The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Immortality]

CerwinVegaFan

I hit rock bottom. After the breakup (immediately after) I chased her around like 3 countries and did EVERYTHING possible to get her back. I even lied and said mom has cancer to get some sort of reaction from her. my friend...i hit rock bottom HARD AND FAST.

then one day. I said, let me take this one hour at a time. let me "live in between heartbeats."

my first step was going to the gym (even on an empty stomach). then i started walking. then slowly got my appetite back. then took gym more seriously. then taking omega-3 (i strongly suggest this vitamin). then resolved to quit smoking and all negative things (including processed food). and next think you know, i made new habits (applying for jobs, focusing on getting work done, going to gym, tv only at night and so forth).

i know it is hard bro.. trust me, i know. i still feel pain at times but it is NOTHING compared to the first days.

stay strong, PM me for any advice or motivation. you can do this. TRUST YOURSELF!!!!!

Dang that seems brutal. For my whole life I always wondered what it was like to love and now I really wish I actually never did! I watched my grandfather slowly die of lung cancer in the hospital. It was so bad he couldn't eat solid food due to the tumors he had. I was on the verge of crying, but managed to keep it together. After losing my GF I cried for days and even though it was 3 months ago I still choke up thinking about it. I just started NC today. For those 3 months I used her to deal with the pain, but I damaged things so bad she doesn't even want to speak to me. TBH I'm not sure why she never blocked me. I'm trying very hard to eat and stay active as sulking does nothing, but I'm only on DAY 1!!!!!! It's beyond brutal and I get these re-occurring dreams that put me in made up scenarios. Like her house wasn't even the same it's just bizarre. Did you chase her so much she became completely uninterested in even communicating with you? Also since you initiated NC has she tried to communicate? My GF was my best friend and it's just hard knowing I probably lost both due to how I acted.

 

[sparkychops]

And yes I have turned off my timestamp on whatsapp. Got a friend to check and just my name comes up now, no time

 

[sparkychops]

yet another update.

He just called my father, asking how I was. I haven't had a chance to tell the old man yet, I haven't been down to his house in weeks, so hearing we were finished was a surprise to him.

NC NC NC!!!

 

[Immortality]

On a side note to everyone doing NC does your head physically hurt almost as if you have a headache for the vast majority of the day? Also, how long did you spend thinking about him/her before they slowly diminished off of your mind?

 

[Colette]

On a side note to everyone doing NC does your head physically hurt almost as if you have a headache for the vast majority of the day? Also, how long did you spend thinking about him/her before they slowly diminished off of your mind?

I am on day 80 of NC. I was away for 3 weeks and barely was thinking of my ex. Since I am back which is 1 week , I keep thinking about past, memories etc. and it physically hurts.
This setback is so depressing But I know once I get busy again with work I will be ok.
Be ready to have different kinds of emotion while you are in this journey.
Cheers

 

[Immortality]

I am on day 80 of NC. I was away for 3 weeks and barely was thinking of my ex. Since I am back which is 1 week , I keep thinking about past, memories etc. and it physically hurts.
This setback is so depressing But I know once I get busy again with work I will be ok.
Be ready to have different kinds of emotion while you are in this journey.
Cheers

Yeah I can't seem to get them off my mind. I'm only on day 1 and it's sad to see that after 80 days you're still not completely over them. I almost feel as tho to some people they will never get over the person they care about. For me I feel like I can, but only if I can love someone else again. My head constantly aches from the pain and I can't seem to want to eat! I have to force myself to eat ect.

 

[Colette]

Yeah I can't seem to get them off my mind. I'm only on day 1 and it's sad to see that after 80 days you're still not completely over them. I almost feel as tho to some people they will never get over the person they care about. For me I feel like I can, but only if I can love someone else again. My head constantly aches from the pain and I can't seem to want to eat! I have to force myself to eat ect.

