The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

RJ92156

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bateman72 said:
I think your mixed emotions are a great sign. We all start NC with the intention of making her miss us and spend each day waiting for that call.

At some point, with a little bit of distance and introspection the pedestal we put the ex on begins to settle and crumble.

I used to think NC is a success at the point where you really don't give a fvck if she calls or not. Now I believe NC is successful when you reach the point where you feel your ex would need to earn her right back into your life.

Now, if she calls you are probably not going to jump into talking to her, instead you will hang back and see if she is really working to get back with you.

That's a good place to be, a lot of us are in the situation we are in because we stopped requiring our ex to earn our affection and became supplicating and needy.
Thanks Bateman, that makes a lot of sense. I feel better after the gym.

The thing with this girl is that I know she'll eventually contact me. We weren't in a full fledged relationship but we spent the last 8 months basically on the brink of it and every time we got close, she'd do something to piss me off and I'd react in a needy emotional way, thus turning her off. I know how she is though with other people and ex boyfriends. She always goes back. But yeah, it would be nice to be in a spot where I'm in different and make her work. Then maybe I could just bang her and not care. We'll see.

The ironic thing is I'm currently talking to a different girl I used to date years ago, who I felt exactly the same way about. And we're getting coffee tomorrow.

Funny how things work out.
 

yellowfever

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Day 9 - Reflections on Vietnamese Girls

I'm missing my Vietnamese gf. There is no doubt about it. I'd take her back in an instant if she wanted to make our relationship work.

BUT, I just spoke with my ex-Chinese wife. She told me that my gf was nothing special with really no capability. (I thought she was the most beautiful and sexiest woman that I ever met.) Sure she has a university degree but she cannot find a job in her field or any useful well paying job. Life is hard for her and her family.

For these girls with no capability their job is to please their man and make him happy.

In Vietnam there is basically a limitless supply of such 'happy' girls.

I'm glad to be going back to Vietnam later this week. I won't initiate contact with my ex-gf but may speak to her if she writes to me but I will look for more 'happy' girls to replace her. I think I will stay a month until after Chinese New Years (TET in Vietnam). maybe I will spend some time in Cambodia too - it has it's own charms.

Happy girls are easy to find. Maybe there is some sunshine in the future.



I wish to thank my ex-wife for the fresh perspective.
 

thecreature

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Fuk. Just checked her fb and saw her with her new bf on vacation. Fuk it hurts. My fault for breaking it. Now blocked her fb.
 

thecreature

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Fuk this hurts like hell but I'm dealing with the pain now. Now I finally accept there is no hope.
 

jackson37

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thecreature said:
Fuk. Just checked her fb and saw her with her new bf on vacation. Fuk it hurts. My fault for breaking it. Now blocked her fb.
Can't tell you how many times we're all tempted by that man.....just take it as a lesson for next time. Turn that hurt into experience. Use it to fuel you on your no contact quest.
 

thecreature

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Man. I knew there would be a day this would happen.
Lesson learned. That's why NC is NC. To all that are tempted. Don't. She is a vile cvnt. Only a few months ago I went on vacation with her. What a joke.
 

bateman72

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Creature:

that totally sucks. Facebook is evil. I been avoiding my exes facebook like the plague.

The more pain you experience now the stronger you will be when you get over this.
 

RJ92156

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I wanted to get someone's perspective on how I actually initiated no contact, since its a bit different..

The last time I heard from her was NYE. We were in the same establishment and we talked about how we were both gonna be there and agreed to meet up. Basically there's this guy who she claims she's just friends with it but I can tell that's not the case. Me getting jealous over this lead to her becoming distant, being short, etc. I could tell things were different. So on NYE when i got there, I saw her with him, holding hands, etc and in my mind, I was done..and then she texted me later in the night "where are you". I never responded and it's been NC since. I'm sure she saw me that night but I just did not wanna deal with her, since she was hanging out w/a guy that she lied to me about.

