The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SamTheHobit]

Now that I think about its pretty bad how we can be hung up on complete rubbish women.

 

[Cali-83]

I was in number 1 hoping giving her time and space to realize that we had a good thing. Now that I saw her yesterday going on a date I have to think number 2. I'm a little relieved now knowing it's never going to be but also really hurt. Just a bad day for me on day 37 now and feeling pretty low.

 

[Machtwo]

I was definitely in number 1 for months, also hoping that time & space might make her realise what we had. I naturally moved in to number 2 when I suppose little by little, that I knew she wanted to go her own way & do her own thing. That was the heartbreaking moment for me - the realisation.

I'm having an off day today, but that is mainly due to a funeral I've been to, my best mates dad.

Since the birthday text of 2 weeks ago, I've now put that 'incident' behind me, only for me to stumble across another one, she phoned me at 04:27 Sunday morning, I've added her number to the rejected list, so it didn't even ring, but the number registers with an odd symbol (Samsung S2), now what's this phone call all about?

 

[mkj1990]

Since the birthday text of 2 weeks ago, I've now put that 'incident' behind me, only for me to stumble across another one, she phoned me at 04:27 Sunday morning, I've added her number to the rejected list, so it didn't even ring, but the number registers with an odd symbol (Samsung S2), now what's this phone call all about?

Drunk dialing, obviously? Probably had a ****ty night out, and wanted to talk to you to make sure you still care about her. At least that's what MY ex would do. Good thing you did not answer. After those calls I always felt like **** in the days that followed.

 

[Machtwo]

Drunk dialing, obviously? Probably had a ****ty night out, and wanted to talk to you to make sure you still care about her. At least that's what MY ex would do. Good thing you did not answer. After those calls I always felt like **** in the days that followed.

Do you think that will be the end of her trying to contact me or will it happen again?

 

[mkj1990]

Do you think that will be the end of her trying to contact me or will it happen again?

I don't know, mate. I'm far from an expert, but I guess you never know anyway. My ex did it a couple of times, but she's a bit crazy.

I do believe however that if a women wants something bad enough (you back in her life, for example) she won't stop just because you did not answer the phone in the middle of the night.

 

[Renegade357]

I do believe however that if a women wants something bad enough (you back in her life, for example) she won't stop just because you did not answer the phone in the middle of the night.

This is true. Women aren't known for having great self control when it comes to their emotions. Unless you have a structured/stubborn type on your hands they will find a way to get in your orbit.

 

[Culebra23]

This is true. Women aren't known for having great self control when it comes to their emotions. Unless you have a structured/stubborn type on your hands they will find a way to get in your orbit.

You hit the nail on the head, when a woman wants you she will stop at nothing. They will send flowers, they will call, call, call, text, text, text, text, email, email, send you pics in panties. If you have a new girl they will do everything to sabotage your new relationship, I am telling you this from experience.

Now a lot of your boys are getting your hopes up on one text, one email, one call from your ex after a couple of weeks or months of NC. You, hear the phone and can't control yourself, you've worked so hard to get the puta out of your mind and now she is calling, it must mean she wants to get back together ---- so you think. When you respond to her she will go cold again. Listen boys, I will give you some advice and I hope you guys are reading this and paying attention. Do yourselves a favor and read all the postings on this message board, in particular the first 100 pages. A lot of men have gotten that call/text/email from their ex's after a couple of weeks of NC, after they have practically healed, it's sad when they respond to their ex only to realize nothing had changed, the ex didn't want to get back together. If you really want to get the upper hand on your ex, when she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, IF you DO you will be welcoming an extended heartache. What you should do is give it at least 60 days from the first contact, give yourself 2 months. If your ex really wants you her quest to get you back will accelerate to the point of madness/insanity.

If you make it too easy for them to come back they will not appreciate it, they will drop you at the slightest argument. Be a man, appreciate your worth.

 

[Jariel]

Now a lot of your boys are getting your hopes up on one text, one email, one call from your ex after a couple of weeks or months of NC. You, hear the phone and can't control yourself, you've worked so hard to get the puta out of your mind and now she is calling, it must mean she wants to get back together ---- so you think. When you respond to her she will go cold again. Listen boys, I will give you some advice and I hope you guys are reading this and paying attention. Do yourselves a favor and read all the postings on this message board, in particular the first 100 pages. A lot of men have gotten that call/text/email from their ex's after a couple of weeks of NC, after they have practically healed, it's sad when they respond to their ex only to realize nothing had changed, the ex didn't want to get back together. If you really want to get the upper hand on your ex, when she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, IF you DO you will be welcoming an extended heartache. What you should do is give it at least 60 days from the first contact, give yourself 2 months. If your ex really wants you her quest to get you back will accelerate to the point of madness/insanity.

