The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Renegade357]

Sleeping is becoming hard, had a ****ty dream about her and woke up with my heart racing, lasted pretty much all night.

The dreams don't go away they just change. Early on they were nice romantic style dreams or of her coming back to me and us being happy together. Now after 4 months of NC and us being broken up they have changed.

I had one last night actually. We were together as a couple walking around and she got super jealous of any girl who got near me. She was a very jealous, insecure and territorial girl. My dreams now feature more of her negative aspects than positive. In the dreams I'm far from being in love with her and clearly see her flaws.

Once we find a new chick this will end. I've had it happen with previous ex girlfriends too.

 

[Bacious]

Sleeping is becoming hard, had a ****ty dream about her and woke up with my heart racing, lasted pretty much all night. Not sure if it was because I was dumb and texted her and never got a response or what. Still not doing good on NC, always like to make sure people are doing ok, it's sort of a flaw I guess. Always wanting to help and protect people.

Not everyone seems to get them but boy, the dreams are nasty. I've only had a couple with her in them but it's always the same overwhelming feeling of things being fixed and returning to how they were. It's like I've had a 3 hour long conversation with her and we're together again. It's really horrible when you snap out of it in the morning.

There's not much that can be done other than accepting reality and focusing on other things when you're awake. In my experience the dreams are usually the result of having a hard day thinking about her.

Ultimately you can't control all your subconscious thoughts but you can at least guide them by focusing on things in life beyond the breakup.

 

[Lotus Effect]

It's really horrible when you snap out of it in the morning.

This is the worst.

I have dreams with her on a regular basis. Some of them are as real as reality can get.

The other day I had such a vivid dream that I cryed the moment I woke up. There I was, sleeping, when she walked into my room in the morning, kissed me, and we f**ked real good. Then she cuddled on me and we slept. I had even my father walking into my room and saying "Oh, Clara is here, sorry son" and walking away.

...And then the alarm went off. I woke up hugging a pillow, and reality struck HARD!

 

[fredhib]

Damn, some days you're good, then it hits you back. The thing is the better you feel the more you let your guard down. You re-watch some old pictures and bam!, it takes you back.

But most days are good. Just being around other women is great. In my case, I mostly regret the mistakes I made. First timer...
Not one-itis, but this woman was one of the ones that could have been great, we had it all. But my AFC mistakes made it not her fault.

Damn, some days are hard. You want to rewind the past. You want her to call you, you want to move on, you want to make her see how much you've changed, you want to find another woman to start anew, you want her back, you know it's dead. She was a really good one. We really connected. And my first time AFC mistakes made it go to waste.
Oh well, thousands of other girls just around the corner.
We have to learn how to love like a man. And not like a boy. You can only love like a man, after you are together for a long time, after you've shared a lot. Movies, poets and kid's stories fvcked us up.

 

[Backwardsman]

Hi all,

Day 2 of NC for me, i actually broke up with her on saturday night...

Basically she still lived with her X, which to be honest didnt bother me too much, just other things like they went for meals together etc, which she always told me about, she knew i wasnt happy about it and told her last week things had to change.. i was with her 6 months but didnt see her alot to get too attached - She initiated everything from texts to phone calls all the time which kinda gave me hope she was into me, anyway saturday arrived and just thought to myself she is just stringing me so i ended it...

Hope all you guys stick to NC, i think she will contact me by the end of the week and if so am just gonna ignore it -

Remember, you only get out of a relationship what you put in, so if your ex wasnt then its time to walk...

 

[narcissist]

Haha thanks man

Yeah ill prolly do some sh*t like that

The most important thing is i never want her to see my face again

She doesn't deserve to

 

[narcissist]

Nc day 2

Feel good still

Been having dreams about her and waking up thinking about her but that's always a precursor of a break up... It will go away soon so i dont let it affect me

My goals for nc is to become the most boss motherf***er i possibly can become

And also to erase this girl from my universe.. I realize thats shes just an infinitesimal blip in my existence which helps me vastly get over her...