Day 1 is too soon . I thought u broke up long time ago, did you break NC ?
My problem is when I am home alone I keep thinking... I am just hoping after getting busy with work things get better ...
one thing I have no urge to contact my ex which is a good thing. I only suffer in silence.
I read through your last posts . It seems you are a dumper.

 

[Immortality]

Day 1 is too soon . I thought u broke up long time ago, did you break NC ?
My problem is when I am home alone I keep thinking... I am just hoping after getting busy with work things get better ...
one thing I have no urge to contact my ex which is a good thing. I only suffer in silence.
I read through your last posts . It seems you are a dumper.

I never went NC. Post breakup she made it seem like she wanted to get back together. She even told a few of her friends she really wanted to see if she could 'feel' the same way again. We broke up 3 months ago, but I still maintained contact due to me thinking she wanted to be together. Then when I seen her a few weeks ago we did some sexual stuff and she seemed extremely happy to see me. A week after that she met some guy and it quickly escalated into what will be a relationship. This girl just falls for everyone it's ridiculous. She told me "we're just friends you have nothing to worry about". Her very next sentence was "but what if I fall for someone". I just knew she liked this guy + she lied to me about him and said she was texting some girl when in actuality she was up for 4 hrs texting this dude. She basically played me from the start. She broke up with me bcuz she said I would never "trust" her, then post breakup she lies to me left and right about everything. Now that this new guy has fit into her 'life puzzle' she basically wants me OUT!!!!! I think the damage is too much at this point. I don't want to get back together, but I did want her as a friend. It blows my mind cuz I feel like if this new guy wouldn't have filled my shoes, she would still be texting me. Now that he's here I'm left with no other options. She doesn't even want to be my friend let alone anything else. Yesterday she kept asking me to rate her ect. When I said she looked 'different' in her photos she kept asking me is it good or bad and when I avoided it she kept bringing it up! She's like trying to validate her looks still and using me.We had a normal upbeat convo for a few hrs and then she tells me she didn't have a 'good time' texting me cuz of what happened a week ago which was just me and her arguing about pointless stuff.

 

[Colette]

I never went NC. Post breakup she made it seem like she wanted to get back together. She even told a few of her friends she really wanted to see if she could 'feel' the same way again. We broke up 3 months ago, but I still maintained contact due to me thinking she wanted to be together. Then when I seen her a few weeks ago we did some sexual stuff and she seemed extremely happy to see me. A week after that she met some guy and it quickly escalated into what will be a relationship. This girl just falls for everyone it's ridiculous. She told me "we're just friends you have nothing to worry about". Her very next sentence was "but what if I fall for someone". I just knew she liked this guy + she lied to me about him and said she was texting some girl when in actuality she was up for 4 hrs texting this dude. She basically played me from the start. She broke up with me bcuz she said I would never "trust" her, then post breakup she lies to me left and right about everything. Now that this new guy has fit into her 'life puzzle' she basically wants me OUT!!!!! I think the damage is too much at this point. I don't want to get back together, but I did want her as a friend. It blows my mind cuz I feel like if this new guy wouldn't have filled my shoes, she would still be texting me. Now that he's here I'm left with no other options. She doesn't even want to be my friend let alone anything else. Yesterday she kept asking me to rate her ect. When I said she looked 'different' in her photos she kept asking me is it good or bad and when I avoided it she kept bringing it up! She's like trying to validate her looks still and using me.We had a normal upbeat convo for a few hrs and then she tells me she didn't have a 'good time' texting me cuz of what happened a week ago which was just me and her arguing about pointless stuff.

Listen dude:
Being friend with ex when you still have feeling is a silly idea and poisonous.
you guys broke up! why do you have a need to help her out or even talk to her.
She obviously knows you have feeling for her , so she gets plenty of ego boost from that and also get you do things for her. meanwhile, she is trying to build a relationship with another guy.
Go NC for as long as It takes to get this relationship out of your system, don’t help her out, don’t be a shoulder to cry on, suck it up, be strong, and go on with your life .

 

[Cerwin Vega]

End of day 10

After reading this - http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html
I feel much better. This page describes her in 100%.
Thanks for the person who shared this!

