The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Colette]

I know, which is exactly what I was trying to do, but the b*tch kept flaking. I didn't have any other choice than to simply approach her through text.

Well, I had one other choice, going NC earlier. I really think I should have gone NC way earlier.

I think you did a right thing to try to get her to see you on Monday and wanted to talk to her in person. At least you know you tried and did your best. There is nothing else you could do .
Now you just have to go on with your life and never contact her again.
my story is kind of same. I asked my ex for second chance over text message and my ex said no. I got my answer . nothing else I could do and frankly I don't want to do anything else . I just want to put memory of the toxic relationship behind me and mentally be free. 82 days of NC and I am not over it yet.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

I think you did a right thing to try to get her to see you on Monday and wanted to talk to her in person. At least you know you tried and did your best. There is nothing else you could do .
Now you just have to go on with your life and never contact her again.
my story is kind of same. I asked my ex for second chance over text message and my ex said no. I got my answer . nothing else I could do and frankly I don't want to do anything else . I just want to put memory of the toxic relationship behind me and mentally be free. 82 days of NC and I am not over it yet.

I never asked my ex for any second chances though, I would never do that. I simply wanted to know what she's up to. I wanted to know what kind of thoughts spooked through that little head of hers, and I wanted to know what I could expect. I guess I'll never know. Right now I expect she'll just never contact me ever again (and obviously I won't contact her either), she's stubborn like that.

Oh well, it's for the best. Like I said, I'm already improving on myself and I'm already dating new chicks. I'll take this opportunity to improve my game and become more Alpha, because due to all the circumstances with my ex and the pressure that my study and work put on me I've been reduced to an AFC. I need to get my sh*t back together, pull a Gatsby Effect, become Alpha again like how I used to be when I met my (ex) girlfriend a year ago.

 

[Colette]

I never asked my ex for any second chances though, I would never do that. I simply wanted to know what she's up to. I wanted to know what kind of thoughts spooked through that little head of hers, and I wanted to know what I could expect. I guess I'll never know. Right now I expect she'll just never contact me ever again (and obviously I won't contact her either), she's stubborn like that.

Oh well, it's for the best. Like I said, I'm already improving on myself and I'm already dating new chicks. I'll take this opportunity to improve my game and become more Alpha, because due to all the circumstances with my ex and the pressure that my study and work put on me I've been reduced to an AFC. I need to get my sh*t back together, pull a Gatsby Effect, become Alpha again like how I used to be when I met my (ex) girlfriend a year ago.

Does dating other helps? I had fling with an old flame 3 times , it didn't help at all. I decided to be alone for a while to heal.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

That is exactly what I was thinking as well.

To give you some extra info;

She has this beta orbiter BFF that she new for a while now. He was a real AFC, but he recently pulled a Gatsby Effect and he's acting all Alpha now (or at least trying to). He tried to pick fights with me and he tried to paint me in a bad light. I also knew he was offering himself as a shoulder to cry on to my girlfriend. He seemed like a jealous prick to me who didn't stand a chance, and I figured that no real Alpha would offer to be a girl's emotional tampon anyway. Only chumps and Beta nice-guys think that will get them laid (and it wont).

However, when her attention for me started to decline, I noticed her attention for him started to incline. At first I wasn't worried the slightest bit, but after a while I thought they where getting a little bit too cozy. Even other people thought there was something going on between the two of them.

So I forced my girl to make a choice and either stop seeing him or stop seeing me. I said: "Listen, if you want that other guy, that's fine, but then you should be a good lady and just tell me, I won't be mad at you, I will simply break up and move on to the next chick. If that's not what you want then your only other option will be to stop seeing him at least for a while."

She responded with: "You're being over dramatic, there is nothing going on between me and him, we've been friends for years, I don't see why you'd feel threatened by him all of the sudden, you're being way too insecure and you clearly have trust issues. Don't you trust me? If you don't then you might need to work on that, because a relationship without trust will never work."

So yeah, go figure.

There ya go. B!tches are so much better in these battles than us guys.
You should have walked away, it was too late anyway. Setting an ultimatum resolved nothing (and it pushed her away even further into his beta arms). I know it's usually easier said than done but you do not deserve to be treated like this.

