The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Darrenez]

Things sometimes test our NC..found out Eminem is playing at Wembley in the summer.. My ex said she always wanted to see Eminem live..was about 1%_ tempted to inform her that is playing over here..but nope strictly NC

 

[RedScorpion]

Sometimes it's best to know for sure, sometimes not. I think it's best if you don't have to go through that pain of seeing her/him with someone else, and are able to put her out of mind. But, it certainly helps remove any doubt of whether it could have worked out.

Right now, I'm struggling a bit with the concept of having her out of my life permanently. I don't want it to drag on and on. I'm sure she'd be perfectly happy being friends, doing flirty crap. I know I will eventually, mentally, cut her out of my mind, and be able to blank her out. Basically frustrated at that point.

It's essentially, I could let her work her way back in, if she does at all. She could not. Could at any point down the road. Would it lead to anywhere good? I'll have to say no. If I entertain it, then there's a good chance I'll fall back into liking her again. To lead nowhere. And fall into the same hole.

So. I have to cut her out of my mind, out of my life. Even though I don't want to. I'd prefer it to work out. I'd read that the missing stage occurs around week 2 to 3 apart. So I'm probably hitting that. I know I'll push through. Just sucks in the meantime .

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 10
Had a bad night, thinking about her (with him) gets me really sick to my stomach, right as if I'd want to vomit a parasite out of my body. It's kind of hard to function like this.

I think knowing your ex is with somebody else is a good thing. Avoiding contact will fail at some point and eventually you'll have to face the painful reality.

The weather is crazy. Rain and lightning in the summer?! Seems like somebody unleashed the wraith of the gods.

Heading to the army base for two weeks. It's really hard to spin plates down there, but I'll start at saying Hi to at least 10 new girls today.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 23

Been working out and eating right. Listening to loads of music (none of that love and party bs)..mostly hardcore rap (jadakiss).

Thinking less and less about her. If I didn't have to work with her, I would be in the clear now. But because I do, it still hurts somewhat.

Staying strong. You should too.

 

[beatjunkie]

Just to give some inspiration to those who are trying NC. I can say that 23 days since I started NC and didn't reply to her texts (she dumped me). The following achievements have been made in this relatively short time;

1) Eating healthy (no soda, chips or anything processed with preservatives)
2) Taking omega-3 daily
3) Hitting the gym consistently, seeing some improvements in terms of strength and stamina.
4) Walking 1 KM everyday
5) Working and succeeding at work
6) Not thinking too much about my x
7) Connecting and getting closer to my family (mom, pops and so forth)
8) Cut down time spent on the TV immensely
9) 17 days without weed or alcohol
10) Smoking a cig only once a day (mornings) and plan to cut that out too
11) Getting slowly weened off my antidepressant pills
12) Stop taking anti-anxiety pills

Positive outcomes CAN results from negative things. SS set me on the right path.

Narcissist, Dgwizdal, Mauser96, bradd80, nismo, yonggg, cheeks, noobology, TicTac, Pook; THANK YOU ALL for your inspiring posts and replies! I.will.succeed!

AND SO CAN THE REST OF YOU IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO. Dig DEEEP and find that strength!!!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

How did you heal so fast? Last time we broke up it hit me 2 months after the breakup where it got me to a berserk mode which made me chase her like crazy and talk her into getting back.

Not going to happen again, but how to stop these madness attacks?!

 

[beatjunkie]

CerwinVegaFan

I hit rock bottom. After the breakup (immediately after) I chased her around like 3 countries and did EVERYTHING possible to get her back. I even lied and said mom has cancer to get some sort of reaction from her. my friend...i hit rock bottom HARD AND FAST.

then one day. I said, let me take this one hour at a time. let me "live in between heartbeats."

my first step was going to the gym (even on an empty stomach). then i started walking. then slowly got my appetite back. then took gym more seriously. then taking omega-3 (i strongly suggest this vitamin). then resolved to quit smoking and all negative things (including processed food). and next think you know, i made new habits (applying for jobs, focusing on getting work done, going to gym, tv only at night and so forth).

i know it is hard bro.. trust me, i know. i still feel pain at times but it is NOTHING compared to the first days.

stay strong, PM me for any advice or motivation. you can do this. TRUST YOURSELF!!!!!