Another thing that I will strive to do is never ever talk about her to ANYONE except the badasses on Sosuave

So these are the things I've been thinking about on day 2

Good luck everyone

 

[Backwardsman]

Haha thanks man

Yeah ill prolly do some sh*t like that

The most important thing is i never want her to see my face again

She doesn't deserve to

Exactly, your better than her and deserve better, its good that you did the breaking up like me too - Most guys hold on to the relationship until there the one getting dumped so its good that you have retained your power...

i did say before 2 days nc, but i saw at work earlier, i walked right past her and said hi, she blanked me lol.... was worth it..

But yeah, all the guys going through breakups, keep at NC - my last girlfriend, my god how AFC i went when she finished me - we were together a year, then she dumped me but would text me and come round to mine, keeping my interest.. i would then ask her to come round and she would say **** like she was on her way and then not come, so as she rejected me i wanted her more, its crazy - i still see her at work now and dont have any feelings for her what so ever, its great.

My latest ex is a bit more mature so dont think there will be any games to be played but we will see, and if there is, i know exactly what to do - ignore

 

[Backwardsman]

Nc day 2

Feel good still

Been having dreams about her and waking up thinking about her but that's always a precursor of a break up... It will go away soon so i dont let it affect me

My goals for nc is to become the most boss motherf***er i possibly can become

And also to erase this girl from my universe.. I realize thats shes just an infinitesimal blip in my existence which helps me vastly get over her...

Another thing that I will strive to do is never ever talk about her to ANYONE except the badasses on Sosuave

So these are the things I've been thinking about on day 2

Good luck everyone

Glad its going well, and yeah its best not to talk about her to anyone, it helps - Just get on with your life and she will soon become nothing more than a distant memory, time is a healer...

 

[Jariel]

The dreams get me almost every night. Some nights I'm sharing loving moments with her again and I wake up and feel sick with anguish. Other times I have dreams where she's really cold towards me. A lot of the time I'm trying to say goodbye to her and she's totally indifferent.

I admit, I cry a lot of these mornings and I'm in a low state for a few hours later. Sometimes I don't snap out of it.

It's crazy how somebody can have such a massive impact on your life and unless you've been through this, you don't know how hard it is. People will always show sympathy for someone going through a bereavement or even losing their job, but there is so little sympathy for someone going through a tough break up.

I consider myself a very strong willed, positive person, I've learned and put into practise so much valuable knowledge and have plenty of prospects, and yet losing my ex has broken me down and crushed me in a way I've never experienced before.

 

[Backwardsman]

The dreams get me almost every night. Some nights I'm sharing loving moments with her again and I wake up and feel sick with anguish. Other times I have dreams where she's really cold towards me. A lot of the time I'm trying to say goodbye to her and she's totally indifferent.

I admit, I cry a lot of these mornings and I'm in a low state for a few hours later. Sometimes I don't snap out of it.

It's crazy how somebody can have such a massive impact on your life and unless you've been through this, you don't know how hard it is. People will always show sympathy for someone going through a bereavement or even losing their job, but there is so little sympathy for someone going through a tough break up.

I consider myself a very strong willed, positive person, I've learned and put into practise so much valuable knowledge and have plenty of prospects, and yet losing my ex has broken me down and crushed me in a way I've never experienced before.

Hi Jariel, hope your ok mate (fellow UK'er) - Yeah breakups are very tough, i have had my fair share believe me, the trick is to keep your mind busy, we all know what happens when we start thinking about ex's, we imagine all sorts of things like, who is she with, what is she doing etc and we start to create scenarios which of course dont really exist, only in our head - i found this little video useful - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

 

[Jariel]

Hi Jariel, hope your ok mate (fellow UK'er) - Yeah breakups are very tough, i have had my fair share believe me, the trick is to keep your mind busy, we all know what happens when we start thinking about ex's, we imagine all sorts of things like, who is she with, what is she doing etc and we start to create scenarios which of course dont really exist, only in our head - i found this little video useful - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

Thanks man. Yeah, the overthinking often leads to paranoia and a downward spiral...and like you said, most of the worst case scenario crap is completely in our own minds.

Great clip! I've been following a lot of Eckhart Tolle lately and similar material on meditation, higher consciousness and alike. It's the one thing that really gives me comfort. I wish I could just put off everything else and sit and read all day or watch youtube clips and documentaries.

 

[Groverz]

Well good to know I am not the only one with the dreams. It was sparked because of thinking of her and not getting a simple text back. Makes my mind race.