When I told my girl I can't trust her anymore she said "People make mistakes". Hell yeah they do, the prison is full of them, she deserves no better.

 

[Darrenez]

Reading everyone's posts on here, it does seem I am in the minority who hasn't really been done bad by my ex gf. I am on 21 days NC, however I'm not mad at my ex because she didn't do anything wrong to me..she just said she's feels she sees me more of a friend after 6 years although she still loves me.
In truth, I did let her down once in a big way in the past so I certainly can't be mad at her like some of you guys which makes it hard to do NC. I am on 21 days and haven't really heard from her,I'd like to but nothing will chance in such a short time. During the day I'm fine as I'm at work and very busy. I'm training again at the gym 5 times a week so getting fit again as helped but memories play on my mind so I have to stop thinking about them straight away otherwise I begin to feel down.
I have no option but to do NC so there really is no alternative in thinking I can win her back by contacting her because it won't change a damn thing.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 26

Fvck

Today is not going as planned. Kept her off my mind for a good while but today is different. Not even sure if she is at work as I haven't seen her or bumped into her this whole time. I deplore this girl. Honestly I have nothing but hate for her now. But still a part of me wants to reach out. I was the one dumped and I was the one who chose not to reply to her texts. I hope I did the right thing. Part of me just hopes she contacts me again but another part hopes not.

This.is.hard.

I've been advising people here but honestly now I need that support myself. I'm all over the place mentally. Can't wait to finish work and go to the gym.

 

[Backwardsman]

Fvck

Today is not going as planned. Kept her off my mind for a good while but today is different. Not even sure if she is at work as I haven't seen her or bumped into her this whole time. I deplore this girl. Honestly I have nothing but hate for her now. But still a part of me wants to reach out. I was the one dumped and I was the one who chose not to reply to her texts. I hope I did the right thing. Part of me just hopes she contacts me again but another part hopes not.

This.is.hard.

I've been advising people here but honestly now I need that support myself. I'm all over the place mentally. Can't wait to finish work and go to the gym.

Its easy giving people advice, the problem we have is taking our own advice, sucks hey

From what i have seen from your posts, your advice is pretty much spot on, go back and read everything you have posted, it will sink in, and get to the gym, exercise releases happy hormones, make you feel good

Have a good day all and remember - Your relationship ended, not your life, go forward not back, the world is an exciting place, much more exciting than thinking about an ex or waiting by the phone, waste of time - Enjoy all

 

[beatjunkie]

@Backwardsman

Taking our own advice is certainly harder than giving it. I feel like its the right thing to do ultimately....this NC thing. I know for her its hard too because she once told me "i am friends with all my exs and cant stand being hated." That gives me some relief to know that I am the exception. I refuse to be degraded and an emotional tampon. I fvcking refuse. I lost too much self respect to reach out. I guess its just my ego asking for a rubbing by hoping she will reach out first

 

[Noyou]

@Backwardsman

Taking our own advice is certainly harder than giving it. I feel like its the right thing to do ultimately....this NC thing. I know for her its hard too because she once told me "i am friends with all my exs and cant stand being hated." That gives me some relief to know that I am the exception. I refuse to be degraded and an emotional tampon. I fvcking refuse. I lost too much self respect to reach out. I guess its just my ego asking for a rubbing by hoping she will reach out first

You need to go into this as if that won't happen (in most cases will happen OVER TIME). Also with them coming back, you need to figure out why they are, because I don't like the sound of it that, "I didn't find anyone out there, I guess you'll have to do"

Total MFing crap, I'm not second best, I am the best and I deserve the best


I've been nc for about 3 months and some change and I've seen how she has progressed in her taste of men. I can say from what I've seen go on, she is trying to get with some guys that are either fatter, look like me, have bad boy tendencies or have kids with a mix of reasons stated. You must remember if she IS dating someone else or trying to do such right out of the breakup or maybe during a break, typically it's someone that is a lower "mark" than you, meaning it's easy to obtain them as a relationship prospect (low self esteem, beta tendencies) even if you showed beta aspects. They already know you and how you act and they are looking for something new. I got told by my ex that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, but the week before that previously, she was basically touching my ass in the store.

