tripod23 said:
i have been in a very similar situation where my ex was telling me she loved me , missed me , wanted me , but yet did nothing to make things happen , you need to remember that if your ex sees you being in any way weak , she will play on it all the way to the bank my friend.
now this is where you could possible turn things around in your own favour , but only if you want to that is , firstly you need to accept for the time being at least that whats done is done , and make all the effort to STOP punishing yourself . its not all your fault ok just remember that.
women want a man to be a man , they say they want flowers and for us to go shopping with them and all that bull**** ....but it never works that way .
This has been the difficult part for me and where I've been most torn. On one hand, I totally and utterly agree that showing weakness will go against me and I gain more ground by no contact and not giving her any attention.
On the other hand, I basically called the break up and I treated her dreadfully during a really tough time in her life. I recognise that I was in the wrong and that my behaviour is one of the main reasons she will not try again (I've heard this from her and from her friend too). Originally, I thought she had moved on with ease and didn't care, when it turns out I've really hurt her.
No contact worked in a lot of ways. It reached the point where she couldn't hold back any more and made contact, revealed her feelings etc, but the damage I've caused will not go away through no contact or playing cool.
However, you're right...I need to stop punishing myself. This is dragging out the pain, stopping me from healing and if I keep blaming myself, I lose valuable man points in her eyes...and worse, in my own eyes.
i know you only want her back in your life..... and fast , but it wont happen until she sees you have changed and become a better man , and stop dwelling on all the stuff that has happend.....from now on its nc all the fooooooking way brother,,,,,,,do not reach out to her at all......
You're absolutely right and I need to really let this sink in!! I can apologise and explain and try to find some magic words to change her mind, but the mere action of doing this and pursuing her shows her just how needy I am.
Thankfully, I have not made these mistakes. I've kept my cool the whole time and only replied to texts that she has send, and agreed to an offer to meet that she made. However, I now realise that
I need to stop engaging in this texting and that meeting up is not good for
me right now. I need to move on and heal before I have any contact with her again.
you said you have dated a couple of chicks right......your lucky because since i got the boot i have had nothing ..... zero.......does this concern me not really because i have realised that women are a king size pain in the ass.
I realise I'm very fortunate in this regard. I still have my looks and my confidence and there are a lot of women who have been waiting for me to be single. I get a lot of attention in general too, but what I need to do is reach that level where I'm happy with myself, by myself, without relying on external flattery or attention or reassurance.
it may take her weeks , months , or even yrs for her to realise she made a mistake by letting you go who knows .
i had a girl very recently who iv known for 25 plus yrs told me she only got married because she couldnt have me , i was in shock when she said it .
i also had a girl i dated 17 yrs ago who recently admitted she never treat me right and that i was great to her ,and also admitted how she still likes me , and how i used to make her feel special , so what does this tell you .......it tells you they never forget the good ones ,,,,,,,all the knobs are forgotten but the strong good guys who stick to their guns get respected......and this will happen here if you follow the correct path . put any items of hers out of the way delete numbers and move forward with you mission and purpose in life - which is a very powerfull tool to have under your belt.
Similar things have happened to me too mate. I would say that most of my exes have come looking for another chance with me some years later, but it only happens once I move on.
I know my ex still loves me, but I also understand now is not the right time for us and her reasons for not getting back together make a lot of sense. Our relationship had so much going against us and if we tried again, it would all happen again. Sure, I might be able to put on a front, contain my emotions better, grin and bear it, but ultimately I would not be happy and she would not be able to give me what I really want from a relationship with her.
Perhaps a year from now things will be different, but I can't go on like this for a year or however long it takes, clinging to that hope. I have to focus on moving on!!
Thank you for your post mate and welcome to the thread. You have a lot of valuable insight here.