Saw today that she deleted pictures of us off FB, that stung but she only deleted the ones of us touching, the ones where I look like just a friend are still on there so that brings me some happiness.

After chatting with my therapist about some of this she said sometimes it hurts less if they died instead of dumped you, which is morbid but makes sense. Then you would not feel like a worthless loser.

I fought off the urge to contact after seeing the pics gone, it would of been a really really dumb move. Luckily a friend of mine took me for a walk and helped me out.

On a positive note, I have started to read books, first time in over 15 years. I think it will help my vocab a lot(since it's really bad as is and I have a hard time communicating) and it gives me something to do other than play computer games.

 

[Backwardsman]

Thanks man. Yeah, the overthinking often leads to paranoia and a downward spiral...and like you said, most of the worst case scenario crap is completely in our own minds.

Great clip! I've been following a lot of Eckhart Tolle lately and similar material on meditation, higher consciousness and alike. It's the one thing that really gives me comfort. I wish I could just put off everything else and sit and read all day or watch youtube clips and documentaries.

It really does help, i read his book "The power of now" not so long ago and it was an eye opener - i recommend it - in fact am going to start reading it tonight again...

But yeah, our minds can manifest all sorts of make believe which affects our body, especially the stomach area and then we become paranoid, wanting to know what the ex is upto etc....

am sure you will be fine mate, we all will in the end, keep posting on here, i will be on alot more now haha

 

[Backwardsman]

Well good to know I am not the only one with the dreams. It was sparked because of thinking of her and not getting a simple text back. Makes my mind race.

Saw today that she deleted pictures of us off FB, that stung but she only deleted the ones of us touching, the ones where I look like just a friend are still on there so that brings me some happiness.

After chatting with my therapist about some of this she said sometimes it hurts less if they died instead of dumped you, which is morbid but makes sense. Then you would not feel like a worthless loser.

I fought off the urge to contact after seeing the pics gone, it would of been a really really dumb move. Luckily a friend of mine took me for a walk and helped me out.


On a positive note, I have started to read books, first time in over 15 years. I think it will help my vocab a lot(since it's really bad as is and I have a hard time communicating) and it gives me something to do other than play computer games.

Hi groverz, try and not text her, its better not to text at all than text her and she doesnt reply... i have done this before and yeah your mind races into all sorts of stupid scenarios.. also delete her from fb, i never go on there anyway thankgod, its a killer - stick with NC, it will work out best for you in the long run....

 

[m7ytn]

No Contact: Day 22

Hey guys, I am sort of new here...well, I have been spectating for several months but just now registered so I could post.

So here is my story:
Me and my girl had been dating for just over a year and seven months when we broke up Oct 18th. I am not really sure who broke up, because it is kind of complicated... We had a breakup that lasted about 2 months over the summer, during which she contacted me every 3 days or so. Like a fool, I kept talking to her until she decided that we should have no contact... at the time no contact began I was out of state, but my belongings were still at her place (we lived together for a year). So, I had to go get my belongings, but otherwise I maintained NC. Initially, I planned to just go get my stuff and leave; however, when I got to her place she was happy to see me and we ended up making out. After about a week we decided to get back together under one condition: that we go to couples counseling together.

Together, we picked out a therapist that we wanted to see and she said she would call and set up the appointment. About 3 weeks pass and we seemed to be doing well, but she still had not set up the appointment...so I asked her why she hadn't, to which I got the cliche "I have had a really busy schedule..." About 2 more weeks pass, during which no appointment was made. So I asked what was going on then, and she gives a bull**** excuse that she was afraid her insurance wouldn't cover it and didn't know if she could afford it...to which I said I would completely pay for it. Then, she tried to convince me that I couldn't afford it...which is ridiculous. Meanwhile, everything seemed to be going really well between us.