Any perspective on how this changes things, if any...
 

jackson37

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RJ92156 said:
I wanted to get someone's perspective on how I actually initiated no contact, since its a bit different..

The last time I heard from her was NYE. We were in the same establishment and we talked about how we were both gonna be there and agreed to meet up. Basically there's this guy who she claims she's just friends with it but I can tell that's not the case. Me getting jealous over this lead to her becoming distant, being short, etc. I could tell things were different. So on NYE when i got there, I saw her with him, holding hands, etc and in my mind, I was done..and then she texted me later in the night "where are you". I never responded and it's been NC since. I'm sure she saw me that night but I just did not wanna deal with her, since she was hanging out w/a guy that she lied to me about.

Any perspective on how this changes things, if any...
RJ you're in a similar situation as me. You DID initiate no contact and you dont need to contact her again to tell her so, its finished. Dont make my mistake. There was another guy my ex claimed to be "just good friends with", but texting him daily for months...I approached her about it and got the "he's just my friend speech". She breaks up with me, I'm dumb so I stay her friend for a while, find out she kisses him on NYE, and I end all contact till now. Day 5 completed.

I didn't show any reaction when she texted me about it only said i assumed that was already happening and none of what she did was my concern so i dont need to know about it. Then initiated no contactt (I was planning this before i even knew lol). Do you think I made the right response?
 

thecreature

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jackson37 said:
Can't tell you how many times we're all tempted by that man.....just take it as a lesson for next time. Turn that hurt into experience. Use it to fuel you on your no contact quest.
Man hurts like nothing I've experienced before. I unblocked her but can't add as friend since I don't want her to know I'm butthurt
She may have wanted a reaction out of me since ive been NC for so long.. Still Im NOT breaking direct NC. She probaly expects me to blow up by email or text but that will give her satisfaction. I wont do it.

Im better now. Just think she is pathetic. Only a HO goes from one bed/vacation to another....I should post a pic of me and her in BED and add her BF as friend on FB...
 

RJ92156

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jackson37 said:
RJ you're in a similar situation as me. You DID initiate no contact and you dont need to contact her again to tell her so, its finished. Dont make my mistake. There was another guy my ex claimed to be "just good friends with", but texting him daily for months...I approached her about it and got the "he's just my friend speech". She breaks up with me, I'm dumb so I stay her friend for a while, find out she kisses him on NYE, and I end all contact till now. Day 5 completed.

I didn't show any reaction when she texted me about it only said i assumed that was already happening and none of what she did was my concern so i dont need to know about it. Then initiated no contactt (I was planning this before i even knew lol). Do you think I made the right response?
You absolutely made the right response. Act completely indifferent to it. They can sense it when you do. The fact that she kissed him leaves you no other option.

Funny thing is, he was around when we were first seeing each other... I literally remember making out with her in front of him. Then I screwed up, she ran to him. Then vice versa. Which makes me think she'll be back lol.
 

thecreature

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RJ92156 said:
You absolutely made the right response. Act completely indifferent to it. They can sense it when you do. The fact that she kissed him leaves you no other option.

Funny thing is, he was around when we were first seeing each other... I literally remember making out with her in front of him. Then I screwed up, she ran to him. Then vice versa. Which makes me think she'll be back lol.
She just wants a reaction from you or maybe she dont care but deep down she does. They always do, because it boosts their ego.
 

bateman72

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Well its ten (10) days no contact since I broke NC at day 18. I am actually having a bit of a difficult day.

It is such a mind fvck when a girl cheats on you.

I have a date on Thursday that I am worried about. One year younger than my ex-girlfriend and super cute.