 

[Ncnoob]

Day 13

I last posted on day 10, it was the worse day yet, heard some love songs and by god it made me crazy, i locked my phone and just drove off in the evening so i dont contact her. it worked

Day 11 Was by far the easiest, so busy in work dint have time to blink and dint think about her at all, i wish i had more days like this

Day 12 A little more free day, but i did not think as much as i used to. I said to myself " I am not thinking about her wow!" that just made me smile. I think this is the first real progress i made.

I dont get any dreams about her or anything. I still am not sure regarding my emotions. Whenever i think about her there are two things

a) I think of the happy times i have had with her which makes me miss her and be sad that she would not be missing me

b)Remember hateful things she said at time of break up and how she gave me no answers as to why she broke up with me.It makes me mad in rage i think very negative of revenge and how injust it was.


I think for me to get out of this it will take 10 more days so that my emotions get a lot more settled. I think then i will be able to see what i really want to do with her.

My idea for success with No contact is that i am free from both these negative and memory thoughts. I am healing although i would say i have only healed about 10%, but still its progress.
I still have thoughts about her going on banging session with guys, but i think that as days go by i am getting ok with it.I say to myself, that i can only control myself and that is the truth.
Gym helps me, spending time with friends and work helps me. I hope to be back in the dating scene ater day 30 as i dont wanna just rebound.
I hope all of you stay strong. Never contact your ex first no matter what, it will give them power, and you will not be happy. If you wana get her back, make sure they are the ones that come back and not you. You need to have the power. You have to let them go completely and i mean completely.

 

[sparkychops]

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[sparkychops]

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[Cerwin Vega]

^ I know how you feel. You can block him and set your whatsapp status as "no one" so nobody could see when you were last online.

 

[Ncnoob]

@sparky choice whatsapp is the worst thing ever, last seen kills you sometimes. my ex blocke me off it though, we had a huge fight on watsapp before we broke up with me asking her why she broke up and her continuously saying she doesnt wanna answer. She has been so cowardly its sad. No reason given. If i was unblocked off watsapp then this no contact thing would have been impossible.
The thing is i did not block her, so she can still see my last seen and my status.
Its sad to think i may never hear from her, but my mind/brain says there is light at end of the tunnel as i will be free of the pain. I promised myself i will never contact her first no matter what. If she has to come back it will be on my terms or else she can stay away.

 

[Noyou]

Sorry, just an add-on. I haven't contacted or spoken to any of his family or friends since. Think this is hurting too. Whatever about his friends, but I feel like I've lost a part of my family too. They were always so good to me. ARGH so down today, which is crap because I was in such good form yesterday

Just remember what he has done to you. Doesn't that piss you off? You are in the same position I was in 4 months ago and overthought everything. What's he/she doing? Why did he/she do it? Friends keep bringing the ex up.

More than likely you never got an answer on why the breakup happened, or if you did get one, it was drawn out in a form of a "break" with mixed messages or was short and had no message and probably had a weak ass saying like "I don't love you as much" or "I'm not attracted to you anymore"

Realize that a majority of the time, this is just a cop out.

The bottom line, he/she didn't pay you enough consideration, was selfish and decided to drop you.

I think I need to share a link with you because I think we are playing reverse roles in this, and everyone else will appreciate it as well

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

I read this and completely realized what was going on during our relationship and why it happened. More than likely it was never your fault even if he/she blamed you, but the exs lack of capacity to hold onto a loving adult relationship.

 

[Noyou]

@sparky choice whatsapp is the worst thing ever, last seen kills you sometimes. my ex blocke me off it though, we had a huge fight on watsapp before we broke up with me asking her why she broke up and her continuously saying she doesnt wanna answer. She has been so cowardly its sad. No reason given. If i was unblocked off watsapp then this no contact thing would have been impossible.
The thing is i did not block her, so she can still see my last seen and my status.
Its sad to think i may never hear from her, but my mind/brain says there is light at end of the tunnel as i will be free of the pain. I promised myself i will never contact her first no matter what. If she has to come back it will be on my terms or else she can stay away.

