have worked things out.

Anyways, my heart and mind have been racing, had a hard time sleeping and getting it all out of my mind. Sounds like she's not even that happy in her new relationship, just a cover up. My friend had my back though and let her know I'm doing good and moving on

Only 50 more days to go.. Yay...

 

[Noyou]

Day 10 NC

Still hanging in there, it's becoming more difficult now...

A close female friend of mine ran into my Ex at a bar the other night, they began to talk about me and the relationship.. My Ex broke down crying and telling her how much she misses and loves me...

Not gonna lie, it makes me want to reach out to her but I won't. Gives me a stronger desire to check her fb and insta but haven't.

Everything she told my friend about what happened was poor communication on her part and some mine.. I can say I've seen my mistakes right after the break up and what not to do again in my next relationship. Thing is I tried to talk things out with her after she broke up with me but her mind was made up and no reasoning with her like two adults who could have worked things out.

Anyways, my heart and mind have been racing, had a hard time sleeping and getting it all out of my mind. Sounds like she's not even that happy in her new relationship, just a cover up. My friend had my back though and let her know I'm doing good and moving on

Only 50 more days to go.. Yay...

Typical "run in" with your friend.
That's good she had your back and kinda daggered in that you are moving on.
Now what you need to do is do such but you do seem to be on the right path.
Also note that this run in should be the only one with your close female friend. Any other type of communication they both have is simply a check up job and you might want to cut off all communication at that point. Let your friend know that as well.

As far as the way your ex acted, don't believe the "crocodile tears" at all. Women have a way of crying on petty things or acting. She feels bad about the breakup and loves you, but does she try anything to get back with you?

She doesn't feel that bad. Don't waste time reading between the lines, the lines are not worth being read.
She will bad one day though

Hang in there and keep busy

 

[Colette]

Day 10 NC

Still hanging in there, it's becoming more difficult now...

A close female friend of mine ran into my Ex at a bar the other night, they began to talk about me and the relationship.. My Ex broke down crying and telling her how much she misses and loves me...

Not gonna lie, it makes me want to reach out to her but I won't. Gives me a stronger desire to check her fb and insta but haven't.

Everything she told my friend about what happened was poor communication on her part and some mine.. I can say I've seen my mistakes right after the break up and what not to do again in my next relationship. Thing is I tried to talk things out with her after she broke up with me but her mind was made up and no reasoning with her like two adults who could have worked things out.

Anyways, my heart and mind have been racing, had a hard time sleeping and getting it all out of my mind. Sounds like she's not even that happy in her new relationship, just a cover up. My friend had my back though and let her know I'm doing good and moving on

Only 50 more days to go.. Yay...

oh isn't that nice, she cries her eyes out over missing you but still sleep with another guy and do absolutely nothing to reach out to you, what a bullsh!t , don't waste your time analyzing it because underneath it is nothing . She still left you for another guy, they are together, and you are alone

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Ruptured my lumbar disc, I am on a bunch of opiates due to extreme pain so I could care less about my stupid ex.

 

[MattTheW]

oh isn't that nice, she cries her eyes out over missing you but still sleep with another guy and do absolutely nothing to reach out to you, what a bullsh!t , don't waste your time analyzing it because underneath it is nothing . She still left you for another guy, they are together, and you are alone

This!!

we judge potentials on their actions rather than their words. The same can said for exs

She says a load of crap
But what does she do - nothing to rectify it and is with someone else!!!

Her words are meaningless and if anything all she is trying to do is get your friend on her side to "talk to you" on her behalf

 

[Cerwin Vega]

This!!

we judge potentials on their actions rather than their words. The same can said for exs

She says a load of crap
But what does she do - nothing to rectify it and is with someone else!!!

Her words are meaningless and if anything all she is trying to do is get your friend on her side to "talk to you" on her behalf

I can relate to that. My ex told me our picture is still on the wall and was talking about me all the time- but who the **** cares what she's saying if she went to someone else? She's either lying or a pathetically weak person.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I'll repost a great post the user Culebra23 posted on this very thread a while ago!

It reflects this situation that you guys are living, and also mine! My ex also bumped into a friend of mine the other day and asked about me, and sent me some kisses...

Which means nothing! Breadcrumbs, that is it!
If she really did wanted something, other than screw my mind, she knows damn well how to find me!

Anyway, into the post!

This is true. Women aren't known for having great self control when it comes to their emotions. Unless you have a structured/stubborn type on your hands they will find a way to get in your orbit.

You hit the nail on the head, when a woman wants you she will stop at nothing. They will send flowers, they will call, call, call, text, text, text, text, email, email, send you pics in panties. If you have a new girl they will do everything to sabotage your new relationship, I am telling you this from experience.