If you make it too easy for them to come back they will not appreciate it, they will drop you at the slightest argument. Be a man, appreciate your worth.

So true! I've learned this the hard way.

I got the text I prayed for, with her telling me how much she still loves me, would give anything to be with me again etc, and yet when I reveal that I feel the same, she tells me she doesn't want to get back together...she just wanted to let me know how she feels?!

So we get chatting back and forth and she says she wants to meet me, hints at being sexual. I try to push for that to happen and she withdraws, then I don't reply for a few days and she prompts me by sending me a quick text related to a private joke. Then she tells me how much she misses me and how hard it is to let me go etc...but then tells me how much pain our break up has caused her and she can't risk it again.

It's this constant pushing and pulling, and we're stuck in this limbo. I'm certain she still loves me and it's hurting her to let me go, and yet this is going nowhere and is just prolonging my pain and stopping me from moving on.

Yes, it's really great to have the attention and reassurance, but it hurts every time she pulls back. So I totally agree with this post. Unless your ex is certain about getting back with you and making it work, just don't bother replying. It's more harm than it's worth.

 

[Renegade357]

So true! I've learned this the hard way.

I got the text I prayed for, with her telling me how much she still loves me, would give anything to be with me again etc, and yet when I reveal that I feel the same, she tells me she doesn't want to get back together...she just wanted to let me know how she feels?!

Sounds like you rushed into rejection dude. If you're gonna let her back in you gotta do it slow. Spoon feed her. Make her earn it. Anyways, probably water under the bridge now.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Now a lot of your boys are getting your hopes up on one text, one email, one call from your ex after a couple of weeks or months of NC. You, hear the phone and can't control yourself, you've worked so hard to get the puta out of your mind and now she is calling, it must mean she wants to get back together ---- so you think. When you respond to her she will go cold again.
...
If you really want to get the upper hand on your ex, when she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, IF you DO you will be welcoming an extended heartache. What you should do is give it at least 60 days from the first contact, give yourself 2 months. If your ex really wants you her quest to get you back will accelerate to the point of madness/insanity.

If you make it too easy for them to come back they will not appreciate it, they will drop you at the slightest argument. Be a man, appreciate your worth.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Culebra23 again.

I seriously want to give you a hug man!

Ever since I've read gettinbetter.com/anycost.html I've been trying to deny in my mind that my ex could be so mean and incosiderate towards me. I trying to convince myself that it is impossible for her to be like that, and there's something I can do about it.

I was about to send her a text a dude back in page 163 said it was a good NC message "I have been thinking and breaking up was the best thing for us - I've realized that I no longer feel the same as well. The relationship has gone stale and we need no contact for a long time so we can both move forward", Because I read this Number 1, Number 2 thing. Even though it's good advice, we should keep it to ourselfs.

I've already told her I was going NC, it was long, emotional, sappy... But I said I'm going NC. She replied 20 days later some bullcr*p I haven't read.

She does not want me back. She just want to reassure herlself. The minute I'm weak and respond to her, whatever it may be, that's it. I'm weak, she is strong, she is in the dominant position, here we go for more days of crying and regret.

Excelent timing Culebra. You just saved me for making a Huge mistake.
Day 30 of NC!

 

[Jariel]

Sounds like you rushed into rejection dude. If you're gonna let her back in you gotta do it slow. Spoon feed her. Make her earn it. Anyways, probably water under the bridge now.

You're possibly right. I know I rushed things in replying to her and laying it all on the line, and it hasn't exactly scared her off. Perhaps if I played it more slowly and carefully it's not a lost cause.

She has suggested meeting up next weekend, so I'll go NC until I hear any more about this and keep an open mind.

Thanks mate.

 

[Renegade357]

You're possibly right. I know I rushed things in replying to her and laying it all on the line, and it hasn't exactly scared her off. Perhaps if I played it more slowly and carefully it's not a lost cause.

She has suggested meeting up next weekend, so I'll go NC until I hear any more about this and keep an open mind.

Thanks mate.

Take some pressure off yourself. Just take her back to date 1. Next time she contacts you ask if she wants to get together at a specific place at a specific time. aka a definite date. Keep it light and funny, avoid heavy subjects. Make sure you have a good time. Don't talk about relationships or love or anything. When she leaves don't call her back let her call you.

If she says no you don't call her back. If she says yes and flakes you don't call her again. Every time she contacts you you're asking her out and never getting heavy. If she says no you act like you don't care. Be indifferent to the outcome. And for crying out loud date or at least talk to other women. You're on the market and if she wants you off she has to earn you back.

Good luck!!

 

[Lotus Effect]

You're possibly right. I know I rushed things in replying to her and laying it all on the line, and it hasn't exactly scared her off. Perhaps if I played it more slowly and carefully it's not a lost cause.