 

[Noyou]

End of day 10

After reading this - http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html
I feel much better. This page describes her in 100%.
Thanks for the person who shared this!

Knowledge is power my friend. After reading most of her analysis, this was the turning point to me as she described about 95% of my 5 year relationship and where I had to nut the hell up and do me and forget about the train wreck that dumped me, she did me a favor, and handicapped herself for many years to come. The guys she has tried to date that I'm knowledgeable of...just sad, utterly sad, and here I am making bank, loving my new job, going on trips and seeing the world, learning new things, meeting new people and excelling at everything I do.

Seriously guys and gals, your exs did you a BIG FAVOR. Do NC and you will see

Your ex dumped you, you think he/she deserves any moment of your thought after dropping you on your head, not considering your feelings and rocking your world? I'd certainly say not.

 

[Colette]

Knowledge is power my friend. After reading most of her analysis, this was the turning point to me as she described about 95% of my 5 year relationship and where I had to nut the hell up and do me and forget about the train wreck that dumped me, she did me a favor, and handicapped herself for many years to come. The guys she has tried to date that I'm knowledgeable of...just sad, utterly sad, and here I am making bank, loving my new job, going on trips and seeing the world, learning new things, meeting new people and excelling at everything I do.

Seriously guys and gals, your exs did you a BIG FAVOR. Do NC and you will see

Your ex dumped you, you think he/she deserves any moment of your thought after dropping you on your head, not considering your feelings and rocking your world? I'd certainly say not.

yeah I just got back from 3 weeks vacation, my career is promising , and I am about to buy second property . Still, end of the day , cant help myself but to think what happened and get upset like a fool .
It will get easier for all of us. Good Luck to all!

 

[Noyou]

yeah I just got back from 3 weeks vacation, my career is promising , and I am about to buy second property . Still, end of the day , cant help myself but to think what happened and get upset like a fool .
It will get easier for all of us. Good Luck to all!

Well if she was one to like a guy who has his career together and a new house and such, then she is a fool for turning you down to seek greener pastures and such.

 

[Colette]

Well if she was one to like a guy who has his career together and a new house and such, then she is a fool for turning you down to seek greener pastures and such.

Thanks for the word of encouragemernt . i just need to remined myself that.

 

[Immortality]

Listen dude:
Being friend with ex when you still have feeling is a silly idea and poisonous.
you guys broke up! why do you have a need to help her out or even talk to her.
She obviously knows you have feeling for her , so she gets plenty of ego boost from that and also get you do things for her. meanwhile, she is trying to build a relationship with another guy.
Go NC for as long as It takes to get this relationship out of your system, don’t help her out, don’t be a shoulder to cry on, suck it up, be strong, and go on with your life .

See that's the thing. There's an actual addiction now. I can firmly say I've become addicted in a BAD sense. I know the relationship is dead and I'm not trying to mend it back together. A F-buddy would be nice, but that's pretty much dead too. It's as if I need to talk to her to alleviate my grief. For the past 3 months that's why I exhibited AFC behavior. I was ultra clingy, but talking to her alleviated my symptoms. She's WAY past me helping her out! She's already dissociated ALL of her feelings towards me. There is NO hope left in me to get back together. That is 100% COMPLETELY gone. However, the reason I'm choosing NC is for that to happen to me! I'm not even sure what I feel anymore. I feel as tho even if she was to text me something like "I woke up today and realized I want you so badly I love you to death!!!" and was actually seriously trying to setup dates and stuff I still wouldn't feel much different. There was so much torture involved these past 3 months from trying to mend what should have been left to her. All I had to do was dip! I actually was so stupid I sat in her basement for additional time while she was breaking up with me trying to force myself to cry cuz I thought that was what you were supposed to do! I thought that would show her how much I cared.......WRONG! Funny thing is I was just gonna walk out like seeeeee ya! Somehow that backfired and from that move I was "CHECKMATE"! I then began to display needy emotionally bound behaviors. The thing is I can't legitimately tell if I like this person anymore. I want what doesn't exist from them. I've became extremely possessive as if they were a possession of mine. It's that attachment that kept driving me back. It was like my fix. Every time we texted I was alleviated! It's become a literal addiction. I was also on Prednisone which is a steroid used to treat inflammation. I'm still on it and it makes it even more difficult to deal with this pain. I basically lost her because I couldn't control my emotions and bad mouthed her friend for cheating on her bf.........I would also instigate things because I could never control my anger on this drug! It also causes insomnia so lots of sleepless nights The massive regret of losing my cool coupled with the regret of me not just walking out and becoming a mystery really eats me up. I was her first BF and could have embedded myself into her mind fro eternity by just acting like a champ and saying "ok babes u wanna breakup I'm down". But no I acted like a chump. That's why I signed up to this forum cuz everything here is the truth but some just dnt wanna believe it.