IMO, you don't need an answer. She blocked you? That's good, it shows you who she really is and more than likely the sad you saw right there will get even sadder. Also good early mindset, she does need to be the one who contacts you first, but not as a friend, considering you were probably both considered "best friends."

You can't be dropped From intimate status to friend status and expect to be back in intimate status, just because she wants to (and even if you want to). For example after 2 weeks after the breakuo with my ex, she contacted me before and after valentines day. Why? I thought maybe it was because she wanted to get back? Open the lines of communication? Ask how I'm doing?

Come to find out I wised up and saw that the only reason she contacted me was to
1. Keep tabs
2. Get an ego boost because the guy she was trying to get with FAILED and wasn't getting the attention she wanted that I gave"

After that her friends and such have been stalking me as well as getting friend requests from random women that I don't know.

You have to make sure when she comes back on your terms, that these terms want to facilitate change from her and not go back to the way things were, because they won't be the same. You have to distinguish if she's giving you "breadcrumbs" or the whole freaking loaf and more than likely it will be breadcrumbs.

 

[Ncnoob]

Just remember what he has done to you. Doesn't that piss you off? You are in the same position I was in 4 months ago and overthought everything. What's he/she doing? Why did he/she do it? Friends keep bringing the ex up.

More than likely you never got an answer on why the breakup happened, or if you did get one, it was drawn out in a form of a "break" with mixed messages or was short and had no message and probably had a weak ass saying like "I don't love you as much" or "I'm not attracted to you anymore"

Realize that a majority of the time, this is just a cop out.

The bottom line, he/she didn't pay you enough consideration, was selfish and decided to drop you.

I think I need to share a link with you because I think we are playing reverse roles in this, and everyone else will appreciate it as well

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

I read this and completely realized what was going on during our relationship and why it happened. More than likely it was never your fault even if he/she blamed you, but the exs lack of capacity to hold onto a loving adult relationship.

That article describes my girl completely, she is borderline! thanks for that. It seems like she is a divorce waiting to happen. She attracted me the same way, she left me the same. Wow that was eye opening! people should read it.

 

[Ncnoob]

IMO, you don't need an answer. She blocked you? That's good, it shows you who she really is and more than likely the sad you saw right there will get even sadder. Also good early mindset, she does need to be the one who contacts you first, but not as a friend, considering you were probably both considered "best friends."

You can't be dropped From intimate status to friend status and expect to be back in intimate status, just because she wants to (and even if you want to). For example after 2 weeks after the breakuo with my ex, she contacted me before and after valentines day. Why? I thought maybe it was because she wanted to get back? Open the lines of communication? Ask how I'm doing?

Come to find out I wised up and saw that the only reason she contacted me was to
1. Keep tabs
2. Get an ego boost because the guy she was trying to get with FAILED and wasn't getting the attention she wanted that I gave"

After that her friends and such have been stalking me as well as getting friend requests from random women that I don't know.

You have to make sure when she comes back on your terms, that these terms want to facilitate change from her and not go back to the way things were, because they won't be the same. You have to distinguish if she's giving you "breadcrumbs" or the whole freaking loaf and more than likely it will be breadcrumbs.

I dont think she will contact me, why you ask? well she is a coward. hates confrontation. It would have been much better if she would have broken up by saying this was the problem and i wanna break up. All she said was its over, when i confronted her she had no answer and started talking baseless things.
I would be happy if she doesnt contact me, as it will get me out of this mess.
I wanna get to 60 days without contacting her, my heart still hopes, she contacts me again but i know that no contact from her will be the best for me. Its messed up but i am making progress and hopefully soon will be in much better position.