We had plans for a date a week before we broke up, and she calls me to cancel and starts crying and said she needed alone time. I told her that is fine, but that it bothered me that she hadn't made the appointment, and I asked her if I should just call and make it. She said, no and that she would do it. About another week passes and we made plans for friday Oct 18th. During this week, her grandmother became ill and was in the hospital and she had been depressed. I talked to her Thursday night and tried to comfort her, and Friday morning she texts me saying she felt a lot better after talking to me the night before, and that she was excited to see me that night. We were supposed to get together around 6pm Friday night, and she calls me at 4pm saying that she needed alone time and felt depressed...which given the circumstances was somewhat understandable, but in light of the fact that she had clearly been avoiding the couples counseling it made me wary. I got a bit upset and told her that it was obvious she was making excuses to not go to counseling, and I told her that I didn't understand why she kept canceling our plans (mind you I had actually rescheduled a meeting so that we could get together that night). I told her that if we weren't going to therapy like we had agreed that I didn't know if I could keep doing this... She said she didn't know if she could do it anymore either and admitted she was just making excuses as to why she couldn't go. I told her I was sorry but that it wasn't going to work then.

I felt like a tool because she had been having a ****ty week, so I called her and she didn't answer...so I went to her place to check on her and we talked. She told me that she had not even told anyone in her family that we had been back together for the past several months...which was a shock to me. She told me she needed time to think and thanked me for checking on her. Two days later, I get a phone call from her and we had a nice conversation for about half an hour. Before I got ready to go, I asked what was going on with us, and she said we were still broken up. I asked if she wanted that, or if she would let me call and make an appointment for us... she said no, and that she didn't want it to work. I won't lie...I was pretty weak, and I tried to convince her that we should make it work, and we both cried and I told her that I loved her. She told me that she didn't know if she loved me any more or not...which clearly means that she doesn't. She told me that "we shouldn't talk anymore, or at least for a while." That was October 20th, and I have done just that. I erased all of her contact info, social networking, phone numbers...everything. I haven't said a word to her since then.

So here is the ****ty thing... She teaches a psychology of personality class, literally right next to my constitutional law class... so it was inevitable that I would run into her at some point, or so I thought. Somehow, we have managed to dodge each other for the most part. I did see her in the parking lot one day when I was looking for a parking space...we locked eyes for a moment, then I just went on...

So this brings me to right now... Last Wednesday, she emailed me a totally random and unnecessary email. It was clear that she was looking for a reason to contact me. It started off with her telling me that I got a letter from the auto dealership where I bought my truck...which was not at all important. Then she goes on about how she didn't know if I had intentionally left a cd at her apartment but that she had been listening to it and thanked me if I had left it for her, (frankly I had just forgot about it). Then she starts telling me about how she has been feeling better, and that work is going well and asked me how I was doing...

I said nothing...I wanted to say something so bad, but I fought it and didn't. That has been almost a week, and she has not contacted me since then. I am assuming that she is second guessing her decision at this point, but I didn't want to screw up any progress that may have been made through NC. The thing is, I do still love her. I would still like to be with her, but I am extremely uncertain about what to do. Eventually, I will have to contact her... I left my spare keys beside her living room door, and do need to get them back, but I intend to wait until the 60 days are up to mention it to her. I intend to keep maintaining NC, but is there any point when I should contact her or respond?

 

[Culebra23]

Come boys, it's time to get over it and move on with your lives, the word of the day is ---- INDIFFERENCE!! This means you don't care what she is doing, who she is doing, you don't give two Sh!ts if she is sick, healthy, cold or hot. You don't care anymore, you put yourself first. I am shocked how some of you want to return to the woman that caused you so much pain... she dumped you because she didn't care about you, in your mind you think you did everything wrong, don't be deceived my friends.

How many of us: cried, didn't eat, lost weight, avoided friends, spent most of our wakened time on this message board reading everyone's stories?? While we were doing this that woMAN was with her new man, treating the new guy like a prince and we became a distant memory... it's time to pack up your belongings and leave that dream, that nightmare if you will in the past.

Boys, the old me used to sit around, waiting, crying, trying to understand what I did wrong, i became the biggest wuss, AFC, BEta , in spanish we call these men PENDEJOS, that's what Culebra was, a big time PEnDEJO. But boys, fool me once - shame on you, fool me twice - shame on me, and no one makes Culebra a fool.