 

[Immortality]

Oh BTW for anyone out there dealing with this. Use your breakup as motivation to become THE MOST successful person you can be. Make them PAY! In all honesty MAKE THEM PAY AND REGRET! Hope that one day you can be smiling enjoying the riches while they wallow in their decision. I've dedicated my life to it! Before the breakup I wanted a nice C6 Vette and I'm 21! Was busting my ***** to get this car and then the breakup caused my disease to flare due to stress so I lost my job ect. I workout everyday now. I sprint at 1 AM trying to get a six pack! I want my ex to REGRET the decision they made. Oh and funniest thing ever too. You wanna know how idiotic this person is? She virtually cheated on me with some dude. Then not even two months after I found out broke up with me cuz she said I would never trust her. She wouldn't listen to me trying to reason with her or explain things, she just ended it WITHOUT ever telling me that there was a problem to begin with!!!!!!!!! I would look thru her phone WITH HER PERMISSION and evidently she "couldn't handle that". What a joke and oh lets not mention 3 weeks ago after seeing her and finding out about this guy she went from "I like him AS A FRIEND" and "Nothing will happen" to "I'm sorry I have feelings for him". The reason I even brought up her snap chatting this guy is cuz I'M NOT AN IDIOT! She lied about his username saying he was a girl which is a clear indication she was trying to protect him due to her having feelings. She thought I was so dumb that she followed him on Instagram and his Instagram profile is the same as his Snapchat ursername lol. How dumb can you honestly be like I'm not gonna see that and call you out on your BS? 2 weeks ago I was 'sexy' and now I guess nothing lol just realize to everyone posting you guys have to use this as motivation. I regret badly and I'm not experienced in the slightest sense, but the feeling of 'getting even' will only occur by me being on top 10x better than anyone she could get with and her regretting her choice.

 

[Colette]

See that's the thing. There's an actual addiction now. I can firmly say I've become addicted in a BAD sense. I know the relationship is dead and I'm not trying to mend it back together. A F-buddy would be nice, but that's pretty much dead too. It's as if I need to talk to her to alleviate my grief. For the past 3 months that's why I exhibited AFC behavior. I was ultra clingy, but talking to her alleviated my symptoms. She's WAY past me helping her out! She's already dissociated ALL of her feelings towards me. There is NO hope left in me to get back together. That is 100% COMPLETELY gone. However, the reason I'm choosing NC is for that to happen to me! I'm not even sure what I feel anymore. I feel as tho even if she was to text me something like "I woke up today and realized I want you so badly I love you to death!!!" and was actually seriously trying to setup dates and stuff I still wouldn't feel much different. There was so much torture involved these past 3 months from trying to mend what should have been left to her. All I had to do was dip! I actually was so stupid I sat in her basement for additional time while she was breaking up with me trying to force myself to cry cuz I thought that was what you were supposed to do! I thought that would show her how much I cared.......WRONG! Funny thing is I was just gonna walk out like seeeeee ya! Somehow that backfired and from that move I was "CHECKMATE"! I then began to display needy emotionally bound behaviors. The thing is I can't legitimately tell if I like this person anymore. I want what doesn't exist from them. I've became extremely possessive as if they were a possession of mine. It's that attachment that kept driving me back. It was like my fix. Every time we texted I was alleviated! It's become a literal addiction. I was also on Prednisone which is a steroid used to treat inflammation. I'm still on it and it makes it even more difficult to deal with this pain. I basically lost her because I couldn't control my emotions and bad mouthed her friend for cheating on her bf.........I would also instigate things because I could never control my anger on this drug! It also causes insomnia so lots of sleepless nights The massive regret of losing my cool coupled with the regret of me not just walking out and becoming a mystery really eats me up. I was her first BF and could have embedded myself into her mind fro eternity by just acting like a champ and saying "ok babes u wanna breakup I'm down". But no I acted like a chump. That's why I signed up to this forum cuz everything here is the truth but some just dnt wanna believe it.