Don't get caught up in what she says guys, more than likely it's crap because she doesn't want to feel guilty about letting you go and the real reasons. I mean listen to how it sounds, "hey I'm breaking up with you because I found someone I think is better (whatever the reason is)"

Sounds pretty *****y to me, whereas "I'm not attracted to you anymore (insert bs reason here)" is giving her probable reason to say such without seeming like a total ***** and leaving you like it's your fault.

More than likely guys and gals, if you treated her/him good, they will come back. If not, they did you a favor. Why would you want to be with a weak, greedy, slutty, lying, betraying guy/girl anyway?

You deserve someone that is deserving of your time and loving affection. Don't let your ex turn you into a mess or even worse, a monster.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. She was rubbing my cawck and telling me how she missed it being inside of her and two days later "I don't feel anything for you. I'm not attracted anymore"

 

[Dtsm3]

X3 no contact!

In the past year I have split up with 3 different women. One after 13 years, and two after a short time.

What I have realised is that my life is for me only, and no one else. That I cannot rely on anyone else, and if any women wants to be part of my life it has to be because I want them - I certainly don't need them.

I split up with the last girl two days ago. And have no intention of contacting her, or the other two. The long term relationship I have no choice but to contact her due to owning property together which we are selling, but I will keep contact brief and about the property, nothing else.

So for me this is about not contacting 3 specific women.

Numbers have been deleted and Facebook accounts deleted.

Day 1 - no contact with all 3 of them! Thank god!

 

[Noyou]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. She was rubbing my cawck and telling me how she missed it being inside of her and two days later "I don't feel anything for you. I'm not attracted anymore"

More than likely she's a borderline female, a slut or both

Example:

During our break I told her: "I'd feel comfortable if you not see anyone while working on yourself"
Responded with an: "Ok, I'm proud of you for being ok with this, I won't see anyone"
Action: She saw someone/actively looking for someone

When I asked if she was looking around
Response: "I'm not, I told you I wasn't going to"
Action: Found out she went to a bar with a guy and openly lied about it and caught her in the lie

Give them nothing folks

 

[mkj1990]

My ex contacted me last night, and I need to clean the air somehow. Head = messed up atm.

I've been going through a rough patch over the last year or so. Very long and complicated story made short(just read my previous posts in this forum if you want the full story): Gf broke up with me three times in eight or nine months, was a flaker, rebounded the day after she broke it up with me etc. She has family issues, has admitted to being insecure. Never really took the time to build a solid relationship with me.

After the third break-up I went NC for a couple of months, and she came crawling back. Only this time I refused to take her back as I didn't trust her. This was around christmas. After that she told me she would never speak to me again, and there was no contact for around three months.

But then she started texting me again, telling me she was over me and just wanted to know how I was doing etc.
Last night the tone was very different. She started begging again, talking about how much she has changed, that she's a totally different person and how sorry she was for the way she has treated me.

I'll be honest with you guys, this messed up my head. I'm not very successful with women, and hasn't really found anyone after the breakup (7-8 months ago). I don't want to give in on her begging, but it is so hard! I know deep down that I don't trust her, and I don't want to be the little b*tch that takes her back every time. But it is really hard when you don't really have any other women in your life... Need some advice here, guys!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I know it's an NC thread but I'd like to share a small accomplishment.

Been talking on the phone to a female friend who is in a similar situation as I am in, BPD jealous boyfriend etc etc...I didn't tell her to leave him, I kept telling her to forget about the past and look towards what's good for her.