Just got to keep moving and trying not to think about the ex.
 

orbion2013

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having a very hard day today... even tho i know i am better off without this woman, and i know she has nothing to offer me in the shape of a healthy future.. i still find myself missing her.

i think the thought of her with other men hurts me the most... and i feel so much regret for letting her back into my life only 2 months ago.... after she pretty much BEGGED me to take her back.

wish i had rejected her & i would not be feeling like this now!
 

cgr68311

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orbion2013 said:
having a very hard day today... even tho i know i am better off without this woman, and i know she has nothing to offer me in the shape of a healthy future.. i still find myself missing her.

i think the thought of her with other men hurts me the most... and i feel so much regret for letting her back into my life only 2 months ago.... after she pretty much BEGGED me to take her back.

wish i had rejected her & i would not be feeling like this now!
You are not the only one. If you review my posts, I joined this site when I had successfully dumped my ex first and felt great until she sent some lame email....women....
 

MichiganMan1111

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orbion2013 said:
having a very hard day today... even tho i know i am better off without this woman, and i know she has nothing to offer me in the shape of a healthy future.. i still find myself missing her.

i think the thought of her with other men hurts me the most... and i feel so much regret for letting her back into my life only 2 months ago.... after she pretty much BEGGED me to take her back.

wish i had rejected her & i would not be feeling like this now!
Keep your head up guy. We have all been there. I can promise you the thought of her with other guys goes away. It takes some time, for me it was probably about 40 days.

I can tell you the best prescription: getting a new woman in your life. My ex was banging a new guy right after I went NC and it hurt me. Then I found a great girl, and I found out after some time that my ex was on to her second new guy. I can say with all honesty and sincerity I felt nothing when I heard about it. Keep focused, you will be in a much better place soon. Find a good girl and treat her right. Hell, if it happens again at least you will know how to deal with it.

P.S. maybe you will get a great Christmas present like I did: I was on my way over to my new woman's place and a text popped up from my ex asking if I wanted to meet (close to 70 days NC at this point, AND she has a boyfriend). I laughed to myself and hit delete: Gentlemen,The Best Revenge Is Living Well!
 

jackson37

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RJ92156 said:
You absolutely made the right response. Act completely indifferent to it. They can sense it when you do. The fact that she kissed him leaves you no other option.

Funny thing is, he was around when we were first seeing each other... I literally remember making out with her in front of him. Then I screwed up, she ran to him. Then vice versa. Which makes me think she'll be back lol.
Yea she just messaged me that out of no where! Completely unnecessary. The only thing that it did was serve to bother me when I'm consumed by thoughts of her and now thought of her with this other dude like what they're doing. Hurts man, but we got our good days and our bad days.

I think the best advice for both of us to keep doing no contact with the goal of moving on from her, not trying to get her back. Could you even take a women back that disrespected you like this? I dont think I could after knowing she'd been with this dude who she'd been interested in even while we were together. **** em.
 

Jariel

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Be careful of Facebook and social networks guys. I'm seeing so many of you doing so well keeping no contact, healing and recovering and then getting knocked back because you saw something on Facebook.

My sister told me yesterday that my ex still has her as a friend on Facebook. She started to tell me about how she's not showing signs of being with someone else and still has my photos in her albums and on her timeline...but then I told her to stop. I think my sis was trying to give me some kind of reassurance and thought maybe I wanted to hear this, but I told her it's better that I don't know anything.

You see, on one hand, you could see your ex's profile and she could be in a new relationship, could have photos with another guy, looking happy, or status updates, which will hurt you and get those emotions bubbling and those obsessive thoughts going.

On the other hand, you could find out that she still has photos of you on her profile, or she's putting statuses that suggest she's hurting and you may read into them and think they're about you. Then you start to build up your hopes...and then the obsessive thoughts kick in.

Neither of these scenarios are going to help you to let go and heal. A lot of guys here are worried about blocking or deleting their ex in case it makes them look hurt, but you're giving way too much focus on what she is thinking! It is better to cut her out, delete and block her, than to be clingy. If anything it just shows that you are focusing on forgetting her and moving on.

Remember guys, this is about you! Your priority should be getting over the pain, healing and rebuilding yourself. Do whatever it takes to remain strong and let go.
 

joker79

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Delete, block FB, whatsapp, Instagram, whatever. You do not want to get in touch with her and get involved in her life. If she wants to contact you, she's got all the means to do it
 
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