 

[Noyou]

I dont think she will contact me, why you ask? well she is a coward. hates confrontation. It would have been much better if she would have broken up by saying this was the problem and i wanna break up. All she said was its over, when i confronted her she had no answer and started talking baseless things.
I would be happy if she doesnt contact me, as it will get me out of this mess.
I wanna get to 60 days without contacting her, my heart still hopes, she contacts me again but i know that no contact from her will be the best for me. Its messed up but i am making progress and hopefully soon will be in much better position.

Try to forget her and move on, then and only then you will see true changes

 

[Colette]

Noyou, I read this yesterday and ended up having a great day, so for that I thank you. Made me see that there's definitely light at the end of the tunnel. During the day i stayed home by myself and I was fine, albeit I was looking at internet forums about breaking up etc., but I was definitely thinking more rationally. Went to a friends then yesterday evening, of course, AGAIN he came up. I know my friends aren't dragging it up to hurt me. They're genuinely concerned because an awful lot happened. I got pregnant when we first got together and had an abortion, fought tooth and nail when he left me the first time and now I feel like it's all been thrown back in my face. So obviously my friends are going to ask. But even when I was talking to my friend last night, I didn't get upset, I was thinking the way I should have from the start.

I know you're right about him being a coward, which makes it all the more difficult, because it feels like he'll never be in touch, that he doesn't care enough etc.


However, today is day 12, and possibly going to be the most difficult one. I woke up feeling unwell in the middle of the night and he always used to look after me when I was sick (I know, I'm a whinge!!). I miss the nice texts I used to get. Thursday nights were our nights, we'd meet up after work and go off for dinner, or watch crap TV and movies. Every Thursday without fail because we work until the same time. I also have a big huge appraisal thing in work today which I'm really nervous about, so not having him to call or text about it is going to be hard. So today my rational thinking has gone out the window.

I know he's deleted his facebook, I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'd love to know why. But on Tuesday I decided that I was going to drop off the face of the Earth. (a little extreme I know) - so I haven't been online on whatsapp since Tuesday (I know people are saying just block him - it's not about him contacting me, it's gotten to a point where I don't even want him knowing I've been near my phone, and obviously he can get his friends to check), I haven't been online on Facebook (again, he'll get his friends to check) and I haven't tweeted (his best friends a twitter *****). So as far as he's concerned, I've dropped off the face of the earth.

Somedays are easy, and somedays are hard. It feels like I'll never hear from him again and that's not a nice feeling. Fingers crossed for dumpers regret :trouble: :trouble: . I think he's almost expecting me to chase him again, but at the same time he's gotten it into his mind that he won't be hearing from me. It's really sad how you can go through so much with someone and then they treat you like a stranger. Everytime I want to contact him I just remind myself of how I'll feel checking my phone every five minutes for a text back and then if I don't get one how bad I'll feel. So I'm not bothering. I shouldn't have to. He done me wrong.

Again, sorry for the long rambling post but I just know today's gonna be difficult

why did you guys break up again?

 

[Backwardsman]

How did you heal so fast? Last time we broke up it hit me 2 months after the breakup where it got me to a berserk mode which made me chase her like crazy and talk her into getting back.

Not going to happen again, but how to stop these madness attacks?!

Next time you get an impulsive thought, watch it in your mind, dont act, just observe, it will soon pass.

Our thoughts are what drives us to do irrational things, so understand how to control your thoughts as they are the root of the problem.

One way to do this is lie back, close your eyes and take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, continue this and observe the thoughts that come and go in your mind, dont think about the context, just watch them appear and go.

The breathing technique will also calm you down and relieve any anxiety at that moment, i know this works because i have done it many a time

As i have said many times, and will keep saying it is that your relationship ended for a reason, whatever that reason, look on it as a positive, learn from it, if you was meant to be with that person, you still would be - Your relationship ended, not your life, so enjoy it

 

[sparkychops]

Much MUCH better day today

Went to work in flying form, got told I was being moved to the department I've been trying to get into the past YEAR!! then got handed a pay rise, more hours AND a monthly bonus!! Today made me realize that life most definitely goes on. I don't need someone who wants to drop me because they feel like it. Goodbye to you man, nothing but a waste of space!!