She knows all about my ex, I poured everything at her during the first days of the breakup...maybe I shouldn't have done it. anyway:

* Bombarded her with C&F
* some DHVs
* both shared some personal stories
* a bit more C&F (a bit too c0cky but I pulled it off nicely)
* made her qualify herself to me ("beauty is quite a common thing, what makes you different from all the beautiful girls out there?" - MM classic)
-> she DID qualify herself
* asked her out on a date
-> she said uhm maybe..but just as friends
* I immediately disqualified myself "relax we don't fit each other anyway"
-> she said "we'll see about that"
* a bit more DHV and C&F
* I told her "I hope you don't fall in love with me that quickly" (mistake?)
* anyway, she laughed her ass off during the whole convo
* I told her we would go to the go-cart park
-> she got kinda excited, said we'll have fun
* teased her around about her driving skills (I plan on a competition, winner gets a massage from the loser!)
-> she started to talk about my ex girlfriend and her boyfriend
* I tell her to forget about the past, now it's a beginning of a "new era"
-> she agreed
* end call with some more c&f (sweet dreams...you know what, I allow you only two dreams about me this night -> laughing her ass off and asking why not three)


made a few mistakes here and there (kinda big ones but not critical) but we finished the convo in a very good way with a high interest level.

This girl wants to end her relationship so badly. Maybe I'll be the rebound guy but I seriously don't care.
I am on the look for the warmth of tights, since I still cannot hold feelings yet.

And I only had sex with one girl...1 girl at 20? WTF?

 

[Noyou]

My ex contacted me last night, and I need to clean the air somehow. Head = messed up atm.

I've been going through a rough patch over the last year or so. Very long and complicated story made short(just read my previous posts in this forum if you want the full story): Gf broke up with me three times in eight or nine months, was a flaker, rebounded the day after she broke it up with me etc. She has family issues, has admitted to being insecure. Never really took the time to build a solid relationship with me.

After the third break-up I went NC for a couple of months, and she came crawling back. Only this time I refused to take her back as I didn't trust her. This was around christmas. After that she told me she would never speak to me again, and there was no contact for around three months.

But then she started texting me again, telling me she was over me and just wanted to know how I was doing etc.
Last night the tone was very different. She started begging again, talking about how much she has changed, that she's a totally different person and how sorry she was for the way she has treated me.

I'll be honest with you guys, this messed up my head. I'm not very successful with women, and hasn't really found anyone after the breakup (7-8 months ago). I don't want to give in on her begging, but it is so hard! I know deep down that I don't trust her, and I don't want to be the little b*tch that takes her back every time. But it is really hard when you don't really have any other women in your life... Need some advice here, guys!

She said she has changed, but has she really? Actions speak ALOT louder than words and who's not to say that this woman will be "sorry" and then bust your balls again when things don't go her way or she won't know what she wants.

If I were you, I'd let her blow up your phone, I'd let her call you like crazy, but DO NOT ANSWER because it sounds like to me SHE needs to do the work to get back with you, as you took her back 3 times.

3 TIMES MAN!

Let her do some work for a change. See if she REALLY wants you back.

Let her squirm! let her go through what you went through and maybe she WILL realize she is really sorry but instead of saying it, she will act it. When she broke up with you, did she consider your feelings?

Sounds like a big no

This really is the only way that will work. It IS hard, I know, but the thing is realistically, you can't trust a word she says.

I wouldn't

 

[Noyou]

I know it's an NC thread but I'd like to share a small accomplishment.

Been talking on the phone to a female friend who is in a similar situation as I am in, BPD jealous boyfriend etc etc...I didn't tell her to leave him, I kept telling her to forget about the past and look towards what's good for her.

She knows all about my ex, I poured everything at her during the first days of the breakup...maybe I shouldn't have done it. anyway:

* Bombarded her with C&F
* some DHVs
* both shared some personal stories
* a bit more C&F (a bit too c0cky but I pulled it off nicely)
* made her qualify herself to me ("beauty is quite a common thing, what makes you different from all the beautiful girls out there?" - MM classic)
-> she DID qualify herself
* asked her out on a date
-> she said uhm maybe..but just as friends
* I immediately disqualified myself "relax we don't fit each other anyway"
-> she said "we'll see about that"
* a bit more DHV and C&F
* I told her "I hope you don't fall in love with me that quickly" (mistake?)
* anyway, she laughed her ass off during the whole convo
* I told her we would go to the go-cart park
-> she got kinda excited, said we'll have fun
* teased her around about her driving skills (I plan on a competition, winner gets a massage from the loser!)
-> she started to talk about my ex girlfriend and her boyfriend
* I tell her to forget about the past, now it's a beginning of a "new era"
-> she agreed
* end call with some more c&f (sweet dreams...you know what, I allow you only two dreams about me this night -> laughing her ass off and asking why not three)


made a few mistakes here and there (kinda big ones but not critical) but we finished the convo in a very good way with a high interest level.