Now a lot of your boys are getting your hopes up on one text, one email, one call from your ex after a couple of weeks or months of NC. You, hear the phone and can't control yourself, you've worked so hard to get the puta out of your mind and now she is calling, it must mean she wants to get back together ---- so you think. When you respond to her she will go cold again. Listen boys, I will give you some advice and I hope you guys are reading this and paying attention. Do yourselves a favor and read all the postings on this message board, in particular the first 100 pages. A lot of men have gotten that call/text/email from their ex's after a couple of weeks of NC, after they have practically healed, it's sad when they respond to their ex only to realize nothing had changed, the ex didn't want to get back together. If you really want to get the upper hand on your ex, when she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, IF you DO you will be welcoming an extended heartache. What you should do is give it at least 60 days from the first contact, give yourself 2 months. If your ex really wants you her quest to get you back will accelerate to the point of madness/insanity.

If you make it too easy for them to come back they will not appreciate it, they will drop you at the slightest argument. Be a man, appreciate your worth.

 

[Genos]

@Lotus - that's a great post man, thanks so much for that - makes a lot of sense to hold myself in high esteem and to not jump to take her back if she does get in contact.

So I'm back home from uni for summer break, and am roaming around my hometown, checking out all my old hangout spots. Unconsciously, I imagined that she was with me, and that I was showing her around my city. I'd tell her about stories that happened at this place and that one... Ugh man, that was one realistic fantasy haha...

I hope this doesn't continue...and that one day I'll actually be able to do this with another girl. Still feeling the lingering emotions of the separation I guess.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Typical "run in" with your friend.
That's good she had your back and kinda daggered in that you are moving on.
Now what you need to do is do such but you do seem to be on the right path.
Also note that this run in should be the only one with your close female friend. Any other type of communication they both have is simply a check up job and you might want to cut off all communication at that point. Let your friend know that as well.

As far as the way your ex acted, don't believe the "crocodile tears" at all. Women have a way of crying on petty things or acting. She feels bad about the breakup and loves you, but does she try anything to get back with you?

She doesn't feel that bad. Don't waste time reading between the lines, the lines are not worth being read.
She will bad one day though

Hang in there and keep busy

Wow.. That makes so much sense actually... Thanks for helping me see the situation for what it truly is and helping me to calm down.

 

[StuffofLegends]

oh isn't that nice, she cries her eyes out over missing you but still sleep with another guy and do absolutely nothing to reach out to you, what a bullsh!t , don't waste your time analyzing it because underneath it is nothing . She still left you for another guy, they are together, and you are alone

YES! So true! You know it's really stupid to even be crying about it now... SHE CHOSE to leave me,
SHE CHOSE to not even bother with trying to work things out,
and SHE CHOSE to run to someone else leaving me lonely.

Thanks for keeping me encouraged and focused on the goal

 

[StuffofLegends]

This!!

we judge potentials on their actions rather than their words. The same can said for exs

She says a load of crap
But what does she do - nothing to rectify it and is with someone else!!!

Her words are meaningless and if anything all she is trying to do is get your friend on her side to "talk to you" on her behalf

Yeah, I can see that. If she were truly sorry or felt remorse for the way she did me then she would make an attempt at it which she does not. Which is fine b/c I'm moving on not sitting around waiting for an apology, if it comes then cool and if not what evvs...

 

[StuffofLegends]

@Lotus

That was super insightful and encouraging! Will def use that to fuel my drive and motivation!!

 

[SoSuave666]

Day 5. Whatever.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Also reposting one of the most inspiring post on this thread, posted by Dgwizdal on page 173

Decided to bounce around on the NC thread and thought this may be a good piece for you guys to read. I posted this about a year ago on the BB forum on my journey to become the man again after taking the red pill to help guys see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is still being circulated to this day. It is quite the read but i have been where you are at and worse. Use this as a catalyst for change and you will be stronger than ever.

Ok bro. Let me break this down for you. The reason she left you is because you have become a beta who stopped viewing himself as the prize and became predictable with no challenge. Relationship got stale and even though you say you were doing the small things which are cute, she wanted you to be the confident, challenging, unpredictable, smartass you once were. She is a decent looking broad so I would assume you are (or were) a pretty legit bro. The response to her text shows how off your inner game has become in the last 7.5 years and how much of a pus you have become. Please keep in mind that this is all said with bro love and the best intentions for you.

And believe me - she is getting her cheeks clapped by some other guy right now. You may not see it now - but this is an ok thing and as long as you take my advice and start being the bro you once were who doesn't give a chit about anything but becoming and being the man again, you will not only have her interested and attracted to you again, but you will be in a position to where you will not need her and be completely self content

I was in your position a year ago after getting dumped by a blonde bombshell more attractive than yours. Im 26 - and although I did not go completely beta as you did, I was still a wreck for 4-5 months. The mornings were the worst. The smartest thing you can do right now if she texts you say "I have been thinking and breaking up was the best thing for us - I've realized that I no longer feel the same as well. The relationship has gone stale and we need no contact for a long time so we can both move forward." This will be counterintuitive to your betaness right now but you will see my wisdom 4-5 months from now. Right now you need to eliminate all of her power over you in order to spark attraction down the line. Attraction becoming the bro you once were for YOURSELF, not her. Because at one point in time, you needed no girl and probably had a lot of them and didn't give a chit about anyone but yourself.