She has suggested meeting up next weekend, so I'll go NC until I hear any more about this and keep an open mind.

Thanks mate.

Man...

I know we are on the same boat (The Take Me Back Ex S.S.). But I'm starting to feel for you dude.

There is a point where you've got to admit. It's not gonna happen. This is the worst part. Accepting it. But I guarantee you, you are only prolonging your pain every time you try a new move, a new schme, a new tactic... It just won't happen.

It's not happening now, what makes you think it will happen anytime soon?

My vocal coach had an on and off relationship for 7 years. I've never met someone so poisoned by a girl. So miserable and insecure about relationships. And he is a 24 year old dude who runs his own business and is a f**king lead singer. The girl screwed over his mind so damn much that I had to do something. I taught him some basic stuff, and told him to cut all contact with her.

He is still beta (so am I), but he actually remained NC. The difference was brutal in his posture, his attitude, his spirit. So much that he got a new girl. He told me that his ex reached out sometimes, never to be replied, and eventually gave up.

I told you once, and I will tell you again. They just want attention. They crave for it, you know it. They need to feel special. Cut that from her. At first she will be glad. Than sad. Than mad... and than gone.

And that is the point everyone here, specially you these last few days, is missing. To let her go. She needs to go for you to grow.

The only chance people have in getting back together with their ex's is something that I'm yet to read in this forum. So here it is: You have to move on. She has to move on. There is no getting back. There is only start anew. Only when both of you are healed from each other, and from the failed relationship, that you are going to have a chance.
And I'm really sorry to inform you Jariel, this is the Long Run! It's not something that a week of NC will change.

Focus on yourself man. Let her be. Let her live her own life. Forget about it. I know it's hard, tell me about it. And I know you are hurt. I'm also hurt, and so does anyone in here. Some more, some less.

Stop trying to get back together. You need to Stop it. This On and Off thing may last for a long time if you don't stop it. It's a road of heartache and pain, and your severing some good years of your life while doing it.

Sorry if it sounded harsh, but see it as Bro Love!
Cheer up and move on!

 

[Renegade357]

Stop trying to get back together. You need to Stop it. This On and Off thing may last for a long time if you don't stop it. It's a road of heartache and pain, and your severing some good years of your life while doing it.

It just seems like most of the guys who do "no contact" properly don't act the right way when the ex comes back. They get too emotional and run too easily back into their exes arms. They need to learn that it's a cat and mouse game. Plus you have to be indifferent to the outcome and see other women. Treat the ex as a plate until she starts doing the right things and earns you back. If she doesn't do that there's no reason to get emotional about it. Be indifferent to the outcome!

Do it right, protect your heart and you'll get the ex back or more likely find someone better. Either way you win!!

 

[Machtwo]

Do it right, protect your heart and you'll get the ex back or more likely find someone better. Either way you win!!

I'll drink to that!!

 

[Jariel]

It's not happening now, what makes you think it will happen anytime soon?

This is the part that fvcks with my head. It does feel like it will happen soon. She wanted to meet last week originally, but I was away and couldn't make it, so now she says next weekend. Even though it's not a date and she's rejected the idea of us getting together, I know that if/when we meet in person it's going to stir her feelings up again. She's never been able to look me in the eyes without melting (her words). And unlike those situations where the ex has simply lost interest or fallen out of love, we broke up due to a harsh argument and those feelings haven't changed.

By writing that, I'm not trying to justify chasing her or clinging, but I just want to illustrate why it's difficult for me to give up and let go.

And that is the point everyone here, specially you these last few days, is missing. To let her go. She needs to go for you to grow.

The only chance people have in getting back together with their ex's is something that I'm yet to read in this forum. So here it is: You have to move on. She has to move on. There is no getting back. There is only start anew. Only when both of you are healed from each other, and from the failed relationship, that you are going to have a chance.
And I'm really sorry to inform you Jariel, this is the Long Run! It's not something that a week of NC will change.

I totally agree with this and I've given this same advice to others. The truth is, I know that I'm in no fit state to make things work even if she wanted to. I'm too needy and too emotional. Even if I could hide it on the outside, I wouldn't be able to take the pressure-free attitude that's needed. Besides, we're still holding onto some resentment and we can't just brush that under the carpet by kissing and making up.

Sorry if it sounded harsh, but see it as Bro Love!
Cheer up and move on!

I do mate. Thanks. I really appreciate the support I've been getting from this forum and hope in my stronger moments I've been able to return the favour...or at least offer people the wisdom of my mistakes.

 

[Jariel]

Make sure you have a good time. Don't talk about relationships or love or anything. When she leaves don't call her back let her call you.

This was my intention and it's what we did the last time we broke up. We met up, cleared the air and left on good terms. After 2 weeks of not contacting her, she started chasing me and we decided to give it another go.