This girl wants to end her relationship so badly. Maybe I'll be the rebound guy but I seriously don't care.
I am on the look for the warmth of tights, since I still cannot hold feelings yet.

And I only had sex with one girl...1 girl at 20? WTF?

That is good and all but here is the thing. If you get yourself back, you put yourself at your "prime" so to speak and will get something meaningful, instead of sex. Sex is great and all but if you're looking for more than that, you need to work on yourself first and foremost. It will put everything in prospective, trust me in saying that you are selling yourself short right now by getting into another relationship that might be meaningless.

Don't be the guy who doesn't care about what comes across your path, that just means your ex was right about you in showing weakness, and word will get around eventually to her. Exs love to keep tabs

Read this part of the forum as well http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=124926

I have the luck of having an ex that is both an AW and a girl that has BPD.
and that's just the tip of my relationship iceberg, lol

 

[mkj1990]

She said she has changed, but has she really? Actions speak ALOT louder than words and who's not to say that this woman will be "sorry" and then bust your balls again when things don't go her way or she won't know what she wants.

If I were you, I'd let her blow up your phone, I'd let her call you like crazy, but DO NOT ANSWER because it sounds like to me SHE needs to do the work to get back with you, as you took her back 3 times.

3 TIMES MAN!

Let her do some work for a change. See if she REALLY wants you back.

Let her squirm! let her go through what you went through and maybe she WILL realize she is really sorry but instead of saying it, she will act it. When she broke up with you, did she consider your feelings?

Sounds like a big no

This really is the only way that will work. It IS hard, I know, but the thing is realistically, you can't trust a word she says.

I wouldn't

Well, she said last night: "I'm not the drama queen I used to be", but still acted like one by trying stir up an argument. So no, I'm not convinced she has changed. Still seem to be the same old unsecure, "daddy-issues", drama-queen. I don't know if it is possible for this type of person to ever change...?

Thanks mate.

 

[Noyou]

Well, she said last night: "I'm not the drama queen I used to be", but still acted like one by trying stir up an argument. So no, I'm not convinced she has changed. Still seem to be the same old unsecure, "daddy-issues", drama-queen. I don't know if it is possible for this type of person to ever change...?

Thanks mate.

Possibility to change?

I have wondered this myself and I've have several of my friends go through this and I will say this from their experiences.

One only changes until they are forced to change or wrong and change, or a mix of both.

Friend of mine got friend zoned by her bf and they lived in the same house. After awhile, she gave up trying to get him back and did her own thing and he finally started to realize that he needed her. Even when, and it took a long time, she took him back after he basically showed her that he had changed, she still didn't fully trust him and took a course of a year to finally regain said trust.

IMO you are right but it sounds to me like she hasn't changed at all. It probably didn't work out with this other guy and she got bored and she's coming back to the sure thing that is comfortable to her.

If you take her back she will play you again 100%

Let her come to you and work for you now, you already took her back 3 times and broke your heart multiple times.

 

[Colette]

More than likely she's a borderline female, a slut or both

Example:

During our break I told her: "I'd feel comfortable if you not see anyone while working on yourself"
Responded with an: "Ok, I'm proud of you for being ok with this, I won't see anyone"
Action: She saw someone/actively looking for someone

When I asked if she was looking around
Response: "I'm not, I told you I wasn't going to"
Action: Found out she went to a bar with a guy and openly lied about it and caught her in the lie

Give them nothing folks

or maybe she was just horny in that moment and couldn't wait to have some sex lol

 

[Noyou]

or maybe she was just horny in that moment and couldn't wait to have some sex lol

Well dogs will have sex with other dogs then.

horny in that moment and couldn't wait to have some sex = slut
I get horny but I don't go **** anything that moves, I have control. lol