I know exactly how you feel, believe me I do. I know the obsessions, I know how confused u must have felt. Last 4 months was a torture for me too. my ex-bf broke up with me like Dec 27 , we argued too much so he ended things over a text message!!!. I acted like a fool and asked him for another chance around Jan 9 , he said " no I want to be alone" , so I left him alone , I disappeared from his life , I even changed my mobile number because I knew he would contact me to keep tab and to confuse me. Guess what he actually emailed me 10 days after I changed my number saying “trying to text you I guess you block my number”, I am like really???
These relationships are toxic; they don’t care about us or how we feel. So why should we care about them. I think you should just completely cut all communications. Don’t talk to her, don’t be available. Only talk to her if she crawl back to you on her knees and beg lool (you know what I mean).
You thought you broke up but in fact you didn’t. You guys still talk, text , see each other. They are all big No No. She needs to realize how life will be like without you. She won’t know if you are around all the time. She should realize she can’t have her cake and eat it too. Shift your focus on something else like your job, gym etc.

 

[Immortality]

I know exactly how you feel, believe me I do. I know the obsessions, I know how confused u must have felt. Last 4 months was a torture for me too. my ex-bf broke up with me like Dec 27 , we argued too much so he ended things over a text message!!!. I acted like a fool and asked him for another chance around Jan 9 , he said " no I want to be alone" , so I left him alone , I disappeared from his life , I even changed my mobile number because I knew he would contact me to keep tab and to confuse me. Guess what he actually emailed me 10 days after I changed my number saying “trying to text you I guess you block my number”, I am like really???
These relationships are toxic; they don’t care about us or how we feel. So why should we care about them. I think you should just completely cut all communications. Don’t talk to her, don’t be available. Only talk to her if she crawl back to you on her knees and beg lool (you know what I mean).
You thought you broke up but in fact you didn’t. You guys still talk, text , see each other. They are all big No No. She needs to realize how life will be like without you. She won’t know if you are around all the time. She should realize she can’t have her cake and eat it too. Shift your focus on something else like your job, gym etc.

That's EXACTLY how I felt. The only difference is I failed to give her space. I knew better too. I found this site after the breakup and didn't register, but looked at a few threads. I had her soooooo invested. I was a fool to stick around cuz it allowed her to detach. She cried over me not wanting to be friend with her cuz I said it was "too much". She denied another dude due to the fact I wouldn't talk to her if she was seeing him! I had this girl completely mind boggled BUT I did the wrong thing by always being there. About a month after the breakup I had this girl purposely text me flirty messages via twitter (rock bottom). My ex became INSANELY jealous telling me I can't even be friends with this girl haha. Rather than take the power back and say "well I will make my decision" I rejected this girl (she didn't actually want me I used this as a ploy lol) and my ex STILL didn't take me back! To this day she thinks it was all real and if it was I would be shooting myself in the foot! There is NO cake for her to eat now. She has gotten ALL of her cake and gorged on it. She devoured it. I was there for her this whole time and it's absolutely hilarious cuz this new guy REPLACED ME! That's what he is...........A REPLACEMENT. The minute she developed feelings for him she pushed me away soooooooooo fast. Like I said 2 weeks ago I was sexy and nothing would happen blah blah blah to now her wanting me GONE! I actually sent a few texts last week to test the waters with certain things. I would say "well when you go off to college I don't think I will ever see you again" and her response would be "I know". Rather than her say "We will find a way" or "nothing will change" (which is what she said a month ago, it's now "I know". That's when I knew there was NO HOPE. That's when I gave up and came here cuz I knew I needed to change. I can't actually sit here and say I'm happy for her cuz I went through so much during those 3 months. She made me believe I had a chance. She even told her friends who relayed info back to me "we might get back together again" it was all a bunch of ego feeding and coping for her while I now wallow around aloof! Once the replacement was found which occurred during a college visit LMFAO I was GONE. Your ex texted you for what tho? He didn't want to reconcile?

