The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Machtwo]

Day 24:

What really confuses me is that a couple of months ago I could go a whole week without seeing my gf and be sat in this same place on my own, same time and be going through this same routine without any contact with her and I'd feel happy. And now here I am, feeling utterly miserable.

Does that make sense to any one or am I actually losing my mind?

This makes perfect sense to me, I felt exactly the same!

 

[Machtwo]

There is no such thing as waiting, hoping or having an eureka moment. You will wait all your life if u believe this. Change your focus and goals step by step. Day by day.

If you want to become the best man you can be - level headed, motivated, calm and balanced. It is essential that you experience both the very highs and the very lows. How can you be balanced if you only ever experienced highs. You must experience lows and learn from them.

There is no eureka moment.

These words, although not a eureka moment, are something very similar and are the kick up the arse I needed.

Thanks rossi

 

[Renegade357]

Does that make sense to any one or am I actually losing my mind?

You're suffering because you want reality to be something other than it currently is. Also you are a little over that three week mark. That was around the turning point for me. The pain goes away slowly every day from then on. You'll still run the thoughts through your mind over and over again but less and less from here on out.

It sucks dude, I'm right near the 60 day mark. It feels like a lingering pain to me now. The thought of just holding her in my arms is a good one but I know it'll never happen again. Even the bad thoughts are starting to fade. I guess I'm starting to become indifferent in a way.

It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about you.

 

[henrea4]

This makes perfect sense to me, I felt exactly the same!

Same here. My ex liked for me to call her during my breaks at work and on my way home. At first it was cool, but some days (most days actually) I just didn't feel like talking. I'd rather just listen to the radio or something. When we split, all I wanted to do was talk to her.

 

[henrea4]

It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about you.

I wish this was true for me.

 

[Jariel]

You're suffering because you want reality to be something other than it currently is. Also you are a little over that three week mark. That was around the turning point for me. The pain goes away slowly every day from then on. You'll still run the thoughts through your mind over and over again but less and less from here on out.

It sucks dude, I'm right near the 60 day mark. It feels like a lingering pain to me now. The thought of just holding her in my arms is a good one but I know it'll never happen again. Even the bad thoughts are starting to fade. I guess I'm starting to become indifferent in a way.

It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about you.

Thanks mate. It's reassuring to hear from guys who say it gets easier. That's all I want right now.

The hopes of getting her back, the hopes of hearing from her, the bitterness and resentment, the thoughts about having one last talk to get closure...they're starting to pass now and the thing I crave most is the ability to function like a normal human being again and to be free of this emotional torment.

One thing I've not seen mentioned is the effect this sh1t has on your sex drive. Does anyone else find they have no motivation or desire for sex? I could have Scarlett Johansen lying naked on my bed right now and it would do nothing for me. Perhaps if I had my sex drive back I might be more motivated to focus on other women.

 

[Renegade357]

One thing I've not seen mentioned is the effect this sh1t has on your sex drive. Does anyone else find they have no motivation or desire for sex? I could have Scarlett Johansen lying naked on my bed right now and it would do nothing for me. Perhaps if I had my sex drive back I might be more motivated to focus on other women.

That happened to me too. It's just the emotional anxiety preventing blood from flowing into your unit. Once you calm down and the sickness passes it'll come back like it did for me. These women are nothing more than viruses to us now. Nothing more.

 

[Jariel]

That happened to me too. It's just the emotional anxiety preventing blood from flowing into your unit. Once you calm down and the sickness passes it'll come back like it did for me. These women are nothing more than viruses to us now. Nothing more.

That's good to know.

It's funny that you say they are like viruses because that's exactly how I've been perceiving this break up...like an illness I need to recover from, but instead of throwing up, I'm crying out the virus and purging it from my system.

 

[Machtwo]

It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about you.

My EX claims she cares deeply about me!!

 

[Machtwo]

One thing I've not seen mentioned is the effect this sh1t has on your sex drive. Does anyone else find they have no motivation or desire for sex? I could have Scarlett Johansen lying naked on my bed right now and it would do nothing for me. Perhaps if I had my sex drive back I might be more motivated to focus on other women.

If I had the options on other women that you have, I wouldn't be putting my woes on here. I know that when I start dating again, I won't give my EX a second thought or the time of day. I hope when that day comes, she's slightly younger, better looking and taller than my EX, that will be icing on the cake! :yes:

 

[Renegade357]

My EX claims she cares deeply about me!!

Yeah man, all our exes care about us right. That's why they let us walk away and didn't make any effort to work things out properly like normal couples do.

 

[Machtwo]

Yeah man, all our exes care about us right. That's why they let us walk away and didn't make any effort to work things out properly like normal couples do.

Indeed Renegade! I absolutely love this reply, good man!!

 

[Jariel]

Has anyone here felt like they needed to see their doctor or a councellor after a break up?

The last few days has felt very much like depression (something I've been quite susceptible to in the past) and I've found myself unable to eat, sleep or function, and the thought of work and going out with friends is unbearable. All I want to do is lie on my bed and let time go by.

The irony in all this is that my ex claimed she needed space due to depression and most of our relationship issues were caused by her depression...and now I'm getting a glimpse of her perspective and can see why she was repelled and irritated by my needy and demanding behaviour.

 

[Machtwo]

Has anyone here felt like they needed to see their doctor or a councellor after a break up?