The sooner you start your journey the better.

Starting today, you read a few books on PUA. Don't feel like reading? check out julienfreetour on youtube. All free and better than David Deangelo and what not although they are good too. This guy is gold and will give you the tools you need Not to necessarily to get you laid or improve your game with girls (although intentionally and unintentionally it will), but to reestablish the spark in you and become the f***** man again. For yourself. To realize that you have the world by the balls and need no bich or anyone else but you to become a king of your own world The only person you have to live with for the rest of your life is yourself. You feel like a phaggot right now because you have put all of your self worth on her view of you. Right now her view of you undoubtedly is a pus. However, once you let her know that you don't want her anymore and feel the relationship fell off - you will immediately feel more in control, have more control, and can start your new life for YOU. Trust me the only reason you really feel like sh*t is because you went out like a winey lovesick beta and she doesn't find that attractive. Flip the script, and get your balls back.

From there - start talking to massive amounts of chicks, lift, and fake it til you make it. Tease, make fun, be ****y/funny, witty, a smartass, bust balls, start being the prize again, flirt, be a challenge, and don't give you ex the time of day...yet. If she contacts, be polite, extremely short because you are broken up and that's what exes do. Do not be her b**** doorstep. Work your ass off - 70 hrs a week if possible and party your balls off on the weekend. Do not worry about anyone else but improving your money, your aesthetics, and putting your c*** in as much new strange as possible. And if you get rejected (by time you do about 5 months of this, you wont) on to the next one because you are the prize. Treat girls like dogs and they'll beg for a treat. Treat them like queens and they'll make you your slave. Obviously do not be a ****head but be the funny playful jerk who needs no one and watch em flock.

You're ex will eventually be beating your door down. From there it is up to you - by time you get to where I am, you wont need the bich and with how much you have became the man again in 6 months to a year, you will be able to play her like a fiddle as well as every other you have been banging. (SRS)

Getting dumped was the best thing that ever happened to me even tho I was on the verge of depression shortly after like you are. Woke up one day and said f this. I been wrapped up in this relationship for too long and need to get back to bein who I was and being the man again. Since then, have become the CSO of my company at 26, 6 figure, just bought a 26' express cruiser for lake Michigan this summer, became buff and healthy, banged many chicks including her friends, constantly banging 2-3 different girls, went on vacations with chicks, f**** a broad on the front of a Royal Carribean cruise ship on the way back to port like f**** Titanic and my inner game has improved 10 fold and I honestly feel that I've never been more confident and can have the world by the balls. So many new friends and stronger relationships with the guys and all this was unattainable while focusing on some 5 year relationship on the verge of getting married. Best thing that ever happened to me. And now, my ex can't even touch me emotionally eventho I have her swallowing my Alpha Nut on the reg as well as her friends and any girl who will give me 5 seconds to melt her mind with banter and confidence.

Be the bro you once were for you and you will see your life improve everywhere. Work hard at everything, Put yourself first and all else will fall into place. People flock to that sh*t. Best advice my good friend/father figure/gazillionaire boss ever gave me. And I was down as low as you - Make it happen player. Best decision you will ever make.

Sorry for so long but want to get this point across to all the bros who have turned into p****** and let some chick get the best of them. Never again.

Really good stuff! Must read for all of you!

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 11 NC

Feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster.. At times I feel fine and like I'm moving on then other times I began to miss her...

Just wanted to extend my upmost gratitude though to everybody here. Without the wisdom I have received from you guys and the whole NC concept I would def be a mess! So sincerely, I thank you!!!

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 12 NC

Missing her and sad that our relationship ever came to this.. Haven't gotten out of bed this morning even... If I weren't focussed on strict NC I would probably spend the rest of the morning staring at her pictures BUT not going down that road! School starts back soon for me and it honestly can't get here fast enough for me! Should occupy my mind and time, plus force me out of the house and I feel like I'm working on myself, accomplishing goals!

NC is tough but giving into your weak emotions in the long run is only tougher and actually harder on you.. God speed!!!

 

[Sardines]

Hello All,

So I've been reading the forum for a few weeks now but need you guys' opinion on something.

So we met online, her (23) me (31) around March this year. Things were progressing well but sensed she was hesitant to commit. Problems started when her ex (a guy she dated for 3 months and found out he cheated on her while she was with me) started texting and snapchatting her. This dude is 22 and lives at home and the reason they broke up was because he wouldn't grow up.

To make a long story short, she started acting distant a month ago and then sends me a long winded message on fb about how she still has feelings for the guy. So i wished her luck and haven't talked to her since. Currently on day 21 of NC.

And then 2 nights ago i get a notification from snapchat that she's added me as a friend (we were friends already). So i checked and seems like she deleted then added then deleted me again. I still haven't said a word to her, we are still friends on FB but i rarely use it so i don't go on there much.

What gives here, i am just trying to do the best i can for myself by working out and meeting new people. She could easily have unfollowed me on instagram and deleted me from snapchat the same day she dumped me but why wait to do it 3 weeks later?

cheers in advance for the replies.