 

[Colette]

That's EXACTLY how I felt. The only difference is I failed to give her space. I knew better too. I found this site after the breakup and didn't register, but looked at a few threads. I had her soooooo invested. I was a fool to stick around cuz it allowed her to detach. She cried over me not wanting to be friend with her cuz I said it was "too much". She denied another dude due to the fact I wouldn't talk to her if she was seeing him! I had this girl completely mind boggled BUT I did the wrong thing by always being there. About a month after the breakup I had this girl purposely text me flirty messages via twitter (rock bottom). My ex became INSANELY jealous telling me I can't even be friends with this girl haha. Rather than take the power back and say "well I will make my decision" I rejected this girl (she didn't actually want me I used this as a ploy lol) and my ex STILL didn't take me back! To this day she thinks it was all real and if it was I would be shooting myself in the foot! There is NO cake for her to eat now. She has gotten ALL of her cake and gorged on it. She devoured it. I was there for her this whole time and it's absolutely hilarious cuz this new guy REPLACED ME! That's what he is...........A REPLACEMENT. The minute she developed feelings for him she pushed me away soooooooooo fast. Like I said 2 weeks ago I was sexy and nothing would happen blah blah blah to now her wanting me GONE! I actually sent a few texts last week to test the waters with certain things. I would say "well when you go off to college I don't think I will ever see you again" and her response would be "I know". Rather than her say "We will find a way" or "nothing will change" (which is what she said a month ago, it's now "I know". That's when I knew there was NO HOPE. That's when I gave up and came here cuz I knew I needed to change. I can't actually sit here and say I'm happy for her cuz I went through so much during those 3 months. She made me believe I had a chance. She even told her friends who relayed info back to me "we might get back together again" it was all a bunch of ego feeding and coping for her while I now wallow around aloof! Once the replacement was found which occurred during a college visit LMFAO I was GONE. Your ex texted you for what tho? He didn't want to reconcile?

No of course you shouldn’t be happy for her. If her happiness is going to be on your expense screw her and her happiness. I am not wishing my ex any luck. In fact I wish him all unhappiness in this world.
Yeah he emailed me saying “I have 2 ticket for zeppelin concert, yours if you want them” . which I replied no thanks.
Then he emailed me again 10 days after first email just saying : “hello”. I told myself this guy is losing it or what.
Then he emailed me again around Feb 17 or something saying “ I hope you are doing fine, I was thinking about you , I am in middle of nowhere feeling lonely but money is great” , he is working down oil field out west in Alberta- Canada . So that was last I heard from him and I didn’t initiate any contact. So not sure what he meant by sending those emails, but I gave him no details or information about myself or how I was doing. He lost the privilege texting me or know about me once he dumped me . Funny thing was he said in his email “ I hope you have found your special someone” I said to myself WTF !!! why don’t u just go and **** yourself. Of course I didn’t react and said nothing. I have basically spent last 4 months in silence.

 

[Rave18]

After you have stopped grieving, I think it would be better to step back a bit and take a look at WHY do you miss this person so much, the reason for your obsession. Which need does she satisfy ?

Answer to the above question(s) or the thought process may prove useful, IMO.