The last few days has felt very much like depression (something I've been quite susceptible to in the past) and I've found myself unable to eat, sleep or function, and the thought of work and going out with friends is unbearable. All I want to do is lie on my bed and let time go by.

At about the three week point I went to see my doctor about depression. Three week point of BU not three week point of NC, two totally different time scales for me.
My doctor told me to come back if it got worse & didn't help in any other way than this.

At about five weeks, things got really bad & I nearly got, what they used to call in the old days 'sectioned'. I took the online NHS depression checker and scored 24 out of 27. I had to go visit the emergency doctor who said it was my decision to be withheld by the NHS or not, I declined as it would have tore my mother to shreds. I was put on tablets for depression immediately, I took them for three days and quit, they made me feel physically ill, not worse mentally.

These were very dark days for me, ones which I do not wish to return to, ever. The easier part for me was getting out with friends, I'm still going to wherever I can, I will go to the opening of an envelope at the moment, anything to keep that little bit occupied. Now this is taking up all my energy to do this and was a small shock to the system to be 'out there again' as I was very settled being at home with my wife every night & weekend.

I took the decision to tell my supervisor at work how I was feeling, I saw the counsellor there and an NHS supplied counsellor briefly, they were a tremendous help, but nothing will help you more than helping yourself! I look back now at how I was and I can laugh at myself, but at the time I was only one more bad thought, sh1tty day or smug smile or put down e-mail from the EX and it would have been curtains - I came very close, something I'm not proud of at all.

Jariel, get all the help you can, get out of your bed, do stuff, take that chick out, if you won't, put a good word in for me & I'll take her!! PM me if want any help or advice.

 

[MaddXMan]

I know why I had a dream about the ex the other night. It's her birthday and I've been wrestling with sending her a bday text...but I can't think of a good reason why. It would get no reaction other than her saying thanks. But my mind won't let go of it.

 

[Machtwo]

I know why I had a dream about the ex the other night. It's her birthday and I've been wrestling with sending her a bday text...but I can't think of a good reason why. It would get no reaction other than her saying thanks. But my mind won't let go of it.

DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT.

 

[Jariel]

At about the three week point I went to see my doctor about depression. Three week point of BU not three week point of NC, two totally different time scales for me.
My doctor told me to come back if it got worse & didn't help in any other way than this.

At about five weeks, things got really bad & I nearly got, what they used to call in the old days 'sectioned'. I took the online NHS depression checker and scored 24 out of 27. I had to go visit the emergency doctor who said it was my decision to be withheld by the NHS or not, I declined as it would have tore my mother to shreds. I was put on tablets for depression immediately, I took them for three days and quit, they made me feel worse.

These were very dark days for me, ones which I do not wish to return to, ever. The easier part for me was getting out with friends, I'm still going to wherever I can, I will go to the opening of an envelope at the moment, anything to keep that little bit occupied. Now this is taking up all my energy to do this and was a small shock to the system to be 'out there again' as I was very settled being at home with my wife every night & weekend.

I took the decision to tell my supervisor at work how I was feeling, I saw the counsellor there and an NHS supplied counsellor briefly, they were a tremendous help, but nothing will help you more than helping yourself! I look back now at how I was and I can laugh at myself, but at the time I was only one more bad thought, sh1tty day or smug smile or put down e-mail from the EX and it would have been curtains - I came very close, something I'm not proud of at all.

Jariel, get all the help you can, get out of your bed, do stuff, take that chick out, if you won't, put a good word in for me & I'll take her!! PM me if want any help or advice.

Wow! I'm so glad there are others feeling this way, although to be fair you were suffering a marriage break up which is a top cause of depression and breakdowns. Whereas I'm just going through a relationship break up. However, the highs are still quite recent for me and they were incredible highs, possibly even my first experience of intense and reciprocated love. So now I'm experiencing one hell of a come down. Plus, there were kids I bonded with too, including the youngest who is the closest I've ever known to a son of my own.

Ideally I don't want to be taking anti depressants, but I just feel like I need something to get me out of this slump and back on my feet. I had a break down and depression just over 10 years ago and it lasted about 6months before I sought help. A few weeks later I started to pull myself back together. I just can't stand the thought of this lasting 6 months or anything close to that.

Unfortunately, I don't have a close network of friends. Most of them are married, settled and unavailable. Another thing is that one of my closest friends lives in the same neighbourhood as my ex. I've not told him this, but I worry if I visit him I might see her...or worse still, see her with another guy. Not to mention that it's a drive down memory lane for me.

I've not reached the point of thinking of suicide or anything like that, but I do feel on edge and any more hurt or shock could cause me to flip out.

One of the reasons I'm so eager to get out of this rut is because I want to see where things go with this new girl.

Thanks for the support mate, I appreciate it. I might PM you at some point.

 

[Jariel]

DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT,
DO NOT DO IT.

Agreed!

She doesn't deserve it. A week before my break up I took round lots of presents for my gf's birthday. Didn't stop her from being remorseless and cold with me.

 

[itdude]

Jariel, we are all here for you. try to do your normal routine by going to work and exercise. Force yourself to go out with people and not be stuck in bed. this darkness will pass you just have to stay strong. it does get better! you were once happy before you met her and you just have to get back to that state. and you will.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Have you guys ever thought about turning to alcohol?

I think getting completely wasted once we week is a great stress reliever.