The day my ex left me was the day I lost 1 out of the pool of 4, that meant that three women had to share me instead of 4. Boys, keep a harem and when one leaves its not a big deal, aka SPIN PLATES. In fact, my ex probably thinks I am thinking of her, she is probably wondering why I was okay with her leaving me and never tried to talk her out of it, this is a fact boys. If she only knew that my bed gets more action than those frame samples at Sleepys she would be hurt, but that's none of her business. Quite frankly, I don't miss her one bit, i'm having fun, i have so many friends, I live in the greatest city in the world for pick up. So many women move here for work, for the nightlife, for the shopping. Instead of worrying about whats' wrong, think about what is right, most of you guys are young, you are in your prime, take advantage of that. If you pass your ex on the street don't even look at her, don't act indifferent, be indifferent, if it sounds easy its because it is.

Forget your ex, yeah you had good times, yeah you got your noodle wet but you know what, there are tons of other women that are just as pretty, just as exciting and they don't come with all the drama your ex has caused you, so get your big boy hats on and KEEP IT MOVING!!

Get over it guys, with the advent of the internet you can meet tons of girls from your computer, it's like ordering pizza. Remember ... be indifferent, enjoy your manhood, every woman on earth wishes she had the power than men have, go to Asia - China in particular, they celebrate when a male is born.

Most of all read, learn, be good to yourself and women won't occupy so much of your mind, I have to run boys, I leave work soon and I have to juggle two new mujeres tonight, that is a FACT -- giggidy, giggidy goo!!!!

 

[Culebra23]

m7ytn

Dude it sounds like this woman cares for you, she keeps reaching out to you despite her cries for no contact. I would be easy with her, especially in light of her grandmother. Just take it easy, don't put so much pressure on her, the fact that you guys will be seeing each other regularly helps too. I don't get the sense that she has moved on to another man, which is really good. So just chill out, enjoy your free time because it sounds like this woman has a lot on her plate and cares for you. The whole CD thing was to get you to talk to her. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[fuko2007]

m7ytn. Move on, forget about her. This is what women do when they are unsure and trying to distance them selves. And based on your reaction to it she will make her decision if she has not already. This is called being put into orbit, and 9 times out of 10 it's because she might have met someone. That does not mean she is fvcking them though. Not trying to be harsh just keeping it real bud. Day 15? I think, I've lost track really don't care. Moving into the new house this weekend out in the country near where I hunt. Big house built in the 1830's and has really high celings. Nice house though quiet and a long driveway and a big pond behind it. This is helping since it will keep me out of town except for when I'm working. Still miss the little ho for some reason. Maybe because I forgave her and myself so I'm starting to lose those panic feelings of what's she doing etc. Anyway, finishing this beer and headed home. Night guys.

 

[Culebra23]

m7ytn. Move on, forget about her. This is what women do when they are unsure and trying to distance them selves. And based on your reaction to it she will make her decision if she has not already. This is called being put into orbit, and 9 times out of 10 it's because she might have met someone. That does not mean she is fvcking them though. Not trying to be harsh just keeping it real bud.

Fuko, you might be right but remember, m7ytn didn't even know who ended the relationship. It seems like both played a part in ending it, thus it was not so one sided as it was for most of us commenting on this board. Thus if you dump someone don't expect them to accept you back after they have healed, this goes for both men and women.

I finished Rollo Tomassi's Rational Male this weekend, he opines that women get over relationships faster than men, he backs this up with both biological and historical data. Women are better adept at handling emotions and govern their lives based on this. Men are rational thinkers and that's why we can't understand the nonsensical reasons women give us when they break up, it's because they make no sense (at least for someone who does rational thinking). Women don't know what they want, they want a nice guy but date jerks, you hear that all the time!

Historically men have become the disposable sex while women the protected one. Men fight and get smoked in war while women stay home and breed with as many men they feel like.

So back to the task at hand, m7ytn you should continue your NC, I would give it 3 weeks, if she doesn't contact you in three weeks she probably is over you, or doesn't care enough to pursue a relationship, whatever the reasons are irrelevant, whether its another man or not. This means that you have to move on, go NC and never talk to her again. As for your keys, have her mail them to you or pick up them at work. If she goes 3 weeks without crying for you to come back and get counseling it's over, move on.

Once a woman decides to leave me I never take them back, i go NC and stay that way until I feel I can use them for a bootycall. There are lots of fish in the sea, the sooner you internalize this the quicker your heart will stop missing a beat and you will be back to your old happy, ALPHA self, again this is fact!!