If I'm honest, I've been hoping the same thing will happen again. But the problem is, I'm finding myself clinging to this hope and I'm stuck in this rut.

And for crying out loud date or at least talk to other women. You're on the market and if she wants you off she has to earn you back.

I'm trying mate, I really am. I've been on 2 dates and have another one next week. I got talking to this hot blonde who has been sending me naked and teasing videos of herself and is up for sex any time I'm ready...and yet I can't even get excited.

However, I do find that texting other women really helps. At the risk of sounding like a sissy, I think I just want their companionship right now. The girl I first dated made me feel so much better and I loved speaking, texting and flirting with her, but I just didn't want to take it any further...and it's not fair on her either.

It just seems like most of the guys who do "no contact" properly don't act the right way when the ex comes back. They get too emotional and run too easily back into their exes arms. They need to learn that it's a cat and mouse game. Plus you have to be indifferent to the outcome and see other women. Treat the ex as a plate until she starts doing the right things and earns you back. If she doesn't do that there's no reason to get emotional about it. Be indifferent to the outcome!

Do it right, protect your heart and you'll get the ex back or more likely find someone better. Either way you win!!

This is absolutely true and I've done it before. However, you need to genuinely detach before you can handle a situation like this and if I'm honest, I'm not in that place right now.

I can act indifferent, I can even convince her I'm cool and calm in person, but I'm so messed up at the moment, I'm not sure I could keep it up for long.

 

[Lotus Effect]

It just seems like most of the guys who do "no contact" properly don't act the right way when the ex comes back. They get too emotional and run too easily back into their exes arms. They need to learn that it's a cat and mouse game. Plus you have to be indifferent to the outcome and see other women. Treat the ex as a plate until she starts doing the right things and earns you back. If she doesn't do that there's no reason to get emotional about it. Be indifferent to the outcome!

Do it right, protect your heart and you'll get the ex back or more likely find someone better. Either way you win!!

Culebra said some interesting stuff that reinforces this line of thought, and as of today, yeah, I totally agree with you.

But the thing is. It is hard to have this clarity of mind right after the breakup, where you are hurt, sad and alone.

You can only get to this point of enlightment when after lots of chasing, 4 months have passed, and you are still hurt, sad and alone. haha!

The thing is that you really have to be tuff and hardcore to endure the amount of pain and doubt that comes along with no contact. And that is not something we, spolied brats, are very used to.

This is the kind of sh*t you earn. And there is only one way to learn it. The hard way!

 

[Lotus Effect]

This is the part that fvcks with my head. It does feel like it will happen soon. She wanted to meet last week originally, but I was away and couldn't make it, so now she says next weekend. Even though it's not a date and she's rejected the idea of us getting together, I know that if/when we meet in person it's going to stir her feelings up again. She's never been able to look me in the eyes without melting (her words). And unlike those situations where the ex has simply lost interest or fallen out of love, we broke up due to a harsh argument and those feelings haven't changed.

By writing that, I'm not trying to justify chasing her or clinging, but I just want to illustrate why it's difficult for me to give up and let go.

It's amazing how the world is, and how much alike humanity is.

Even though I've never met you before, we speak completely different languages, and we live in countries with very distinguished cultures, this above quote of yours could have been easily mistaken as the exact description of myself and my ex throughout the months of august and september.

Listen to me man. She will reschedule it. She will postpone. She will set new dates. She will flake on them without even considering warning you. It is the same situation. I also got together with her if you remember. I saw it in her eyes. I could have easily made out with her at the spot. She was dazzled.
The next day she become the Ice Queen of Narnia... And then she will reschedulle again³

I fooled myself for those 2 months. Do not fool yourself man. If it was only resentment, you guys would have been together long ago. The feelings have changed indeed. She did experienced "new meat", the same you did.

You can never know what is in anybody's mind. But you can at least guess what is going on inside it by judging their actions. Hot and Cold, flakiness, indifference... you are way more experienced than me. You know exactly what those actions means.

Be a grown man, and deal with it. We are all here for you, the same way I know that you guys are here from me in my days of weakness. And glory as well. Deal with it, and glory shall come along.

I do mate. Thanks. I really appreciate the support I've been getting from this forum and hope in my stronger moments I've been able to return the favour...or at least offer people the wisdom of my mistakes.

Oh, you know you will.

I am still hurting and griefing, but I can already see all the wisdom my own stupidit gave me.

But in order to protect thy heart, as renagade said, don't go counting that you might have a chance to show that you've become the master of relationships to you ex. Ever. It only feeds false hopes, and keep you in this limbo of doubt. Be indifferent of the outcome of this lesson you've learned.

You've learned the lesson. Now you use it in a next relationship.

Have a good one!